Jackalope Hope @zealousdetectivecherryblossom - Tumblr Blog

securityunit-ese

Okay so like…A few weeks ago I saw this in a dollar store and thought it was pretty neat so I bought it

and now I’m wondering if I jinxed myself because like a couple of weeks after, I bought this:

securityunit-ese

he’s looking more and more like the plate every day, i think i did accidentally buy a prophetic plate

securityunit-ese

I think the brown is taking over purposely so he can match the plate???

securityunit-ese

getting entirely too similar for comfort

possibly he is growing to match the plate?

mindfulwrath

the portrait of Doggian Gray

motheatenscarf

So in Goblin Squad D&D yesterday, our Barbarian had just… the stupidest, DUMBEST, most terrifying, absolutely godlike thing happen to him.

This is a story of numbers, but it’s still beautiful.

We were fighting a dragon.

The dragon is hopping around while the Barbarian is just racing around trying to catch up to her

Dragon finally decides, no, really, fuck specifically THAT ranger and goes hog fucking wild on me (I LIVED!) but holds still long enough for the Barbarian to finally rage and LEAP ONTO HER BACK and go STAB

Dragon sees this and goes, “Oh. Sick.”

and just goes VERT

Pro: I am not tanking anymore

Con: She instantly moves FOUR HUNDRED FEET STRAIGHT UP INTO THE AIR…. with our raging Barbarian holding on for dear gottdamn life

One round later, she’s another 160 feet up, still getting stabbed by a Barbarian who has somehow held on, now getting attacked by ballistae and we’re all starting to get CONCERNED

Because if they take that dragon down, that is 560 feet our Barbarian is also falling out of the sky, and he is not attuned to the ONLY THING WE HAVE that can save his fucking life from that height

I’m sitting there doing math, trying to determine if 560′ is enough to kill him outright, silently being very grateful we still have exactly ONE diamond to rez his ass

and the dragon just goes VERT again, ANOTHER four hundred feet in the air

The Barbarian, now finally free from any potential collateral, cackles, as he is at long last, unshackled by the restraints of his conscience.

He has a tattoo, you see, which allows him to cast Fireball once per day

centered on himself

with a save which he autofails

But he is a tiefling.

And this fucker still has 160 hit points by the time it’s done exploding. But the explosion sends him backward as he fails the Athletics check to continue holding on and he begins to fall.

He falls for 3 fucking rounds and we can only watch our friend fall to his certain death.

The DM… has to roll ninety six d6s

let that number sink in for you

NINETY. SIX. D6s. They normally roll with real dice, you can hear the clickety clack through the discord, but they had to get out a fucking app for this because they do not OWN ninety. fucking. six. d6s.

It comes out to 402 fucking bludgeoning damage he takes on impact as he leaves a Barbarian shaped crater in the center of the forum, 10 feet wide, 5 feet deep, a cloud of dust and broken brick shooting out as he lands.

And do you know what happens next?

Do you know what the fuck we see as the dust settles?

We hear a cough, and a see a thumbs up come out of the crater. 1 hit point left.

402 damage. Raging as he landed, halved to 201. He had 160HP left, it only brought him down to -41, not enough to kill him outright (you have to get equal to negative your max HP), AND HE’S LEVEL 12, which means he has access to Relentless Rage: the first time you’d drop below 0 HP, if it doesn’t outright kill you, you have to roll a Con save of 10 or higher to instead drop to 1 HP. He rolled an 11.

He fell almost a THOUSAND feet from the air off the back of a fucking dragon, took NINETY SIX D6 FALL DAMAGE, AND LIVED.

His arena name lived up to the hubris of this fucking swan dive. All hail ALTANIN, THE UN-FUCKING-BREAKABLE

howtotrainyournana

@gollageek

fudemushi

"fiction doesn't affect reality!"

spaps-society-deactivated202603

but it didnt affect reality. jaws didnt make sharks more violent

fudemushi

holy shit have you literally never heard of the jaws effect. are you really this stupid that you dont know the very real effect jaws had on peoples perceptions of sharks

fetus-cakes

for those who don't know: after the movie Jaws came out, people started killing sharks indiscriminately because they were perceived as extremely dangerous to humans and/or malicious predators who hold vendettas.

In reality sharks don't routinely go after humans, and while a test bite could seriously maim or kill a person, sharks are not the most dangerous thing in the ocean by far.

And their position as apex predators is very important in the food chain, and it's been severely disrupted by human hunting. The makers of the movie Jaws actually regretted the impact the movie had in the ocean ecosystem

lilacbreastedroller

a chapterbook: *came with a stitched in ribbon bookmark, had a cloth spine, had those rough edged finished pages, or came with a map*

8 year old me: i am a 500 year old librarian and this is the most valuable book in my collection. i rescued it myself from a castle as it burned to the ground. *gingerly runs my little grubby hands down its spine and gazes wistfully out of the school bus window* i am the keeper of all civilization’s knowledge

elennemigo

Sir.what.is.your.face.doing?? (ʘᴗʘ✿)

ben-locked

Ultimate performer…..😆😆😆

nonefriendly

hellotailor

i’m so invested in toronto’s mystery tunnel story. after a month of fruitless investigating and a week-long public appeal from the police, two anonymous guys have admitted to building the whole thing for funsies. that’s it, no big deal. just guys being dudes. they just dug a 30-foot tunnel for personal reasons. case closed. amazing.

the-last-teabender

For what it’s worth, I can’t think of a single person in my friend group who if I said ‘hey you wanna dig a secret hideout tunnel with me’ would not immediately go for their shovel.

allow-me-to-speak

I think one of my favorite realizations from my AtLA rewatch is how often Iroh was just vibing with the Gaang, even when Zuko was still trying to capture them. Pirate episode? Iroh's just standing right next to Katara going "yeah this kind of is your fault". North Pole? Iroh's got a whole scene with Katara and Yue. He even gestures to her to stay away from Aang at one point and she actually listens. Tea with Toph. Man truly spends the whole show vibing with everyone

eldrtchmn

Aldrich/Gwyndolin 🖤 made for the 6 fanart challenge

IG moonscentedart

lolawashere-deactivated20240904

Meanwhile, in Spain:

Spring happens and it's not photoshopped!

Actually it's this: a carpet of poplar fluff burns to reveal the grass below at the Parque del Cidacos de Calahorra, Spain.

neitherbluenorgreen

According to geographyrealm.com:The seed fluff produced by poplars is also highly flammable. The combustible seeds can quickly catch fire and burn off, leaving underlying grass and other vegetation untouched.

moonblossom

I know it's poplar fluff and not snow, but this looks like Persephone coming up from the Underworld and kicking winter to the curb.

totallyamoral

sattickate

I am not a straight people.

Reblog if you are also not a straight people.

snarky-starks

Jaskier saw Geralt, wanted to get all up on that situation, introduced himself in the most ridiculous manner and invited himself along on Geralt’s batshit crazy monster hunting road trip.

Jaskier was legit just like “I want it” and went and got it for himself.

Let’s be like Jaskier in 2020.

big-bad-shorty-king

My Chemical Romance is preparing something, All Time Low just dropped a new song, Blink just released a new album. Green Day is about to drop and album and go on tour with Fall Out Boy and Weezer, Panic! At the Disco is in the top charts and Hayley Williams is coming back with new stuff. Is this describing 2020 or the mid 2000s?