Mike Driver
Not today Justin
Product Placement
Today's Document
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Cosimo Galluzzi
RMH
⁂
Show & Tell
Andulka
DEAR READER
Cosmic Funnies
Claire Keane
we're not kids anymore.
Game of Thrones Daily
taylor price
YOU ARE THE REASON
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Discoholic 🪩
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
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@winterwitchery
Tenno.
My adopted chud son has decided to be a sad dad like in The Last of Us or maybe God of War (the new one). I do not give a fuck. Here are the schematics to 3D print his dead wife. I give these to you to punish him for not listening to me earlier.
I remain: the great and terrible Hunhow
Gandalf during the Hobbit: good god I wish Bilbo was more naturally in tune with his Took side I feel like I have to force it out of him
Gandalf during Lord of the Rings: TOO MUCH TOOK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHAT IS WRONG WITH PIPPIN
March
why does this have 32k notes? it’s just a picture of a knife in a ranch bottle, is there some unspoken joke that 32 thousand people share? what is going on here, i dont get it. it’s just a fucking picture of a knife in a ranch bottle. is there some spiritual connection people have to this picture? is there some ominous and mystical reasoning that this has 32 thousand notes? do people reblog this because it makes them look like some indie blogger? or is there just something funny to this? someone please explain
no one tell him
This is it, lads. The post that started us on this path 9 years ago.
I sure hope no one told him.
the Ides of March grows near
Dragon age origins is like…. You’re nineteen, new in town, and it’s your second day at pizza hut. You don’t even know how to work the register yet and you just watched your manager get carted off by the paramedics. You have no contact info for him, his next of kin, or corporate. The only other employee is the guy who’s been here for two weeks and is a bit of a doofus, and neither of you really know what you’re supposed to do now. You both desperately need this job though, and the doofus at least has a drivers license and *kiiinda* knows how to use the oven so you just. Shrug, and start taking orders and making pizzas and praying to god that the bills are on autopay.
And weirdly enough you’re really good at this: making pizzas and dealing with shitty customers and breaking up fights in the parking lot and pretending to be Duncan’s cousin on the phone so the utility company doesn’t cut off the power. But running a store is a lot of work for two dumb kids, so slowly you start accumulating a bunch of competent weirdos to help out, like the nun who left her convent because god told her to help you make pizzas, and the elderly school teacher who just survived a mass shooting, and the guy the papa johns down the street hired to run you over. And really there’s no way any of this should be working as well as it is - you’re absolutely committing fraud of some kind here - but you’ve managed to dodge the landlord every time he’s stopped by, and the health inspector never shows up to tell you to stop letting your dog hang out behind the counter and you’re all still kinda looking at each other and asking ‘are we allowed to just do this?’ before shrugging again and continuing to make pizzas, until somehow, through a series of unlikely technicalities, your doofus coworker ends up on the ballot for governor.
And after like five months of this the regional manager wanders in out of nowhere and you’re sure he’s about to chew your ass out for this mess, but it turns out he’s pretty chill and honestly kind of impressed with how you managed to keep the place up and running all on your own. So now you’re all thinking ‘thank god, there’s someone here who actually knows how to run a Pizza Hut’ only for him to get hit by a car two days later on the night of the Super Bowl.
THE MUMMY 1999, dir Stephen Sommers
Every now and then this ridiculously wonderful movie punches you in the face with all of the characters having made it through WW1.
fresh, clean no-terf version for reblogs!
Your mom and aunts aren’t on tumblr. Please warn them about this as well.
Thank you! I’ve been looking for the TERF-free version of this.
Hey! I’m the age of some of your moms and aunts and the OG version of this post helped me catch my cancer in 2023. I had a hysterectomy at the beginning of 2024 and I’ve been cancer-free since then. If I hadn’t read this information, I wouldn’t have reported bleeding to the next doctor I saw. I might have died, and I probably would have had to undergo chemo and/or radiation, both of which I avoided.
Keep the reblogs going to save a life!
“There are many magic rings in this world, Bilbo Baggins, and none of them should be used lightly.”
-Gandalf the Grey, wielder of Narya the Ring of Fire and also coincidentally maker of the best magic fireworks in the world
thanks I hate it
You Got a Friend In Horse
YOU DO NOT HAVE A FRIEND IN HORSE
You Got A Lotta Friends In Horse
CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH THAT THOSE ARE NOT FRIENDS IN HORSE
Do you ever think about what the start of ME1 must have been like for the Council. Like, the human embassy is being annoying so they picked one (1) human to send on a few milk runs to make sure her 100% political appointment wasn’t gonna blow up in their faces. That’s it.
They’re sitting there like “what’s next on the docket. ah yes, the job interview for the diversity hire”
and then she kicks down the door and the first words out of her mouth are “THE REGIONAL MANAGER IS WORKING FOR A CULT OF BILLION-YEAR-OLD MACHINES TO WIPE OUT ALL LIFE IN THE GALAXY, THIS WAS REVEALED TO ME IN A DREAM”
and everyone acts like YOU’RE being unreasonable for politely reminding her that this is a wendy’s.
Mass Effect heritage post
The best part is later that day she comes back with “THIS UNVERIFIED RECORDING A RANDOM STRANGER GAVE ME PROVES THE REGIONAL MANAGER IS WORKING FOR A CULT OF BILLION-YEAR-OLD MACHINES TO WIPE OUT ALL LIFE IN THE GALAXY!”
And they’re just like, “damn, she’s right”, and appoint her the new regional manager on the spot without asking a single question.
I saw a post saying that Boromir looked too scruffy in FotR for a Captain of Gondor, and I tried to move on, but I’m hyperfixating. Has anyone ever solo backpacked? I have. By the end, not only did I look like shit, but by day two I was talking to myself. On another occasion I did fourteen days’ backcountry as the lone woman in a group of twelve men, no showers, no deodorant, and brother, by the end of that we were all EXTREMELY feral. You think we looked like heirs to the throne of anywhere? We were thirteen wolverines in ripstop.
My boy Boromir? Spent FOUR MONTHS in the wilderness! Alone! No roads! High floods! His horse died! I’m amazed he showed up to Imladris wearing clothes, let alone with a decent haircut. I’m fully convinced that he left Gondor looking like Richard Sharpe being presented to the Prince Regent in 1813
*electric guitar riff*
And then rocked up to Imladris a hundred ten days later like
Some people have been wondering about the raccoon. Listen. Listennn. Don't ask about the raccoon.
But does the racoon survive the Uruk-Hai? Does he curl up on Aragorn's head, or does he go straight to Faramir? Does he bite Denethor?
My friend. My colleague. My brother my captain my king. I too have been pondering this question, and in my mind there can be only one ultimate outcome.
A few months later
All hail the High Warden of Gondor.
Epilogue: It ADORES Faramir.
Every time I see this post I’m obligated to reblog and make it your problem too!
a good story, you don’t really write. it was always there. you just uncover it.
✶ prints here! ✶
The most amazing thing to me about Jane Austen is that she staunchly refuses to leave any woman behind. It doesn't matter if a woman is an antagonist, a side character, or what, the reader is assured that they will be okay. This is so different from fiction at the time or even now.
Marianne Dashwood, living a plot perfect for a tragic death by illness to preserve the beauty of her first attachment and disappointment? Nope, she lives and loves with her whole heart again. Maria Rushworth, the fallen woman who cheated on her husband does not die for her crimes or even fall into poverty or prostitution, her father and Aunt Norris will provide for her. She is punished, but she's protected. Lydia Bennet? Her two sisters will provide for her for the rest of her life. Her husband's debt will not destroy her. Miss Bates? There is an entire community around her no matter what happens and her newly rich niece will provide. No woman is even left as a governess, Miss Taylor is Mrs. Weston, Jane Fairfax becomes Mrs. Churchill instead. Mrs. Smith is pulled out of her indigent state by Anne and Wentworth.
The only woman Jane Austen allows to suffer a terrible fate is off-page and dead long before the novel begins: Eliza Brandon. Eliza Williams, her mother's affair baby, is ruined by Willoughby. Colonel Brandon could easily have washed his hands of her and her affair child, but he doesn't. Eliza Williams is going to be okay. Her child will be okay.
Antagonist women never fall into poverty or die for their crimes, most of them are even in loving marriages. Fanny Dashwood is cruel to her mother and sisters-in-law, one could imagine her falling low in karmic retribution, but no, she's fine. Lady Susan, the delightful anti-heroine, marries a baronet at the end of her novel. No punishment looms on the horizon for her promiscuity and deception. Caroline Bingley has a loving family that will never turn her away and an independent fortune. Mary Crawford has a loving sister. Isabella Thorpe may have lost the big prize, but she has her mother. Never is a woman thrown to abuse or poverty, even when they have attacked other women. The only punishment would come from their own conscience or regret for the goodness they have thrown away.
Jane Austen somehow imagines a world where even the worst women are safe.
CUT THAT OUT DAMNIT
Wait, so now he's throwing chocolate POTTERY?
Like, yeah, okay, we know he can make fruit out of pastry and chocolate. We know about the woodworking. Whatever the magic he has with making living creatures and actual pools of water out of chocolate end up being.
BUT POTTERY?!
The thing about ao3 being down is that it makes me need to be reading fanfiction immediately, despite the fact that I was perfectly fine not doing that for multiple days in a row
THE MUMMY 1999, dir Stephen Sommers
Okay but look, its the last little nod by Jonathan that kills me. he isn't bluffing. his hand is shaking but he really, really isn't bluffing. he is a gambler and a fuck up and he has looked at worse odds than this and walked away.
Not only that, but he would've fought in WWI (as would O'Connell, in the French Foreign Legion). That kind of thing doesn't leave a man (and actually is probably why he drinks and gambles and doesn't care--that's pretty much how the 20s happened in general).
