Write Amarachi!

In searching for ways to express myself, I choose to use words. Words to tell tale, words to recite pain, and words to spread knowledge. Each word will heal a soul and stimulate a mind, with that, I am proud to write.

[writeamarachi]

Check Your World Views

There are different viewpoints in the world, different walks of lives, and different ways of living, being, and thinking. One thing for sure is that there are certain viewpoints that cause people to take their lives, and are literally the reason why people are losing their lives by the hands of others.

If your world views, from the way you think, to the words you say, to how you refer to other people's existence, and how you move around people are harmful to the lives of others, I have the full right to tell you you're being problematic and morally wrong. If it rubs you the wrong way, that's your conscious speaking to you, showing you your cognitive dissonance, and telling you to dig deep so that you're able to learn, think, be, and move differently.

There can be room for compassion for you as you experience cognitive dissonance, but the compassion mainly begins, and is stronger, when you learn to value your humanity enough in order to value the humanity of other people. You'll need to value the humanity of other people so much so that you're able to change your harmful, problematic, and morally wrong way of thinking, speaking, being, and moving in this world.

[writeamarachi]

Struggle Love — Spirited by Truth

Welcome Spirited Community to our Struggle Love Blog Series. We have listened to our followers and the most common question, “Should I Stay, Or Should I Go?” What better time than now to address dating, relationships, and self love. Our goal with this series is create awareness and insight to pat

[writeamarachi]

How Body Shaming Manifests

As I work on my healing, I’ve also begun to heal from Body Dysmorphia. The journey of healing from Body Dysmorphia has gotten me to a space where I question the reasons why people compliment others for their weight gain but most of all, their weight loss. 

I've grown to realize that complimenting someone for being skinny, fat, and complimenting someone who gains and especially loses weight falls under the guise of Body Shaming. Yes, you might think it's a compliment but within that compliment is shame of their prior body and in turn that prior body structure altogether.

I remember when I commented on two of my friends' body changes in the past. In these two separate situations, they each called me out and told me they didn't like that I commented on their bodies because of how it made them feel. I respected them and stopped. I thank those two friends for calling me out. Today, I'm even more conscious of whenever I have the urge to comment on someone’s body, even if I don’t say it out loud, and most of all I became conscious of why I even felt the need to comment on someone’s body entirely. 

I didn't realize the reason I was commenting on the bodies of both my friends was because I’ve internalized the comments I received from my family and other people at different points in my life as my weight fluctuated. My weight fluctuated due to my Mental Health Struggles that manifested from the ways I coped with the pressures and abuse in my life. Due to all the pressure and abuse I’ve faced, I became depressed and within my depression Anorexia and Binge Eating became a form of self-inflicted coping for me. I still deal with these two coping mechanisms today, so my weight may continuously fluctuate and that’s alright. 

So, that time when I Body Shamed my two friends, I was repeating how I was being Body Shamed and painting it as a concern for their mental and physical health. All I could have done, if I were concerned about both my friends' wellness, was straightforwardly ask them how they were doing and feeling, without mentioning their bodies.

Your weight or body size does not always, if at all, illustrates your mental and physical wellness. So continue to be conscious of and challenge why you do what you do, think how you think, and especially how you speak to yourself, your body and about other people and their bodies too. Focus on unlearning mindsets and behaviors that are harmful to yourself and others.

[writeamarachi]

If we are incapable of accepting nuance and other perspectives outside of our own, we will forever be in toxic, unresolved discourse that leave no basis for compassion and understanding. This is not to excuse or accept inhumane and immoral behavior but rather to find the cause of these actions so as to cut off the root of the problems.

[writeamarachi]

I wish people would stop saying that "success" is because of Luck. First of all, "success" is very subjective to begin with, which means we all have the ability to be or are already "successful".

A particular kind of "success" that's of the status quo is not the "luck of the draw" but by multiple moving parts that aren't always at our vantage point nor are tangible, so we call this intangible unawareness, Luck.

A particular kind of "succes" that's of the status quo manifested through the ways this system has been ran, plus the decisions of those who raised you, plus our own personal decisions, and finally by the decisions of spectators and consumers at our reach.

[writeamarachi]

Love Notes

A Love Note to those who say I've changed.

♡♡♡

The person you thought I was, the idea of who you think I am without sharing space with me consistently up until 2021 may just be one version of me or an inaccurate assumption of me altogether.

Until we have fully known, believed in, and have seen one another's hearts consistently throughout the years or even at a glmipse, we do not know one another, and that's all okay.

There's always room to shift this narrative in a mutual way as we all continue to live, grow, and hopefully heal, and if there's no mutuality to shift the narrative, that's also okay.

Stay aligned with who you are or who you want to be in healing.

With care,

Amarachi

[writeamarachi]

Learn Yourself To Know Yourself

A friendly reminder!

Learn yourself to Know yourself.

When you learn who you are you'll be able to know what your triggers are, what your toxic traits are, and connect the dots to where they manifested from in the past so that you can unlearn them. By doing so, you're able to know why you think and move the way you do and how some of those ways are healthy or unhealthy for you and those around you.

Learning who you are is much more than surface work, it means going deep into those place you may have suppressed and for some, repressed. Going deep into those place you do not want to go and have been running away from for years. Learning who you are is about not being afraid of your inner shadows, not running away from the truth of the history that raised you and the present you illustrate from.

As some of you may know William Shakespeare's Hamlet plays a tremendous part in my self-exploration and self-growth, and this line in Hamlet always spoke to me; Act-I, Scene-III, lines 78-82 - Polonius said, "This above all: to thine own self be true."

Being true, being real to yourself and others is way more work than you all have believed it to be, and the work is terrifyingly sweet and absolutely worth it. The work that gets you to know yourself so well is not a flex or a finesse.

Another quote that resonates is from Dr. Kitson Francis, a Psychologist, who said, "Truth needs no defense." If you're true to yourself there will be no need to defend yourself to yourself or anyone else. Know yourself well enough to live in that version of truth that's so transparent and familiar that it needs no explanation or apology.

Oh man, I can go on with it but I hope all of what I say resonates to even on person out here. If what I've said brings up insecurity, sit with that because that's where work needs to be done!

William Shakespeare's Hamlet plays a tremendous part in my self-exploration and self-growth, and this line in Hamlet always speaks to me; Act-I, Scene-III, lines 78-82 - Polonius said,  "This above all: to thine own self be true."

Being true, being real to yourself and others is way more work than you all have believed it to be, and the work is sweet and absolutely worth it. The work that gets you to know yourself so well is not a flex or a finesse.

Another quote that resonates is from Dr. Kitson Francis who said, "Truth needs no defense." If you're true to yourself there will be no need to defend yourself to yourself or anyone else. Know yourself well enough to live in that version of truth that's so transparent and familiar.

Oh man, I can go on with it but I hope all of what I say resonates, and if it brings up insecurity, sit with that. That's where work needs to be done!

[writeamarachi]

Hurt People Don't Have to Hurt People

We all know we've been through a lot but are we connecting and connected to the parts where what we've been through influences how we treat ourselves, how we treat our environment, and how we treat the people around us?

This is what blows my mind at times. The fact that people acknowledge that they've had traumatic experiences, yet, they are so disconnected with how that plays a part in how they're treating other people.

This is where accountability comes into play. If we recognize that multiple things exist at the same time, we have to take into consideration that there's a high possibility that even having our own traumatic experiences, we, at the same time, can be the cause of someone else's traumatic experience. In knowing that specific things exist at the same time, taking accountability for the part you play in someone else's traumatic experience will help not only them but yourself heal.

This form of accountability, also known as, self-accountability, helps you forgive yourself, it helps you forgive people who've harmed you, and it helps those who you've harmed forgive you and potentially themselves as well. Self-accountability helps bridge relationships even closer than ever from showing true honestly, responsibility, and honor.

We all play a part of someone's pain no matter how much we may want to see ourselves as victims of the pain that was done to us. Staying in victimhood without recognizing how you also affect the people and the world around you is a form of invalidation and dismissiveness that’s harmful to the core of human connection and trust.

So if someone says you've hurt them, realize that you, who are also a victim by means of your own experience, are very much capable of victimizing them. So, please listen to the people who say you’ve hurt them, acknowledge their pain, ask them how you've hurt them, and make a choice to own your part of their pain, and change whatever behavior you exhibited that caused their pain.

[writeamarachi]

How Trust Can Work

The more I'm learning, analyzing, and processing emotions, while using the tools I've acquired in therapy towards my growth, I begin to see where I went wrong, and find voice to all of the experience I'm having, I end up really digging deeper into what Trust really is and how Trust manifests within relationships. I was speaking to a friend who said, they really have to get to know someone, get to know their past, etc., in order for them to open up to that someone. And the question I have for that is what do they need to know or see about that someone in order for them to feel comfortable enough to open up? Is it details about their life? Is it information about their whereabouts? Is it information about their past? What is it really?

Is Trust built by just knowing information about someone's life?

I don't believe that's how trust is actually being built or can be built. I'm starting to see that the true way to build Trust is not by learning the information about other people's lives and what they went through that you were not even involved in. Yes, it's always good to have that information because they are references, a source, and something to allude and assume to who you think that person is and possibly who they will be with you. But that information doesn't built trust because you still haven't had first hand experience of how they treat you specifically, individually and personally. It's a starting point but it's not the finishing line.

In order to build Trust with someone else you may need to first know how you want to feel safe and be cared for during vulnerable moments, when you know that you have the choice of telling that person what you will need to feel safe and cared for during vulnerable moments, then you have the choice of allowing yourself to be vulnerable in a moment, then allowing, believing, and giving that someone a chance to take care of you and make you feel safe in the way you need. Another factor of Trust we forget is in trusting ourselves to know what to do if someone is incapable of being there for us in the way we need, then creating a boundary from that, such as telling yourself, "In the case they are still in capable of being there for me like I've shared, this is what I'm doing to do..."

People won't know by meeting you the first time what you'll need, even if they've known you for years but never experienced a vulnerable moment of yours. They can assume based on their biases or how they would want someone to care for them and make them feel safe but they won't know what you'd individually need. Also, who wants to live by assumption? So, I'd have to say, if you don't know what you need and want, how to communicate it, and how to believe that the person you want in your life can give you that, you have work to do in order to get to that place.

[writeamarachi]

I believe all things are relative and true, it's only Choice that makes a difference.

Amarachi Esowe

[writeamarachi]

My existence as a Black person is a movement. My existence as a Black person is a resistance to White Supremacy.

Amarachi Esowe

[writeamarachi]

A WALK AROUND THE CORNER

I was walking up the street turning that corner You know that corner where those guys usually stand on doing whatever it is they’re doing? Mainly selling some sort of narcotics. I did buy weed from them once; they were nice.

I just turned the corner and saw her. Her beautiful feminine shape that couldn't be hidden in that form of a coat she was wearing. She's beautiful.

I think time stopped for me just to inhale her presence. Or did I really just stop in the middle of the street gazing at a stranger? What’s wrong with me?

A man behind me, elderly as he is, whispers “excuse me” so softly under his breath. I had to oblige.

I mean, he could easily be my grandfather, or father since my actual father is in his 70s. Yes. I know. It’s strange to hear that my bio dad is that old but, I have a big family, and I’m the youngest.

I mean, imagine living with adults since your first breath? It has it’s times.

Now back to my woman!

I mean my dreams of resurrecting near this beauty queen, this goddess of a being and calling her my woman. I’d love that.

It’s hard for me though, you know, to just ask someone for their information. I mean, I don’t look like your stereotypical homo.

I’m more of the, “We aren't sure what she is!” side. But I do get hit on by male species often.

I’m not impressed. I don’t blush. I get annoyed on my off days really.

But she, this fabulous woman, she walks like I do. Not wanting to be bothered by the crowd, the vendors, the profilers. She walks with her head straight and gaze, narrowed.

If only she’d recognize me staring at her through my peripherals as I pour hot café into this paper cup, while she purchases her breakfast bars and cigs. What would she think?

I don’t favor the scent of cigs in the air or on anyone but I feel I can grow into the scent of it on her. What perfumes does she wear?

This isn’t right is it? My fantasies are growing wild!

“Hi. How are you? My name’s Ama. What’s yours?” [Amarachi Esowe 2.26.18]

[writeamarachi]

There's no shortage of space, so you better get out there and get yours!

Amarachi Esowe

[writeamarachi]

Keep It In The Family

Why are we so hesitant with financially cultivating our social ecosystem?

I never understood the expectation of doing normally paid work for free when we it's for a family member or a friend unless the one doing the work says it'sa favor. That notion just doesn't sit well with me. You’re meant to tell me we’d rather make another person who we don’t know personally financially wealthier than our closest friends and family? Think about that for a moment. Where in your life do you choose daily to make people who aren't friends and family with businesses richer than your family members and friends with businesses? Some, if not all, of us do it every day and don't even acknowledge it! 1We, as a collective, do it by spending our hard earn money on products and services to these huge corporations daily. We are so quick to spend money on items and services that make the livelihood of the owner of Rite Aid more fruitful, but when it’s our friend or family who is in business for themselves, selling items and services so as to have a more fruitful financial life, we are quick to ask them for a discount! Why do you think we do this?

Now, don’t get me wrong, if the friend or family member offers us a discount or gives us their items and service for free, without our mention, by all means, take it, if you feel like doing so - it would be considered a gift. There is a difference between gifting and free labor. My argument here is the expectation that if a friend or family has a business friends and family are quick to want a discount or something for free. Also, don’t get me wrong, I am guilty of taking discounts that are offered to me! I will never say no to a gift or to giving a gift. But what I will not do, is go out of my way to ASK for a discount or to get something done for free by a friend or family. Now, back to my point at hand. I’ve just been pondering after this situation happened to me where a family member who offered and agreed to pay me for a job I did and normally do as a source of income retracted by delaying payment then saying, I should not have accepted their offer to pay because we are “family”. I’m was immensely taken aback! I was and still am puzzled at their action, which lead me to thinking why we aren't in a rush to financially support a relative for a job they put their pride, blood, sweat, and tears into?! Wouldn’t we rather receive a discount from a stranger who isn't a part of our ecosystem (the social core of both friends and family)? Wouldn't we want to see our parents, brothers, sisters, friends be rich and wealthy? Wouldn't we want to financially support their dreams and goals they work so hard to turn into a business or even if it is just a side hustle they have going on? I know I would rather pay half price or nothing at all to top brands and services, especially if they aren't part of my ecosystem. For example, I'd love to pay a discoumted price or pay nothing at all for a piece of Alexander Wang (one of my favorite designers) fashions! Alexander Wang doesn't know me, and isn’t going to repay me in any kind of way. Alexander Wang is not part of my ecosystem! But if my friend owns a fashion line, I'm paying full price unless they gift their fashions to me! My argument and question here are, why don’t we want to keep and continue to grow wealth within our family?

Why aren’t we trying harder to financially cultivate our ecosystem, like paying fairly and full price for work our ecosystem provides? Why are we freely willing to pay fairly and full price, enriching wealth and riches towards someone else we don’t know personally especially these huge corporations? What’s so wrong about giving to your sister, your brother, your best friend, and at times your parents, wanting them to have more wealth and in turn having more wealth for yourself?

There's a major benefit here we are missing out on from NOT paying full price for products and services done within our ecosystem. We are missing out the opportunity for our ecosystem to also support us financially, to keep the riches and wealth within the ecosystem to where we all support our personal financial growth turning our ecosystem's side hustles and businesses into a high end, top brand corporation. Wouldn't we want to see our friends or family members name in Forbes, for instance, as one of the top big names in business and know that we supported them not only morally but financially to get there? When we do this we are taking, replacing, and changing the narrative and rolls of these huge corporations who I believe have been doing this for years in order to "keep the wealth in the family". Let's start seeing familiar faces in the top ends of businesses by morally, but most of all financially supporting our family and friends! Let's begin to walk in the path of creating generational wealth within our ecosystems!

[writeamarachi]

If the relationship you have with yourself and your loved ones aren't healthy, how can you be trusted to fix the world? Fix the turbulence within you and with those close to you before you ask for trust to fix the world.

Amarachi Esowe

[writeamarachi]

Forgiveness doesn't mean the issue does not haunt and trouble your heart. Forgiveness means you aren't carrying a grudge and hate in you heart for the issue and those involved anymore.

Amarachi Esowe

[writeamarachi]

Crying is just as terrifying and overwhelming as it is refreshing and healing. Let us cry to cleanse more often!

Amarachi Esowe