Flight of the Tumblr B

shtuff

[andthepeople]

clark kent ticking the organ donor box on his drivers license automatically out of the goodness of his heart and then panicking because what if he actually dies somehow and some human gets a super heart what would even HAPPEN like he can't have his kryptonian retinas with laser vision donated to a random eight year old and so he has to awkwardly go back to the DMV to get it changed to not an organ donor but he's so embarrassed the whole time because the DMV employees will think he's a bad person that by the time he's done he has to go cry in the car

[or-midnight]

plot twist he's so clearly distressed and sad about doing this that the dmv folks just quietly assume he must have received some kind of awful medical diagnosis that makes him ineligible to donate and the first clerk that helped him immediately takes a smoke break and sees him crying in the car and that's how Clark gets at least 3 rock solid anonymous sources at the dmv and a free off-brand coke from the break room fridge.

[tj-crochets]

My grandma just called and, among other things, said “You have hips. That’s good! Men like hips!” and then she interrupted herself to say “Women like hips. People of your preferred gender like hips. I can never remember”  And I was like “Thanks grandma! My preferred gender is none of them, no thanks.” and she was like “Okay, no one will comment on your hips!” very self satisfied, like “aha, I have figured it out” I think like half her grandkids are some variety of not-straight and she can’t always remember which is which but she is the epitome of like “she’s a little confused, but she’s got the spirit!”

[tj-crochets]

Update: I gave it some thought and my estimate was wrong. Of the grandkids that are out, it’s 1/3, not ½

[tj-crochets]

I told my grandma that I’d told my friends about what she said and that some of y’all had said you wished she was your grandma, and she said “Well, you can never have too many grandkids!”  So like…consider her your honorary grandma* I guess? *if you want an honorary grandma, that is

[tj-crochets]

Update on my grandma: I told her my hair was standing up, but instead of straight line it was diagonal and she said “That’s okay, you’ve never been straight!” and then laughed so hard at her own joke I thought she was going to drop the phone

[tj-crochets]

Happy almost pride month! Have my confused-but-supportive grandma!

[tj-crochets]

An update: my grandma just called me to ask if I knew it was pride month

[tj-crochets]

Happy pride month!!

[mawmenny]

[vicshush]

[ID: A photo of a decorative wrought iron hinge that extends across at least 4 vertical boards of a wooden door. The horizontal span of metal extends from the right, with branching flourishes angling outward to the top and bottom like a short fractal (each branch splits into three smaller branches, which each split one final time, resulting in cluster of three curling fleur de lis each, above and below). The horizontal bar continues to the left, tapering and flaring again, with the end forming into an open-jawed, pointy-toothed dinosaur-like head. The head has an eye, the tips of the mouth are secured by screws, and cross-shaped rivet heads appear at the base of the head, the juncture of the main branching, and the juncture of each of the six fleur de lis' points, which look like the dinosaur's splayed claws. /end ID]

[rabbitkinglune777]

cool. another black child died in a hate crime

[rabbitkinglune777]

South Carolina jury finds store owner not guilty of murder in killing of Black teen | CNN

A South Carolina jury on Monday found a store owner not guilty of murder in the 2023 shooting of a Black 14-year-old.

apparently the murder happened in 2023 after doing some research but the murderer has been found not guilty.

black children get murdered and become victims of hate crimes every fucking day. this is ridiculous

[rabbitkinglune777]

im posting this here despite the website being extremely white centered, I want people to understand how in this country it's basically ok to murder and victimize black people, especially women and children in the name of "self defense" and white America will reward you for your antiblackness.

[ismenes]

you know those studies showing that cursing helps with pain tolerance or whatever. that’s how i feel about making my weird little noises to get through my basic daily activities. sometimes you just have to go hggblaaaah for a minute so you can find the strength within yourself to get up or wash the dishes or send an email. mmmnneh. urgh. the torments are unending but you can always make some little sounds about it.

[souperluminal]

Every day Road Work Wizard fills in potholes and every night Dark Road Work Wizard crafts new ones

[batbunlore]

[ID: Illustration of two little wizards with traffic cones as magic hats, yellow jacket as a robe and a stop sign board as a wand. Their faces are soot balls, the bright eyes being the only distinguishable features. They’re identical except that the one on the right is all in black: all the bright colors of the road work wizard, the oranges and neon yellows and reds, are gone. The pole of their stop sign is slightly twisted, and the words “it’s your decision” are written on top of the big bold ‘STOP" letters. End ID.]

[ashipwreckcoast]

[gibbousmoonwrites]

Image transcript - A screenshot of a tweet that reads:

my favorite poem is the beaufort wind scale i guess

Smoke rises vertically

Smoke drifts with air, weather vanes inactive

Weather vanes active, wind felt on face, leaves rustle

Leaves & small twigs move, light flags extend

Small branches sway, dust & loose paper blows about

Small trees sway, waves break on inland waters

Large branches sway, umbrellas difficult to use

Whole trees sway, difficult to walk against wind

Twigs broken off trees, walking against wind very difficult

Slight damage to buildings, shingles blown off roof

Trees uprooted, considerable damage to buildings

Widespread damage, very rare occurrence

Violent destruction

[mechanomorphic]

queer muppet moments i would make happen if i was in charge of the muppets:

the electric mayhem (minus animal bcs hes their kid) arent a polycule, theyre monogamous. but specifically they break up and date each other one at a time. they have a chart.

animal is genderfluid. this is mentioned exactly once bcs kermit calls her he and she starts yelling "SHE/HER!" kermit corrects himself and the show goes on

rizzo made out with gonzo once but he still considers himself straight bcs gonzo is not a guy, he's a whatever. gonzo agrees with this

uncle deadly dated tim curry. it did not end well.

actual emotional scene of gonzo talking about how he feels abt gender. no jokes.

kermit: no matter what, gonzo is still gonzo, and we're always going to support gonzo no matter what gonzo decides- gonzo: kermit. i still use he/him

statler and waldorf wedding episode. theyre divorced by the next

beaker trying to ask bunsen out on a date. in the end it turns out bunsen thought they'd been dating for years.

miss piggy hanging out with drag queens

related, miss piggy starting to present butch and kermit being Really Into It. hes embarassed abt it

pepe begins a story with "when i was a little girl...."

janice decides to start using just she bcs "like, i could never be her"

rowlf mentions having a husband. even kermit is like "??? since when??!"

actually i change my mind. genderfluid animal is mentioned a second time when dr teeth is calling for instrument and mic checks, he turns to animal and yells "animal! pronoun check!" "HE/HIM" "alright!"

[irisbleufic]

Swedish Chef neopronouns: bork/bork/bork

[sculpture-center]

FEATURED ARTIST: Karyn Olivier, Doubleslide, 2006. Installation view, The Studio Museum in Harlem, New York. Steel. 7 x 25 x 22 feet.

Courtesy the artist and The Studio Museum Harlem.

https://sculpture-center.org/

[vicshush]

[ID, courtesy of @a-captions-blog : [Art description: A metal slide resembling two regular slides melded together such that sliding down either would result in stopping in the bowed middle portion where the two connect. \end ID]

[catball]

eating him

[vicshush]

[ID : A photo of a white lamb lying down, head turned to its right to stare directly out at the viewer with dark eyes. It has a pink nose and lips and its left ear is lightly fuzzed and floppy. A second lamb looms over the first, in right profile. It has almost the entire length of the right ear of the first lamb in its mouth. /end ID]

[argumate]

shoot for the moon, even if you miss, the moon will be scared shitless.

[adhoption]

shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll have contributed to the massive amounts of dangerous space debris

[argumate]

shoot for the moon for practice before aiming at smaller targets, like Cincinnati

[adhoption]

shoot for the moon - even if you miss, you will continue to drift endlessly through the cold abyss of space, your frozen corpse destined for burial on the surface of a stranger moon, circling a foreign planet, in the light of an unfamiliar star

[argumate]

shoot for the moon, you can’t miss, it’s huge

[squareallworthy]

Shoot for the moon, but be careful about the return fire. If it shoots back and hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore.

[argumate]

shoot for the moon, then duck back behind cover when you see its wind up animation starting, keeping in mind that it will be vulnerable for two seconds after it fires back and your hits will do double damage

[adventures-in-a-world-of-fiction]

shoot for the moon - carry out hits on the moon’s behalf

[homunculus-argument]

There's a direct correlation between how embarrassing and/or undignified some specific cause of death would be, and how much potential it has for a cool name for a punk band. Consider:

human error

sheer incompetence

rabid pigeons

liquid shits

drowned in shit

chainsaw castration

chinchilla attack

autoerotic electrocution

[racethewind10]

(source)

[raevenlywrites]

[ID: An inspirational meme on a dark background with a maroon viney border that reads “Dont chase your dreams! Humans are persistence predators. Follow your dreams at a sustainable pace until they get tired and lie down (Millenial Memes for Existential Extremes)” /end ID]

[shittycryptids]

a gryphon that’s half pelican, half skunk, known as the Smellican

[stunfisk-uses-attract]

BEHOLD!!

[ashen-vulture]

Skunk: If it is within reach of my Rascaly Graspers it is food, if it is a threat I stink Pelican: If it is Smaller Than Mouth it is food, I fly, and I constantly smell like the last 15 things I ate Consequence: Smelly fluffy awkward horror that has been given permission by the arcane creator to eat everything it sees

[vicshush]

[Text ID, partially courtesy of @thetragicallynerdy : A drawing of a gryphon that has the black and white body of a skunk, and the white head and wings of a pelican with a yellowy-orange beak. It stands on stubby, fuzzy legs, wings half open, skunk tail upswept in a bristly swoop, and pelican head craned back (gullet presented) and its mad little pelican eyes stare into the heavens. /End ID.]

[aurpiment]

I’m a little bit annoyed at popular humor that characterizes menstruation as the uterus throwing a fit because it wants a baby. no it doesn’t. here’s my alternative anthropomorphic script. it’s no less embarrassing but at least I’m right:

henchperson: uh, boss? You know how a couple weeks ago, me and the girls put up that barrier against invaders, extra thick, just like you asked?

boss: yes…

henchperson: one thing, though, boss…

boss: out with it.

henchperson: weeeel, the good news is no invaders.

boss: and the bad news?

henchperson: weeeeeel, we made it out of wet tissue again, boss. so we’re going to have to peel it off and put up a new one before it gets all nasty, see?

boss: why is everything wet tissue with you people? get that thing out of my sight!

[vicshush]

Tags from @elodieunderglass :

#have borne three children.can confirm. uterus is largely ambivalent about embryos #I have a sort of Rosie the Riveter uterus. gets the job done. practical. reliable. #serves a crisply nourishing but unemotional environment. firmly worded eviction notice. #profoundly uninterested in most things actually. #the ovaries now.... those are wild beasts. I can't account for their behaviour. uterus is a very normal entity though.

[treeofnonsense]

My friend's cat was very upset about going to the vet, so I attempted to capture the dramatic injustice of her capture.

Reference:

[vicshush]

[ID 1: Black and white art of a cat in a closed cat carrier. The cat's body is turned away from the cage door, but the cat looks back over her shoulder with moderately splayed-out ears, a down-tilted head, and narrowed eyes. Light comes in from the left, bright enough that the holes in the side of the cage leave a pattern of broken, rounded stripes across the cat's face and back. The light also limns just the top of her shoulders, with the rest of the cat cast in shadow.

ID 2: A reference photo of the scene the black and white art was based on. The cat appears to be gray or medium brown.

/end ID]

[byjove]

One time I regained sentience after anesthesia right in the middle of explaining how Tyrian purple was made to a very bemused nurse so I no longer fear revealing major secrets under anesthesia, I just assume I went Wikipedia mode.