Coming to you on September 2
Written by @bethmints with art by @colorlessjay-destielblog & @onowey
Characters: Dean, Castiel, Claire, Jack, Jody, Donna, Kaia, Rowena, Crowley
Ships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jody/Donna, Claire/Kaia
Tags: No archive warnings apply, AU - Road Trip, Inspired by Movie: We're the Millers, Romantic Comedy, Getting Back Together, Drug Dealing, Recreational Drug Use (Marijuana), Found Family, Top/Bottom Versatile Castiel/Dean Winchester, Law Enforcement, Top/Bottom Versatile Castiel/Dean Winchester
Dean Winchester is a washed-up pot dealer with a bad knee. When he gets mugged and loses all of his cash and weed, his supplier makes him an offer he can’t refuse: $100,000, and all he has to do is run a teeny tiny little bit (read: a shit-ton) of weed across the country. But it’s 2013, and the devil’s lettuce is just as bad as heroin, meth, or cocaine in the eyes of the law—so he’s gotta be careful.
To deflect suspicion, Dean decides to rent an RV and assemble a fake family to pose as well-to-do vacationers. With the promise of a $25K payday each, he recruits his hot neighbor and ex-boyfriend Cas Shurley as his husband, and two struggling young adults from their apartment building—Jack Kline and Claire Novak—as their adopted children.
Who needs found family when you've got a fund family?
Excerpt: There’s a magazine somewhere around here… as soon as Dean pushes through the front door, he abandons his food on the kitchen counter and starts sifting through a semi-sentient pile of mail that had been accumulating for weeks. (He’s gonna sort through it soon, swear.)
Then he finds it: LGBT Life 2013 Calendar of Events.
He donated a little bit of money to them before the shop closed, before he got so hard-up for cash. They still sent him mail occasionally, mostly to solicit new donations. Unfortunately for them, he can barely afford to fund his own ‘LGBT life’ these days.
But anyway. He flips through the magazine until he sees it. A full two-page spread:
BIG GAY FAMILY CAMP-”OUT” 2013
Calling all LGBT parents! BGFC is back this summer for more family-friendly camp “outs” all across the country! Get those PTO requests in and don’t forget your sunscreen. RVs and tent campers welcome at ALL locations!
His hands are shaking now as he skims the calendar.
Sedona, AZ: May 4-5, 2013
If this isn’t a sign from the cosmos that Dean is supposed to smuggle illicit drugs halfway across the continental US, he doesn’t know what is…
It feels like a celestial permission slip. Divinely ordained felonious intent.
Nothing could possibly go wrong, because the universe or God or whatever has already slotted all of these things into place. So. Very. Perfectly.
Someone up there is looking out for Dean Winchester, for fucking once.
He sees the path laid out so clearly before him…
Step two: procure a fake family.
Step three: drive to Arizona.
Step four: pure profit, baby.
