Not really nsfw but a crack-ish fic where Knives is trying to kidnap/threaten Vash's s/o and they just tell him "I fucked your brother, shitlips" and he starts arguing with them (they keep saying it) for at least 30 minutes until Vash shows up.
A/N: Okay this just made me burst into laughter, what a chaotic idea. I LOVE it. Sorry it's short but it's my first ever crack-fic
Warnings: MINORS DNI, Explicit mentions of sex, This is Absolutely Not Serious™, please enjoy chaos and Knives getting annoyed
"You will obey me, or else, I will-"
"You'll what? You won't do anything because jokes on you, I already slept with your brother," You immediately cut Knives off, grinning a bit maniacally at him.
Knives' eyes widened and he just stared at you for a moment.
"What?"
"I slept with your brother," You repeated, grinning even more maniacally. Despite you clearly being in a position of vulnerability, tied up and restrained, you were loving this and decided if you were gonna be unhinged, you would push the envelope as far as you could.
"You... what?"
Knives continued to just stare at you, confusion and lack of understanding clear in his pale eyes.
You let out a borderline-unhinged laugh, "What aren't you getting here, buddy? I. Slept. With. Your. Brother. I fucked Vash, which was amazing, by the way! I'm really glad we finally slept together, it took FOREVER for him to get the hint!"
Knives just rubbed his eyes with his hand and sighed exasperatedly, trying to keep himself calm and still maintain his intimidating facade, "As I was saying, you-"
"Fucked Vash, you betcha I did! Many times, actually!"
Oh, this was getting fun. You wanted to see how annoyed you could get Knives, partly out of the want to just frustrate and irritate him, and partly because you knew Vash would definitely be on his way to save you.
Knives scowled at you and just looked down at you as he got close to your face, anger clear in his features.
"Would you shut up about-"
"Fucking Vash? Never. And trust me, after the kind of sex we had? I'm NEVER shutting up about it ever again."
Knives let out an exasperated yell, "Are you kidding me?! Stop talking about sleeping with my brother!"
"Four times, Knives! Four orgasms in the span of ten minutes, I mean, what kind of man can pull that off?! It was impressive, I felt like I had no bones left in my body, and-"
"ENOUGH!"
Knives bellowed loud enough to actually silence for you, but it didn't wipe away the grin on your face. You couldn't help but stifle a laugh as you saw how red Knives' face was and how annoyed he was.
"What, jealous you aren't getting laid, Knives? I must say, the whole 'murdering the human race' vibe you've got going on might be the reason."
You couldn't believe you were pushing this far, but all your shame was out the window now - it was all or nothing at this point.
"I swear, if you don't stop talking about- about-," Knives spluttered angrily, but you immediately interjected before he could get too far.
"What? Sex? Are you so shy that you can't even say the word, Knives?" You teased mercilessly.
"Why are you two talking about sex?"
Both you and Knives turned to see Vash standing there, looking extremely confused and a bit of an amused expression on his face despite his gun being drawn.
"Get them out of my sight," Knives immediately snapped, just about throwing you across the room at Vash, "I give up. I never want to see them again, they're useless to me. Both of you, leave now, before they start talking about... about..."
Kakashi: follow your mission but if your teammates are in danger screw the mission, save them
Kakashi: *disobay’s hiruzen’s order’s to go save Yamato from Root*
Kakashi: *disobay’s tsunade’s order’s to go after Naruto and Sasuke*
Kakashi: *disobay’s village rules/orders to take Naruto to the raikage to plea for Sasuke’s life*
Kakashi: *becomes hokage and pisses off countless people by ‘forgoing the old ways’ and actually changing shit.
Kakashi: *disrespects the elders by calling out their shit when they said danzo ‘was only trying to protect the leaf’
Kakashi: *never actually shown respecting Hiruzen, just doing his job because he was broken at the age of five and never truly given an opportunity to heal until after the fourth great shinobi war*
Kakashi: *should destroy root and everyone in it but decides to give them another chance in anbu*
Kakashi: *by all logic i should abandon this mission that the hokage gave me because you lied to us and it’s way over the level of my genin, but you need help so f*** it*
"Kakashi: *becomes hokage and pisses off countless people by ‘forgoing the old ways’ and actually changing shit."
THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. SO MUCH THIS
People often say "lmao what did kakashi even do as a hokage lololol, tell ppl to blow up the moon?"
meanwhile Konoha under Kakashi: technological advancement, becomes connected to the rest of the country/world, stops being purely focused on the military complex, becomes a regular fucking place where people are allowed to be people first, ninja or otherwise, place where kids can aspire to become something else than a soldier
kakashi is honestly probably THE BEST Kage in shinobi history because of how much of a NORMAL place Konoha became under him
i wish we got to see a bit more of HOW Konoha changed under him, we see that it changed, but as far as I know, there isnt much about the process. correct me please in the novels expand on it
and yeah, i mean there is a question of why are 12 year olds still becoming ninja?? I do sorta imagine that there would still be push back when it comes to increasing minimum age of becoming a ninja, not everything can be changed super quickly.... I wish we got to see those kinds of conflicts etc.
I was practicing anatomy and then Twitter and then it ended up being Malleus is showin off his man boobs out to the world bc he is a slut and thrives the attention🐉
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