the woods are lovely, dark and deep

sam, i'm canadian, they/them, listening to a podcast probably

[ilovecoelacanths]

went to a new optometrist today wearing my squid facts ‘save our freaks dont mine the deep’ shirt from @sarahmackattack that has a strawberry squid on it. and i wasn’t even thinking about it but the optometrist walked in and he was like ‘oh what does your shirt say’ so i showed him and he was like ‘oh that’s neat!’ and then i thought he might like to know about strawberry squid eyes since they have weird eyes and he is an optometrist and all. so i was like ‘yeah it’s actually a real kind of squid called a strawberry squid, their eyes are really cool because they have one big yellow-green one and one small blue one’ and he kind of gasped and went ‘oh my god that’s so interesting i wonder why they have that. do you know what their retina composition is like?’ and i watched as he minimized my chart on the computer and started looking up images of strawberry squid and then he googled ‘strawberry squid retina composition’ and he was like ‘sorry we’ll get to your eye exam in a moment i just really want to find out’ LMAO 10/10 optometrist experience will be returning

[what-even-is-thiss]

My dad read me stuff like the lord of the rings and the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and Sherlock Holmes as bedtime stories when I was a kid and I dunno what sort of effect that had on my development but whatever it did I think I’m making it everyone else’s problem

[what-even-is-thiss]

Reading chapter books one chapter a night to his kids was I think also an excuse for my dad to read some books he’d never gotten around to reading by himself. Did he know how sexual the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy series can possibly get? No. We learned that together as a family.

[beaft]

google help me

[beaft]

the thing is, stephen king is generally pretty good at creating complex, well-rounded characters, which makes it all the more jarring when one of those characters abruptly comes out with what i'll term a "kingism". i don't know how best to define a kingism other than "you'll know it when you see it". it's the voice of the author intruding on the voice of the character, and in this case the voice of the author has a bad sense of humour and is ravenously, inexplicably horny

[beaft]

random example of a kingism aka "he would not fucking say that"

[beaft]

this too is a kingism

[beaft]

one of the hallmarks of a kingism is that when a character is being Horny On Main (or In Maine), they can never do it in a normal way. they have to come up with a sequence of words that nobody has ever said before in the history of the english language. here's another example:

[beaft]

i'm starting a collection

[mikkeneko]

[antigonickpdf]

overheard in the coffee shop from a middle aged gay man to his (female) friend: “are you embarrassed? about being foolish? please manage yourself better in this situation. this man is not behaving as if he is interested in you.”

[antigonickpdf]

“he’s evil. like jeff bezos. Do you understand.” and she’s just nodding with eyes downcast in shame

[antigonickpdf]

meanwhile some influencer is filming a mukbang three feet away. he’s wearing a domo hat exactly like this one but it’s neon blue and he’s slurping loudly over the idiot sandwich lecture happening nearby

[antigonickpdf]

i forgot to add this until now but after the gay guy was done scolding his friend and they left, their table was taken up by an aging european twink telling a wealthy-looking bubbe with increasing distress about how much cold cut meat he’d eaten the night before and the funnier she found it the more distraught he got about his nighttime deli frenzy

[antigonickpdf]

he was like [completely unidentifiable european accent] after you went to bed. i ate ze ham. and ze mortadella also… and. also the prosciutto. no stop giggling at me zis is not funny it was 500 grams each. i ate 500 grams of ze ham and 500 grams of ze mortadella and 500 grams of ze prosciutto and that is ONE POINT FIVE KILOGRAMS OF MEAT !! I ate so many meats!!! Stop giggling at me i am going to be fat!!!! I even ate ze cheeses!!!

[antigonickpdf]

so many people are tagging this with some variation of “that coffee shop was full of such interesting people i wish i could go somewhere like this to people watch” and as a seasoned eavesdropper i need you all to know that people are this weird wherever you go. recently my gf and i were observing a gaggle of real estate broker bros hopped up on stimulants pacing around like caged tigers and performing homoerotic rituals through the proxy of their iced lattes and it wasn’t even 10am on a tuesday. the world is a beautiful place full of intricately bizarre human animals waiting to be studied

[vinceaddams]

People who try to copy historical writing styles don't say enough weird stuff in them. I'm listening to a 1909 story about a ghost car right now, and the narrator just said he honked the car horn a bunch of times, but the way he phrased it was "I wrought a wild concerto on the hooter".

[bogleech]

Reblog to wreak a wild concerto on a hooter

[kingfucko]

i dont care if monday sucks... tuesday cost me sixty bucks... wednesday thursday give no fucks. it's friday im a duck

[hppjmxrgosg]

proud victim of the tumblr accent. it's fading out of public consciousness as the tik tok accent takes precedence; a linguistic evolution that makes the tumblr accent 85% funnier to unsuspecting civilians. it's like releasing a disease on a non-inoculated population. coughing baby versus hydrogen bomb.

[inconspectus]

once my therapist said I used very uncommon and creative phrases and adjectives and i just did not have the heart to tell that Old Lady From A Foreign Small Town that I was translating tumblr speech into our language. so I was like yeah... must be from the books I read...

like girl we have an army of scholars over at tumblr.com crafting our language it's not just little old me I swear

[copperbadge]

I once called a colleague's Borzoi a beautiful Gentle Alien, assuming the term had long since become commonplace outside of Tumblr, and discovered when he burst into delighted laughter at the term that it Had Not. I had to explain to him that I'm not a comedy genius, just repeating a niche meme.

[catsoverloaded]

Poor girl broke her favorite sitting basket.

[kitten-cab00dle]

I’m sorry but this is the funniest thing I have ever seen ever in my fucking life her PEETS are STICKING OUT

[i-am-a-fish]

every time you make art of any kind, a stat that is not visible to the player goes up. also, this is the most important stat in the game

[ledogeishere]

does singing in the shower count as art

[i-am-a-fish]

does a strong as fuck ice mummy have ice powers

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don't cry. 7,401 species of frog in the world, ok?

[werewolf-transgenderism]

IMPORTANT UPDATE: 7,532 species of frog in the world, ok?!

[werewolf-transgenderism]

great news! 7,556 species of frog in the world, ok?!

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don't cry, now there are 7,576 species of frog in the world, ok?!

[werewolf-transgenderism]

excellent news! 7,591 species of frog in the world, peace and love on planet earth

[werewolf-transgenderism]

guess what! 7,624 species of frog on planet earth, ok?

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don't cry, 7,645 species of frog on planet earth, ok? peace and love on planet autism

[werewolf-transgenderism]

great news! 7,653 species of frog on planet earth, ok?

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don't cry. 7,670 species of frog on planet earth, ok?

[werewolf-transgenderism]

new year new frogs! 7,678 species of frog on planet earth, ok?

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don't cry. 7,683 species of frog in the world, ok? ❤️

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don't cry. 7,698 species of frog in the world, peace and love on planet earth

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don’t cry. 7,701 species of frog in the world, ok?

[wandering-aloneo-o]

@markscherz how many of these do we get to thank you for again?

[markscherz]

95 at present, more on the way :)

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don't cry. 95 species of frog discovered by tumblr's own frog scientist dr. mark scherz, ok?

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don't cry. 7,758 species of frog in the world, yippee!

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don't cry. 7,806 species of frog in the world, ok?

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don’t cry. 7,817 species of frog in the world, peace and love on planet autism 💖

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don't cry. 7,836 species of frog in the world, ok?

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don't cry. 7,864 species of frog in the world, yay!

[werewolf-transgenderism]

hey don't cry. 7,935 species of frog in the world, yippeeeeee

[werewolf-transgenderism]

HEY DON'T CRY. 8,008 SPECIES OF FROG IN THE WORLD PER AMPHIBIAWEB AND THE 8,000TH FROG WAS DESCRIBED BY TUMBLR'S OWN FROG SCIENTIST DR. Scherz, ET AL., PEACE AND LOVE ON PLANET EARTH ‼️‼️‼️

[that-house]

I had to mentally send myself a reaction image the other day. I ran up the stairs on all fours, said to myself “i’m such a locationpilled scampercel” and then perfectly envisioned this image

[that-house]

please i've already hurt so much

[prokopetz]

My local convenience store uses a delivery app that's designed for food, and the check-all-that-apply rating widget has not been adjusted to suit the venue, so in order to give the delivery person a top score I'm obliged to tell the app that a 55-pound bag of sand "tasted delicious".

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for using my coping strategy even though it inconveniences my Roomates?

I (22 M) and my 4 roomates (21-24 F) all share an apartment with 1 kitchen, 5 rooms and 2 bathrooms. We tend to get along but we argue over the bathrooms more than we’d like

They tend to take a long time to get ready in the mornings, and I tend to take a long time at night because of my coping mechanism.

Basically once or twice a week, I take a few edibles, turn off all the lights, and shower while on the floor in complete darkness, rolling around in soap. I call this my Olm time after the blind cave salamander. I basically roll around in all the soap and just pretend I’m a little cave dwelling salamander while high as shit, and then rinse off and crawl out of the shower and head to my room.

It’s like meditation. I go to a completely different state mentally. This is the only thing that has significantly helped me with stress, while allowing me to incorporate all of my self care duties into my routine. Becoming one with the Olm is my only option.

My roomates don’t know about Olm time but they have realized I take a while in the shower some nights, and they have tried to argue by saying that everyone needs to get ready for bed too. I’ve told them that they take a really long time in the mornings, and I often have to brush my teeth in the kitchen sink because the bathrooms are basically locked from around 6:30-8:45 every day because of how long they take.

Basically they’re all pretty frustrated with me and I’m pretty frustrated with them. That self care time is pretty much what keeps me going through really hard days, and they don’t seem to get that, even when they tell me how important their getting ready time is for them in the mornings. I don’t know if I’m being an asshole or if I’m genuinely standing up for myself here. AITA?

AITA?

YTA

NTA

JAH

NAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onSep 17, 2023

What are these acronyms?

[tardigradebutt]

finding out this post only has just over 8k notes has been a devastating blow to my ego. i reference this constantly and nobody ever knows what im talking about. i go “oh, you know, the olm time post. where someone sits in their bathtub off a few edibles and pretends they’re an olm, the blind cave salamander.” as if every single person on the internet has also read this post. this is a classic to me. a heritage post, even. my entire worldview has been shattered.

[jeidai]

More info on olm time

"Minor update: they now know about Olm Time"

[crawly]

just learned about a building in london that is so poorly designed it becomes a death ray that melts cars and creates a downdraft effect with wind so powerful that it knocks full grown adults to the ground

[crawly]

[crawly]

imagine being knocked over by a gust of wind from this ugly ass building and then being cooked TO DEATH by the sun reflection like what a way to go

[millenniumitem]

i learned about this like last year or somethign and this building is literally th satan come alive. building that tries to fucking kill you and fry you like an egg

[super-metroid]

this is some shit out of a final destination movie

[captain-penguin]

I knew about the death ray, but the draft is new to me

[hickeywiththegoodhair]

@whenwinterfell i support him in his evil quest to build his giant magnifying glass in order to fry brits and americans like they’re ants

[macbethwitches]

his name is rafael viñoly and here are some extremely funny things he said about it. regrets? none.

“phenomenal” indeed

what!!!!

(source)

[yorgen-sh]

[strictlyquadrilateral]

and this isn't even getting into harm that's genuinely necessary! i read a book recently that was intended to educate people in healthcare about medical trauma, written by a medical professional who found that there weren't existing resources to help her cope with the aftermath of the extremely traumatic c section that saved her life. the whole tone of the book was "i know you've never thought about this before, but walk with me through this case study" and it's aimed at other medical professionals! it's aimed at the people who are doing this harm, and so many of them think that people aren't allowed to find it harmful just because it's necessary!

[strictlyquadrilateral]

so many trauma resources assume that your trauma is from a specific person or people who treated you in a way that society deems unacceptable. if your trauma doesn't fit that profile then you're left sitting there like. idk i dont think most of this stuff applies to me. where are the resources for people like me.

[strictlyquadrilateral]

if you were ever scared or in pain and were told that you had to grin and bear it because it's necessary for you to do the thing that scares and hurts you, you are allowed to say that that was traumatic. you are allowed to say that you were scared and in pain and that even if this was the least bad option, even if it was lifesaving, it still was not okay. something being necessary does not inherently make it okay.

[the-real-seebs]

i think i still have mild trauma from a dentistry-related thing some years back, and it was completely voluntary and i wanted it, just, the experience was actually really upsetting. like, totally worth it in overall outcomes, just. wow, yeah. i do not want to ever do that again.

i have more than one thing that saved my life and traumatized me.

[fatedliketonothingyet]

I'm a juvenile diabetic: relatedly, I used to be crippled by CPTSD. it turns out, infants dislike needles, and having your primary caregivers administer them daily can be bad for those relationships. I had no sense of trauma as the etiology of my issues for a while, because I couldn't find any 'abuse' in my history.

I remember talking to a psychologist: guy was like "are you absolutely sure you weren't abused as a child? I am literally a therapist, so you can tell me". when I demurred, he was like "truly? because you really really come across like you were, and I meet a lot of people with that history".

it was only after a parent mentioned that I'd go quiet and waxy during injections (tonic immobility, in retrospect) that I started to consider whether the lifesaving medical care I received had negative psychological effects.

[fittingoutjane]

This is a common gateway to pseudoscience. People experience trauma from receiving, or from seeing a loved one receive, lifesaving medical care and aren't able to find the space to process that it was necessary, the alternative was worse, AND it was really and truly awful. People who are afraid to go back. People who need accommodations to make necessary medical care less stressful and scary, and can't get them.

[curioscurio]

i dont have the strengrh to finish coloring the rest of the comic rn (3am) but i need everyone to know that the last panel is the best kiss ive drawn in awhile. so prepare

Zzzzz

[curioscurio]

completion

[starwarsheritageposts]

star wars heritage post

[trekheritageposts]

star trek heritage post (May 13th, 2021)