What Does PTSD Hypervigilance Look Like?
Tw: activating language, body triggers, nervous system dysregulation, & fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses listed below. Please read with care.
Constantly checking outside by slightly peeking out the hole in the blinds so no one knows youre looking out the window
Listening & memorizing footstep patterns of those who live with you
Memorizing schedules & when people leave the house to know when you can move through the house alone
Tip-toeing or walking in a certain way to make your steps have less noise
Holding your breath or controlling your breathing to make as little noise as possible
Being extra aware of how everything is laid out on the table, where every single item in the pantry, fridge, etc is so when you take something you can put it back undisturbed
Eating food or taking things out of the fridge in a way that makes it seem like you never took anything out
Being constantly aware of how loud your own body is (ie chewing too loud, breathing too loud, walking too loud, not laughing, not crying, mastering the art of being silent)
Making sure the TV was on the same channel/app it was before you turned it on (this one's for us older gens, before we had these smart TVs there was a time when analog TV left a trail of previously watched channels so you'd have to wipe the remote clean before you got caught)
Having people stored in your phone under false contacts bc your parents/abusers/etc would search your phone
Not able to keep personal photos on your phone for same reasons
Not being able to keep things in your room bc your parents would search your room
Not being able to keep things hidden in your backpack either for the same reasons
Keeping everything hidden at school or asking someone else's to keep them
Not able to keep a diary or journal bc someone would read it even if you asked them not to they wouldn't care and read it anyway
Not having a door on your room or having the door removed
Being told you have no privacy because you "belong" to them
Erasing your tracks with everything you do
Listening for car noises, car door slams, and memorizing the way the engine sounds so you can instantly hear when people get home
Memorizing car sounds or always looking out the window to see if someone has pulled up
Checking every house window in your field of view every second of the day
Constantly watching the front door even though it's closed and locked
Constantly watching your room door
Not being comfortable with things out of your line of sight
Constantly having the TV silent or low volume so you don't make too much noise & also so you can hear better
Memorizing daily life schedules, like when your housemates eat, use the bathroom, get up & walk around so you can be constantly aware of everyone at all times
Not making direct eye contact out of fear that it will spark a conflict
Being constantly aware of tone of voice, inflection, etc in case they're going to verbally abuse or degrade you or humiliate you
Being hyper aware of someone entering your personal space
Flinching when someone walks by you
Flinching when someone reaches over you
Flinching when anticipating to get hit
Freezing & paralysis anytime something goes off pattern
Never being able to tell tone over text/ always needing to clarify if someone is mad at you
Not being able to physically get up and walk around the house unless you know you're in a safe position to do so
Not being able to physically get up to use the bathroom unless you're in a position to know it's safe to move around the house undetected
Waiting until everyone goes to bed in order to move around the house or relax
Holding your breath & tensing your muscles
Dissociation & brain fogs
Fear of not being good enough
Staying silent because it will be less likely to cause a conflict
Hiding your emotions & masking
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