This is a theory that I’ve developed over the last ten years of partying and watching people (attempt to) dance.
Men only have two dance faces; the “lip biter”:
and “the man-duckface”:
While these both, for men, have little indication other than a dude’s mood, women’s dance faces are more telling.
Women have two dance faces, the standard “duckface”:
I wish girls knew that this is NOT sexy. It does NOT make your lips look bigger or your cheekbones look more prominent; it DOES make you look like a tremendous douche magnet. And then they wonder why all the guys who hit on them are jackasses.
Dance face two for women, the easiest way to tell HOW slutty a club rat is. I call it “The Barometer”. It looks like this:
The open mouth, the head tipped slightly back, arms usually up over the head or straight and crossed in front of the chest to draw attention to the cleavage (which, she’ll inevitably chastise you for checking out)… Here’s how it’s an indication of how promiscuous she is…
The wider open her mouth is, the more likely she is to let you stick something in it.
How does one “win” social media? Well, if the goal is to get followers, likes, and comments, it’s easy; Give the people what they want. It’s all about engagement. What gets people riled up, confrontational, defensive, supportive, or to agree with you?
The “WHY?”
Acquiring “likes” on a status or photo gain no actual, physical rewards. What it does do, however, is stimulate the “pleasure center” of your brain.
Through a series of experiments, the researchers at Harvard University learned through the study that the act of disclosing information about oneself activates the same part of the brain that is associated with the sensation of pleasure, the same pleasure that we get from eating food, getting money or having even having sex.
How does one "win" social media? Well, if the goal is to get followers, likes, and comments, it's easy; Give the people what they want. It's all about engagement. What gets people riled up, confrontational, defensive, supportive, or to agree with you?
The "WHY?"
Acquiring "likes" on a status or photo gain no actual, physical rewards. What it does do, however, is stimulate the "pleasure center" of your brain.
Through a series of experiments, the researchers at Harvard University learned through the study that the act of disclosing information about oneself activates the same part of the brain that is associated with the sensation of pleasure, the same pleasure that we get from eating food, getting money or having even having sex.
(Source)
As a society, we are programmed to seek acceptance from our peers. (effectively turning us into a narcissistic, insecure collective, but that's a topic for another blog, another day)
“Approval from others gives us a higher sense of self-esteem. We’re convinced that their recognition matters to our self-worth and how deeply we value ourselves.” - Tom Perry, CEO of YourCoach
We thrive on instant gratification.
The id is the only component of personality that is present from birth. This aspect of personality is entirely unconscious and includes of the instinctive and primitive behaviors...
The id is driven by the pleasure principle, which strives for immediate gratification of all desires, wants, and needs. If these needs are not satisfied immediately, the result is a state anxiety or tension.
(Source)
Social media satisfies both these desires in a way that was never possible before the social media era.
HOW?
In my experience these are the things that people gravitate toward in Social Media:
Events and activities shared throughout cultures and countries (Marriage, Love, Having babies, Good Karma Deeds, Action and Adventure, Travel, etc)
Sex
Gratitude
Attitude
Controversial Current Events
And in order of my favorite, here's the why for each
1- Sex, Drugs, Rock-and-Roll
Number one rule of sales: SEX SELLS.
Before you just agree, think about why. It revs up our desire, it shocks or offends us, or it makes us look just a little longer. Whatever it is, sex is a basic human need and elicits a wide range of emotions.
Sex is something that EVERYONE can relate to on some level. We want it, we have it, we think about it.
So when someone posts about it, it gets into your head. Some of my favorite, highest rated posts on Facebook are about sex. Or alcohol... which usually leads to... what was I saying?
2- Gratitude
When you post a status thanking someone, especially when you tag that person or those people, it makes people feel involved.
And what is everyone's favorite topic to discuss? THEMSELVES! Congratulations, you've just tapped into their natural human desire of selfishness. Clever girl....
3- Attitude
We've all seen the status updates on Facebook, the incendiary, the accusatory, the vague, the dramatic.
We all acknowledge that these histrionic updates are simultaneously obnoxious and engaging.
Why? Because we've ALL been there. Sure we don't all post about it, but we're all familiar with the situations that the majority of the population struggles with.
Again, this comes back to people being able to talk about themselves, relating a status to an experience they had or simply pointing out their opinion on the subject.
4- Controversial Topics
Current events make great conversation.
People's second favorite topic to talk about - The lives of famous people. This is why, despite being a useless fame-whore whose only talent is stuffing her porcine lard-ass into human size pants, Kim Kardashian still regularly besmirches tabloid magazine covers nationally.
5- Common Events
Whether it's a marriage, an engagement, a breeder successfully reproducing, or just general happy statements, these all evoke common emotions of joy and gladness.
The same way that when you see your friends post about going to Costa Rica or flying an airplane, you "like" the status or photo because it's something you'd like to do too.
Sharing in people's bliss is a quick way to feel good about one's self. It propagates the hope of love and all that sappiness.
Universal truths reach people on what feels like a personal level. All it really means though is that it is common to the human condition and we've all experienced it.
So when you see me post some OUTLANDISH shit on my Facebook, know that it's NOT about YOU... it's about me. And I'm #winning
People in relationships/families/close quarters fight. The fact is, fighting CAN be productive if done properly.Here's a few ways to make your fights easier
1- be CLEAR about what you're fighting about, have a goal in mind
2- Don't bring up old shit
3- No fucking name calling... bitch.
4- Use "I think", "I feel", "I want" instead of "You don't" or "You keep doing"
5- Avoid always/never statements because they're NEVER productive and they ALWAYS piss someone off.
6- Don't raise the decibel level unnecessarily. Yelling won't get your point across anymore clearly. KNOW WHAT I MEAN???
7- Repeat what the other person is saying, to clarify, not to mock.
This is a theory that I've developed over the last ten years of partying and watching people (attempt to) dance.
Men only have two dance faces; the "lip biter":
and "the man-duckface":
While these both, for men, have little indication other than a dude's mood, women's dance faces are more telling.
Women have two dance faces, the standard "duckface":
I wish girls knew that this is NOT sexy. It does NOT make your lips look bigger or your cheekbones look more prominent; it DOES make you look like a tremendous douche magnet. And then they wonder why all the guys who hit on them are jackasses.
Dance face two for women, the easiest way to tell HOW slutty a club rat is. I call it "The Barometer". It looks like this:
The open mouth, the head tipped slightly back, arms usually up over the head or straight and crossed in front of the chest to draw attention to the cleavage (which, she'll inevitably chastise you for checking out)... Here's how it's an indication of how promiscuous she is...
The wider open her mouth is, the more likely she is to let you stick something in it.
When I was five or six years old I remember my mom giving me an errand to accomplish. She had company over and was entertaining, so she couldn't do this task herself. Being young, I did it wrong; I did it incorrectly not due to a lack a mental capability, but simply because I was young and did not understand what she wanted.
I returned to her, task complete... or so I thought. She looked at me critically and said, "That's not what I asked for."
She turned her back to me, and as though not being in her vision had caused me to disappear she addressed her friend: "She's so stupid"
After my mom's guest left, I said to her very matter of factly, "Mom, please don't call me stupid in front of people, it hurts my feelings."
She regarded me with bemusement for a moment, considered what I had said and she laughed at me. She rolled her eyes, laughed at me and dismissed me.
Was I so easily dismissed? Her daughter?
Were my feelings without merit or worth?
It felt as though the knife through my heart had been turned to ice and twisted, slowly fragmenting.
I feel it now every time someone says to me, "What are you, stupid?" or "God, you're so dumb".
This is not a story to make you feel sorry for me. It is a catharsis.
The only way to properly deal with emotions is to delve into them, find out why you feel that way and work through it. Not to attempt to extricate yourself from the feelings or bury and ignore them.
It's like being shot with an arrow; you must push the arrow all the way through in order to extract it and care for the wound. If you ignore it or try to pull if out the way it came in, you're only causing more damage.
Another reason I love Austin. Musicians playing for the sake of music. They didn't even request tips, it was suggested by one of the gathered audience that they put out one of their cases. I think they made like $25 in ten or fifteen minutes.
I burn with love of my own self; I both kindle the flames and suffer them. What shall I do? Shall I be wooed or woo? Why woo at all? What I desire, I have; the very abundance of my desire beggars me
Ovid in Metamorphoses. This is an excerpt from the story of Narcissus and Echo.
In the myth, Narcissus was so infatuated with himself that he pines after his own reflection in a pool of water only to wither and die. In his body's stead grew a pale white flower, the Narcissus. The flower grows by the water's edge, eternally reflected upon its surface.
It's really difficult for me to be happy. And then for other people it just seems so simple. I know. They just grow up and they're so fulfilled.
-"Mavis Gary" (Charlize Theron) Young Adult
I feel like this sometimes. It's like it's so easy for other people to be happy. Or are they blissfully unaware of how shitty they have it? In the grand scheme of things, what does happiness have to do with it anyway?
I'm almost jealous of people who are stupid. It seems that they are more content with their lives, as if they don't KNOW that it could be better.
This is why being smart sucks sometimes. I'm smart enough to realize that I am unhappy. If ignorance is bliss, then someone knock me over the fucking head please.
I have a gorgeous dog.
CORRECTION: *Had
Today I learned that I am NOT a stylist, by any stretch of the imagination.
I learned that I don't know HOW TO cut a dogs hair, but a-fucking-pparently I know how NOT to cut a dog's hair.
1. Do NOT use titanium TOOL scissors
2. Do NOT do this as the sun is GOING DOWN. Dumb fucking thing to do...
3. Do NOT patronize your dog. E.g. "Good girl. You're a tiger now. Act like a tiger. Roar for me"
4. Laughing whilst wielding said titanium tool shears lends itself to HIGHLY undesirable results.
5. Trimming in ALL DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS will NOT yield better results.
Are you fucking kidding me right now? It looks like I got high as shit and thought, "DUDE! My dog would look so much cooler as a fucking TIGER!"
She is now the dog park playground pariah. I'm a terrible pet-parent. She now looks like the kid on the playground whose mom went, "Shit no Billy Ray, we can't afford them Supercuts! We don't need nothing that fancy; I gots a bowl and scissors at home, I can fix you up REAL nice!"
Hello, dog barber? Yeah, I'd like to inquire how much for the "I have mange" style for my dog.
