"and we're pulling out of here to win"

"That soften faced summer me and Terri became friends tryin' in vain to breathe the fire we was born in" Bruce Springsteen, Backstreets

[piastriainz]

apparently the new regulations require one driver from each team to be sacrificed in monaco

[justwin44]

LEWIS 😭😭😭

[blond-shell]

how do i know them? we went to shaneblr together <3

[fairycosmos]

you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself

[sexcondo]

[graceebooks]

@twinkwolf

[mythmagicetc]

every day i think about ilya texting shane about his nine-inch dick despite knowing that shane knew full well it wasn’t true. he’s kind of the funniest guy of all time. you know he was waiting for shane to correct him so he could say something like “my mistake i didn’t realize you could still picture it so perfectly. do you just dream about it every night or daytimes too?”

[urie]

dick so good you start plotting and scheming

[urie]

[hr-rep]

The vibe Ilya was prepared to bring to Tampa

[yiiiiiiiikes25]

shane’s so fucking brave, man. where the fuck would they be if shane weren’t so full of courage

[misspiggyilya]

ilya starts this bit with shane where he claims he can psychically sense when shane gets horny whenever they’re apart and so he’ll text him out of the blue like “senses tingling. you are horny.” and the gag is that he’s not Wrong but its definitely a chicken or the egg situation as shane claims he only gets horny after ilya suggests it (also he’s kind of like. never not horny) and it kind of pavlovs shane to get hard every time his phone dings so he starts aggressively using do not disturb when he has sponsor deals and meetings and such only then the awareness of the texts he Could be missing from ilya is heightened and so its all he’s thinking about when he’s trying not to think about it and trying not to get hard in public unfortunately only turns him on more and ilya catches on whenever he goes to text shane and sees he’s in dnd mode he’s like oh he must be trying not to get hard right now so then shane will check his phone later and ilya will have texted him like “you were hard at 12:53 PM” and shane is like how the Fuck did you know that ilya is just like shane i told you i’m literally psychic 🙄

[lucylehane]

insp.

[toastbutteregg]

[spcecowboyyy]

ilya rozanov would buy this and wear it everywhere

[shanebug]

happy birthday to #ourshane

[blacksheepcolorfulskin]

Dallas Kent says something homophobic about Shane to the press so next game Ilya cross checks him right in the teeth. He gets fined $5,000.00 and the press asks him about why he pulled such a cheap shot. He replies, “As you said, was cheap. Only cost $5,000.00. I would have done it for 10. Great deal.”

[hudconera]

happy pride month to this iconic scene

[nightquills]

ilya would be having a bit of a crash out over the pacific marine mammal center naming a rescued sea lion after his husband.

firstly, why does shane get an animal named after him but ilya doesn't? this is a cosmic injustice. they need to name one after him immediately so that sea lion hollander has a rozanov and isn't lonely so that the best men's hockey player is properly represented!!!

secondly, sea lion hollander is so small. criminally tiny. ilya is very proud of his big hockey player husband, thank you. they couldn't have picked a more size-accurate animal to name after him? (though admittedly the big brown teary eyes are fitting. he will give them that.)

and THIRDLY, why did they name a hurt baby after shane when there is a possibility she might not make it through surgery? what kind of fucking emotional manipulation is this? if sea lion hollander dies, there will be hell to pay. (ilya is donating a frankly absurd amount of money to the rescue. he is urging the centaur front office to send all the workers there hollander merchandise. he is publicly yelling at people to not leave their fish hooks in the ocean on social media.)

[nightquills]

@phruit-salad, your tags!!!

#some gen z hockey fan intern at an animal charity realises you can fund basically anything if you name it hollander #bc rozanov will backflip through the window to pay for any and all medical expenses to keep a sad wet animal named after his husband alive #so far the ottowa humane society has saved 18 dogs called hollander or shane #all bc ilya sends them check every month with “for shane” written on them in shockingly bad handwriting

ilya is so personally invested in every single one of these sad wet animals. he's following along with their stories, he is asking the organizations for updates when they haven't posted about His Shane in a few days, he is celebrating each release or adoption where applicable. he's got a whole folder on his phone for photos of each of them.

meanwhile, shane is seeing the withdrawals on their shared bank statements like

[nightquills]

the real sea lion hollander is all better, and she has been released back into the wild!