nobody cares about me. My entire life I’ve had horrible depression and I’ve lived in a horrible house and yet I get nothing. I’m just graduating high school and no teacher has ever cared for me or reached out to me as they have all my friends and classmates. My friends are inconsiderate and selfish often, and maybe I am sometimes too but it exhausting when things that I do or say that are completely normal are met with rudeness or defensiveness, or even an entire breakdown. I have been everyone’s outlet for so long. It is exhausting to be wanted for a short period of time, to be made to be someone’s favorite, only for them to discard you when they don’t need you. Nobody is sympathetic or empathetic to what I’ve been through, and honestly I’ve never told most of my story because I’ve never had someone really care much. I am likely going to stop talking to these people after all this and I will be alone into my future. Which is fine. But I worry. I worry that I will struggle to meet others or find people who care, that I am simply too negative or depressed to be cared for. I’m afraid I will never find love. No man has ever shown interest in me and the women I’ve dated have not worked out, clearly. I don’t know what I want. I also feel that I do not deserve love sometimes. It all feels impossible. I wish to be able to breathe again. I haven’t felt alive in so many years, not even in childhood. I was depressed then too. I have always been depressed. Yet my parents are more of the cause than anything, and even if I expressed this to them they would get angry rather than care. My parents have never really been parents and I envy some of my friends parents. I envy their houses. The things they have gone through are bad yes, but there are so many benefits and perks that I long for. And many things they have done to themselves. I’ve always been punished for emotions. Yet I’m still a crybaby. Does life get better? I pray it gets better and I’m not even religious. I’m so depressed. I’m tried. Nobody cares. It’s fine. Ughhhh. I rely on fictional characters to keep me alive as they’re the only thing I care about half the time. Nobody shares my passions or cares to hear me ramble or talk on about these things. And that is fair. But I also just wish I had a place in this world. I wish I had a person. Someone who wanted me, who filled the role I need them to, who loves me. I need them. I need someone.
