This is where your heart stops.

31

[ampervadasz]

[pocketgameboy]

This transition is straight out of a horror movie

[an-odd-idea]

@heymynameismolly-jk wow

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned that actor Danny Trejo has the most on-screen deaths of anyone in Hollywood history, with 65. Followed by Christopher Lee (60), Lance Henriksen (51), Vincent Price (41), Dennis Hopper (41), Boris Karloff (41), and John Hurt (39). (x)

[splend-42]

Yet poor Sean Bean is stuck with the reputation for dying in every movie. Unfair.

[deliriumcrow]

Give him time, he still has many years of dying yet to come.

[cipheramnesia]

Also there’s the question of density vs quantity. If you make a hundred movies and die in 50, and someone else makes 30 movies and dies in 30, the first one has died more, but the second one has died more often per movie.

[patrickat]

It’s the DPM ratio that really counts, IMO.

[avron]

65/402 16% Danny Trejo 60/282 21% Christopher Lee 51/259 20% Lance Henriksen 41/211 19% Vincent Price 41/205 20% Dennis Hopper 41/204 20% Boris Karloff 39/209 19% John Hurt 33/117 28% Sean Bean

[silly-jellyghoty]

Now THOSE are some numbers!

[thenightling]

A bit of trivia:  A lot of people don’t understand what it means to “Count sheep” to sleep. In reality it’s an Insomnia treatment method where you pick a random topic where there might be several examples that fit the criteria “Disney witches” for example or “Films that feature Dracula as a character.”  It can be anything at all.  "Movies with Danny Elfman musical scores.“  You don’t Google the answer.  You lay there and try to think of things that fit the topic you chose and count them. That’s how you really “Count Sheep.”  

[thenightling]

Pretty much, yes.

@feeling-kinda-sad-ngl​

[little-miss-rasputin-pageant]

all of tumblr: we fucking hate bots

also tumblr:

[kiralamouse]

Hey, I LOVE bots when they’re just here to play with us. COMMERCIAL bots suck.

[the-haiku-bot]

Hey, I LOVE bots when

they’re just here to play with us.

COMMERCIAL bots suck.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[valakiir]

[jasper-rolls]

the more things change the more they stay the same

[honeyproducer-blog]

Pretty sure I’ve said “come out you bitch I’ll maul you” word for word

[existentialparisology-deactivat]

Quoth the lady, “Cuck.”

[susiephone]

I never watched Game of Thrones but i was on tumblr witnessing the decline and fallout from the final season, and watching everyone get hyped about House of the Dragon makes me feel like i did when my middle school bestie took her shitty boyfriend back

[loveletter2you]

this never stopped being so crazy

[riosnecktattoo]

somebody get Chris Pine outta there lmao

[chrrispine]

Harry Styles and Chris Pine at the 2022 Venice International Film Festival

[idionymon]

Tomorrow maybe I will prepare my favourite dish, Rice With Ingredient

[speaching]

This! Or I might mix it up and make…Noodle With Ingredient!!

[basic-bamboo]

I’ve been fucking around with Potato With Ingredient lately

[audliminal]

Me meeting a genie: Okay, so my first wish is for 1000 dollars a day, deposited to my bank account without any way of tracing it to anything illegal. I want this money to come from the ten richest people in America (100 dollars each), withdrawn under the guise of nebulous, random purchases and surcharges. It would probably be best to split the money into a myriad of smaller fees, though, to reduce the likelihood of anyone noticing. Got all that?

Genie: um

Me, continuing on without a care: For my SECOND wish, I want you to give me the ability to learn any given phoneme, so that I can learn to pronounce new languages perfectly. If you're willing, it'd be nice if it were a little easier to memorize new languages too, but if that's not cool, I'm perfectly fine doing all the legwork myself I mostly just want to be capable of pronouncing things correctly.

Genie, now staring at me like I'm insane: ......okaaayyy?....

Me: For my third wish. I want to always have great ideas for gifts for people. Every birthday, every holiday, I want to be able to come up with something they'd really like, with enough time to actually get it for them.

Genie, just staring at me

Me: I can provide you with a written document if that would help.

[beautifulscreaminglady]

people like op are the ones that get memorialized in folk tales for outwitting the devil

[trumpetsbyjasonderulo]

just cat-sat for my friend for five days and well, new kinsey scale just dropped i’m a 1.5

[komonatin]

that daughterhood feeling of wanting to blame your mother for how you turned out, wanting to be angry at her for how you’ve inherited her pain and her insecurities, but at the same time wanting to keep coming home to her, out of everyone else in the universe, because you know that if there’s anyone who might be anything like you–if there’s anyone who might even have a clue of what it’s like to be you–it could only be her. and no matter how many times you’ve hurt each other, no matter how difficult it might be to get her to truly see you, you still just want her to love you as you are, to tell you that this isn’t your fault, and to show you that she would keep letting you come home to her.

[moonachilles]

Jane Austen really said ‘I respect the “I can fix him” movement but that’s just not me. He’ll fix himself if knows what’s good for him’ and that’s why her works are still calling the shots today.

[nitewrighter]

Meanwhile Emily Brönte just said “We can make each other worse.” 

[theonlycabbage]

Mary Shelley said, "I can make him

[m0uthbr3ather]

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[skwinky]

I always need this on my blog.

[xopachi]

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

[tootsiebb]

Yes

[mariacallous]

Now, you will never hear me talking about “healthy” food. I loathe the term, but not as much as I am disgusted by the contemporary mantra of “clean eating”. In How to Eat, written so long ago, I wrote: “What I hate is the new-age voodoo about eating, the notion that foods are either harmful or healing, that a good diet makes a good person and that that person is necessarily lean, limber, toned and fit...Such a view seems to me in danger of fusing Nazism (with its ideological cult of physical perfection) and Puritanism (with its horror of the flesh and belief in salvation through denial).” The Clean-Eating brigade seems an embodiment of all my fears. Food is not dirty, the pleasures of the flesh are essential to life and, however we eat, we are not guaranteed immortality or immunity from loss. We can not control life by controlling what we eat. But how we cook and, indeed, how we eat does give us - as much as anything can - mastery over ourselves

Nigella Lawson, from the introduction to Simply Nigella

[branwyn-says]

gonna embroider "the pleasures of the flesh are essential to life" on a pillow, damn

[hedwig-dordt]

I pulled my copy of How to Eat* from the shelf because over here, people are starting to notice a confluence of wellness-new age-yoga-fitness with - well - nazis. 

And sure enough, there’s my favourite food writer explaining the relationship so clearly I’m almost embarrassed I missed it!

*It’s a book I read when I don’t know what to cook, not so much for the recipes but because it feels like a conversation with a friend who cares about eating the way I do do. I love it so much. 

[dicaeopolis]

new alignment chart

[dicaeopolis]

some thoughts

[frayedcobweb]

This is so simple and so fantabulous