this goes out to the whore who works at DairyQueen

George 😵‍💫 26 😵‍💫 nonbinary 😵‍💫 they/them 😵‍💫 I'm gonna piss on ur carpet

[anakokawaii]

reblog to give your followers a tasty lick tube to enjoy :)

[cryptotheism]

Its cute when peoples understanding of Tumblr comes from screenshots of our best posts. They come here and post with a Screenshot Accent

[cryptotheism]

Hey if you're feeling anxious because of this post I just want you to know you're being watched like a hawk and everyone is making fun of you and every time you ever make a mistake we go out to the woods and write it down in excruciating detail upon a big ancient oak tree that has a record of all your mistakes and we are all beautiful with aesthetically pleasing cocks and holes and breasts and we make out and what flaws we have are romanticize-able-- unlike yours-- and we are all deft cooks who produce sensual meals while we think of your lesser actions and activities.

[couchnapping]

deft cocks

[catluvr985]

around the world aropund the world

[beatriceoftheday]

sup bitches

[vamptits]

they want you to make fried rice

[memser]

who is "they"

[vamptits]

the wok left

[solongandthanksforallthefish42]

how am I supposed to make fried rice if the wok left

[6qubed]

skillet issue

[kawareo]

Tumblr is like our elderly dog and when she makes an especially scary cough we apparently think "oh god it's the big one"

[kawareo]

Grief is a spectrum as you can see

[kawareo]

Our shit dog is alive and we love her

[kawareo]

She changed ship tags to red and it almost killed her but by god she did it

[reefsharkivist]

pokes your dinner gland

[shoolis]

[stevenrogered]

it’s almost that time of the year again, so you know what that means

[gaynfl-moved]

[fullmetalfisting]

You know, that’s fair

[crystalcrossing-remade-deactiva]

shit man tomorrow is christmas eve i swear yesterday was June 2010

[allegedly-human]

As is tradition in tumblr culture the locals unearth the corpse of a long deceased figure and drag it across the streets merrily, laughing at what is preserved of the person’s words. This custom, seen as morbid in other cultures, is instead done gleefully and with an unmatched enthusiasm

[brucebocchi]

[brucebocchi]

[ms-demeanor]

this made me laugh so hard that it triggered an asthma attack.

[mrsterlingeverything]

Mutuals can unscrew my panels and see my terrible cable management

[obeetlebeetle]

big jacket is a junk drawer you can walk around in

[bartmobile]

she was a bad bitch why lie

[thirtyskeletons]

Any day now

[thirtyskeletons]

people have suddenly started reblogging this post of mine from february 8th, 2012. great bit everybody

[thirtyskeletons]

[btc-official-deactivated2024071]

last week i woke up from one of the most fucked up nightmares ive ever had with that middle panel burned into my brain. like the exact wording and the exact apartment and the exact squidward. i feel like if i didnt make it real something bad wouldve happened. anyway todays upload is spunchbob comic oc

[homunculus-argument]

Artfully layering an axe bodyspray deodorant and two different perfume oils to create a tasteful mixture of amber, oud, mint, lavender, moss and petrichor, producing a scent that smells exactly like damp, stale, rotting laundry.

[dreamsareliminalspaces-deactiva]

Reminds me of that tumblr user that made powdered milk with sparkling water and created instant spoiled milk

[homunculus-argument]

That was also me.

[adeline-wheat]

Do you know any other ways to speed ruin things?

[homunculus-argument]

I wish I knew any other way to do anything.

[cryptotheism]

Many gimmick blogs are annoying because they rely on someone else making a good post, only to then slap on some redundant extra thing. You should contribute something of your own! You have to make original posts!

[officialdbcooper]

What if you’re only famous from hijacking something 🥺

[officialdbcooper]

Sorry this isn’t as funny as I hoped it could be

[cryptotheism]

This is what I mean Mr. Cooper. You have no confidence in your own creative vision. I believe you can succeed on your own if you put in the effort.