old Welsh women are insane and wonderful I just heard the phrase ‘I’ve got such bad luck I could fall into a pit of cocks and come out sucking my thumb’
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@annadalee
old Welsh women are insane and wonderful I just heard the phrase ‘I’ve got such bad luck I could fall into a pit of cocks and come out sucking my thumb’
“unprofitable platform” i’m getting rich off the currency of genuine human connection idiot
ilya showing how much he loves shane in front of his parents will always make me cry. he does it without hesitation. comforting him, speaking so easily and openly about their relationship, "you would leave boston for shane" "yes". he is the loverboy of all time. he's meant to be on the verge of tears with love, eating pasta at his in-laws. this is what he was meant for. the uninhibited displays of emotion and vulnerability and how none of it seems to phase him, none of it is forced. he has wanted a chance to love shane so openly and he's been given it and he is taking it all.
ilya: do you like girls
shane, still leaking lube and cum out of his asshole: is this a trick question.
KILL AI AND REBLOG AND CREATE ART IN 2026
The bubble is nigh.
okay so who is writing this
...........lowkey fucked around and wrote smth inspired by this
shameless self-promo in the tumblr reblogs lmaooo
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
shane's face after ilya picks him up my god he's so turned on. this guy is 200lbs of pure muscle he follows a diet other professional athletes have never even heard of and spends half his life in the gym, the other half muscling big strong hockey players out the way to get to a puck. and ilya just lifted him right off the ground and is ferrying him over to the bed where he Is Going To Fuck Him. my sweet steaming-engine-brain shane has never blanked so hard in his life. he's barely a person in this moment he is just Hormone
#if you are a person who is not little and have ever been picked up easily by a partner for the first time in your life... u get it
Everyday I live in fear of the HR fandom getting ever closer to Sitcom Dad!Ilya and Sitcom Mom!Shane being what we are forced to digest as fandom staples
I get very annoyed by some of the posts that portray Ilya as an idiot. He's a giant party boy jock not fucking stupid. He's canonically very witty and clever in a second language and good at his job. 😒 also Shane is his enabler and competitor not his bitch wife. Shane wouldn't make him sleep on the couch, he'd be egging him on.
they are each other’s bitch wife
they just don’t do any classic homophobic children moments like this anymore
There was really no winning that one
I bring a real 'actually people who are pregnant do deserve some special consideration because they are effectively at least temporarily disabled if not permanently after some complications' vibe to the party that a lot of people don't seem to like
given the current climate this pride especially i feel i must mention that i love my trans friends, i stand with trans people in the fight against transphobic legislation and those who would enforce it, and this blog is not a good place for you to be if you do not vibe with that
i think baby-priority-seating should be a thing on planes. like. not, "they go on first", i mean how seating is ARRANGED. like o shit there's a baby on this flight? then the attendants ask everyone in the waiting area "who here is good with babies and enjoys the communal human experience of helping a parent soothe a scared child?" and then they rearrange everyone to make sure those people are sitting next to the baby just in case, and boom, less stress for probably literally everyone including the baby
i have no idea why i am thinking about this. i have no baby and have not been on a flight in years. this is dan levys fault
shane's face after ilya picks him up my god he's so turned on. this guy is 200lbs of pure muscle he follows a diet other professional athletes have never even heard of and spends half his life in the gym, the other half muscling big strong hockey players out the way to get to a puck. and ilya just lifted him right off the ground and is ferrying him over to the bed where he Is Going To Fuck Him. my sweet steaming-engine-brain shane has never blanked so hard in his life. he's barely a person in this moment he is just Hormone
I know those cens lads saw big dick shane hollander in the showers for the first time and wondered what he did in a past life to be the god of hockey with a huge cock
In my mind, Shane doesn't start as a Centaurs fan. He doesn't really have a team – he just likes hockey so he watches every game and shouts for whichever team is playing better. He likes the Metros just fine, but he wants his own team.
But then when he's like 7 or 8 he goes to a Cens hockey game. He's watching the warmups so intently, trying to see if there are any stretches he can take into his own training. And, as you would when you see an adorable 7-year-old watching you warm up with the intensity of a seasoned coach, one of the players laughs and gives him a sweet little wink. And Shane decides right then that this is his favourite player on his favourite team. It's only years later that he figures out that the reason he imprinted on this guy so immediately was probably because it was baby's first celebrity crush.
AHHH and then years later he's at one of Bood's bbqs and Bood mentions casually that he invited a couple of former players that took him under their wing when he was a rookie.
And thru the door comes the player Shane had his first crush on.
Ilya is confused why Shane is all of a sudden sweating bullets and staring intently as this old guy. He eventually puts 2 and 2 together and becomes so insanely jealous.
This poor dude gets trapped between the two of them - Shane one side, staring at him with yearning bottom eyes, talking about how he was his fav player as a kid and giving high pitched giggles when he compliments Shane back. And Ilya on the other side, chirping him about his stats - asking him how it was playing in the MINOR LEAGUE (oh it was the major league? I didn't know that), asking him how many cups he won, what his goal point average was (oh you were defenceman? Did you hear that Shane? He was a defenceman! I scored more goals last month than he did in his entire career Shane!)
Omg YES.
Which is, of course, when another man – of a similar age (and build) to the Ottawa veteran – appears behind him and hands him a beer with a kiss to his cheek.
"Everything okay here, babe?" he asks, glaring daggers at Ilya, who has fallen uncharacteristically quiet at his appearance and being met with the same energy he was just giving.
"All good," laughs McKay, the former player, taking the beer and then the man's hand. "Just finally getting to meet two of my favorite players. Hollander, Rozanov, meet Mark, my husband."
And that's how Shane learns that his favorite player has been quietly married to a firefighter for the past decade and even though it's so cool and it feels like a sign from the universe or something, he can't help but also feel disappointed.
"You're literally married to me," says Ilya, frowning when he realizes why Shane's frowning slightly.
"Yeah, but now I know there's a world where I maybe could have..."
"Could have what? He's twenty years older than you. You think it would have been easier to figure out the gay thing with a man who is old enough to be your father? If he made you a tuna melt you would not run away screaming like you did with a younger man?"
"Okay a couple of things," says Shane, grabbing the front of Ilya's shirt and tugging him closer. "One, I did not run away screaming from your house. I had a slight freak out and then later let you fuck me stupid about it in that Tampa hotel room. Also it's been almost a decade since then, so can we let it go now?"
"Fine," says Ilya, rolling his eyes even as he moves closer to Shane, snaking his hands around his hips. "What's the other thing?"
Shane closes the last of the distance between them and kisses him.
"That it's so fucking hot when you get jealous."
anyway good morning a crucial tenet of hollanov’s relationship is that they’re equals and they’re the only people in the world who could ever be each other’s equal. they were supposed to stand alone at the top but they’re there together. shane does not view ilya as a lazy useless inconvenience. ilya does not view shane as a nagging killjoy. they are equals and they both think the other is the best thing since sliced bread and they love each other but more importantly they LIKE each other. stop making them not like each other!
like ilya spends his entire life being told (by people objectively shittier than he is) that he’s not good enough, he’s lazy, he’s undisciplined, he lets people down. and then he meets the one person who would actually be in a position to assess whether ilya is any of those things, and shane just earnestly looks into his fucking soul and says no, they were wrong. ‘you’re an awesome player to watch’ ‘i don’t know that side of you at all’ ‘this isn’t what this is. me and you’
and it’s such a fucking tragedy that people are trying to push MyIlya back into a setting where he’s constantly being lectured about his inadequacies by the very person that canonically reminds him all the time that those inadequacies were figments of his dad’s imagination