Veterinary Humor

Tons of stuff happens daily in veterinary practice that cracks us up. Client quotes, anal gland mishaps, and diarrhea disasters...let's laugh!

[veterinaryhumor]

Me, listening to an ad during a new podcast: Simplicef? What? I thought I picked a true crime podcast, not a veterinary one.

Me, remembering the host is Norwegian:

Ohhhh...Simplisafe.

I need a life outside of work

[wherda-cat]

This is one of those ‘kind of sorry I get it’ jokes…

[jabberwockypie]

Oh no.

[dovewithscales]

Oh.

[bonefarm]

Most animal drugs: you must use this within 6 minutes and it must be stored between 61 and 63 degrees Fahrenheit.

Every farmer I know - this bottle of ivermectin has been in my family since 1924. We store it under the trailer.

[veterinaryhumor]

My face when a pet parent asked if the meds I prescribed for their dog will kill him...

What do you think I went to vet school for??

[thehappyvet]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[lesbianshepard]

"This is my cat Missy. It's short for Missile Launcher."

[satirizing]

i just want to say this is 1) excellent and 2) not uncommon…i work at a vet clinic and some of the names are so fuckin weird but i love it???? clients will be like “we call her stevie. it’s short for death metal steve” or “this is turkey but his LEGAL name is scarecrow jones” thank u

[vetmedirl]

I had to write up federal papers for a herd of cattle that included all official and unofficial identification tags. When I asked the farm name of one of the old beef cows with a low udder, the owner paused and said “Uh, we call her Tits. Because of her big..” Me, trying to figure out what goes on the federal form: “Uh, ok but what’s on her farm tag?” Owner:“Uh… well…” Then he showed me her ear tag with no name, just a hand drawn pair of human mammary glands. “W” with two dots. We just used her official RFID number.

[veterinaryhumor]

Share your favorite pet names you’ve come across!

[veterinaryhumor]

YES

Taping in an IVC like

*internal screaming*

[arrghigiveup]

American Hedgehog Warrior: Course 3 Watch as Pepper takes on course 3 of American Hedgehog Warrior: Quarantine Edition 🦔

[cat--77]

Turn on the sound

[baeddelshinsgirl]

Besides training all the major Greek heroes, Chiron was also a doctor.

That would make him the Centaur for Disease Control.

[docchloroplast]

*sigh*

[sufficientlylargen]

He was a strong supporter of herd immunity.

[veterinaryhumor]

Definitely my favorite so far

[frogandtoadpdf]

you might have a “medical degree” but i roleplayed as a medicine cat on a warrior cats forum in middle school so who’s more qualified here

[veterinaryshitposting]

i know this is a joke but some people be like this

[threefeline]

ya’ll i am fucking sobbing at these photos of a horse catching a frisbee 

valid to eat frisbees

[evil-comix]

[batcoins]

@veterinaryhumor how bout dat horse skeketon

[veterinaryhumor]

Damn that horse has a soup can for ribs

[avoiding-claws]

The one thing everyone seems to remember about duck anatomy:

Corkscrew Penis

[veterinaryrambles]

“How should we market these scalpel blades?” “You can’t go wrong with a giant floating, glowing blade of doom.” “True. How’s this look?” “Fantastic. But people need to know they’re for veterinarians. These ain’t no human blades.” “So we’d better put animals on the box, too.” “Should they be screaming? I really think they should be screaming.” “Of course. Perfect.”

[gallusrostromegalus]

So while I was getting my haircut, the lady asked me if I had other plans for the day and I said:

“I’m just going to pick up the boy from daycare and then it’s date night.”

And the lady says “Oh! How old is he?”

“He’s three.”

“Mine too! Where are you registering him for kindergarten it’s such a hassle-”

And that’s when I realized I said “boy” and not “dog” because I always think of Charlie as “good boy” but this slip up has lead to a miscommunication.

The lady is now 6 minutes into a clearly needed rant about how unnecessarily complex shopping for schools is, esp when you have a neurodivergent child, so I can’t just tell her that Charlie is a dog because then she’ll feel awkward for unloading on me and she clearly has enough going on.

So the rest of the haircut became a game of “how much can I say about Charlie without revealing that he is not a human child?” And the answer is “enough to cover a half hour hair appointment, quite possibly several hours worth if I’m specific enough”

[gallusrostromegalus]

“is he very verbal?”

“It really depends on who he’s with. He’s very quiet at he but won’t shut up if he’s at the park or has a friend over.”

“was it hard to potty-train him?”

“he’s adopted, but I was genuinely amazed at how good he already was with hygene and potty stuff.”

“mine’s just obsessed with paw patrol and Frozen, drives me crazy!”

“I imagine. Charlie is colorblind so he’s not as into tv, but he always wants a toy if I take him anywhere with them.”

“oh gosh the toys! And the kids are so rough on them!”

“yeah Charlie can destroy a stuffed animal in about 2 minutes, so I only buy him the really cheap ones.”

“Does he throw tantrums when they break?”

“Not really. It’s meditative, really, taking them apart. He has hysterics if the cat takes his toys though. Runs downstairs and cries at me until I retrieve it because he’s not tall enough to get it out of the cat tree.”

[gallusrostromegalus]

The Very Good Boy in question, Charleston Chew.

(if you want to read more of my much weirder adventures, I have pre-orders for my book on Patreon right now: https://www.patreon.com/gallusrostromegalus )

[krwzprtt]