[narcissistcookbook]

"i've got no qualms about it" meanwhile i'm over here making qualm chowder

[ot3]

its awesome that neither mind reading nor god are real and all of the thoughts inside of your head are completely private and consequenceless forever #myprivacy

[evilnicegirl]

if i could give advice to me as a teenager i would say be 25

[sawed-on-shotgun]

hello my name is Stray Hair snd my big dream is to play the itsy bitsy spider on broadway. doyou mind if i practice on the side of your head.

[catkola]

Bitches wanna buy their boyfriends the latest consoles but when was the last time he CONSOLED you? ps 5 years ago

[headspace-hotel]

"Disaster Taxon," poem assembled using text from Wikipedia articles

[loveridden1999]

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

[morrigan-disapproves]

ultimately we all have to quit our jobs and walk into the sea

[the-grassy-hill]

im NOT feeling shrimptastic im going to KRILL myself

[senatortedcruz]

“Did the journal factory explode?” Yes because I bombed it. #PutYoBusinessOnTheInternet

[powerburial]

$1,000,000 deposited into your bank account every day for the rest of your life or sex with Jafar?

[kevinmm6]

does jafar love me

[powerburial]

hell no bitch

[patrickbatemanamericanpsycho]

When the group chat arguing and bro starts messaging you privately

[siratonin]

"I CANT HANDLE THIS" *handles this*

[siratonin]

"I CANT TAKE ANOTHER DAY" *takes another day*

[squeakitties]

*explodes into a shower of gore and when the red mist clears i'm completely fine but wearing a different outfit*

[magimagali]

c’mon everybody!!! *runs off excitedly and no one follows me*

[nyancrimew]

im so hungry i could eat a meal

[valtsv]

i am being hunted by a persistence predator called the consequences of my actions