Noah Kahan
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d e v o n
$LAYYYTER
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Kiana Khansmith
Sweet Seals For You, Always
EXPECTATIONS
TMBGareOK. The Official They Might Be Giants tumblr
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Phantogram Three
art blog(derogatory)
Game Changer & Make Some Noise
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
tannertan36
Love Begins
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@wide-eyed-stare
It's fine to disagree with the IAU about the definition of "planet"; however, if your definition includes Pluto but not Ceres, Orcus, Haumea, Quaoar, Makemake, Gonggong, Eris or Sedna, you don't actually care what a planet is – you just want the exact list of nine planets you learned in primary school back. Your cute little Pluto-including orbital distance mnemonic ought to be at least seventeen words long, and good fucking luck with the Q!
Does anyone else ever grieve the loss of rapport?
There are friends who I've lost touch with... and one or two who stopped speaking to me over a difference. But then there are those who are still in my circle but we simply no longer feel close, and I miss being close. Perhaps I became too much, or too little, for them. Perhaps I didn't invest enough effort in the friendship. But for whatever reason, that feeling is gone, and I don't know how to get it back.
If you're trying to tell someone that something they did inadvertedly hurt your feelings, and they treat this conversation like a debate where their goal is to successfully argue that they did nothing wrong, and that you have no right to feel upset, that's your cue that you should give up trying to have any kind of a real, genuine relationship with them. Everyone will sometimes end up doing something that you hadn't realised would upset someone you care about, you can't be constantly aware of every single thing at all times. But turning the following conversation into an argument of uncompromisingly justifying and defending their actions is a sign you shouldn't ignore.
They don't think that upsetting you is the problem. What they have a problem with is you thinking you deserve better than how they want to treat you.
While I ultimately agree so I'm reblogging, just adding an additional perspective of my own:
It might not be so malicious a motivation. Instead of having a problem with "you thinking you deserve better than how they want to treat you," it could be zero percent about you and 100% about them in their mind (even ifthey can'tconsciously express this). It could be that the problem they have with this situation is the idea that they're doing harm, ESPECIALLY the idea that they're doing harm when they think they aren't.
I've met plenty of people that fall into this alternative category, where they ONLY see how hard they're trying, how stressed they are, how "good" of a person they're striving to be (from their worldview), and then they're told that - no - in fact they are hurting someone. Which can sound like "you are wrong, you are bad, you do bad things, and this has always been true and will always be true" so they get defensive and reactive.
All that is to say, the end result is the same: they may debate and defend instead of purposefully listen to your needs. YOU don't have to be the one to try to walk them through "how to calmly listen to someone without becoming defensive" or "how to reasonably accept criticism and talk through interpersonal issues" either way.
It might seem callous, but I don't think it matters why someone is defensive about being allowed to do everything exactly their own way and will not consider doing anything different as an option. If someone starts telling you that doing things the way that upsets you is the only option they have, it's really irrelevant to you, personally, whether they do it because they have a traumatic childhood and too much on their plate and were never raised right, or whether they're just choosing to be a jerk.
If someone keeps shitting on your car windshield year round, and you're sick of scraping frozen shit off your windshield every single morning through the whole winter, it doesn't really matter how good of a reason they have to keep doing that. If you can't make them stop shitting on cars, the only thing you can do is make it clear they're gonna have to find someone else's car. If they don't want to do better, you can't change their behaviour. And if they truly cannot do better, you can't change their behaviour.
I am reblogging to add my own thoughts, because I appreciate the addition and clarifications above.
I am well aware, at this stage of my life, of my own tendency to get defensive when I learn that something I've said or done in good faith either fell short, or made things worse. It has been a difficult journey to learn to catch myself in the act of self-justification and proving my bona fides to a friend. It's like there's something deep down that screams to let them know my intentions were good, and I meant no harm.
It's taken me listening to other perspectives, like OP's, to realize that to many people, intention really is secondary to outcome. The end result is that someone was hurt, and rather than trying desperately to be seen as a good person, I need to listen to and address that hurt.
Having said all of that: OP's addition to this post talks about repeated offenses, and that is where I too would be skeptical of the offender's good faith. If you've told them once, twice, three times to please stop defecating on your car windshield, and they keep doing it anyway, you can only conclude they're actively choosing not to hear the message.
up next, the triangle.
we know what hole that goes in, right?
that's right, the square hole!
which hole?
I was 12 when the first of my siblings was born, so I have very vivid memories of the way my mother was excluded from a lot of spaces because people find children annoying.
If you think "children should not be allowed in this space," you HAVE TO reckon with the fact that you are now excluding parents (and very often women specifically) who don't have access to childcare. You are isolating people who are poor, or rural, or single parents, or any number of other factors that might prevent someone from having on-demand childcare. You are cutting them off from being able to exist in public. You are denying parents and children the ability to fully participate in society.
My mom spent several years only leaving the house to buy groceries or take me to school, and even then, people would still come up to her to complain TO HER FACE about how she shouldn't bring a crying toddler to Walmart. Entitled strangers would literally try and demand that my mom leave and come back without the kids.
"Why can't your husband watch them?" Because he was at work, usually working extreme amounts of overtime so we didn't get evicted, because landlords don't like it when you stop paying rent.
"Why can't you send them to daycare?" Because that costs money.
"Why can't your teenager stay home with them and babysit?" Because I also deserved to be able to leave the house for something other than school, and taking me to the grocery store was how my mom taught me to manage a household budget, shop sales, and meal plan.
"Don't bring your kid in public if you can't CONTROL them and make them stop crying!" Kids cry when they're upset, and being dragged around a store is upsetting! Don't be an asshole! Children are human beings who are still learning how the world works, and they don't have a lot of agency. You'd cry, too.
"Spank them until they learn to stop crying!" That's just straight-up child abuse, Jesus Christ.
What the fuck was our family supposed to do? Never go to the grocery store? Starve because strangers couldn't handle a toddler existing in public?
I am incredibly fucking disturbed at the way this post has brought people out of the woodwork who really want to tell me all about how hitting kids isn't actually abuse, how they think babies are the spawn of Satan, and how being confined to the home is an acceptable punishment for women who dare to have children. People have told me all about how they think children should be banned from airplanes, that I'm being inconsiderate to childfree people, that allowing crying babies in public is ableist against people with sensory issues (I have those, too, and so do many children, which is often WHY THEY ARE CRYING, jackass), and that people who have children are "irresponsible" and "selfish."
I have blocked multiple people who went on tirades about how I'm a "horrible breeder" who is "contributing to overpopulation" and how I and my "spawn" deserve to be trapped at home. (I am infertile and my foster kid is an adult now, so I don't know what breeding and spawn they think they're talking about.)
One person asked if I was posting ragebait for fun because "this isn't a real issue." Several have asked if this "really happens" and told me that my "experience isn't universal." (There are multiple parents in the comments who have agreed with me and talked about how hard it is to navigate the world with their kids.)
Children are an oppressed class who are treated like absolute vermin. Parents are given absolutely no support in caring for them. Good parents are set at a disadvantage even when they have all the best intentions, struggling parents aren't given resources to improve their situation or get community assistance, and blatantly abusive parents don't get caught because hitting and screaming and controlling are considered perfectly normal ways to treat a child. Communities would rather shut kids away where they can be ignored and forgotten and mistreated, all for the sin of "being annoying in public."
Youth liberation is vital, regardless of whether you, personally, like kids. You cannot ban children from public. You cannot shut children away in isolation and expect them to grow into happy, healthy, well-adjusted adults who can function in our society. You do not get to demand children be removed from every corner of public life all for your personal comfort.
Children are people.
I still haven’t recovered from this
ALAKWNSJAKWNALAKSKSKSMN RIGHT UNDER THIS I GOT AN AD FOR A ANIMAL HOSPITAL OSOWJWJSJDJDNDJDJDJ
Hey anyone notice how google translate is being pretty liberal with their translations as of late? Takin some real liberties to infer tone.
ask and ye shall receive: When I write in Japanese I usually also throw it in google translate to double check that I'm not using the wrong kanji by mistake, and two years ago it gave me very dry and literal translations.
I was doing it today and noticed it had a pretty strong voice added to the output
For reference, to give a dry translation I would put: Lately I'm into in Hanafuda. Nobody seems to know anything about it here, so they probably wouldn't understand my brilliant jokes. I guess you guys will never be able to understand "Mister November and the Scary Cave".
I have a fluent friend who is able to check my work for me and give me tips on hitting the correct tone (I was going for a comically casual feeling), so I'm confident that I'm expressing the feeling I'm intending. While Google is also hitting the same emotion, I really don't like knowing that it's assigning tone in the first place.
To check if it was editorializing based on informal grammatical choices, I formal'd up the writing to be more polite and remove any non-standard vocabulary.
I'm just like... what is anyone who is translating what I'm thinking into their own language going to think when a translation app decides that it knows my intended tone? When online communication is already so complicated and nuanced? I'm a non-native so I'm spending ages agonizing over 117 characters, but when I'm chatting in English I'm not being so deliberate. How likely is it that tools that 'naturalize' are going to make choices that don't reflect reality and lead to insulting misunderstandings? I spoke with an English learner just yesterday who thought they were being bullied (they were not, the commenter in question was just excitedly infodumping about sociology) because something was lost in translation, and I wonder if it's because of tools making choices like this. I'm just a luddite I don't trust stuff like this. stinks of ai asking me if it can rerwrite my email in a more quirky style.
What do you mean I'm just using the browser versi-
I AM SO SICK OF DEFAULT AI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
beginning to think my perspective is skewed.
I'm selling off some of my shit on FB marketplace and I list the dimensions of crucial shit like furniture. I've had people who are "not sure" something will fit in their car and I'm like "maybe check with a tape measure before you come over" because I don't wanna fucking drag shit downstairs just to drag it back up. today someone said "I thought it was taller than this, oh well" as I was helping them load this shelving unit into their car. and all I could think was "did you not look at the dimensions with a tape measure and like, plan it out???"
and while I know everyone on FB marketplace has a significant chance to be chronically stupid, I am also beginning to wonder if having a tape measure easily accessible in your home is simply not the common experience i think it is
no there is not a third option. it's either yes or no. do not start "it depends"-ing. if you have to do that, the answer is no. thank you. I love you.
do you own a tape measure/is there one in your living space that is easily accessible and available for you to use?
yes
no
149 votes so far and not a single no lol
I had a patient come in the other day because she wanted her IUD replaced. It was at the end of it's life and she loved having her IUD, this was her second one. My MA let me know that the patient was very anxious about getting the IUD replaced, she'd had painful experiences in the past with her other replacements and was dreading this visit for that reason.
I spoke with the patient and she was literally shaking with anxiety. I asked her to describe her prior experiences as well as what she liked about her IUD and what she didn't like. She said that she wished she didn't have to get it replaced so often, so I recommended we place a Mirena instead of just inserting a new Kyleena IUD. She was nervous about this because she didn't want an IUD that was big. I explained that the Mirena and Kyleena are essentially the same size but the Mirena lasts 3 years longer and would likely bridge her to menopause given her age whereas with the Kyleena she'd probably need another replacement to get there. She was okay with trying the Mirena.
I then talked to her about pain control during the procedure as this was what she was most worried about. I asked about her prior experiences and then laid out what I wanted to do to try and improve her experience during this procedure. I told her I planned to give her prescription strength ibuprofen, a heating pad, and a very dense anesthetic block in her cervix to hopefully make it a better experience. If she had had someone to drive her home I would've also given her an ativan because we have studies that show patients who report higher rates of anxiety surrounding a procedure also report higher rates of pain associated with it.
She was down for this plan. I gave her a very dense block, she only felt three small injections and then nothing else. She was shocked when I told her that her old IUD was out and the new one was in. She didn't believe me when I told her it was over.
I don't tell this story because I wanna brag about how amazing of a doctor I am because I'm not. I tell this story because this is the way IUD insertions SHOULD go and I want people to know that IUD insertions do not need to be traumatic. And I want other providers who may insert IUDs to know that a paracervical block should be your standard when it comes to IUD insertions.
When people find out I'm an OBGYN, complete strangers, acquaintances, etc. , the two things they like to tell me immediately are their horrible birth trauma story and their terrible IUD insertion story and I'm trying to at least make the latter one a little less common.
If you place IUDs and aren't doing a cervical block, you need to start. This should be the standard but over 90% of OBGYNs in the US aren't doing them and it's unacceptable. We are traumatizing people and it's entirely avoidable. We are scaring people away from one of the most effective and long lasting forms of birth control in a time when people are losing their ability to end unwanted pregnancies all for no justifiable reason.
"It takes too long:" No it doesn't, that visit took me 20 minutes with a highly anxious patient from start to finish.
"It's not worth it for such a short/small procedure." It's worth it for the patient.
"It's too expensive." You can do a paracervical block with just normal saline. You don't even need lidocaine if you use a generous amount of volume. And if you place Nexplanons I know you stock lidocaine in your office, stop being fucking cheap at the expense of women's pain.
"Patient's don't need it, they'll get over it." I'm telling you they do need it and they aren't getting over it as evidenced by literally everyone wanting to tell me about their terrible IUD insertion experience as soon as they find out I'm an OBGYN.
We should do better. The cervix has nerve endings, stop acting like it doesn't.
Make cervical blocks your standard of care, there's no excuse not to.
My buddy does EMLA before the cervical block, that seems to help reduce pain even further.
I do 20% benzocaine and my patients almost never feel any of the 5 shots ( I do tenac site and then 2, 4, 8, 10.) Buffering the lidocaine and warming it to body temperature makes it work super fast and not hurt at all during infiltration.
Also a block makes insertion easier. No reason not to.
It's wild to me how some providers accept levels of pain for things involving the cervix that would never be remotely tolerated with other things, like, say, dental work.
I have had people freak out and act like it was crazy that I once let a dentist give me a (very shallow) filling without novacaine. Yet it was less painful than itching a bad mosquito bite. The norm in dentistry is to give local anaesthetic before anything that might cause much pain, and use a numbing agent before the injection.
Rarely a dentist might offer to do something without anaesthetic like that one filling, but only if they really know what they're doing and think it's highly unlikely to be painful. And even then if you yell out, they'll stop and numb you if you want. 100% of the time.
I want this to be the norm for basic gynecological care too.
Not meaning to derail at all- because I agree from the bottom of my heart and ALSO have a traumatic IUD insertion story
But I'm pretty sure the reason novacain and even dentistry under sedation is the standard of care in detistry is because upset patients can bite thier dentist VERY easily and human bites SUCK. So I'm petitioning for vagina dentata to be real. We deserve it I think we should bring this risk of being bitten by unsatisfied customer's to practitioner's downstairs. I'm very pro biting in all situations
you are allowed to bring a friend to that procedure who's job it is to bite the doctor if they see you wince
I like the way you think! Modern problems require Modern solutions
I think I finally have an answer to that dreaded question: "So what do you do?"
I'm a philanthropologist.
"Does that mean you're an apologist for philanthropy, you apologize for how you're doing philanthropy, or you help people while trying to understand them?"
Yes.
It's a good habit to remember to ask "what do you mean by ___" when you are confused. Very often, when two people who otherwise are just as sensible and logical and well-informed disagree, it's not actually a disagreement, but two people talking about two completely different things, and simply using the same words for it.
If you reassure a scared child by telling them "clowns aren't real", and by "real" you mean that the people who perform as clowns are actually artists who are performing while in costume, who will take their outfit and makeup off at the end of the show, after which they are just normal people like anyone else walking down the street, and the next adult that the kid seeks reassurance from will tell them "of course clowns are real!", they are not going to have a fun and magical day at the circus today.
Worst outcome: The child is now terrified that anyone around them could turn into a clown at any moment.
Somewhere out there is a guy who had a childhood fear that clowns spread like zombies, and you become a clown by being bitten by a clown. As an adult he meets a woman who mentions on a date that she is actually a professional clown. And he's like no way that's so cool, you know as a kid I used to be scared of clowns, I thought they bit people, and she laughs and reassures him she's not gonna bite unless he specifically asks her to.
Three years later she has introduced him to all her clowning friends and after hearing their performance stories he decides to give it a try, and they are happy to give him basic tumbling lessons and show him how to do things in a way that makes people laugh.
Halfway through learning how to juggle he suddenly has an epiphany that technically speaking he wasn't wrong as a kid. It just turns out that the process is neither instant nor involuntary.
I have broad tastes. I’m not picky. About a week ago, I was explaining to my husband that I really don’t have many strong personal preferences for a lot of things… but he pointed out, rightly and wisely, that I sure do have strong preferences for other people.
It’s true. I care a little too much about the choices other people make, especially when I’m close to them. “That’s not what I would do,” I think. “If you do that, you’re going to regret it.” Or worse, “If you do that, I’m going to regret it.” I realized I’m trying to manage people, manage outcomes, and that’s not my place nor my responsibility. Even if a friend or family member does make a choice that ends with them needing my help to clean up a mess… that’s still their choice, and the outcome isn’t mine to own. Besides, I’m not omniscient. I can be wrong, and I can’t predict how things will turn out with certainty. Certainty is the enemy of humility.
So I’m giving up control for Lent. I’ll check back in in April and let you know how it went.
I shall hold the child.
it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth
the minor fall, the major lift
the baffled king composing touhou music
the great thing about being unemployed is that it means i can spend 2 hours making some bullshit like this instead of working on my project and nobody will even get mad at me
it's finally that time of the year again for the clinically depressed newscaster describing february with disco elysium music
what is the single best line in this video
it's a month that doesn't hold up life any better than it really is
something great happened here but it's over with and that's the way february is
like the desperate flinging off of something that's not true anymore
the expedition is getting desperate. people are throwing things aside
this looks like a place where people who are being punished are sent
nobody is tap dancing or breaking into a rogers and hammerstein song
theyre just barely able to get across the street and hunker over a bowl of chili
most of the birds who can afford it have flown to florida
it's as if there's some awful truth out there in the trees
something that's been bothering you for a long time is out there. what is it?
to hide the bleakness of feb., man invented valentine's day. also mardi gras.
what other month can host a holiday designed to remind us we're all gonna die?
character limit forced me to paraphrase
yeah,
February in St. Louis. (And in our hearts.)
I highly recommend watching this testimony from Aliya Rahman, the disabled woman who was dragged out of her car and kidnapped by ICE on her way to a doctor appointment in Minneapolis a few weeks ago.
Truly my worst nightmare.
Transcript of Aliya Rahman's speech:
Thank you members, for taking the time to be here today, and thank you staff for making this happen.
My name is Aliya Rahman, and I am a resident of South Minneapolis. I am a Bangladeshi American born in Northern Wisconsin. And I’m a disabled person with autism and a traumatic brain injury.
Not all autistic brains do this, but mine fixates on sounds, numbers, and patterns. And while what the world saw happen to me exactly three weeks ago today on video was a terrible violation it is still nothing compared to the horrific practices I saw inside the Whipple center.
So I am here today with a duty to the people who have not had the privilege of coming home, and I offer this data because these practices must end now.
On January 13th on the way to my 39th appointment at Hennepin County’s traumatic brain injury center, I encountered a traffic jam caused by ICE vehicles and no signs indicating how to get around it. I had not wanted to pull in to a blocked, chaotic intersection, but verbally agreed to do so and rolled down my window after an agent yelled, “Move! I will break your f-ing window!”
His first instruction.
Agents on all sides of my vehicle yelled conflicting threats and instructions that I could not process while watching for pedestrians.
Then, the glass of the passenger side window flew across my face.
I yelled, “I’m disabled!” at the hands grabbing at me and an agent said, “Too late.”
I felt immersed in a pattern, and I thought of Jenoah Donald, an autistic black man killed by the police during a traffic stop in 2021.
I remembered mister Silverio Villegas González, who was killed by ICE in his vehicle last year.
An agent pulled a large combat knife in front of my face, which I thought was for cutting me, and later learned was used to cut off my seat belt. Shooting pain went through my head, neck, and wrists when I hit the ground face first and people leaned on my back.
I felt the pattern, and I thought of mister George Floyd, who was killed four blocks away.
I was carried face down through the street by my cuffed arms and legs while yelling that I had a brain injury and was disabled. I now cannot lift my arms normally.
I was never asked for ID.
Never told I was under arrest.
Never read my rights.
And never charged with a crime.
Approaching the Whipple center, I saw black and brown bodies shackled together, chained together, being marched by yelling agents outdoors. I continued to hear the word “bodies”, because that is how agents referred to us:
“We’re bringing in a body.”
“They’re bringing in bodies 7, 8 at a time, where do I put ‘em?”
“We can’t use that room, there’s already a body in there.”
You have no reason to believe you will make it out alive if you’re already being called a body.
Agents repeatedly had to stop and ask how to do tasks. I received no medical screening, phone call, or access to a lawyer. I was denied a communication navigator when my speech began to slur. Agents laughed as I tried to immobilize my own neck. I asked for my cane and was told no, pulled up by my arms and prodded forward in leg irons by agents laughing and saying, “Walk! You can do it, walk.”
Agents did not know if the facility had a wheelchair.
When I was finally placed in one to be taken to interrogation an agent taunted, “You were driving, right? So your legs do work.”
I pleaded for emergency medical care for over an hour after my vision had become blurry, my heart rate went through the roof, and the pain in my neck and head became unbearable.
It was denied.
When I became unable to speak my cellmate pleaded for me.
The last sounds I remember before I blacked out on the cell floor were my cellmate banging on the door, pleading for a medic, and a voice outside saying, “We don’t wanna step on ICE’s toes.”
When I opened my eyes at Hennepin County’s emergency room, I learned I was brought there to be treated for assault.
The impacts of DHS detention on my physical, mental and financial well-being and safety have been very severe, but I do not deserve more humane treatment than anyone else, US citizen or not. And I am here today with a strong spirit and a duty to the many people who haven’t had the privilege to tell their stories or see their loved ones come home. I am extremely distressed by the pattern that violence from law enforcement has been happening to black and indigenous communities for centuries, and to DHS survivors for over 20 years.
We call ourselves a civilized nation, but we lack rules and accountability around what a person claiming to be law enforcement is permitted to do to another human being.
I am not afraid, and I’m not afraid to keep working on this problem even after ICE is gone. Thank you for your time.
