♥️ -thoughts on love, 👀 - desire
When could this have happened? What did it, what set it off?
Edward rubbed his temples, elbows braced on the wooden railing of the cabana. Another moment outside to catch his breath in the sand and salt and sea air, under the purple twilight dotted in distant stars.
This was terrible. Terrifying especially. When could a man truly count himself safe from things like this? 37 years of dead silence from a hitherto apathetic heart, and now, hellish ambivalence between soft and warm affection and the horror of the unknown infection of yearning.
He’d wanted things in life, certainly. He’d fooled around without a care in the world beyond manners and consequences, had plenty of turns in the proverbial hay without a scrap of attachment, and now, out of nowhere, an iron collar clapped around his neck by his own psyche.
With a furtive glance back to the silhouette in the window, he couldn’t resist a pained sigh. It couldn’t have been anyone else, could it? Why did it have to be him? He doesn’t deserve this, I’ve been so careful…I’ve done everything I can to keep him out of the swamp of a rogue’s life, and just be a friend…and now, I’m practically fit to slip down the same slope as Tetch?!
Drawing a deep breath, Edward swallowed his pride, his thoughts, his feelings. No. None of them could be permitted an inch, not for this. Not for him, not for either of them. It could never be, and so, it never would, and that was final.
Smacking his cheeks to focus, he put on a casual grin, and strolled back inside. They still had a few days of vacation left in Hawaii: the least he could do is keep it from being awkward. He’d kill these feelings, with time and logic, just like everything else.
“Sorry for that, Bruce, but the night air’s just too nice tonight. How about that night cap?”
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