Kjedelige meg

I only really post food/aesthetic stuff and memes on my main.Not many things go my way in life.I’m sapphic, disabled & ND. Call me Vee.I’m an adult, so if it’s not ok for me to follow, please tell me.

[sailoruranus-archive]

“Pet crows give their owners names. This is identified by a unique sound they make around specific people that they would not otherwise make.“

oh my GOD

[jackhawksmoor]

well shit

[ambular-d]

Clearly, to the crows, we’re the pets.

[bedazzledstrider]

[1863-project]

I  D O  N O T  W A N T  T H E  M R .  M I M E  J U I C E

[goron-king-darunia]

At least they only used the edible parts of Mr. Mime.

[actualaster]

This is now an even MORE cursed post, thank you for reminding me of that.

[theocseason4]

does anyone agree that we do not have enough heart emojis

[lifeschanges]

There are eleven heart emojis why do you need more

[theocseason4]

Because I want more

[boymilk-moved-deactivated201903]

full offense but like…. ladies and gentlemen…. this is mambo number 5

[boymilk-moved-deactivated201903]

[lmaonade]

girlfriend: *tries to boop my nose*

me, knowing if she does so the top of my head will pop open to reveal a gamecube disc reader: haha babe stoooooop

[bingomann]

things to do if I ever go to America

1. go to a diner and order a greasy breakfast

2. eat… a jelly donut!?

3. meet a cryptid

[bingomann]

walk back to the airport and go home

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Weird that y’all think I’m sort of a disaster now and the majority of you haven’t been following me very long. I started this blog when I was 16. You all missed out on such gems as the time I wanted to go to a concert but I had to do the dishes first and I stashed a really disgusting pot in the broken never used dishwasher to do later

And forgot about it for two months.

And when I realized what I’d done and yanked it out there was a climax community eco system in there. Like a for real old growth forest.

I didn’t know what to do. Whatever grew in t definitely had to be part of its molecular structure by that point. I was super paranoid no matter how well I cleaned it that it’s still poison my family with some sort of new mutated super pathogen.

But I couldn’t let my mom know what happened.

So I buried it in the backyard.

And I was in the clear for two years, until someone in my family was digging back there, and it was unearthed, and my mom found out everything,

And I walked into my basement bedroom and it was in my window like the damn pet cemetery

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Burying it cleaned it super well though so honestly I did the right thing.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

So I’m getting a lot of messages from people who have similar stories and I think we need to pose this to archaeologists as a new theory to major pottery finds

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Hold on if I get my mom on the phone will you make that an official statement

[ghoulgoon]

i think rickrolling is the only meme that gets objectively funnier with age. in 2009 you learned to anticipate it but in 2019 it happens just infreqently enough that i fall for it every single time

[ghoulgoon]

like people still make rage comics and doge jokes and shit but it’s always ironic (the real punchline is that you’re using an outdated format) or more in line with modern absurd internet humor. rickrolling is the only meme i can think of that’s been the exact same for a full decade- click on a link thinking you’re getting something else, get rick astley instead, and it’s still consistently funny

[oceanicgf-deactivating-deactiva]

[ayasmeme-deactivated20170527]

[imkirb]

[fruitsoftheape100]

crystals dont do shit you stupid idiot

Im Healed Im Cured Im Immune To You B*llshit

[valtsv]

honestly the funniest thing about the lord of the rings is how gandalf is literally a minor god sent to middle-earth by The Big Man Himself and yet literally nobody apart from the elves seems to recognise this or take him seriously

[valtsv]

like yeah gandalf is pretty grumpy most of the time but how would YOU feel if you were the fantasy equivalent of an angel and a bunch of people who only come up to your knee were just like “oh fuck it’s that spooky old wizard” every time you showed up for a friend’s birthday party

[teaboot]

That’s what it’s like to be the queer cousin at the family reunion

[ja-khajay]

that one extremely homoerotic painting of a babylonian man listening to a babylonian twink playing babylonian harp. that one

[ja-khajay]

yeah

[theotherwesley]

this is my favorite painting full stop

[adulthoodisokay]

that “babylonian twink” is King David

[lunoki]

The baffled twink composing Hallelujah

[thoodleoo]

the proto-indo-european word for horse, ekwos (which shows up in other indo-european languages, such as the latin equus and the greek ἵππος), very possibly comes from an adjective h₁eḱus, meaning “swift”

so basically at some point people were coming up with a word for horse and they were like "it’s the thing that goes nyoom”

[neonprotagonist]

Girls Scouts encounter Bigfoot the most frequently. Part of their oath is to keep him a secret because he’s very kind and makes up 30% of their revenue due to his fervent love for thin mints.

[hlahlahlahlahly]

As a Girl Scout leader, I am telling you that this is NOT true, and any former girl scout that says it is, should think about what they are saying and what oaths they may have sworn in the past

[glumshoe]

When I studied abroad, I thought my host family just had difficulty pronouncing my name. They didn’t try very hard before deciding that they’d just call me Brahim and be done with it.

This kept happening no matter where I went in Morocco. Even fluent English speakers decided to give me alternative names, and I just shrugged it off as the consequence of one of the syllables being very unusual in Arabic.

That is, until one day I was talking to a shopkeeper in the souk and he asked me my name. I gave him my English one, and explained that I also answer to Brahim (and Daud, and… more than I can remember). He laughed hysterically and looked shocked, calling his friend over from the back of the shop.

“Tell him your name,” he said excitedly. I did so.

The other man’s face cycled through several expressions very quickly—surprise, anger, suspicion, and then exasperation when he realized his friend had set me up.

They very kindly explained to me that my name spoken with a Moroccan accent sounds very much like an Arabic profanity, and that I should definitely introduce myself as Brahim or give an alternative English name when meeting new people, because shaking hands with strangers and saying “Hello, I’m Fuck Your Mother’s Religion” is not a greeting that will win me many friends.

So. Brahim it was.

[glumshoe]

Another fun story: when I forgot the word for “egg” during dinner and attempted to compliment my host mother’s soft-boiled “Ibn Al-Dajaj”.

Son of the chicken.

[b00k-freak]

When I was working at a Thai restaurant one summer I heard the guys in the kitchen talk/yelling (it’s a kitchen, so… loud) and I thought I heard my name so I stuck my head through the door and asked if they’d called me, and they all stopped and stared for a really long moment and then started laughing like crazy. Turns out my name sounds exactly like the Thai word for garbage.

[glumshoe]

Language barriers: a source of unlimited hilarity since the evolution of vocal cords.