But thatâs not a good parallel at all. You canât compare calling Sprite âcokeâ like a lawless heathen to the classic linguistic phenomenon of generic trademarks / proprietary eponyms, and Iâll tell you why:
âJell-oâ is a brand name under which multiple flavours of gelatin (and pudding/custard) are produced. There isnât just âJell-oâ and then special âstrawberry Jell-oâ; the name has never denoted just one specific flavour.
âPopsicleâ is the same as Jello, it was never a name for just one flavour of popsicle. Â
âKleenexâ is a specific brand of tissues, but itâs not inherently that distinct from other tissues. They are all lightweight tissues used to blow your nose.
âScotch tapeâ is used to refer to any tape that is like the original scotch tape, i.e., clear, thin, small, sticky on one side. We donât call all tape âscotch tapeâ. Electric tape, duct tape, and packing tape are all their own things, and anybody who calls any of them âscotch tapeâ has no regard for their fellow man and ought to be thrown into the sea.
MEANWHILE, Coca-Cola is a specific kind of soda with its own distinct flavour. When Coca-Cola makes other flavours, theyâre called âvanilla Coke,â âcherry Coke,â etc. but âCokeâ is still its own standalone flavour, a wholly other Thing apart from the âspecialâ flavours the company produces.Â
It would make far more sense if people used âcokeâ the way we use âscotch tapeâ; that is, to denote only those sodas that are similar in appearance and taste to Coca-Cola (Pepsi, RC, Shasta Cola, etc.). I could see all of those being lumped in under a generic term âcokeâ. I could even see it being extended to all brown sodas, even though comparing Root Beer to Coke is like comparing a badger to a zebra just because theyâre both black-and-white mammals. Youâre on thin fucking ice but at least thereâs still some semblance of logic.
But no. You southerners, who bask in your sun and heat and chew upon your wheat stems with the indifference of an armadillo in the face of oncoming traffic, you who revel in lawlessness and chaos, you linguistic delinquents who fear neither God nor man,Â
you are really going to look at a list of drinks that includes such variety in taste and apperance as Sprite, Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew Code Red, Orange Fanta, and Dr. Pepper, and call it all âCoke.âÂ
Youâre going to picture, in your mind, a clear, lemon-lime fizzy drink and request âcoke.â And then when asked âwhat kind?â you will not say âCoke Zero,â âDiet Coke,â or âCherry Coke,â no. You will answer âSprite,â like an animal, like a feral possum who knows the ways of right and wrong and chooses wrong just to spite its creator.Â
And then you have the gall to say itâs an eponym as valid as âJelloâ. No. You tossed your logic into the dumpster fires of the underworld long ago, you cannot justify it now. You cannot tell me you donât know your own crimes. âItâs all coke,â you say, and you taste the sin of it on your tongue, and you laugh. Know this, that you are inviting judgment upon yourself and one day you will be devoured by the sun.
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