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@adhdoormat
Sup,
Are you still needing help with the $ situation? Ive been there, know what its like.
I managed to make it last month but Iām back in the negatives this month. Not sure if Iāll be able to make it work without begging for help š
5 Ways to Untwist Irrational Thinking
EXAMINE THE EVIDENCE: Instead of assuming that a negative thought is true, examine the factual evidence for and against it.
THE SURVEY METHOD: Ask people questions to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic or fair.
THE EXPERIMENTAL METHOD: Conduct an experiment to test the validity of your negative thought.
THE ANTI-DOUBLE STANDARD TECHNIQUE: Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend, rather than the way you normally talk to yourself.
THINKING IN SHADES OF GRAY: Instead of thinking about your problems in extreme black-and-white categories, evaluate the situation along a continuum, taking note of subjective aspects of the situation.
Iām so close to digging myself out of my rut. I just need one more month and Iāll be okay. I have $100 left in savings. But hopefully unemployment will kick in finally. Until then, even with savings Iām $13 short on my share of rent. If anyone can help me out so Iām not stressing over this, my Venmo is $vocadoo and if it helps,donations go to an unemployed, queer, non-binary, hypermobile, autistic person with adhd. š
here's a collection of songs that I've curated that made me go "holy shit they read my mind while writing this." i'd like to think they cover the full spectrum of BPD moods from "wow I hate myself and wanna die" to "I'm literally the best person ever why do people still not like me" to "am i even a person that exists". some of it isn't necessarily BPD related bc this is my personal feels playlist so please excuse that lol.
hope this can help someone feel less alone, and feel free to pop into my inbox if you wanna chat (bpd stuff or otherwise).
Does anyone else with ADHD experience this? Is it an adhd thing or something else?
Sometimes I feel so unmotivated and Iām guessing understimulated that my body feels like itās pushing through mud. I struggle to stay away and I have microsleeps. Itās not that Iām sleep deprived, this happens even when Iāve had a full nights rest. Lifting my arms and taking steps require extra conscious effort and I move extra slow and each movement takes some sort of buildup of energy in order for me to do.
Like I literally cannot lift my arms and if I wasnāt forcing myself to move and continue working I absolutely would fall asleep.
Why does this happen to me I just want to do my work and hate it the normal level of hatred for a job
i think we need to talk about understimulation in adhd more. because whether i like it or not the common person sees me and thinks. oh. ur doing things you like to avoid doing things you donāt like. and itās really not as simple as that. because things that āi likeā can be so subjective. sometimes when i try to do something āi likeā i feel nothing. there is no joy, iām not happy about this in any way, and it feels like such a chore just to try and make myself do it. often times procrastination in adhd isnāt even about being lazy and having fun doing things you enjoy. itās your mind not letting you do anything. you canāt do the thing youāre putting off and putting it off makes you feel stupid but you canāt do it you just CANāT. and itās so frustrating and you end up just doing nothing in particular for hours and hours and you feel like youāre wasting your existence
yāallā¦ itās notĀ āADD or ADHD.ā ADD isnāt in the DSM, and isnāt an actual term for diagnosis. It hasnāt been a thing since the 1980ā²s. The three types of ADHD are: primarily inattentive, primarily hyperactive, and combined-type (ADHD-PI, ADHD-PH, and ADHD-C).Ā Theyāre all the same disorder, they just have some differences in the prominence of the symptoms. The āhyperactivityā we all experience doesnāt mean physically energetic; it means your mind is internally operating at a faster pace than is normal, which often manifests as stress, anxiety, restlessness, being over or under-stimulated, and/or boredom (all of which can lead to depression), but can also be seen in our affinity for creativity, problem-solving, quick wit, and thinking outside the box.Ā
ADHD is a bad term all-around, and I kinda hate the way it was named after the things neurotypicals observe about us that they consider disruptive, rather than the things we actually experience. (This is why I personally like the term some experts have proposed, which is EFDD, aka Executive Function Deficit Disorder, cause thatās what it actually is, but not many call it that)
I say this just so you know that when I say ADHD, that includes everyone with ADHD. You donāt need to askĀ āI have ADD, is it okay if I reblog this?ā because you are included in ADHD (primarily inattentive-type) and therefore yes, it applies to you <3Ā
Side note: Autism and ADHD overlap a ton so if youāre on the autism spectrum and relate to an ADHD post/symptom, thatās valid, too! And if youāre questioning whether you have ADHD, youāre also welcome to reblog or whatever you like :) It only really bothers me when someone neurotypical who doesnāt think they have ADHD reblogging with stuff likeĀ āI donāt have ADHD but sameā orĀ āthis isnāt ADHD, everyone does this sometimesā
TL;DR (cause every post about ADHD needs one lol):
ADD is an outdated term for Primarily Inattentive-Type ADHD (ADHD-PI)
The 3 ADHD types are Primarily Inattentive, Hyperactive, and Combined
ADHD is poorly-named. āHyperactivityā is about your mind, not your body
Executive dysfunction is the main component of ADHD
If youāre any of the types of ADHD, think you may have ADHD, or are on the autism spectrum, know that you are absolutely included in my posts about ADHD.Ā
Anyways, I love yāall ā rock on!
I am definitely calling it EFDD with NTs from now on, citing that post that points out that people treat you better when you describe the symptoms without naming the illness, but as soon as you say āADHDā their sympathy vanishes.
^^^ I would love to see that post if you can find it, because I 100% believe that. I wonderā¦ now I want to do tests seeing how people respond when I say ADHD vs EFDD, but I donāt really meet enough new people for that XDĀ
I doubtĀ āEFDDā is going to catch on anytime soon, if at all, and I do still use the term ADHD in general, but EFDD is so much more accurate to our experiences. NTs looked at us (well, only young boys) and wentĀ āAh, they canāt focus and are too energetic! The disorder must be a deficit of attention and too much hyperactivity!āĀ
Bruh.Ā Itās executive dysfunction, which results in a LOT OF SYMPTOMS because the parts of our brain responsible for regulating the other parts of our brain donāt function properly on their own. Our functioning doesnāt function. Thus, we haveĀ
Emotional dysregulation: the symptoms of which fit under the umbrella termĀ rejection sensitivityĀ (I used to think it was rejection-sensitive dysphoria but recently learned RSD isnāt an approved term either ā it was made up by one guy, and is inaccurate). We have trouble controlling our emotions and keeping them in check. This also means that we can have stronger reactions than NTs to things that hurt us, often responding with sadness, guilt, anger, and/or self-hatred. These symptoms are why many ADHDers are misdiagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder)
Unbalanced amygdalae: responsible for fight/flight/freeze/fawn, so our sense of danger is constantly heightened, so weāre seen as āoverreactingā (when to us, weāre reacting proportionately to the level our brain interprets the situation)
Poor volume control: We just donāt know weāre being as loud/quiet as we are :P The trend is that often inattentive types are quieter (not always!!) and tend to not realize when theyāre being too quiet, while hyperactive types tend to not realize when theyāre being too loud. But all ADHDers can struggle with both.Ā
Our motivation doesnāt exist unless thereās some external motivator activating the amygdala or giving us dopamine/hyperfocusing. We canātĀ ājust start!ā or force ourselves to be motivated. Itās all about inertia: if weāre in motion, itās hard to stop without an outside force, and same goes for when weāre at rest. We often canāt/donāt know how to stop, start, or switch between tasks.
We lack sufficient dopamine, norepinephrine, and other neurotransmitters. Low dopamine leads to depression, so weāre constantly having to seek stimulation elsewhere ā hence theĀ āhyperactivity.ā People with ADHD-PH are most noticeable in this, because they primarilyĀ seek external stimulation like running around, eating food, excessive fidgeting and stimming, talking, making noises, etc. For ADHD-PI it manifests as seeking things to stimulate the mind more so than the senses, such as having interesting daydreams or focusing on things youāre notĀ āsupposedā to be paying attention to. And of course ADHD-C does both of these.
Auditory processing: take our difficulty paying attention and pair it with our difficulty taking in information, and itās hard enough to understand what people are saying. But weāve ALSO got auditory processing problems, which means we sometimes hear jumbled versions of the words said to us, miss words or sentences entirely, and the sounds can slur together so weāre always askingĀ āwhat did you say? Sorryā
The hippocampus: yāknow, the place in charge of converting short-term memory to long-term? Yeah that guyās messed up. Our memories are so bad, yāall. Sometimes we can have great memories for random things (I still remember ~50 digits of pi cause I learned 100 in 6th grade) or if we really, really try, but we donāt often get to choose what we remember no matter howĀ āimportantā it is to us. We just forget.Ā
Ok I have class now and forgot about it so Iām gonna stop there lmao but you get my point ā ADHD is a LOT more than attention problems and hyperactivity. EFDD is a WAY more accurate term, but sadly I doubt itās going to become the mainstream one.
cleaning tasks from neurotypical to autistic/neurodivergent people
hi and welcome to my 2nd original post to the actually autistic/ actually neurodivergent community! the last time i posted, it was received very well, and iām so happy about that!! today, i would like to discuss the topic of how to give simple cleaning tasks to autistic or neurodivergent people either if youāre neurotypical or if youāre nd-spec yourself and want to use this to help other nd spec people in your life. another thing iāve added is how to talk about the chore around them afterwards without making them feel bad šš¤
this post is mainly targeted parents/chosen family or household partners, but can apply to anyone.Ā
assigning the task in the situation
ā avoid saying this:Ā
after youāve finished eating, can you help clean up that stuff over there
will you clean up your plates/cups after eating?
remember to clean up after yourselfĀ
why? being too vague or hinting when you talk about these seemingly simple cleaning tasks doesnāt work with me. when you never specify exactly what is expected of me, iām more likely to forget unintentionally. i never intend to not be helpful or resist cleaning up, forgetting is accidental for me. the wordĀ ārememberā before a task is not always enough to help me recall the task in a detail.Ā
ā Ā consider saying this instead:
after youāve finished eating, can wash the cutting board, put the knives in the dishwasher, take off plates from the table and put the cups in the sink?
will you please make sure that the kitchen table and the dinner table are free from dishes,Ā and leftover crumbs? and can you please put the leftover food away into the cupboard or in the refrigerator?Ā
can you please do the dishes for me/ with me or dry off the already done dishes for me/ with me?
why? specifying the content of the cleaning chore which needs to be done helps me know exactly which tasks are expected of me and in which order. this is especially true if iām supposed to do these tasks either without supervision or whilst iām home alone. again, this is not laziness or a genuine choice, itās a simple glitch in the short term memory because of my neurodivergence. while specifying what has to be done takes a little extra time, it stays in my memory for longer and is less likely to get lost in fixation of something else (like a special interest or unfinished task). using this approach, we both avoid the awkward confrontation afterwards and the hassle of joint cleanup.
talking about the task after the situation
ā avoid saying this:
(disapprovingly) you never remember to clean up after yourself
(accusatory) i expected you to do this on your own
(guilt tripping) youāre (your age), you should be able to do this on your own by now
why?Ā using strongly negative words likeĀ āneverā in a disapproving way makes me feel bad about myself and makes me less motivated to improve this behavior in the future. this is because i get the feeling that the person who assigned the task isnāt satisfied at any point. if you never specified your expectations and then accuse me of not meeting them, i feel uncomfortable and anxious. i never got a proper chance of doing the right job. finally, if you use my age in an attempt to make me feel guilty about my minor memory slip up, or you infantilize me/compare me to a child, iāll feel invalidated and hurt. using my age to guilt trip me has nothing to do with the situation at hand and wonāt help me become better.
ā Ā consider saying this instead:
(comforting tone) i know that you you didnāt do the task completely this time, but iām sure you can do it next time. i donāt mind helping you.
(genuinely interested) is there something i can do so you can complete the task next time? is there something you feel like youāre missing? (=sensory aids or just readily available supplies)
(reassuring tone) itās okay if you messed up this time. we can divide the tasks between us and help each other get this done
why?Ā letting me know that i have a chance to better myself and offering your help at the same time lets me know that iām allowed to make this mistake without my self-esteem dropping. it lets me know that this slip up has nothing to do with my personal worth. asking me with genuine interest if there is something you can do to help me be better next time motivates me to do better. being accommodating of my sensory needs makes me feel taken care of and accepted. going through strategies or aids will over time result in my succesful completion of the cleaning task. offering to split the cleaning task will enable me to still get peace of mind about it. this is not always possible, i know, but in settings with less stress and more time, this is a good solution. not belittling me for it allows me to feel good about myself while still either feeling motivated to do it, or actively doing it!
if anyone out there is struggling with living partners, parents or chosen family who donāt get this. i hope this helps you maybe show them what difference it makes. again, weāre not lazy, itās just our disability! with support and love, we can work on this and overcome it. š¤
i am a:
āŖļø man
āŖļø woman
š person with adhd
and i am seeking:
āŖļø men
āŖļø women
š meals that can be prepared in under 5 minutes
Hereās a low spoons meal plan that I madeĀ as an autistic, mentally ill person, mostly made for a good friend with ADHD and chronic pain.
All of the recipes donāt require any more cooking than a microwave or toaster, and donāt require any utensils other than a fork or spoon. I tried to make as many ingredients as possible shelf stable so that you can pick and choose as needed. Itās made to minimize dishes, time, and gross motor skills required.
āI canāt sleepā I think to myself, absolutely refusing to get off my phone and close my eyes for longer than the time it takes to blink.
Oh hey it hit 1k
This ADHD and Autism Venn Diagram was requested even more highly than the ADHD and PTSD diagram, and I finally got round to making itā¦
happy stimming
This is one of my favorite comics of all time.
Autistic stimming needs this, more representation of stimming a positive, pure, happy thing.
!!!
What is Autistic Burnout? a guide from Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network (AWN)
Signs: ā¢ Lack of motivation (hard to care about goals when everyday life is overwhelming) ā¢ Loss of executive functioning abilities (decision-making, organization, etc.) ā¢ Difficulty with self-care ā¢ Easier to reach overload or meltdown ā¢ Loss of speech, selective mutism ā¢ Lethargy, exhaustion ā¢ Illness, digestive issues ā¢ Memory loss ā¢ Inability to maintain masks or use social skills ā¢ Overall seeming āmore autisticā or stereotypical ā¢ May have period of high energy before collapse
Causes: ā¢ Passing as neurotypical / suppressing autistic traits ā¢ Doing ātoo muchā, too much stress ā¢ Aging: needing more downtime, having less energy ā¢ Changes, good or bad (relationships, jobs, living arrangements, belongings, environment, routinesā¦) ā¢ Sleep deprivation, poor nutrition, dehydration ā¢ Illness ā¢ Sensory or emotional overload
Strategies: ā¢ Time ā¢ Scheduling breaks, managing spoons ā¢ Leave of absence ā¢ Stimming, sensory diet ā¢ Exercise ā¢ Massage ā¢ Reminders and supports ā¢ Routines ā¢ Better environment/job/etc. ā¢ Boundaries, saying ānoā ā¢ Dropping the mask/faƧade ā¢ Solitude ā¢ Absolute quiet ā¢ Creative projects, passions, special interests ā¢ Paying attention to reactions and your body
Sources: āAutistic Burnout ā Are You Going Through Burnout?ā Anonymously Autistic. Endow, Judy. āAutistic Burnout and Aging.ā Ollibean. āHelp! I seem to be getting more autistic!ā American Aspergerās Association. (EDIT: Credit goes to Mel Baggs) Kim, Cynthia. āAutistic Regression and Fluid Adaptation.ā Musings of an Aspie. Schaber, Amythest. āAsk an Autistic #3 ā What is Autistic Burnout?ā Thanks to Lindsey Allen, AWN Nebraska, for compiling this guide Ā©Autism Womenās Network 2017
To all autism parents, caregivers, loved ones, friends, etc.. Repeat after me:
A meltdown is not attention-seeking behavior.
A meltdown is not attention-seeking behavior.
A meltdown is not attention-seeking behavior.
A meltdown is NOT attention-seeking behavior.
A MELTDOWN IS NOT ATTENTION-SEEKING BEHAVIOR!!!!!
Do we understand each other now?
Also, meltdowns suck just as much for us to have as it does for you to deal with them. In fact, I would say it sucks more for us. Meltdowns are not problem behaviors, they are not something you do on purpose, and they suck for everyone involved.
