Look I Changed The Title @allamainanewmeadow - Tumblr Blog

Fuck the "enemies to lovers" dynamic, the new trend is "the assassin you sent to kill me is now part of my family" dynamic.

carnivoroustomatoes

I love insults like landlubber and cityslicker, look at this idiot not used to areas and situations

soupy-sez

penny-anna

“We’re over the ocean.”

“Cool,” said Freddy. “Do you know which one?”

“Uh,” said Billy. “The Atlantic? Yeah – wait, no. Wait.” He went quiet. “Which is the one on the left?”

“Neither of them’s on the left,” said Freddy. “One of them’s west and the other one’s east. That’s how geography works.”

“Oh, okay,” said Billy. “But, like. Which is the one on the left?”

“The Pacific?” said Darla.

“Yeah, that one!” said Billy. “The specific. Thanks, Darla. I love you.”

“I love you too!” said Darla.

“The Pacific,” said Eugene.

“Yeah – on the left,” said Billy. “The specific.”

“Are you –” Eugene turned to Freddy. “Is he saying specific?”

“I think so,” said Freddy.

“Pacific,” said Eugene. “It’s the Pacific.”

“That’s what I said,” said Billy.

“No, it’s not,” said Eugene. “Pacific.”

“Specific?”

“Pa-ci-fic.”

“Yeah,” said Billy. “Wait, what am I saying?”

“You’re saying specific,” said Eugene. “With a spuh. It’s the Pacific.”

“Yeah, specific.”

“Okay, say it for me,” said Eugene. “Pacific.”

“Spacific?”

“Okay, you’re getting closer,” said Eugene. “Now drop the S.”

“Spacific,” said Billy, more confidently.

“Okay –”

“Let it go, Eugene,” said Freddy.

“Oh hey, Diana’s back!” said Billy. “I’ll ask her.” His voice grew fainter. “Which ocean are we over?”

Freddy made out Wonder Woman’s voice answering him, and then some mumbled back and forth. After half a minute or so Billy came back on the line. “She says it’s the Atlantic.”

freddy *handshake* eugene, being a giant fucking pedant

bjurnberg

Red Hood hacks the Justice League Watchtower during a meeting to yell at Bruce. Jason is absolutely wasted. Piss drunk. Hammered.

The League watch in fascinated horror as this new villain reams Batman. Bringing up traumatic memories.

“YOU!!!” Red Hood growls with his helmeted face entirely too close to the camera. “You just can’t help but disappear when you’re needed can ya? Puff of smoke, you are. People think it’s yer ninja trainin’ but I know better. They say yer a ghost but you ain’t the one who died.”

Batman tries to get Red Hood to shut up but it doesn’t work.

“A whole fuckin’ warehouse just falls on a 15 year old and all he does is cry for Dad! Oh no please save me Dad! But you never showed up! Too far away and couldn’t get there in time and now another Robin is poof! Out of your life forever. Can’t seem to keep ‘em can ya? Costume has never made it past a Teen Size Medium - not that any self respecting adult would wear such a thing.”

The other heroes can’t believe some local mob boss knows this much about Batman. And is brave and stupid enough to do this. They all loved and miss the second Robin; everyone in the room is still grieving. The new kid is great, of course, and it was a miracle he could break Batman out of that destructive spiral, but this is uncalled for.

“You don’t deserve a Robin if you’re just gonna let him die. Which is why he’s mine now. You can’t have him back.”

The Watchtower room went silent.

Then became an uproar.

“You have Robin??!!”

“What have you done to him?!”

“I’ll be there in two seconds and if he’s hurt -”

“How in the hell -”

Red Hood leans back from the screen and in the sudden view of the room behind him Robin is visible ...hooked up to several machines pumping air and medicines into his body.

“No,” Batman whispers in horror. “What happened?”

“Haven’t you been listening Old Man?! A FUCKIN’ WAREHOUSE FELL ON HIM. JUST LIKE ME!! And I swore to you! I swore! No more dead Robins! And he died!! On your watch! I broke a few ribs doin’ CPR on that child which means he’s mine now.”

Red Hood nods solemnly, as if this is logic.

“An’ don’t go tryin’ to find a NEW new replacement for me or I’ll just take that kid too. Can’t be any more dead Robins if there aren’t any more Robins.”

Every mouth was on the floor at that revelation. Red Hood was the second Robin. He’d been dead for years, how was he alive now?

Batman stood and hissed, “You can’t keep him.”

Red Hood laughed. It came out garbled through his helmet, making him sound more deranged. He leaned farther back in his chair and put a middle finger front and center on screen.

“Fuck you, Dad, I do what I want.”

Then he flipped that finger upside down to turn off the video call.

Batman tries to race out of the room but is mobbed by everyone else wanting answers.

It takes four months before Batman tracks down Jason. By then Tim is mostly healed from his many injuries and Jason has convinced him vigilante work isn’t for children.

(Tim has also been able to convince Jason to stop killing (most) people, and is happy staying with his big brother. Bruce gets visitation hours.)

incorrectnightwing

Dick Grayson: I think we're missing something

Tim Drake: Cohesion? Teamwork? A general sense of what we're doing?

incorrectnightwing

Jason Todd: God, give me patience.

Damian Wayne: I think you mean 'give me strength'

Jason: If God gave me strength you'd be dead

incorrectnightwing

Jason Todd: well, well, well... if it isn't my dear old friend: the dawning realization that I fucked up

penny-anna

Green Lantern: hey does anyone have a bandaid?

Batman: only if you promise not to tell anyone

Green Lantern: .......sure?

Batman, opening up his utility belt: do you want a dinosaur bandaid or a spaceship bandaid

Green Lantern:

Green Lantern: spaceships please.

Batman: ok

penny-anna

*at some kind of fancy event*

Shazam: *about to go in on the free wine*

Batman: *taking the glass out of his hand* No.

Shazam: aw

Rest of the Justice League: ???

penny-anna

Adult woman journalist: *flirting with Shazam*

Shazam: *flirting back*

Batman, physically towing him away: nope no absolutely not

penny-anna

Shazam: *finally gets ahold of a glass of wine & takes a sip*

Shazam: ………..

Shazam: *discreetly spits the wine back into the glass*

Flash, watching from across the room: ok what the fuck

zorilleerrant

Fourteen year old: *flirting with Shazam*

Shazam: *flirting back*

Several members of the Justice League: *staring in horror*

Batman, ignoring Nightwing’s laughter: I will. Have a talk with him.

frostbittenbucky

Diana: [steps in front of the 14-year-old and about to fist fight Shazam]

Batman: “maybe it’s time we tell them…”

nyxthechaosdragon

Diana: Shazam we require a vehicle of some sort

Shazam: The thing is, I don’t exactly have a car

Flash: What?

Shazam: Or a license

Flash: Uhh

Shazam: Or a job

Flash: What??

Shazam: Or an alternate identity. Not in the ways you guys do.

Flash: ???

Shazam: I also don’t do my taxes

nerfherdingteleporter

Flash, jumping to a conclusion: so uhhhh… do you have a place to sleep tonight? Is that a thing you need? Cause you can probably crash on my couch-

Batman, who wasn’t there five seconds ago: if anyone’s going to adopt Shazam, it will be me.

Shazam: aw, thanks! :) I don’t need it, but thanks both of you for the offer!

Flash, ten hours later, wide awake in bed: okay but what SENSE did he mean “adopt” in, because I really don’t like where this is going

theotherstuffblog

Yiexoudxuw YES @jackhawksmoor

memewhore

Sometimes I'll be trying to fall asleep and "smork alam" will just pop into my head and I start giggling.

callmebliss-got-swamped

This image is now brain roommates with “spinch”

callmebliss-got-swamped

@spickerzocker what the fuck I can’t breeeeeeeeathe for laughing

audrocur-deactivated20221128

wow millennials are glued to their i-phones and laptops so much they cant even be bothered robbing in person anymore!!! maybe these trust fund babies should stop phishing credit cards while sitting on their butts and go out there and put some elbow grease into their thievery!

thesnadger

weaselle

I know exactly what happened. Because it happened to me.

I trained for years to be a con artist. I told my friends and family that I wanted to be a magician, but that was just a cover for why I was constantly practicing sleight of hand.

In junior high and high school, I would shop lift a bunch of candy on my way to school, sell it to kids at the morning break, and use that money to run a crooked poker game at lunch.

Finally, when I was 19 or 20, I felt I was ready, and I picked my first pocket. I was on the bus, bumped a guy as I passed down the aisle, got his wallet, super clean.

In the wallet was several hundred dollars. A huge first score, I had been hoping for a couple twenties. I sat there looking at the, like, 400 bucks, thinking.

That was my rent at the time. We were both on the bus. It was likely his rent too. Lord knows the only reason to carry that much cash on the bus is you’re on your way to pay a bill. We were both on the bus, you know? That’s not someone I was comfortable stealing from.

I tapped him on the shoulder and told him “hey i think you dropped this” and gave it back to him with all the money still in it. It was the first and last time I ever picked a pocket.

Picking a rich person’s pocket is a loosing game. They probably have credit cards and not cash, those credit cards probably have the best anti-theft measures their bank can provide, and you probably can’t get close enough to those people to pick their pockets unless you’re already rich yourself.

The people who’s pockets you can reliably pick are the people around you. The people who are also on the bus, who are in this same shitty situation with you.

As wealth inequality becomes more drastic picking pockets has very clearly become “stealing from other poor people” and it’s not satisfying. I want to steal from Google and Apple and Fox and Facebook and General Mills and Hershey and Tesla. Not the person next to me.

just-a-hazbin-writer

Wow. This post went from funny to a life lesson in a way I wasn’t expecting, amd I’m not sorey at all.

uberguber89

See, unlike the capitalist elite, common criminals have a sense of morality and empathy.

stevenrogered

Jaskier & Yennefer’s reunion {insp.}

headspace-hotel

random bitter aspiring authors on "writing advice" blogs: Don't make your main characters super special mary sues. don't make them better than other people or more interesting. your main characters should be boring average guys with the personalities of wood pulp

the Epic of Gilgamesh: Gilgamesh was objectively the best man ever. He was the hottest, sexiest, most gorgeous hunk of pure manly awesomeness that ever lived and he used a sword that weighed 120 pounds.

headspace-hotel

The lesson here is that your main characters can be as special, overpowered, and unrealistically skilled at everything as you want, as long as this has the purpose of driving the plot via all the problems they cause (because they're an egotistical nightmare and a gigantic raging asshole).

headspace-hotel

The second lesson here is that no matter what randos on writing blogs say, people like stories where the characters are unique and iconic. Or at least they remember them.

(I have a theory that the stories that form long-lasting fandoms, and/or are recognized and referenced frequently in pop culture, are stories that have the same sort of "iconic" elements that are long-lasting in folklore and mythology. I think superheroes are particularly well suited to lasting centuries/millennia into the future because they're just so simple and memorable conceptually.)

tikkunolamorgtfo

Hi my name is Gilgamesh Hammurabi Ziusudra Euphrates Ishtar and I have the same heroic build as my lordly ancestors (that's how I got my name) with bulging muscles and chiselled features moulded by the goddess Aruru, and icy blue eyes like the limpid waters of the Great Flood, and a lot of people tell me I look King Enmebaragesi of Kish (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da Kur out of here!). I’m not related to Ishtar but I wish I was because she’s a major fucking hottie. I'm a demi-god but I'm not immortal. I possess extraordinary strength. I'm also a king and I rule a city called Urduk, where I force my subjects to erect lots of ziggurats (I'm known for my cruelty). I’m a Sumerian (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly animal skins. I love the forbidden Cedar Forest and I slay and skin all my beasts from there. For example today I was wearing a skin made from the Bull of Heaven with a matching sheep hide skirt, gold armlets, a carnelian headband, and black combat sandals. I was wearing black kohl eyeliner to ward off conjunctivitis. I was walking outside the twin peaks of Mount Mashu at the end of the earth. I came across a tunnel which no man before me had ever entered, which I was very happy about. Two guards that were giant scorpion monsters stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

turdusmaximus-art

there was not a single braincell amongst the characters in this silly little show

detectiveshipwreck

What would even happen to you?

kaiokentimesben

somebody mod this into portal and let the physics engine work it out.

rynnay

The implications are terrifying.

taciturnaberration

Good news! I have the solution.

PORTALS CAN’T MOVE.

If you place a portal on a surface, and then that surface moves, the portal immediately closes. A good example of this is one of the last test chambers in the first game. There is a surface that, upon a button press, is tilted upwards at an angle. If you place a portal there and THEN hit the button, the portal disappears.

The ONE, SINGULAR EXCEPTION to this has been in Portal 2 when you are deactivating the neurotoxin generator. But it is fair to assume in all other cases a portal would not be allowed to move.

I will grant you that it may just be the limitations of it Being a Video Game. But there is no more concrete evidence to suggest they could move in reality than there is to suggest they couldn’t.