If It Ain’t Gay I Don’t Want It. @velocitytimes2 - Tumblr Blog

Something nobody prepares you for is that the better you get at writing the harder it becomes. beginners write freely because they don't know enough to know what's wrong. then you learn. and suddenly you can see every single flaw in real time as you're making it and you have to write anyway while your own brain is in the corner going "that's a weak verb. that transition is lazy. you've used that word three times." getting good at this is mostly just getting better at ignoring yourself.

fuuuckwhoknows

I love the idea of Shane’s chirps just being observations.

It started when he was a kid and he was trying to help everyone get better at hockey including the opposing teams players, he would say something like “your stick grip is weak” or “you’re slow on your right” (idk i don’t know hockey very well ESPECIALLY little kid hockey) but he says it totally deadpan because little Shanebug doesn’t understand tone yet.

This makes the other teams so mad! They try and fight him constantly! Little bitty baby hockey fights and then Yuna sits him down in middle school after the first fight that he actually gets hurt (black eye and bloody lip) and asks him what he is saying to make everyone fight him?

“Nothing mean I swear mom!!! I’m trying to be nice and help correct their form”

And suddenly Yuna gets it and explains to Shane that not everyone but especially not the opposing team likes to have their flaws pointed out to them even if it’s coming from a good place and how that could be seen as chirping.

So he stops for a while, then his coach for world juniors tells him to try and piss off Rozanov enough that they can draw a penalty. So Shane does what he does best and points out a flaw at each face off. Jokes on him though because Ilya is actively changing those things and getting better every face off because he is taking it for what it is, advice.

Which pisses Shane off, he thinks his chirping tactic won’t work now that he is older. So he points out at his first scrimmage at practice in Montreal that the center who has been there for years (who he is probably replacing) is favoring his left side is staying too far left to compensate (again I don’t know hockey so I am trying to translate things I know about soccer lol)

And the center loses it on him! Immediately yelling about the lack of respect and how a rookie makes it to the MLH and thinks they are hot shit.

So Shane realizes his chirping DOES work just not on rozanov and becomes a menace he studies game tape specifically to find holes in his opponents game and pre prepares chirps and it fucking works because all these men are so far up their own asses that they just get mad instead of using the advice.

Idk I just needed Shane Chirping but in a very Shane way. Like he really just wants to play hockey but chirping is part of hockey so he studies chirping but doesn’t want to do any of the “classic” chirps (your mom! Your wife! Your girlfriend! You’re gay! Type of stuff) so he invents his own chirps out of his amazing mind

grabmybush

ilya rozanov who’s known to boston as the mysterious fuckboy from russia who chirps like he’s getting paid for it and is crazy good at hockey. one day a teammate is absent from a few games in a row and turns back up to practice with a fucking newborn and they’re all in their hockey gear fawning over this tiny baby. then once everyone’s said hi before practice, the crowd parts and ilyas just stood by the doorway, a literal deer in headlights staring at the bundle of blankets in his teammates arms and-

“do you wanna hold him?”

ilya’s moving forward before he can process the words and everyone’s holding their breath as he gathers the newborn into his arms, pausing to take his gloves off first. it’s a few tense seconds before the baby babbles and shifts slightly before tucking his head into the crook of his arm and swiftly falling to sleep.

ilya looks up to see his whole team stifling grins, “i think we’ve found the new babysitter” and he bites back a chirp because he doesn’t want to wake the baby he’s holding so delicately to his chest.

he’s stuck on the sidelines for the whole practice while he rocks the baby through the slams against walls, waving its little arm towards its dad when it eventually wakes up.

and yeah pictures surface soon after of fucking rozanov staring down at the baby in his arms with the fucking softest eyes and twitter has a field day proving he’s a softie at heart

dragon-in-a-fez

one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"

the fact that this reference was that fucking precise was something they went on to tell people about for years.

ismenes

you know those studies showing that cursing helps with pain tolerance or whatever. that’s how i feel about making my weird little noises to get through my basic daily activities. sometimes you just have to go hggblaaaah for a minute so you can find the strength within yourself to get up or wash the dishes or send an email. mmmnneh. urgh. the torments are unending but you can always make some little sounds about it.

pewpaws

TAKE ALL OF MACK'S PAIN AND SUFFER TRIPLE IT AND GIVE IT TO CARTER HART

hunnymeow

i just came across this photo and had to share it

wingswin0516

Will smith hockey yearns to be a TikTok girly and he’s just too shy to do it. Mack absolutely refuses to take part. Grace won’t post him all the time because then people accuse her of using him. Wsh and KK? Match made in heaven.

middle-eastern-queen

The Met Gala is literally our version of the Hunger Games. The elite play dress up while them and their elite circle of rich friends with powerful connections blow up children overseas.

brehaaorgana

The met gala singlehandedly funds the nonprofit Costume Institute within the Met Museum for the entire year. The costume institute has to fund itself and does not get funding from the rest of the met.

The money raised by the gala goes towards a collection that spans over 33,000 objects and seven centuries.

It is actually nothing like the hunger games because no one is fighting each other to the death at the gala, and also because it's a massive charity fundraiser for the preservation of history.

captain-acab

Fellas is it a fascist dystopia for *checks notes* wealthy people do philanthropy to fund a history museum and showcase contemporary art?

dogpuppy

quietconspiracy

Top 6 gayest things that have happened to the NHL since the start of the 2025-26 season:

Whatever the fuck Willmack has going on whenever they’re left alone for more than 30 seconds within 50 feet of each other

The RPF-crackship-comes-to-life arc & formalization of the Minnycule for the Wild

The Zegras/Drysdale reunion in Philly

The Jarvycule SCF WAG jackets

The messy-ass 1634 post-divorce fallout

Heated Rivalry

assiraphales

I kind of miss the impulsivity that certain spaces used to allow. oh you want a hair cut today? hairdresser in the corner can fit you in before her 2 o’clock. tattoo of a cobra… sure leg or arm? even concerts, back when you could go to the box office thirty mins before any show. not saying these things don’t exist at all, but everything feels booked five months in advance and 10x more expensive