Murder Diary

[Adult] [he/they] Your local schizo sadist

[warych3rry]

𝓗𝓲 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮, 𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓻

You may call me Cherry.

I'm a diagnosed schizotypal, looking to expose whatever is going on in my head. Unfortunately there's nothing regarding me being a sadistic freak in my medical card yet, but who's to say that's not close :) Not in a bsm way, no-no-no, in a "i'm one step away from murder" way.

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

[warych3rry]

i feel adrenaline innmy blood

isk what's going on

[warych3rry]

i feel like something is coming out of me. My insides

[warych3rry]

i feel adrenaline innmy blood

isk what's going on

[warych3rry]

why is everything so bad

why i'm feeling bad

my bsf is feeling bad

my partner is feeling bad

what's happening around me

[warych3rry]

i also texted my gf and told her i felt bad and if we cab meet up.

it was a no bc she didn't feel well.

i wonder if she will at least ask me something after this

[warych3rry]

after a crash out, i remembered several instances of me actively harming stuff abd enjoying it:

TW ANIMAL ABUSE

i remember killing a fish and quite enjoying it and being god damn sad over the fact that i was only let to smash a head of one of them

i liked doing a thing we call in russian "nettle". It's when u twist other person's skin on their arm to the point it stings, like a nettle. I used to do it A LOT.

Whenever i got mad at a classmate who sexually harassed me i would chase him with a brick and then throw it onto my head out of frustration that he is with the teachers and i can't get him.

i was generally an aggressive child. I would throw a chair at ones who i considered annoying. I once almost punctured temple of my classmate with a sharp pencil.

idk how much this is a basis to change my diagnosis, but i think with my other posts summed up it's not good

[warych3rry]

i need someone who knows ronin to hear me

it's becoming a problem atp, the fact that i became almost (or fully?) parasocial

i want to hurt, i want to succumb to my temptation the more i think of him

i know it's bad, and i should stop engaging with anything ronin-related for a while, but at least now i know my meds might not fully work. Or just work on this in general

[warych3rry]

i also can't keeo doing it

i ask my gf to talk to me about like

a n y t h i i n g

whatever she wants

silence

i try talking to her

silence or the most generic answer like "okay"

she ignored my offer to meet up

i can't fucking mmmmAAAAAHHH

[warych3rry]

"u should try to do it better"

I KNOW

I'M TRYING

WHY PEOPLE TALK LIKE I'M INTENTIONALLY DOING SOMETHING BAD IT'S DISTRESSING

[warriorsofficial]

[warych3rry]

i think i'm poly and that's a problem

bc i have a girlfriend

but i also like my friend

but she won't approve of even queer platonic relationship i think

and i can't exactly tell that friend i love them bc then things might get awkward

why is it so hard wtf???

[warych3rry]

i want to go back to the psych ward

everything was so peaceful there

yes, i felt isolated there

yes i couldn't do most of my hobbies there

but it was peaceful

i'm tired

[warych3rry]

i've felt bad

too bad

i cut myself

right on the street

noone stooped me

my gf didn't stop me

i feel bad

[warych3rry]

i can't wait to make my gf watch an analog horror overview with me :3

[warych3rry]

i wanted to hit my partner yesterday

she tried her best at calming me down, but unfortunately for her, i'm fighting that

[warych3rry]

the meds r working well, i didn't really have any thoughts and feel great

[warych3rry]

funny thing is the amount of emotional control i, apparently, possess.

Kinda confessed to a friend not so long ago, and as soon as i hear a clear "no", everything drops.

Do i still want to be near them? Yes. Will i ever even try to act romantic? Fuck no. Me and my feelings r keeping it as it was, i don't want to disturb whatever was working.

I'm just glad i get to be around