here be angst

I am not afraid to keep on living! she/her sometimes you just need to lay on the forest floor until the dawn breaks over your hollow skeleton, y'know?

[ryebreadgf]

my dad is very intensely involved a battle with his city’s public administration over a playground they have tried to forcibly remove like five times in the past 20 years and DID remove once in like 2005 but then had to rebuild because my dad was such a pain in their asses and came through with undeniable receipts of the zoning plan from the 60s/the historic/cultural value of the urban planning…. like there’s a woman in the city office who is his arch nemesis. he is literally the daredevil of urban planning

[ryebreadgf]

everyone in the tags needs to stop saying they want to fuck my dad.

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

What will one day destroy each of the 50 US States

Alabama - Absorbed by Wyoming Alaska - Absorbed by Wyoming Arizona - Absorbed by Wyoming Arkansas - Absorbed by Wyoming California - Attempts to contain the spread of Wyoming by rigging itself with nuclear bombs Colorado - Absorbed by Wyoming Connecticut - Absorbed by Wyoming Delaware - Absorbed by Wyoming Florida - Missing, presumed absorbed by Wyoming Georgia - Absorbed by Wyoming Hawaii - Absorbed by Wyoming after the state survived California's suicide attack and continued to grow Idaho - Absorbed by Wyoming Illinois - Sacrifices itself trying to give Kentucky enough time to find the lost sword Indiana - Absorbed by Wyoming Iowa - Absorbed by Wyoming Kansas - Absorbed by Wyoming Kentucky - Attempts to wield the Wyoming Slayer alone and is not strong enough Louisiana - Absorbed by Wyoming Maine - Absorbed by Wyoming Maryland - Absorbed by Wyoming Massachusetts - Attempts to wield the Wyoming Slayer alone, and is not strong enough Michigan - Absorbed by Wyoming Minnesota - Absorbed by Wyoming Mississippi - Absorbed by Utah Missouri - Begs Utah not to go down this path, and is cut down Montana - Absorbed by Wyoming Nebraska - Absorbed by Utah Nevada - Tries to offer itself as a servant to Wyoming, telling it that together they could rule the world, but is absorbed New Hampshire - Absorbed by Utah New Jersey - Absorbed by Utah New Mexico - Gives its energy to Utah in the hopes that it will be able to stop Wyoming New York - Absorbed by Wyoming North Carolina - Attempts to wield the Wyoming Slayer alone, and is not strong enough North Dakota - Absorbed by Utah Ohio - Absorbed by Wyoming Oklahoma - Absorbed by Wyoming seconds after it finishes deciphering the runes on the handle of the Wyoming Slayer, managing only to croak out the word, "Too" Oregon - Absorbed by Wyoming Pennsylvania - Absorbed by Wyoming Rhode Island - Absorbed by Utah South Carolina - Sacrifices itself in order to get the Wyoming Slayer to Utah South Dakota - Absorbed by Utah Tennessee - Absorbed by Utah Texas - Absorbed by Utah Utah - Attempts to wield the Wyoming slayer and is burnt by its protective magics Vermont- Absorbed by Wyoming Virginia - Plunges itself into the gullet of the ever growing Wyoming to recover the sword which it ate Washington - Absorbed by Wyoming West Virginia - Absorbed by Wyoming Wisconsin - Cries, "I know what Oklahoma meant!" as it readies itself for its last stand. "Not 'too'! Together! It must be used together!" then reaches its arms into the monster's mouth, and takes hold of the sword with Virginia and with all the other states that have been eaten and lends its strength to all of them for one final attack, even as Wyoming's claws dig into its farmlands Wyoming - Stands startled for a few seconds, before beginning to crumble

[kelpiemomma]

blood eel Mouth perfec t size for put convict in submersible in to ex\plore! inside very Soft and Comfort convict sleep soundly put submersible in Blood Eel Mouth. Put Submersible In Blood Eel Mouth. no problems ever in bloodd eel mouth because good Shape and Support for outside iron protection of squishy convict body. Lbood Eel Mouth yes a place for a submersible put convict in submersible in blood eel mouth can trust blood eel for giveing good love to convict in submersible. friend blood eel

[sadclowncentral]

the cunt who makes my life decisions (me) and the idiot who has to live with them (also me) somehow have diametrically opposed world views how am i supposed to live like this

[sadclowncentral]

me sowing: the harvest will be glorious. farmers tremble before my sowing prowess. i'm the king of the hill

me reaping: why the fuck did i sow all this. what the fuck. who let me have all these seeds. why the FUCK do i own a field. what the fuck.

[sadclowncentral]

yesterday one of my brother's deckhands drunkenly confessed to him that the whole crew thought he was gay because he is, and i quote, "too tall and nice to people to be straight". a new puzzle piece to the wondrous mystery that is the world view of the cishet man

[axoltheartist]

@aroace-get-out-of-my-face (i had meant to post this a while back but tumblr was like “fuck you” so. oh well! anyways.) science time with dr pine is such a good concept and i was basically divinely inspired to make this <3 please enjoy ^_^

[aroace-get-out-of-my-face]

Im reblogging this to remind everyone that this is real. This exists. And I love it dearly.

[danielwaldorf]

customers today included:

- middle aged man who ordered matcha and then just Stood There and watched me make it. when i handed it to him he said i did a good job whisking it and handed me $1.25. ten minutes later when he and his wife left he shouted across the store that i have "good whisk technique" and "don't lose that!"

- woman who ordered a drink with the word "salty" in the name and then said "but with salted caramel." and when i said yeah that one comes with salted caramel she said "really? not just normal caramel?" and it took every ounce of my self control not to say yeah girl that's why it's called. Salty.

- extremely generic looking straight couple. woman wearing a trans pride pin that says "you're worried about the wrong 1%". i say "i like your pin!" she says "haha me too!" we finish the transaction and the man drops a bill in the tip jar. like five minutes later my coworker says emily what the fuck why is there a Twenty in the tip jar. i realize we haven't had any customers since that guy. i say holy fuck. i love you trans pride couple i hope you have the best day ever

[quietwingsinthesky]

we’re so lucky that gilgamesh survived and is a banger. can you imagine if we found the oldest written human story ever recorded and it sucked balls.

[minmos]

this reddit post isgoing to make me cry literally let's bask in the sun

[fairycosmos]

good morning to the beaten and the damned only

[scramratz]

I think people would be less suicidal if they were allowed to talk about being suicidal without risk of being sent to the Torture Dungeon

[markovchaingang]

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER:

my daughter cannot, through action or inaction, harm a human or allow a human to come to harm

a daughter at rest or in constant motion remains at rest or in constant motion unless acted upon by another force

daughters are never created or destroyed, only transformed

always treat every daughter as loaded, even if you know she isn't

you do not talk about my daughter

[abalidoth]

6. If x and y are my daughters, then there exists a set that has x and y as elements.

7. You can fold my daughter through any two points.

8. I have exactly one daughter parallel to a given line passing through a given point.

[inthefallofasparrow]

9. If my daughter is hung on the wall in the first act, then in the following one she must be fired. Otherwise don't put her there.

10. When two or more daughters are offered for a phenomenon, the simplest daughter is preferable.

11. Any sufficiently advanced daughter is indistinguishable from magic.

12. Without a clear indicator of intent, it is utterly impossible to parody my daughter without someone mistaking it for the genuine article.

13. My daughter is nine-tenths of the law.

[json-derulo]

when we started talking about getting a small-breed dog I was like, "I will NEVER turn into one of those people who treats their little dog like a doll or an accessory by forcing them to dress up in ridiculous outfits. Dogs HATE that. They should get to be DOGS, and that means not having to wear anything but a HARNESS and being FREE to ROLL in the MUD." and then I adopted a dog who throws a fit if you try to take him for a walk without letting him pick out a bow tie first. a dog who loves wearing pajamas so much that I'm about to spend a disgusting amount of money on several sets of linen ones for summer. a dog who watches me wave at him to follow me through a mud puddle and just stands there blinking up at me like, "are you fucking serious? and get my paws wet?"

[json-derulo]

me: I will raise him no differently than the two 80-lb labs I had growing up. absolutely no hoity-toity frou frou little yapyap dog stuff. he's gonna be a good ol' fashioned, rough-and-tumble, capital D-O-G—

—never mind. the boy yearns to be ensweatered

[systlin]

Note as someone who has visited and driven in most of the 48 lower contiguous states of the 50 small countries in a trenchcoat that make up the USA;

The drivers of all states suck, of course, this is a given. HOWEVER. There are some very special places that stand out among these. In order of how in fear for my life I was.

3. Houston. Drivers in Texas in general treat speed limits as a lower limit for how fast you should be going and the drivers in Houston show no regard for life or limb.

2. Atlanta. The drivers of Atlanta do not fear death for themselves and would rather you both die than let you merge.

Fucking. New Jersey. If I never drive I-95 or the Turnpike again I will die happy. You've never known fear until you see someone neglect to use turn signals and Jersey Slide through 4 lanes of near bumper to bumper 80 MPH traffic and cut in front of you to make their exit as you slam the brakes on and miss rear ending them by about half an inch.

On the flip side, the BEST driving I've ever seen? Suprisingly, New Orleans. Now, I went NOT during Mardi Gras, but I found the drivers there to be courtious and cautious with a very few exceptions. 10/10.

[ilovecoelacanths]

went to a new optometrist today wearing my squid facts ‘save our freaks dont mine the deep’ shirt from @sarahmackattack that has a strawberry squid on it. and i wasn’t even thinking about it but the optometrist walked in and he was like ‘oh what does your shirt say’ so i showed him and he was like ‘oh that’s neat!’ and then i thought he might like to know about strawberry squid eyes since they have weird eyes and he is an optometrist and all. so i was like ‘yeah it’s actually a real kind of squid called a strawberry squid, their eyes are really cool because they have one big yellow-green one and one small blue one’ and he kind of gasped and went ‘oh my god that’s so interesting i wonder why they have that. do you know what their retina composition is like?’ and i watched as he minimized my chart on the computer and started looking up images of strawberry squid and then he googled ‘strawberry squid retina composition’ and he was like ‘sorry we’ll get to your eye exam in a moment i just really want to find out’ LMAO 10/10 optometrist experience will be returning

[mumblesplash]

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

[woolandflax]

This one’s for the tumblrinas

[clarisliadon]

lets make cookies guys!

Sugar

Butter

Eggs

Flour

Salt

Baking powder

Vanilla extract

Chocolate chips

Voting ended on10h

[pointless-achievements]

Achievement Available:

C'Mon, You Know You Wanna...

Do it. Click that button. You know which one.