Blog

fiction that consumes my brain, books, fanarts, things that make me happy, deep thoughts - this is both a safe haven I have built for myself, and a documentation of growing and learning to navigate this world.

[whimsicalcosmicbreeze]

Hopelovesreader -> WhimsicalCosmicBreeze

[dragon-in-a-fez]

personally I'm annoyed by the socioeconomic conditions that made words like "unalive" necessary but simultaneously impressed by the linguistic adaptations young people have made to continue talking about important things while subject to those conditions and I think if you can't hold both of those thoughts in your head you might just be old man yelling at cloud

[a-wild-embubble]

Two of my niblings (10 and 7) self-censor like this in real life during actual conversations. I tried briefly to explain to the 10-year-old that they didn't have to do that in real life after they said "unalive" out loud in casual conversation, and they just said they preferred to. On the one hand, I'm sad to see them unconsciously and fully without awareness succumbing to the panopticon. On the other... this post.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

it's not unprecedented in the evolution of languages to see euphemisms adopted as synonyms or even supplanting earlier terms. lots of people say "passed away" even in situations where there would be no particular social cost to saying "died".

for a particularly strong version of this kind of replacement: the word "bear" comes from a proto-Germanic word meaning "brown one" because there was a taboo against saying the animal's actual name. the taboo is gone but it was so strong in the past that we have no record of what the proto-Germanic word for "bear" even was.

maybe in 300 years the word "die" will be archaic and kids will dig it out of an etymology textbook and start using it because "unalive" is getting censored.

[luggifer4]

die has actually already undergone this process. die originally meant "flow" (i guess it's like you're flowing out of life or something? or maybe your life is flowing out of you idk). it was (probably) loaned from old norse to displace the now obsolete "swelt". and yes, that is the root word of "sweltering"

[dragon-in-a-fez]

[elierlick]

This is the only known photo of the first trans woman to have her gender legally recognized in Switzerland.

In 1914, Adine T. sent a letter to her local police to grant her a pass to dress as she pleased. She petitioned that "I be granted permission to live as a woman, to wear female clothing and to pursue female occupations, and to be considered a woman before the world in all and every respect, since my emotional feelings are totally feminine and I feel unspeakably unhappy in male clothing."

Her gender was so clear that even the conservative Swiss government had to recognize it. Obtaining permission to live as a woman "is a matter of life and death for me," Adine added.

111 years ago, it was the first pass of its kind in her nation (although not the first in Europe). When interviewed, Adine described herself similarly to other trans lesbians in the 20th century: "a homosexual woman in a male body.” Source: Matthias Ruoss, "Arnold, Arnoldine, Adine."

[fluorescentnova]

Wow NASA has a what did Hubble see on your birthday

Let me just open up that bad boy to my birthday and see my cool space vis---

Sure. Sure yeah. Okay. That's Fine. That's really fine and good. Really normal.

[fluorescentnova]

What Did Hubble See on Your Birthday? - NASA Science

Hubble explores the universe 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Take a look at what cosmic wonders Hubble observed on your special day!

Oh yeah if you want to see yours or just look at cool space pictures.

[unicafavorita]

You think you're alone in the room, but are you really?

As an architecture student, I was fascinated by how Backrooms turned architectural psychology into horror.

A lot of people say there wasn't enough horror because there wasn't a monster constantly chasing the characters and because there's no jumpscares, but I don't think they realize the monster was the architecture itself. And also, it's a psychological thriller and borderline horror. There's a difference. Grow up.

The film uses things we rely on to orient ourselves in space like landmarks, hierarchy, rhythm, daylight, scale, and spatial memory, then removes them or distorts them.

1. That's why Casino's don't have windows. It keeps you occupied and lose track of time. They literally distort your perception of time.

2. That's why shopping malls have looping layouts so you're forced to explore around. Like IKEA, you're psychologically “led” through a curated sequence, minimizing shortcuts and maximizing exposure to products.

3. That's why theme parks have carefully hidden service areas, controlled sightlines, immersive “world bubbles" to make you mentally stay inside a narrative environment where outside cues are eliminated.

But with Backrooms, it's manipulation of space and time and everything. All your senses are manipulated. Every room feels slightly familiar but never fully readable, so your brain keeps trying to build a mental map and failing.

What makes it scary isn't what is in the space, but what the space does to the mind. Humans constantly construct cognitive maps to understand where we are, but Backrooms breaks that process.

The circulation goes nowhere, the repetition erases reference points, and the environment sits in that unsettling zone between recognition and alienation. It creates disorientation, isolation, and paranoia without needing anything supernatural.

That is also why the concept went viral. Liminal spaces, dreamcore, whatever you call it. It feels endless, familiar yet unfamiliar, and deeply convincing in its emptiness. The suspense comes from thinking something else must be there with you, even when there is nothing. That uncertainty is the horror.

Adding paranormal elements often weakens it, because the original fear already comes from space itself, not from what might be inside it.

Hell, even the shot of Mary's "neighborhood" fucked me up because it looks exactly like the ones we see online and how it looks unoccupied.

Backrooms is really just architecture and human perception turned into a mechanism of fear.

I also like how Backrooms turns architecture into an allegory for mental health and the human mind, where spatial disorientation mirrors psychological unraveling.

[headspace-hotel]

I need to see this movie because that's exactly what's always fascinated me about Backrooms/ the "liminal" art movement

[eldritchbauble]

You're just a mammal. Let yourself act like it. Your brain needs enrichment. Your body needs rest. You feel hunger and grow hair. You need to pack bond with other sentient things so you don't become unsocialized and neurotic. You are biologically inclined to seek dopamine and become sick when chronically stressed. Outrage about hedonism is made up to place moral value on taking pleasure in sensory experiences. I am telling you that if you don't let yourself be a fucking mammal, as you were made, you will suffer and go insane. No grindset no diets no trying to be above your drive for connection. Pursue what makes you feel good and practice radical rejection of the constructs meant to turn you into a machine. You're a mammal.

[swanprincex]

i hope you dont mind, i was posessed by these words until i drew this little zine and i just thought id put it here

[kingpin-of-steel-act3]

[ihatenearlyeverything]

its ok theyre Gods lil helpers

[oatmealbrain]

And boy are they clumsy

[hydrangeafae]

Hi, these bees are babies! They’re not clumsy at all, this is what is called orientation flights. After birth and before beginning their careers as foragers (as all Honey bees cycle through all the jobs in the Hive throughout their lifespan), Honey bees take short flights back and forth, to and from the Hive, to orient themselves with their wings and their home so they can learn its location and how to get back home after foraging! Everyone has to learn, these are just smol little baby turkeys. Bees use the angle of the sun for location so adults have a better and more direct sense of location than any human

[polar-solstice]

IM SO PLEASED TO LEARN THIS!!!

They are just!!! Student drivers!!! 😭

[sindri42]

BONK!

[should-be-sleeping]

[katamaricule]

Mandatory signage at Wushanju

[anubishoarmurath]

@sleepsonclouds

[psychic-waffles]

We're at the "JK Rowling is personally funding litigation to try and destroy AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL" stage of rabid UK terf brain.

Screenshot via Alejandra Caraballo @esqueer.net on bluesky

Tldr Amnesty International, global human rights organisation, published a report called 'A growing threat: the anti-rights movement in the UK'. In it is detailed, amongst others, a whole bunch of transphobic groups and organisations, including Beira's Place, JK Rowling's trans exclusionary sexual violence support service. JK Rowling threw a shit fit and got Amnesty to take the report down by threatening libel. This was obviously not enough, because you can't appease a fascist, so now she's going to bankroll a bunch of lawsuits anyway through the JK Rowling Women's Fund.*

You can read an archived version of the report here, please save it and share it.

*Not so friendly reminder there is no way to engage in the wizard books without enabling this shit.

[bob-artist]

Bittern at the grocery store

[sparkly-heretic]

A very elegant crime.

(edit: my partner just pointed out that maybe the bittern is going to pay, and that's a good point)

[bob-artist]

Don't worry, his disguise was flawless and he got away with his snack :)

[luna-azzurra]

If you're a new writer and you're asking yourself "is this too personal, is this too much, will people think this is weird" that feeling is the exact location of your actual voice. The stuff that makes you want to close the laptop is the stuff nobody else could write. The safe version is always worse. Always. I have never once read something and thought "this would have been better if it was a little less honest." go further. It's always go further.

[pastperfectcontinuous]

I want you to write for pleasure—to play. Just listen to the sounds and rhythms of the sentences you write and play with them, like a kid with a kazoo. This isn’t “free writing,” but it’s similar in that you’re relaxing control: you’re encouraging the words themselves—the sounds of them, the beats and echoes—to lead you on. For the moment, forget all the good advice that says good style is invisible, good art conceals art. Show off! Use the whole orchestra our wonderful language offers us! Write it for children, if that’s the way you can give yourself permission to do it. Write it for your ancestors. Use any narrating voice you like. If you’re familiar with a dialect or accent, use it instead of vanilla English. Be very noisy, or be hushed. Try to reproduce the action in the jerky or flowing movement of the words. Make what happens happen in the sounds of the words, the rhythms of the sentences. Have fun, cut loose, play around, repeat, invent, feel free.

Ursula K. Le Guin, Steering The Craft

[yooooowhf]

Zhang Haixia...

You will live when you desperately want to die.

And, you will die when you desperately want to live.

[yooooowhf]

Something something about the tomb door closing after Zhang Hailou stabbed Zhang Haixia and something something about the bronze gate closing that separate Xiaoge and Wuxie for 10 years.

[stealingpotatoes]

you’ve seen project Hail Mary???? Oh my gosh I love Rocky in your style!!!

well now i just havee to draw more rocky in my style

(links // tip jar!)

[guzhuangheaven]

Djimon Hounsou’s character in “The Longest Day in Chang’an” should’ve been dubbed by an African-Chinese (they exist!) person, not only for representation’s sake but also because Black people have distinct voices that other races don’t have. That’s my two cents.

I mean...the point of dubbing in drama is actually usually to homogenise accents and voices, not to create racial/locational distinctions. So...

--

ETA: Okay just so I don't come off as being flippant about this. I honestly think that you have to manage your expectation regarding things like this in cdramas. Aside from their entertainment value, dramas are a tool of propaganda in a country like China, which is the reason why censorship is a thing and there is such a controversy around Zhang Linghe's pretty boy general image recently that even the CCP got involved. Why do you think CCP cares what fictional generals look like in a drama? Because it reflect the trends and definitions of masculinity in real life, and China does not want to create or convey an image of its men being in any way feminine, which is why CCP has to condemn pretty actors wearing make up playing fictional army generals in an idol drama.

Being aware of that, you can't expect this kind of racial/diversity representation, or even, for example, for a Hui actress to play a historical character like Consort Rong, because it goes against the messages that the government would like to promote. Yes, a drama like Longest Day in Chang'an is going to show the diversity of races that did historically exist in this period of the Tang dynasty, but that showcase of mixing races is more to serve the purpose of conveying how prosperous the Tang dynasty was (look how rich and powerful we were, even all these foreigners wanted to come and trade and live here), not to give opportunities and representation to actual racially-diverse actors, or to celebrate diversity in and of itself. Ethnic and racial diversity can exist in dramas because ethnically and racially diverse people have always existed, but they are more often than not played by Han actors (at least in terms of ethnically diverse characters) and dubbed by actors speaking standard accents, because the message is other ethnic groups are just lesser types of Han. Han supremacy and the assimilation/conforming of non-Han groups into Han identity is actually the point. This is why ethnically diverse actors like Dilireba rarely actually play non-Han characters. This is why they're not going to go accurate on the representation even in a drama where there is diversity like Chang'an, because the representation is not the thing that actually matters.

You can't expect more from cdramas than what they are allowed to be.

[renewedmotionforjudgment]

I have some coffee in my system so I’m going to add —

Han nationalism is literally one of CCP’s central policy. There was just a BBC article that mandated teaching of mandarin in regions like Inner Mongolia. Why? Because the goal is homogeneity and assimilation, so those regions do not declare their autonomy (Tibet anyone?)

What we deem in the West as toxic masculinity? Likewise a state policy. If Xi Jingping has an ideology, it is neo-Confucian traditional gender roles. He has consistently spoke about how he thinks women should focus on family, and the censors came out in 2021 along with the dan gai ban to condemn “sissy men.”

(Like also to curb the influence of South Korea in the mainland)

Why was harem drama banned in 2019? With CCP specifically mentioning Yanxi by name? It does not conform with the historical image of peace and prosperity that the CCP wants to project.

(The CCP also has literally been accused of genocide)

So — if people can’t get past these moral hurdles (which is perfectly fair), cdramas are not for you. There’s a saying in Chinese — 睁一只眼闭一只眼 — one eye opened one eye closed which means selectively ignore and honestly, you have to do that with cdramas.

(I’m also going to say one additional thing about Pursuit of Jade, or Zhu Yu. Of course, we will never know exactly what triggered CCP’s freak out but if we follow the above patterns, its popularity — exceeding the popularity of even a popular idol drama — IMO is likely the trigger. Add that to the fact that idol and traffic actor fandoms cultivate extremely loyal followings of young people. The CCP is sending a message — we are still the boss here.)

[dangermousie]

As someone who grew up in/ came from a different dictatorship that was also acclaimed for its art - there will ALWAYS be a message in any show, book, song etc approved by the government for publication in any serious dictatorship (and in that sort of set up it has to be approved by the government. Otherwise you get samizdat type situation and that is not going to be a big budget show) even if the message isn’t always full on propaganda of X stuff but “merely” reinforcing or not going against X point of view. Any push back or rebellion you are going to see will be on the margins at best and/or very creative unless it’s something so niche and tiny the govt doesn’t know exist.

That is something that drives me mad when I see people who I think never lived under absolute rule ignore. You can’t go yolo! This is not how dictatorship works. My grandmother knew someone who got sent to a labor camp because he was a newspaper proofreader who missed a typesetting error that turned the dictator’s name into an insult. China isn’t nowadays the type of place that far on that spectrum but this is the type of set up - you cannot get away with what the government does not approve of. The end.

[guzhuangheaven]

Not to derail this even further from the original ask but your point about how you can't just go yolo in these systems got me wondering if Lust Caution was ever sanctioned by China or was an entirely foreign/Taiwanese production. (Go read the Controversy section.) And it turned out, yes, Lust Caution was a joint production with Chinese film companies, and distributed in the mainland by Chinese companies. This means that the idea of the film was originally at least accepted by filming authorities in China.

But the film ended up being heavily censored, with even part of the ending edited, and the lead actress Tang Wei was completely blacklisted for years after the film's release. Yes, because of the excessive sex scenes, but more because she played a Chinese revolutionary who fell in love with a supporter of Japanese occupying forces and betrayed her cause for him. Notice that the actor playing the Japanese sympathiser Tony Leung was not blacklisted, whether because he's a man and a highly established actor to Tang Wei's newcomer status is debatable.

Regardless, at some point this production was approved to be produced by Chinese filming authorities, because they also shot in Shanghai which probably needed permission. The authorities would have seen the script with the sex scenes and the general outcome of the plot. But I would say as the film got more and more attention, particularly internationally, the need to exert more control became greater as well as the need to make an example of Tang Wei for playing a character who ultimately betrayed her country for a traitor.

The point is, even something previously tolerated can very quickly become intolerable - we see that now with every couple of years the rules of censorship changes seemingly on a whim - and (this is more important) punishment can, has, and will happen, also seemingly on a whim. So really you'd think 20 years later, what happend to Tang Wei wouldn't happen again but you don't actually know that, so artists really can't just go yolo.

[targetedknowledge]

[muffinlance]

Calico out there putting tuxedo on the mats

[do-you-have-a-flag]