Useless Lesbian

I'm Ashley and I'm a big ol' gay. If you want me to tag anything please tell me. Opinions are my own. Avatar by tokimekiwaku She/her pronouns.

[deckardbr]

[theonion]

In a move many residents of this tight-knit community say jeopardizes the beloved scenic hideaway, a multinational make-out conglomerate announced Tuesday that it had purchased the small town’s treasured make-out point. “Generations of us have enjoyed driving out to this secluded little perch for sucking face, and now this giant corporation wants to make it some sort of growth investment,” said longtime Fredericktown resident Diane Moseley, referring to the pledge of global cuddling concern Canoodle Inc. to boost heavy petting 40% on the bluff overlooking the St. Francis River by the end of the 2027 fiscal year.

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[skarchomp]

sometimes the killer in a columbo episode could probably defeat the murder charge in court due to lack of solid evidence, but they'd still need to hire a good lawyer and put the work in to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt they were innocent. richard kiley could just simply say that his wife installed this bathroom in their house and it'd be ruled as self-defense immediately.

[cdlum]

forgot i had this on

[itsdanfango]

hot items

[unsubconscious]

Ethel Greene, “The World’s Greatest Parking Lot,” oil on canvas, 1969

[sealcubezz]

[catboyluca]

I love this on its own but the context being that Baaulp was asking him when a blowjob isn't gay is amazing

[foolsparadise1986]

[asanjou]

[romanceyourdemons]

i love the implication behind the blair witch project (1999) that someone found the filmstock that was the last earthly remnants of three college film students and thought you know what would really honor these people? if we edited this record of their madness and gruesome demise up real nice and sent it to film festivals

[dubiousculturalartifact]

#well yeah they were film students. it's what they would have wanted

(via @big-ass-magnet

[turnupthestrobe]

[gummybearattacktheworldofdespair]

[sapphic-gengar]

BRING HIM BACK

[gummybearattacktheworldofdespair]

[sapphic-gengar]

oh thank goodness

[smute]

i think the most upsetting thing about american-flavor puritanism is how fucking patronizing it is. it's 2026 but the whole world still has to deal with a cultural hegemony grown from the gnarled vestiges of victorian-era paternalism. tax-paying adults with passports and the right to vote are treated like wayward children because of the antiquated idea that authorities must protect the weak minds of the unwashed masses from depravity and corruption. the average american can send a fellow citizen to the chair, but they can't piss in a ditch without being declared an outlaw. american entertainment media is saturated with sex, but you can't talk about it online without getting your account suspended. it's such blatant censorship at a universal scale, but because sexual content is framed as inherently dangerous, this restriction on basic adult autonomy, this blanket denial of moral and intellectual adulthood, can be reframed as protection, an expression of care, a moral duty. "won't someone think of the children!" I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN!

[smute]

thank god that the video game that features slow motion animations of graphic gunshot wounds and is rated 18+ has a profanity filter in single player offline mode. thank you for protecting this 33 year old mind from the corrupting influence that is a horse named apple slut

[rumwik]

Strange haunted photo where Winifred looks like she's a painting

[needs-more-hugs]

I have placed her in a more fitting setting

[bisexual-engineer-girl]

For the first time in my tenure on tumblr, it's "THAT'S A PHOTOGRAPH?" and not "THAT'S AN OIL PAINTING?"

[astralbondpro]

UHF (1989) // Dir. Jay Levey (Written by: “Weird Al” Yankovic and Jay Levey)

[rowecommaadam]

Howard V. Brown (1878-1945), "The Model Workers"

[70sscifiart]

Brown was a really cool 1930s pulp sci-fi magazine artist. This one isn’t sci-fi, but it still might be my favorite work of his! Which is an odd thing to find myself saying, given that — as longtime readers may have noticed over the 13 years I’ve run this blog — I really like sci-fi art.