Just A Little Bit Of Me..

This is the daily life of.. Everything I cant say outloud. 23. Autoimmune. Depression. Anxiety. Terminally heartbroken.

[victoriarogue]

Eczema.

I'm itchy, constantly. I can't remember the last time I wasn't itchy, it's driving me crazy. All the dermatologist have to say is, "keep putting your cream on" Well the cream obviously doesn't work otherwise I wouldn't of been on toxic drugs for the past 3 years. Putting cream on already irritated skin just makes it worse, even just moisturiser.. But the dermatologists can't seem to understand that, unless I'm the only one who experiences this. I'm tired, I don't want to sleep because when I sleep I scratch, I wake myself up scratching, or my sheets have stook to me from blood and weeping sores so I move then it rips. It just seems never ending. No one ever thinks that eczema can be this life altering but it is, it affects everything about my life, from not being able to go in then sun due to medications I'm on, what I eat, what I wear.. It's horrible and nothing seems to be working to get it better. Rant over.

[unfinishedsimphonie]

Growing up with eczema

(because everybody thinks all we have to do is put on lots of lotion and not scratch)

waking up in pain with blood all over your sheets

being afraid to go to sleep because you can’t control your scratching when you’re asleep

having to do your laundry all the time because dead skin cells are everywhere

everything burns in the shower, even when you use cold water

no hot water: no hot showers, no hot tubs, no hot springs

not being able to go on sleepovers or travel to certain places because you can’t pack your humidifier or air purifier or the climate will fuck you up or there are just too many allergens there

if you ever do feel like going anywhere, having to pack your entire medicine cabinet (gauze and bandages included)

having to be careful with anything you put on your skin: makeup, lotions, etc…

clothing: as a child, cotton only - no jeans, no polyester, nope

when eczema breaks out on your face or any visible part of your body, and people are afraid of being near you for fear of catching some horrible disease. also people just straight up staring at you

hiding at home because you feel like the ugliest person in the world

not being able to wear short sleeves or shorts because you’re afraid of people seeing your scars

the only medications that work have horrible side effects…like topical steroid withdrawal or increasing the risk of skin cancer

being the really annoying friend with all the food allergies

not being able to exercise when you want to because you’re allergic to your own sweat or your joints are too inflamed to move

not being able to cry because your eyelids might break out

landing in the hospital because of life-threatening skin infections

…just sorta needed to get this off my chest

[victoriarogue]

4th June 2016

It's been a long while since I last posted on here, I thought I would stop for a while as I just seemed to be getting more down, and maybe tumblr was the reason? But I can safely say it isn't the reason. I'm back and I still feel like crap, still fighting my own body everyday as well as my own mind. I guess I just have to accept that this is life and it isn't going to get any easier for a long while.

[victoriarogue]

11/12/2015

It doesn't even seem like I can keep a friend these days, let alone ever find a boyfriend. 

[victoriarogue]

Its amazing how long you can go without thinking about someone, but then bam there back in your mind and its worse than before because you forgot how much it hurts for them to only be in your thoughts and not in your life. 

[victoriarogue]

[victoriarogue]

7th August 2015

Two posts in one week aren't you a lucky lot. So I ran out of antidepressants/anxiety tablets a week ago and it feels like i’m awake for the first time in months, but I have however noticed that I have been struggling to sleep again and I am getting worked up about the silliest of things again. I'm unsure what to do, should I go back to the doctors or stay of them as I actually feel awake and not like some zombie that is just passing through the motions in life, so far luckily I haven't had any major downers which is a plus but it will probley happen at some point Just really unsure on what to do.

[victoriarogue]

3rd August 2015

Once again it has been a while since I have posted on here but I am hoping that now I have an actual computer, not a laptop that I keep dropping, that I will be posting a lot more.  Not much has gone on really, i’m still ill but not so heartbroken any more which is a good thing I suppose, finally think I may actually be getting over him. Still depressed and anxious plus ive gained weight due to being on steroids for a prolong amount of time. I keep trying to stay positive, but its really fucking hard too, I know things could be a lot worse but they could also be a lot better, I think what gets to me the most is the fact that there is just no end in sight with my illness, especially as none of the medication that they use for my condition works on me, 

[victoriarogue]

I can no longer remember a time when I wasn’t tired.

[victoriarogue]

Our Princess! 2/5/15

Yet another day I will remember forever, our country’s Princess has been born after making us wait forever again as you did with Prince George. So happy! 

[victoriarogue]

[i-effed-it-all-up-deactivated20]

nah sorry i cant go out tonight, i have plans to spiral into uncontrollable anxiety starting in the early evening and ending at roughly 3 am

[wordsnquotes]

I have to say that although it broke my heart, I was, and still am, glad I was there.

Markus Zusak, The Book Thief (via wordsnquotes)

[poor-sad-rich-girl]

The hardest part about living with eczema is the constant fear and anticipation of flare. It’s the shame you feel on a daily basis for merely existing looking and feeling the way you do. When you have eczema, you’re whole life revolves around having...

[victoriarogue]

I’ve never read anything that describes the daily struggle of eczema so well. 

[victoriarogue]

Some days I feel more broken than others.

[victoriarogue]

3/2/2015

It's weird, I wanted to be over you for so long and now I am. Finally. But I miss my feelings for you, I used to talk to you whenever I felt down,and somehow you would make it better, but now I try talking to you and I just don't feel anything. 

[victoriarogue]

It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart

Suzanne Collins