something rotten

jack of all trades, master of none. 28, london, England.

[viralthings]

[goldensweetcheeks-deactivated20]

Who playin jumanji

[wojewoda-z]

Me: what's that word what's that word i can't think of it

Brain: *supplies exact word in different language*

Me: Very Helpful

[alrightevans]

social media aus make everything better lmao literally imagine the harry potter books + social media. second year someone snapchats a picture of literal death threats written on the walls in blood captioned ‘’hogwarts its the safest place in the world’ lmao bitch where??’ fourth year #potterstinks is trending locally on twitter. sixth year story gets out about harry’s conversation with snape and everybody in the gryffindor group chat changes their name to ‘roonil wazlib’ for a week. draco bitching about harry on yik yak as if the entire school doesn’t know for a fact its him. 

[jiilys]

if i may

Hogwarts girls all sharing pinterest boards of the ideal yule ball #aesthetic

Fred and george’s twitters being #1 in the school because they post stuff like: ‘Filch’s office has a nice carpet it would be a shame if someone… replaced it with ants… hmm… imagine… swarms of ants… in Flich’s office… right at this moment…’

Inquisitorial Squad has a facebook page which it’s compulsory to like but no matter how hard they try they can’t get anyone to like their new profile pic of all of them posing like absolute white boys outside the greenhouses

Dumbledore is the Cher of Hogwarts Twitter

Colin Creevy’s snapchat story basically just being videos of Harry sleeping with captions like ‘the boy who sleeps!!!!!!’

Moaning Mertle having 38 minute long youtube videos that have 2 views

A reddit thread of ‘Where is Sirius Black???’ and someone keeps posting dog puns on it but no one knows who it is

Dumbledore has to ask everyone at the start of term feast to stop creating fake McGonagall Instagram’s that are just full of cat pictures with captions like ‘my damn hair was a CAT-astrophe today’  

YAHOO ANSWERS: ‘if I was trying to sneak a bunch of cloaked figures into school without anyone noticing in order to redeem my father in the eyes of Death Eater Jesus how would I do that I am asking for a friend’

MORE YAHOO ANSWERS: ‘how to tell entire class of students that teacher is a werewolf without arousing suspicion’

FUCKING YAHOO ANSWERS MAN: ‘is it bad to keep dragon inside wooden house’ and then ‘spell to rebuild wall of wooden house after enormous fire’

Slughorn would be one of those instagramers who tag everything with about 3939 tags like #followforafollow #likeforalike #f4f #funny #hilarious #lol #popular #fitness #instalike #inspiration #love #hate even when the photo is literally just a shot of his thumb

I could go on for years oh my god can you picture McClaggans Facebook where he tags Hermione in every fitness photo until she is forced to unfriend him

[queerstrawberryshortcake]

Out of nowhere people start getting followed by someone called @Thesiriusblack on instagram and all it has is a “surprise bitch, I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me” meme

[andromxche]

the memes though

history of hogwarts becomes a huge thing because fred and george got their hands onto youtube so everyone talks about it now. “sticks. and brooms. broomsticks”

neville becomes FAMOUS for years because trevor is the face of the pepe meme.

peeves playing “never gonna give you up” near valentine’s day

[purqatory]

the wizarding schools around the world compete to see which does the best harlem shake

[fuks]

[princess-pizzas]

This is the content I came to see on this website

[old-manrupee]

They’re learning how to open .rar files

[armiehamer]

PinoooOoooOoOooOOooOooOoot Noir

[sexidance]

i watch this every time i see it on my dash

[word-stuck]

[mollyandthezombies]

apparently it costs $241,000 to raise a kid

lol do you know how many concert tickets that is

[vacilandoelmundo]

This Tea Rituals Around the World slideshow at Condé Nast Traveler (condenasttraveler) is a tea-lover’s delight! Never before have I seen tea time look so sumptuous. Click through to learn about the tea traditions behind these beautiful and mouthwatering arrangements. Just looking at them has inspired me to make a cuppa!

[whenincambridge]

when someone asks what its like to be young these days

[blergger-deactivated20150321]

[yelyahwilliams]

She continues to rule

[drchelsearar]

in case you need to be reminded to be kind to yourself today.

[boudiccababy]

can i just

[2winpeaks]

allow me

[xmas-at-bakerstreet]

new xmas cards exchange starting soon

Hello everyone. They are starting to put up the Christmas decoration in my hometown and I thought that would be the perfect moment to remind all of you of my Sherlock Christmas Cards Exchange.

In case you are new or you have forgotten, here is how it works: there will be a registration process. That means you send me your (physical) adress and email adress where I can contact you, via email. There will be a certain timeframe where you can register (see below). I will put all those adresses in a list and once registration is over, every participant will get that list via email (it will be a pdf file). Which is when you can start writing each other Christmas cards.

There are only two important rules to it:

1. You will not, under any circumstance, make that list public or send it to, or share it with anyone! Even if they claim to be another participant or similar. Just don’t do it. These adresses on there are private and I want you to tread them as such.

2. You have to send at least one christmas card to the person that is below you on the list. (If you happen to be the last one, you send the one mandatory card to the first person on the list). That way we can be sure everyone gets at least one card in the mail and no one is omitted.

Yes, you can send little gifts, art, make your own cards or decorate them. Or just send a generic christmas card. It doesn’t really matter, as long as you send at least the one. There is also no rule about how many cards you should send (except - you know what’s coming - the one mandatory card of course :) ). Send as many as you want to whomever you want. If you have any more questions about it all, feel free to send me an ask on tumblr or write me an email.

And as always: be nice to each other. This is just about having a good christmas time and sharing some happiness. Nothing more and nothing less.

Dates:

registration is possible from November 8th to November 29th.

I aim to have the list finished and mailed to everyone by December 3rd.

There might be last-minute changes.

Cards exchange starts as soon as the list is sent out, ideally on the 3rd. All times/dates are GMT+1.

If you want to register, send me an email with the header “xmas cards exchange 2015” to [email protected]. I will NOT accept registration via tumblr.

[dajo42]

“Can I touch your butt” in Elvish.

[samandriel]

This is so useful

[tseecka]

No, this is not “Can I touch your butt” in Elvish. This is “Can I touch your butt?” in English, transcribed using the letters of the Elvish alphabet. There is a difference. 

In Elvish, the letters of the alphabet correspond to sounds, not to words. The above text spells it out using one symbol to represent one letter of the original English, which is incorrect:

c-a-n  i  t-o-u-c-h  y-o-u-r  b-u-t-t

If you really want to spell out an English phrase using the Elvish alphabet, you would do so phonetically, which would basically equate to one symbol per phoneme (sound):

c-a-n  a-i  t-u-ch  y-o-r  b-u-t

If you actually wanted to write “Can I touch your butt?” in Elvish, one (very rough) translation would be:

Annog nin daf pladan tele ci?

Which, in Sindarin Elvish, roughly translates to, “Would you give me permission to touch your rear?”

Written in tengwar (the Elvish alphabet), it would look like this:

Sorry for the blurry quality.

[neonlitheart-deactivated2017080]

damn, the lotr fandom doesnt fuck around

[seeyainanotherlife]

wow

[katzmatt]

not to mention LOOK HOW POLITE THIS WAS 

LIKE GOOD LORD 

OLDEST FANDOMS REALLY ARE POLITEST 

[matthewgraygublet]

That was probably Steven Colbert

[barthvader]

You must be an angel,

[wojewoda-z]

because i haven’t blinked since i saw your face.

most flawless

pickup line

ever

I’m not ashamed to admit that this would work on me

If anyone ever said this to me, I would instantly marry them.

[fleur-strange]

[danielkanhai]

i like when you’re in the grocery store and you see people buying eggs because they always pick up the carton and then open it like it’s a metal briefcase full of cash involved in a drug deal and they’re confirming it’s money. “don’t bother counting it, it’s all there. 12.” then they always pick one up and inspect it like, “yeah, it’s grade A alright…the real deal.” 

[sheriffsunshine]

People are checking to see if any of the eggs are cracked you walnut

[buchergenuss32]

You get home with a case full of cracked eggs once and have to deal with the resulting mess in your grocery bags, and, trust me, you’ll start checking the eggs every time too. 

[animatedamerican]

“Sure you say it’s all there, but I been taken by a case of cracked eggs before.  I don’t hand over the cash before I get a good look at the merchandise.”

new genre: grocery noir

[sci-fantasy]

Now you’ve done it. You invoked the words.

“I knew there was trouble as soon as I hit the floor. On a good day, the market is a thin veneer of friendliness concealing a pit of darkness. The dairy section is full of spoiled brats. The produce tries hard, but it’s impossible to eliminate the rot…and you know what they say about one bad apple. The eggs are cracked and broken, and all the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t fix them.

I’ve been here a long time. I’ve learned to read the market as I walk the aisles. Smell the mood in the bakery section, feel the little things in the way the cookies crumble. The deli is a bellwether for the whole prepared foods section, if you know how to separate the good stuff from the gristle. But today, everything was silent.

The only thing worse than the market in full swing was the market in no swing. Something big was coming down.

I turned to my partner. Fresh out of Academy training, still wet behind the ears –or maybe he just walked too close to the misting sprays. ‘Trouble, kid,’ I said, taking a bite of the carrot stick dangling in my mouth.”

The Malted-Milk Falcon, or Double Coupon Indemnity, or The Big Sale.

[cicadascreaming]

thepookainthehat

[jumpingjacktrash]

i feel like i just opened a carton of eggs and found eleven eggs and one bullet casing

[bead-bead-deactivated20190901]

BRILLIANCE

[achairforjane]

Sure enough, there was trouble.  “Cleanup in Aisle 12,” said an anonymous female voice barely discernible through the grotesque flattening of the PA system, the sort of voice you instinctively try not to listen not just because it screeches, but because it requires too much attention to make out the words.

“That’s it,” I told the kid, “trouble.”

“What’s it?”

“That. The voice. That was code.”

“Maybe someone dropped a jar of salsa?”

I just shook my head and chuckled. They’re so innocent, these kids. Some day they’ll wake up and smell the fresh-baked sourdough, and know it’s neither fresh nor sour.  But today was not that day.

“How do you know?  Maybe you just didn’t hear the glass cracking?”

“Kid, this is what you got to understand – there is no Aisle 12.”

We’d have to hurry now.  They’d be covering up their own mistake. Probably an overlooked pricing error, the kind of discount that comes around once in a blue moon. I hoped it was on the high-end hummus. I was hungry. Hungry for the good stuff. Hungry for more.

[iwilltrytobereasonable]

@glumshoe

[glumshoe]

This is SO what I’m about.

[rubyetc]

have a one