Graduated from Padawan

It told me I needed a description so I typed some words

[hellyeahanarchistposters]

‘Dismantle Prisons, Abolish ICE’

Poster designed by Art Twink

[whitepeopletwitter]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[iticaboopsyou]

This is hands down the best thing I’ve seen for this meme format😂

[babyanimalgifs]

Got to stay hydrated 🐶 

Video by @mad.max.thegsd

[strangerexperiences]

Some cuteness to brighten your day

[that-butch-deactivated20200408]

want tattoo

[bogfuckers]

One of three gay emotions

[that-butch-deactivated20200408]

Gay Emotions:

1. Want Tattoo

2. Y e a r n i n g

3. I Literally Have To Pet This Animal, Guys Wait Up I Have To Pet It, Guys There’s A Cat Here Hold On

[otherwindow]

A lot of deep sea creatures are coloured red, but since the colour blends in so well with dark water it just ends up looking black or dark blue. 

In short, combined with the horn-like crown, submerged home, and pitchfork/trident, Poseidon is just another name for the Devil.

[otherwindow]

Humans misinterpret Hell as an underground cavern of fire, when in reality, it’s a boiling sea floor stoked by hydrothermal vents and exposed magma.

[queer-trans-amazon-deactivated2]

Dante describes the Ninth circle of hell as being where traitors are crushed in a dark frozen lake, which sounds like deep sea trenches or brine pools

[otherwindow]

Notice how the only thing demons and mermaids have in common is dragging human souls down?

There’s a reason why sailors used to call mermaids “Sea Demons”.

[space-is-out-there]

This post is prying open my third eye with a crowbar

[gholateg]

Tridents are just pitchforks of the sea.

[xphilosoraptorx]

Bonus points: The Bible describes Hell as a lake of fire and brimstone, aka, sulfur. Sulfur actually burns a bright blue. So every artistic depiction you’ve ever seen of Hell is wrong.

Actual sulfur infused volcano in Indonesia.

[defender-of-fictional-women]

[hyperhedgehog]

[thelastlightningbug]

bill nye has fucking snapped. if you say the words “chinese hoax” he’ll personally teleport to your location, set you on fire, and tell you that “oh no boo hoo you can’t stop being on fire because it costs too much money to not be on fire guess it’s just not worth extinguishing you”. he’d stab an oil company exec with knife hidden under his light blue lab coat. that man has gone off the civility rails, he is absolutely living, i admire him fully, we stan 

[jayska-nxl]

Bill Nye has what feels like a valid anti-hero/supervillain origin story. Young, optimistic scientist dedicates his life to educating children about science, but then watch as those same kids grow up to ignore science and continue to destroy the earth. So in a fit of rage/act of desperation he activates Super ScientistTM mode and becomes his superpowered persona and starts killing billionaires in ridiculous over-the-top fourth grade science fair experiment related ways.

Tbh, I’d help him

[aces-to-apples]

Reblog to become Supervillain Bill Nye’s nameless henchperson

[toastbutteregg]

this hit home

[liberal-memes]

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

i just read a washington post article on romcoms aging poorly due to the pushiness (and oft-stalkery conduct) of the male characters therein, and it got me thinking about pride and prejudice, and specifically darcy saying, “one word from you will silence me on this subject forever.”

because, like, that’s the seldom-portrayed romantic dream in the patriarchal hellscape that is our world, isn’t it?

a dude being willing to say, “i understand if you don’t feel the same way about me, and i’ll leave you alone forever about this if my attention is unwanted.”

so simple, yet so wonderful in its basic human decency

[adulthoodisokay]

and dudes to this day wonder why women still swoon over darcy

[thathealeygirl]

Note also: Elizabeth turns down Darcy’s first proposal, and in the process, accuses him of doing some stuff he did not do (and also some stuff he totally did).

The next day, he surprises her on her walk. He hands her a letter, asks that she read it, and then takes off.

When this happened to me after I had turned someone down IN REAL LIFE, the letter contained a passionate argument to the tune of “actually you’re wrong and you do like me and you should go out with me” and it was creepy af.

Darcy’s letter to Elizabeth starts with: “Be not alarmed, Madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments, or renewal of those offers, which were last night so disgusting to you”. He goes on to set the record straight about the stuff he didn’t do (as well as the stuff he did) which is *actually relevant* to Elizabeth. And he, as promised, doesn’t romance her further.

It’s totally bizarre that even now, this can be considered unusually great dude behaviour.

[pluckyredhead]

Darcy’s first proposal: “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

Darcy’s second proposal: “One word from you will silence me on this subject forever.”

His whole arc in the book is about learning to consider other people’s feelings and not just his own, but the fact that it’s expressed via who gets to talk and who is told to shut up is so, so telling. The first time around, he imposes his voice on her whether she wants it or not. The second time, he asks how she feels, and in exchange, offers her the gift of his silence.

And yeah, the fact that dudes still! have! not! learned! this! lesson! is exhausting.

[ghost-of-bambi]

How surprising is it that Pride and Prejudice was written by a woman, when many romantic comedies are produced and directed by men?

Answer: not at all

[drsarcasticraspberry]

200 years later and the world is still full of guys who think they’re a Mr Darcy when they’re actually a Mr Collins.

[tzikeh]

200 years later and the world is still full of guys who think they’re a Mr Darcy when they’re actually a Ross Geller.

[spidyspence]

okay let’s get something straight:

pride is not for everyone. pride is for LGBTQ people, and LGBTQ people only. pride is open to everyone, yes. allies and non LGBTQ people who want to support the community are absolutely welcomed and encouraged to participate, yes. but it is not for you.

it is still only for the LGBTQ community. and this is something that some cishet people need to learn.

pride is open to everyone. it is not for everyone. there is a difference.

[callous-goat]

It’s like walking into someone’s birthday party and acting like it’s a party for you, like you’re open to come to the party, but it ain’t being thrown for you

[casey-jane-lewis]

More fun facts about ancient Celtic marriage laws: There were no laws against interclass or interracial marriage, no laws against open homosexual relationships (although they weren’t considered ‘marriages’ since the definition of a marriage was ‘couple with child’), no requirement for women to take their husband’s names or give up their property, but comedians couldn’t get married

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

It’s Adam and Eve not Adam Sandler and Eve

[annajiejie]

I want to expound upon “comedians couldn’t get married” thing because it’s actually really interesting. Satire was respected in Ancient Ireland. It was thought to have great power, enough to physically maim the subject one was making jokes about. Satirists could bring down kings with a witty enough insult. That was actually their original function. When the king didn’t do right by his people, a bard was supposed to compose a poem so scathing it would raise welts on the king’s skin to oust him (it was illegal for a “blemished” king to rule.) Unwarranted satire was considered a form of assault. So what it boils down to is ancient Celts being like “These people are too dangerous to reproduce. DO NOT TRUST THEM WITH CHILDREN. EVER.”

[burdmom]

whats a king to a bard

[thatthreeanon]

Thats literally a dnd skill

[valkyrie-the-lost-deactivated20]

Vicious mockery at sixth level

[lesserjoke]

Things that sound fake but actually happen in the first Tarzan novel (1912)

Tarzan grows up in the jungle because the sailors on his parents’ ship mutiny and maroon them there. Two decades later, the sailors on his cousin’s ship ALSO mutiny and maroon him and Jane in the exact same area where Tarzan happens to live

He’s raised by apes after his parents die because one of them who’s been carrying around her own dead baby is moved by the maternal spirit to drop its corpse in Tarzan’s crib and pick up the human baby instead

Tarzan teaches himself how to read and write fluent English by reading his parents’ old books

He later leaves Jane and co. really passive-aggressive notes telling them that he’s Tarzan and they better not touch his stuff

Tarzan also rescues them from various jungle troubles in person, but he can’t communicate with them because he can’t speak/understand spoken English

Jane and her friends spend their entire time in the jungle thinking that there are TWO DIFFERENT people who keep saving them: their reclusive host who leaves them salty messages and signs his name Tarzan of the Apes and then that other guy who lives with the apes

Literally they never put two and two together until Tarzan tracks them down in America and tells them he was Tarzan all along

Which he does in French

Because back in the jungle he rescued a French guy who taught him how to speak that language

So Tarzan can read and write English but speaks only French by the time he leaves the jungle

Jane goes back to America while Tarzan is off helping his French friend, and he follows her all the way home just to arrive the day before she’s gonna marry a rich guy to cover her father’s debts. It’s literally one of those Taylor Swift STOP THE WEDDING tropes, but with this weirdly buff ape man yelling in French instead

Jane’s father has debts because he borrowed a ton of money to charter a ship and follow a pirate treasure map he found, which, logical. We’ve all been there

The sailors on that ship are the ones who mutiny and maroon Jane earlier on, after finding the treasure and deciding they want to keep it for themselves

But Tarzan sees them rebury the chest and he digs it up and takes it with him to America to find Jane. The sailors are later very confused when they go back and find the treasure missing

Meanwhile Tarzan’s friend keeps trying to convince him that he’s the son of those two adult skeletons in his cabin, but Tarzan is all like, nah, I’m pretty sure that baby ape skeleton in the crib was theirs.

Oh also yeah, Tarzan totally just left all three skeletons lying around until his human friends showed up and were like, boy, you’re nasty

Also Tarzan needs a lot of convincing to believe that his ape foster mom wasn’t his birth mother

Like an absurd amount of convincing, really

His friend finally proves it by dragging Tarzan to a fingerprint expert in Europe to compare his prints to the baby ones that his dad fortuitously recorded in his journal just before he died.

The fingerprint proof means he’s actually the heir to his family’s title and wealth instead of his cousin, but he decides not to tell Jane about it

Because after Tarzan interrupts her wedding plans and gives her the pirate treasure (so that she doesn’t have to marry the rich guy), she turns down Tarzan’s own proposal and agrees to marry his cousin instead

And he’s like, alright, and leaves

Truly one of the great love stories of our time

I think she does change her mind and marry him in one of the sequels, but there are literally over two dozen of those that by all accounts are even weirder than this one and I just honestly don’t think I’m ready

[mademoiseli]

Was Edgar Rice Burroughs ok?

[nightcrawler-fan]

@markhamillz

[itsdoomisaudible-deactivated202]

This is accurate and that book was amazing 10/10 recommend every time Burroughs was a real weirdo and it was so much better than the movie please read his nonsense

[phantomchick]

I read this book and I can attest to the accuracy of the above statements.

But I feel the need to add that Edgar Rice Burroughs was a salty mofo!  He threw such shade, what a dude.

Ok so here’s the story; he was working as a pencil sharpener wholesalemen for seven years (I know, startlingly mundane) when his wife had their second kid in 1909, he was bored beyond occupation and had copious spare time and began reading pulp-fiction magazines. In 1929, he recalled thinking that

“…if people were paid for writing rot such as I read in some of those magazines, that I could write stories just as rotten. As a matter of fact, although I had never written a story, I knew absolutely that I could write stories just as entertaining and probably a whole lot more so than any I chanced to read in those magazines.”

So what I’m telling you here is, this guy read something went this is TRASH, i could write better trash, in fact I WILL.

[mikkeneko]

An inspiration to us all.

[ruinedchildhood]

[linakova]

when your friend ends up with her boyfriend and even water reminds him

[tinytrashqueen]

the first thing you learn in stage management is how to walk with enough purpose at all times that people will get the fuck out of your way