Heavenly bless

[loveisactivated]

Johan trying to make up with an angry North

Bonus:

[loveisactivated]

Johan trying to make up with an angry North

Bonus:

[pharawee]

—JOHAN X NORTH · FOUREVER YOU · Episode 6

[k-s-morgan]

I read somewhere here that you we’re watching “To my Shore” and I’m dyinggg to know your thoughts

Yes! Oh, I don't even know where to start with it. To My Shore is one of the best love stories I have ever watched; the book it's based on, Four-Faced Buddha, is also one of the best romances I've read. I have so much endless praise for both of them, I find myself getting incoherent with it, lol. So, if you find my babbling below confusing, this is why!

To My Shore is the pinnacle of obsession, love, angst, redemption, and worshipping the ground one's partner walks on. Both actors are amazing. This level of acting has rendered me entirely speechless; I genuinely cried with them, my heart kept getting broken, and my anxiety kept skyrocketing to the point where I had to hit pause time and time again to calm down and get myself in order. I don't even remember the last time I felt so affected. Chemistry and passion are also magnificent here, they are so palpable, wow.

Fan Xiao, to me, is a character with clear psychopathic and BPD traits. Manipulation is in his blood; he's cold, indifferent, cruel, and toxic in every way you look at him. What amazed me is that he's actually someone on the aro-ace spectrum! Gray-romantic and graysexual. Until You Shu Lang, he never felt sexual or romantic attraction to anyone. I've never seen it depicted in fiction, so I found it fascinating.

You Shu Lang himself is the perfection of a character. Very often, even if obsession is depicted well in some series, I remain skeptical of the reasons for it. The objects of other characters' obsession tend to be so ordinary that I just don't get what's so special about them to warrant this crazy level of devotion and adoration. With You Shu Lang, I totally get it, and I understand why Fan Xiao grows to worship him.

He's not perfect; he's really not the divine being Fan Xiao sees him as, but he's so deep and so fascinating. He's endlessly good, but he's the opposite of a pushover. He protects himself fiercely and he maintains very strong boundaries. He's unyielding in his decisions: using Fan Xiao's words from the book, if You Shu Lang says no, then it's a no. Hard stop.

You Shu Lang always wants to help people, but if he can't, he's not going to suffer or beat himself up over it. He'll accept it calmly because he understands how life works, and that sometimes we are hopeless in our effort to change something.

He loves his brother, but while he's willing to sacrifice a lot for him, he's not going to let him walk over him even if the price of this decision is high. You Shu Lang has so much dignity and quiet power that you can't help but admire him.

If he feels something is wrong, then he trusts his intuition. If he has difficulties, if he is beaten down, he gets up and carries on. If he is in a relationship, he's entirely devoted: I was amazed at how loyal he stayed to Lu Zhen (his initial boyfriend) even despite being clearly attracted to Fan Xiao at the start of the show. And then… he loved Fan Xiao so much. He took care of him in so many ways - only to get his heart broken and spat on and burned to ashes.

E8 killed me, I was so floored by the level of heartbreak and emotion in it… And Fan Xiao didn't stop after this; he didn't understand he was in love until it was way too late, and then he just couldn't let go because You Shu Lang became the center of his world. Threatening You Shu Lang, ruining his career, forcing him to have sex with him when he's clearly unwilling, all but keeping him hostage - all because Fan Xiao can't imagine how to live without him, and he can't bear to let him go. It was excruciating to watch.

But then the redemption arc began, and I believed it. I think it was done very masterfully. And the way Fan Xiao becomes by the end of the series… he's still psychopathic, he's still an obsessed stalker, but he'd also rather die than hurt You Shu Lang now. He's content to just stare at him for days and days; he forces himself to stay sane time and time again for the price of seeing You Shu Lang happy, even if it's not with him.

And You Shu Lang… being forced into cruelty, something alien to him; understanding he loves Fan Xiao and that Fan Xiao definitely loves him, but still being unable to forgive him… There are so many emotional struggles in To My Shore, and they are all so painful.

The show's ending, despite being happy, still feels a little bittersweet, so I can't wait for the special episodes! And I'm so grateful for the book because it expands on everything and shows what happens next.

So… yeah, I'm a huge, crazed fan now :D Endless thanks to people who recommended To My Shore to me. This show will stay with me for the rest of my life.

[ellsieee]

Ouch.

Sauce

Am I forgetful or did we not see this in the show? I'm pretty sure I would have remembered Yun Qi burying his face into Yiran's neck and a kabedon staredown. Why didn't we get to see this scene in the series?! What a waste. 😭

[echoes-of-a-memory]

They ALWAYS cut out or change the best scenes. It pisses me off so bad.

[echoes-of-a-memory]

Seems Fan Xiao was supposed to be way more aggressive and forceful with Shulang than we were shown in the drama, but they clearly decided to tone it down (?)

[vegaseatsass]

I really need to move on (that's what YSL said!!) but I cannot stop wallowing in episode 14.

The "Can't I do other things than go straight from work to home? Like, go on a date, or something..." line is emblazoned upon my senses, the way Shulang looks away guiltily and loses some of the righteous passion in his voice in that last part, how it's the principle of the thing - he could have chosen to try to move on! stop interacting with him like he has no life and he's mutually hung up on you, Fan Xiao >:( - more than any actual attempt to convince Fan Xiao, or himself, that he's even thinking about dating anyone else.

Juxtaposed with the knowledge that Shulang has stayed in contact with Xue Baotian and seems to pick up the phone whenever he calls, the image of a wallower wallowing in the past, as long as he can shield the fact that he's doing so from his ex's eyes, starts to emerge.

He's so restrained and controlled with his words. We see how he couldn't stop worrying about Fan Xiao falling into Bai Pengyu's trap, how he stumbled off the bus in a daze when he got it into his head that the person on the bike he saw was Fan Xiao riding off to get himself hurt. But he tells Fan Xiao he went to laugh at him, to see him get crushed, and only pivoted and fought Bai Pengyu instead because he decided Bai Pengyu isn't worthy of delivering You Shulang's righteous revenge. It's a pretty threadbare cover story, but Fan Xiao accepts it and even colludes with it: that's right, only you are worthy of avenging yourself, come hurt me any day you need to.

Similarly, he tries to stop Fan Xiao from running off to do something that will get him hurt or arrested to avenge him when he grabs at Fan Xiao's wrist in the rain scene (though it feels in some ways like it's also about Shulang not actually being ready to be left alone again T~T). Fan Xiao hears the underlying concern, and promises not to go overboard or break the law, so Shulang doesn't have to worry. And Shulang receives that like a slap: Why would I worry? I'm not worried.

He's fighting for his life trying to prove to Fan Xiao that there isn't a single crevice left in his heart for him to slither back into. He's BEEN fighting for his life, so much of everything he did and said in the atticwife arc was also Shulang between a rock and a hard place, not able to give into Fan Xiao like part of him craved, but not able to punish or hurt him in earnest either.

But yeah, it's just really hitting me hard how carefully he holds himself tall, and grasps onto his dignity, even after making as fundamentally exposing a choice as going to get his ass kicked in Fan Xiao's stead. And it's when Fan Xiao comments on it, reflects back at Shulang how open and visible his love still is, that he really shuts down and has to prove he wants nothing to do with him.

All of this culminating in Shulang inviting Fan Xiao to not only stay but have some "accidental" comfort sex in their bathtub is just like. Oof. Fan Xiao agreeing to see the sex as an accident they'll never talk about again before he leaves, honoring how much Shulang wants to not have these feelings, how cruel it would be to rub his face in them, MORE OOF.

I also have been thinking a lot about Fan Xiao in all of this and how he's reoriented his forceful obsessiveness to center around Shulang's wellbeing instead of Shulang's affection or acceptance. Like, it really destabilizes him that despite all his stalking/lurking/"watching over" Shulang, Shulang's been suffering from gastritis and Fan Xiao didn't know about it or do some secret alleyway guardian angel shit to try to fix it. He is fairly hands off when he follows Shulang inside to check on his injuries - it feels like a combination of he really does just want visual evidence that Shulang is okay, mixed up with that perpetual reluctance to leave his side or be away from him, a reflection of Shulang grabbing for him when Fan Xiao tried to leave earlier - and it's only when Shulang stumbles trying to get into the tub that he rushes to catch him.

Instead of what we saw from him in atticwife arc, of pushing and pushing and pushing for any scrap of evidence that Shulang still wanted him, would take him back and start over, he's gone all the way in the other direction: no I know, you'll never forgive me, I'm sorry for making it sound like you care about me, you don't and you shouldn't, but EYE care about you and I won't accept seeing you hurt or rained on or sick.

He's completely shameless about his lack of boundaries, but except for that overpowering need to be around and near Shulang (which he has mostly failed to curb lmao), he's legitimately focused on Shulang's needs, on trying to take care of Shulang however he can, not impress him (even when he wanted to call him sooooooooooooooooooo badly to tell him he got honored at work!!!!!) or win him back.

I think that's what's making it all work for me. He's still a total mess with no respect for personal space but I really believe his goals have meaningfully shifted. Taken alongside how much Shulang can't actually move on either, their behind-closed-doors "accidental" "never again" bathtub sex is kind of destroying me right now.

[vegaseatsass]

Four-Faced Buddha 116/To My Shore special spoilers

Omg @hunterintheice Fan Xiao is too predictable, he did literally exactly what we discussed 😂 FINGERS CROSSED FOR SHI LIHUA TO GIVE THE TOAST ONPAGE

Edit upon finishing the chapter: "Mom, you don't have to worry about me anymore" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[vegaseatsass]

Hello I am idly wondering something

Poll: Who does Fan Xiao hate the most?

Lu Zhen

Zhang Chen

Fan Yu

his father

Bai Pengyu

Qin Zhiyang

Lu Bowen

Shulang's high school almost-boyf

Other (but you can't say "himself")

He runs on spite + evenly distributes his hatred between most or all of these

See results

Voting ended onFeb 4

I am mostly torn between a few of these, AND I think the answer is wildly different at different points in canon, but let's just see what happens if we all have to pick just one with no nuance.

Definitely interested in reasons for who you pick!

[echoes-of-a-memory]

Fan Xiao needs to have complete and utter possession of this creature that he feels might slip from his grasp or get snatched from him at any time.

..

..

..

..

..

[thelitaeffect]

Few things they missed from the book that kind of make the redemption a bit more compelling:

The new boyfriend, Lu Bowen is actually not a real boyfriend, they have an agreement to be fake boyfriends and appear publicly to get rid of people who are pursuing them. FX and Bowen’s ex-wife’s brother (yeah, it’s messy). They pretend to kiss in the shadows of fireworks for the benefit of LB’s stalker watching them.

They meet up at an orphanage that FX also volunteers at/brings medicine and supplies to with both the kiddo and Bowen and FX tries his best to be nice- genuinely he tries but he’s not great at it.

The most important part that I guess got skipped for budget is a stampede/scaffolding collapse happens and YS and FX both end up pulling people from the rubble and saving people side by side so they kind of bond over that as well. It is a bit after these events that YS goes looking for FX drunk and hopeful that he really can be better.

[shijiujun]

My heartbeat knows and loves you even before I see you.

[echoes-of-a-memory]

The way he closed his eyes, no doubt breathing in that wild rose scent that he has come to associate with home, devastated me.

[blueberries1234]

It's so terrifying how Fan Xiao has no limits when it comes You Shulang.

He uses anyone and anything to try and bring You Shulang back.

He uses ANYONE, and he doesn't care about how it harms You Shulang.

He is terrifying. He is insane.

[spicyvampire]

Fan Xiao continues to be normal about You Shulang

TO MY SHORE (2025) EPISODE 10

[vegaseatsass]

A simpler way to say what I was trying to get at from Fan Xiao's end in this post is that "I can do anything you ask, except stay away" has been the prevailing toxic truth of him from the moment they met.

But when he was saying it before the timeskip, he wasn't able to be near You Shulang without constantly trying to force the feelings and reactions out of him Fan Xiao wanted; if Shulang was there, Fan Xiao was completely focused on how to push and shove him into giving him what he (believed he) needed.

Now, Fan Xiao still "can't" (WILL not. will not even pretend he's going to) stay away, but what he does with those crossed boundaries and forced proximity is to actually try to stand beside Shulang instead of on top of him, to accompany him instead of crush him, to watch over him and care for him, not force him to feel or do anything he doesn't want, anything that will hurt him again.

Like it's the change from "I can never let you leave my side" to "I will never leave your side". Both are smothering, but one leaves enough room for Shulang to breathe and feel his own feelings. (Or with 10Dance on my mind: it's the difference between dragging Shulang wherever and however Fan Xiao wants, and following where Shulang leads.)

[echoes-of-a-memory]

🥹💔

[vegaseatsass]

i wish we get to see president Qin and fan xiao rivalry and funny interaction just like the novel . Even though he was he was really annoying but Qin was interesting character and they could have shown more of his interaction with shu lang and fan xiao

Lol I am on record as loving the annoying Qin Zhiyang, so I of course agree! Reading the novel for the first time, I have come to really appreciate all the scenes that the drama added to get across internal experiences in the novel (like novel Shulang feeling like a plucked oyster, sliced open and exposed, when Fan Xiao batters him with his surveillance video knowledge of his preference for bottoming, adapted into drama YSL having a flashback with the added scene of all the other parents at school calling him a pervert who no family could love - this conveys the same feeling effectively for a different medium, so well), and I adore how faithful the drama is otherwise, but all the new characters introduced in episode 11 onwards were not super developed, so my one big drama wish is that we got a bit more of them.

And Qin Zhiyang is one of my faves lol

He cracks me up so much.

I took him at his word when he said he was spiritually platonic in the drama, and am so so soooo personally invested in the concept of a toxic manipulative predatory asexual character, but with scenes like this I wonder if he actually is working through some internalized homophobia of his own, when he insists he's not into physical intimacy (positively contrasting himself with Fan Xiao's "pervertedness", which I find entertaining from a toxic manipulator either way), but still watches Shulang's sex tape and instantly agrees to sleep with him lol.

He can still be asexual and think about or agree to have sex of course, so we'll see. Either way, super fun to see him giving Shulang a headache!

Edited: Omg just got to his birthday stand-off with Fan Xiao. Enjoying these squabbling toddlers so much!