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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Sade Olutola
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@weighsheavy-blog
‘ — there’s no living with a killing. there’s no going back from it. right or wrong, it’s abrand, a brand that sticks. there’s no going back. now, you run on home to your mother and tell her, tell her everything’s alright, and there aren’t any more guns in the valley. ‘
‘ — there’s no living with a killing. there’s no going back from it. right or wrong, it’s a brand, a brand that sticks. there’s no going back. now, you run on home to your mother and tell her, tell her everything’s alright, and there aren’t any more guns in the valley. ‘
apologies to everyone for being so slow. my pinched nerve has only gotten worse and it’s become increasingly difficult to type. i have a test in a week so hopefully we can figure out what’s going on. thanks for understanding !!
captainiissm:
WHEN IT COMES to therapy , jim’s youth shows. he is a mere 20 odd years of age. he’s young. he’s young and he’s had so much happen in a short amount of time. jim feels like he’s been alive for centuries, the weight of the world, the weight of his job, the weight of his past, everything weighs on his shoulders. kirk seems unable to escape it.
the therapy session with bones had been a disaster. albeit the two knew each other like brothers, there were just some things jim did not want to share with the elder fellow. it was bones’ idea that he see someone else. it’s an unhealthy emotional and psychological life he’s living. jim knows it but his reaction are flight, fight or fuck. the three ‘f’s’’. it’s what he’s grown accustom too.
sighing, the blonde wraps his knuckles on the door frame before entering.
“ doctor . ” he greets, making his way to the customary chair. he’s silent.
already she can see the tenseness in his body and hear it in voice. her head cants to the side in an understanding manner. therapy was not his favorite and she had known that from the beginning. while she felt bad for forcing him to come she also had no choice but to make him. it was protocol for both captains and for any crew that went through everything that they all did. plus, she knew how jim was. she knew that he carried everyone’s weight plus his own.
“jim, you know you can call me astra.” she replies, offering him a gentle smile. “how are you feeling today?” the file for him is already sitting in front of her, a couple of notes jotted down and ready for more. “and be honest with me, jim. i know there’s something on your mind.
cameoutofabottle:
Steve appreciated how willing to listen Astra was. He knew his friends would listen if he were ever to open up to them, but it just wasn’t the same. They didn’t understand what he felt with that weight on his shoulders- though he knew some of them did understand the survivor’s guilt. But everyone had their own issues. No one that had been exiled as a fugitive with Steve had the perfect life these days. This woman, however, was a doctor. And she had come for this very reason. So maybe it wouldn’t hurt to get a few more things off his chest.
The moment the doctor told him he couldn’t blame himself for what had happened to Bucky, Steve wanted to argue. The words rose up in his throat and hovered on the tip of his tongue. It was a reflex. But he bit his tongue and held the words back, letting her have her say. After all, she was someone on the outside. And she was right; the sensible part of him understood that, but it didn’t mean his mind accepted it. Steve swallowed hard at her words and turned his gaze toward the window again, feeling that old ache rising up in his chest.
“You can’t meet him,” he said quietly. “And I can’t help him do good.” He exhaled heavily and leaned back against his chair, looking back to the doctor. “He’s taken himself out of the equation. He’s somewhere safe, but he’s– completely out of play. Bucky was afraid the programming in his head could be triggered again and he didn’t wanna hurt anyone. And even if he wasn’t- what good can I help him do when half the world wants to see me behind bars and him dead?”
She gives a gentle nod, understanding that he might not want her to speak to Bucky. It was hard to trust anyone around him since HYDRA did everything that they did to him. Astra did not blame Steve one bit. She knew where he was coming from.
“Steve, you can do good by him. I know you can. Prove to the world that what he did was not his own choice but that he was forced. Prove to the world that he’s a hero just like you.” Astra let’s out a slight sigh of her lips, looking away. “Sometimes it can be hard to prove that we are good and it may take time but I promise you that it’s possible. And I know at some point the world will see him the way you do.”
The woman thinks for a long moment then smiles. “I need to call into SHIELD to let them know I’m here and I’ll be staying. How long do you want me to stay? As long as you need me, I’ll be here.” She promises in a light voice.
awakenedvengeance:
“I see. Are you here to evaluate me?”
“I am. Will you cooperate?”
imthxpilot:
“doesn’t mean you can’t have ideas about what to do next!”
“just shoot back!”
like for a starter!!
avengingplayboy:
“It can be a pin, yeah. Sometimes it helps, most of the time it hinders.”
“But to know that the world knows who you are, that they look up to you, must be something.”
“it H U R T S. everything hurts.”
atomiism:
Flush creeps up the back of his neck // FLATTERY always seems to put him in an awkward position as the resolutely instinct is to d e n y the compliment as HUMBLE principles dictate t e a r i n g him down ; but he can also recognize his own strengths in GENIUS & & so he just says , ❝ Isn’t it ? Felicity even helped me design an advanced facial-recognition software package & & my friends from S.T.A.R. labs were the ones who helped me figure out the whole flying part . Best GROUP project one could ever have , eh ? ❞
Then a blink . Manners seem to write themselves into his skull . ❝ Oops ! Sorry , forgot to introduce myself — Dr. Raymond P A L M E R — but everyone calls me Ray . And you are ? ❞
Back in school, she was a smart kid but physical sciences and engineering were never her strong suit. ( Hell, Astra barely got a passing grade on her volcano project! ) So to see someone building something from absolute scrap that did such amazing things was astounding to the woman. He was clearly the intelligent type by the way he walked but, at this point, he did not seem the type who shoved his knowledge into other people’s faces. It was a rarity in today’s modern science world.
“Oh! Doctor Astra Marinos, but I’m a bit different of a doctor than you are. I’m a psychologist.” She explains rather quickly, trying to offer him a rather nervous smile.
fiightsback:
It took a couple of running starts – with Jess looking BUSY or DISTRACTED each time she flew by the open door. But she made it. Eventually. As it turned out, outbursts of the magnitude Jess displayed on mission were heavily frowned upon. Should have included that somewhere in the beginners manual, if someone were to ask her … which, of course, they did. Ask her, that is. First chapter, page forty-three on appropriate conduct in hostile territory held all the key information. ❝ Hi, you busy? I can come back if you are. ❞ Agent Drew, lone shark, deflector of all personal matters with self deprecating humor that would cut through the thickest of armor, and Astra’s newest patient.
She glances up from the work at hand, immediately offering a smile. “No, no. Come in. I have plenty of time for you.” From the moment she looked at the woman’s face Astra knew who she was: Jessica Drew, an agent who was a little bit of a hot-head, didn’t play well with others most days. Astra made it a point to know the agents who tended to be the ones to cause issues or had conflicts with others, knowing that at some point they might come to see her. It seemed today was such a case. “What can I do for you, Agent Drew?”
rapiidamente:
❝ - Quite alright, dear. I didn’t mean to startle you. ❞ Her statement doesn’t quite match her condition. A split lip, black eye, and a cut above her eyebrow does little to back her statement up, bloody bandages pasted onto her hands that she’s certain she needs to change. Last night’s fight got a little out of hand, but she had still managed to win.
almost immediately her lips purse, head cocking to the side. “a busted lip and bruising face doesn’t qualify as QUITE ALRIGHT,” astra retorts with a rather pointed look in the girl’s direction. but that is short lived as she looks around, just in case the person who did this was still around. when she found the coast was clear, all attention went back to the girl before her, “what happened?”
toskavechnyy:
illana doesn’t even know why she’s there, why she’s the one knocking on the door — she was doing the busy work no else wanted to do, she assumed. others were trying to stop her from having too much time to think ( which, really, was smart, and did actually help her to an extent ). but delivering files to someone she didn’t even know… the brunette couldn’t help the small bout of uncertainty filling her, reaching her features.
❝ hi, i, uh… someone wanted me to give these to you, i forgot their name. ❞
she glances up and immediately offers a smile, standing from her seat, “yes, thank you! i’ve been expecting these.” astra takes the files and places them upon her desk, taking a quick look at the names upon the tabs before her attention returns to the girl. in the time that she had been here, the doctor had never seen her before. she seemed the quiet type but kind- something that astra herself could relate to.
“i’m sorry, i don’t know your name. who are you?”
awakenedvengeance:
@weighsheavy
“And who are you, exactly?”
“Dr. Marinos. I’m the psychologist aboard this ship.”
avengingplayboy:
“Of course. I never get to introduce myself these days.”
“It must be hard for you, to have the entire world know your name.”
