you’re no good, duck

[amygdalae]

kind of hate my stupid caustic pussy for dissolving my underwear over time but it's kind of cool, like, scientifically

[destinationtoast]

dying at this sequence from @pinkydragon01 :

[halfbloodfanboy]

[copepods]

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

[copepods]

@holyknuckled you get it. lterally what are we here on earth for if not to occasionally impose gastropods upon unsuspecting customers. this story is delightful

[lintubintu]

@holyknuckled like that?

[holyknuckled]

oh? my god???

yeah, Exactly like that

[pyomorphic]

real snitch hours if you a narc hit that like

[pyomorphic]

alright light em up vinny

[omtai]

i had a dream i worked in an underwater restaurant and people kept ordering ice in their drinks and then getting mad at me when it would float away. and i’d tell them beforehand that the ice would float away & they’d be like lol no that’s not how it works just give me the ice. I’m fighting customer service battles never seen before

[socialistexan]

Cis woman confronted by police officers in Arizona Walmart restroom for looking too masculine speaks out (exclusive)

“The only men in the women’s restroom were the cops,” Kalaya Morton said.

[pussymuncher7]

Daily reminder: Transphobia actively contributes to sexism. If you don’t fit the beauty standard and are seen as masculine in any way shape or form, you are seen as transgender and as a “problem”

[pisshandkerchief]

I think it's incredibly important here to not overlook the fact that she is a Black woman. Transphobia, racism, and sexism overlap significantly because of the incredibly eurocentric beauty standards women are judged on.

[cephalopodvictorious]

bugs is…. shrimp????

[noknowshame]

I’m watching Splash (1984) which is a romcom about a guy who falls in love with a mermaid, and when she chooses a human name she chooses Madison and guy says “that’s not a real name, but alright” which seems to imply that Madison was not a name until at least the 80’s and all girls named Madison are actually named after the mermaid. thought you should know

[brbeth]

I think...you might be right

[brownheadedcowbird]

what the fuck

[its-funnytwittertweets]

[noodles-07]

"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

[bigwizardhat]

obsessed with the woman at the dmv who replied with a firm “no” when asked if she wanted to be an organ donor but when the clerk asked “do you want junk mail? we sell your name and address to companies” she paused and gave a very thoughtful yet decisive “…yeah”

[tuna-core]

damn is this a new era of tumblr fake stories

[bigwizardhat]

is it truly that difficult to believe that some people are just bizarre

[bigwizardhat]

out of all the responses from ppl that have never been outside i’d say this is my favorite. like have you never just been in a room with other people that are speaking

[misogynistcatgirl]

I know we are all like "people in caveman times would drill holes in their head to relieve headaches" andwe go oh that's so stupid that's so dumb but like. then I get a headache and I'm like.ooooh I get it I get it. Grug prepare the drill.

[greyerwardens]

[vero-niche]

adhd will get you thinking "i should make this doctors appointment" every day for 7 months and counting

[vero-niche]

none of us are making those appointments huh

[queermania]

if i’m ever brutally murdered and everyone feels like they need to do something productive in my memory, all i want is for you to pass legislation banning LED headlights in my name. regardless of how irrelevant it is to my murder. it’s relevant to my heart.

[redstonedust]

having depression makes your friends seem like the coolest most put together people on earth like wow... you got out of bed, had breakfast, went to work, AND spent some time on a hobby when you got home....? that's so impressive you're like superman or something. can i borrow your power.

[elvis-official]

Mr Elvis werent you dead

I got better

[ghost-of-elvis-official]

Well this is awkward...

[elvis-official]

Woah mama it's my own specter

[vinceaddams]

People who try to copy historical writing styles don't say enough weird stuff in them. I'm listening to a 1909 story about a ghost car right now, and the narrator just said he honked the car horn a bunch of times, but the way he phrased it was "I wrought a wild concerto on the hooter".

[bogleech]

Reblog to wreak a wild concerto on a hooter

[privatejoker]

starting to think fragrantica reviewers think literally everything smells like piss

[privatejoker]

"this smells like piss again" well idk girl are you are looking for the piss note in everything? look inside yourself

[c3rvida3]

I have to out myself as a perfume bitch to say this, but if you do find yourself thinking, "I really love this note, but FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON, every perfume that contains it smells disgusting," the problem almost always is YOUR skin chemistry reacting to that note. A common thing people complain about is vanilla making them smell like a hamster cage. The funny thing is, the fragrance community refers to the note that reacts with your skin chemistry badly as your "death note".

[privatejoker]

look Outside yourself. on your skin