Writing LGBTQ+: Asexuality
Jump scare! Gay people!
So hi, on my quest to become a better writer, I read. A lot. And watch shows. And while the LGBT rep is getting a bit better... kinda... the asexuality rep is not! At all! Podcasts are like, the once source of representation I see that does it right. And even then, it's kind of iffy! So what do we do about it? We take advice on writing asexual people directly from the source.
Hi I'm crypt and I'm ace, and I'm gonna tell you how tf to write asexual people into your stories.
So just like everything else, everyone's experience with asexuality can be, and is going to be different. The label itself can mean a lot of different things depending on the person. Some asexual people don't experience sexual attraction, but they can experience other attraction forms. Aside from sexual attraction, you can experience romantic, aesthetic, physical, platonic, and emotional attraction. So there are many different ways that attraction can be formed.
Some individuals experience no sexual attraction. Some people identify as asexual and experience sexual attraction only under certain circumstances. In that case, they may go by a different term or choose to label themselves as something else. But it doesn't take away from their asexual identity.
When writing an asexual character, the first thing to ask yourself is, are they also a romantic? Do they have a desire for a romantic relationship? But Suprise! Asexuals can and cant be romatic!
Basically this means that some asexuals are romantic, which means while they don't experience sexual attraction. They do enjoy romantic things such as being married, having a romantic relationship with their significant others, kissing, holding hands, and things generally associated with romance.
Likewise some asexuals are aromantic, which means they don't experience romantic attraction as well as sexual attraction. This is commonly referred to as being aroace online!
So, it can be tough when you're writing because many people generalise that asexuals don't want romantic relationships. Sometimes it is easier to make a character who's asexual and aromantic. But if at all possible, make it clear that those two are not the same thing. Knowing your characters as well as you know yourself will be one of the most important things to do when writing any character well.
Some asexual people are sex-repulsed, which is self-explanatory, and some are sex interested. A lot of people call this sex-positive, which is fine, but that presents the idea of being sex-negative. While people can be sex-negative, it tends to be more puritans than asexual people who are sex-negative.
If you are a non-asexual person writing an asexual character, do not have them have sex. At all. You do not have the scope to be able to balance that writing of an asexual character who's decided to have sex for whatever reason. If you are an asexual person, do whatever you want to because you have that experience.
One of the easiest ways to express sexuality on the page is to name it. If you're writing a book set in a time period where we have the vocabulary for asexuality, call it what it is. It doesn't do anyone any good to dance around it and pretend. If your character is set in the time period where they are able to call themself asexual, have them do that. Asexual people are usually pretty chill and proud of their identity.
As I said earlier, representation for asexual people is pretty much non existent, so if you have the chance in your writing to spell it out that your character is asexual. Do so. Don't dance around it, just come out and say it. As a queer person myself, I hate when writers allude to a characters sexual identity but don't ever confirm it within the writing, usually because they want to appease homophobic cishet people. Now some characters might not label themselves, and that's cool too, but if you choose to do this, please make it clear someway else.
When you're writing an asexual character, try hard not to make them an alien or robot or another race of beings that are all asexual. *Shakes you violently* we're people to dammit. We have feelings and emotions and we experience everything else life has to offer!
With this being said, you may want to write a demisexual character, and that's fine. But then you have to make it clear that that is a demisexual character. Now, your character may identify with the asexual label, and that's cool too, but make that clear in your writing.
Careful of representation
Asexual people belong to the LGBTQ+ community, and they are queer. Whether they're homoromantic or a heteroromantic person, they're still LGBTQ+. Some queer folk, like myself, enjoy reading about asexual people (As long as its done right) because it makes us feel seen, like we're real people and not just concepts.
So, you have to be careful writing asexual characters because there are so few, especially canonically asexual characters, out there in the world at the minute.
Examine your attraction model and see where that leaves you and how you can build a model of attraction for a character who is asexual. Ask yourself these questions:
• What is it you like about a person?
• How quickly do you think about your character?
• How does that make you feel internally and externally?
Does your heart pound in your chest? You can usually figure out all of the non-sexual aspects of your relationship building, and therefore you can build an asexual character based on those factors. So it is the best way to do it because it's fairly realistic.
Many people who have experienced trauma can become sex-repulsed, usually for a limited time. But they often can recover from it. So those people are not asexual. It labels them asexual against their will and damages them because they don't want that. But it's also damaging to the asexual community. Then it's thought that asexuality only happens when some trauma is involved in making them that way, which is entirely untrue.
If something has happened to you and you feel that you would be most comfortable identifying as asexual, then that's perfectly fine. Go ahead and do that. I'm only making it clear that writing a character who has had trauma is sex-repulsed because that trauma does not make them asexual. For example, I myself am Asexual, and I also have experienced sexual trauma. I was asexual before my trauma occurred and I still am. I know my asexuality has nothing to do with my trauma and vice versa.
Asexual people can be of any race or any agenda. Also, they can have different romantic attraction levels. There's such a thing as aromantic and romantic. Typically, romantic attraction falls into the same basic set as sexual attraction. So most people are romantic, but asexual people tend to divide their attraction model.
People tend to divide them out of attraction so that they are always asexual. But sometimes, they're always romantically attracted to one specific group, whether that group is the same gender, opposite gender, multiple genders, or whatever.
So, it's a thing to be aware of when writing asexual characters characters. When you can afford them, mix it up. Be aware of these stereotypes, so you don't accidentally fall into them. It is very easy to do, and then you've got to write yourself out of it once you get that.
