academic weapon turned burntout ff reader

[gaynehollander]

Yes, Ilya's possessive of Shane, he loves that Shane gives himself over to Ilya in a way no one else can have but, more importantly, he loves being Shane's. He loves the way Shane never lets him carry his own bags (though Ilya still makes sure to complain about it plenty). He loves the way Shane will gently adjust his position on the couch so that Ilya can curl up on his chest and the way he absentmindedly cards his fingers through his curls, even when he's distracted. He loves the way Shane takes care of him when he's sick, how he refuses to just let Ilya push through it and makes him lie down, brings him a cold compress and hot soup and takes his fever, running his hands through Ilya's sweaty hair calling him "sweetheart" and "poor baby." He loves how jealous Shane gets at the smallest thing, he loves how huffy he gets, how it's the only time he'll really instigate public displays of affection, and how it's born out of a need to stake his claim. Ilya would happily help him along with that goal but Shane had shot down his very reasonable idea of getting property of Shane Hollander tattooed on his thigh (though not before they fucked about it). He loves being buried in Shane's body, thrusting slowly into him and whispering "yours" until Shane, blissed out and writhing beneath him, confirms it. "Mine."

[grabmyboner]

Ilya walks into the living room while Shane is trying to do work on his laptop but Ilya is wearing a tacky maid costume and his tits are spilling out of it and it’s sooo tight on his biceps and ass and his thighs are making it ride up and he has a lil feather duster and Shane almost presses send on an email to a sponsor of the foundation that just says “Hello” when he looks up and sees Ilya in all his maid glory. Ilya says all seductively while he’s pretending to dust the coffee table “It must be so lonely with your husband out of town, Mr Hollander, maybe I can help you feel less lonely?” and anyways maid Ilya is on his knees sucking Mr Hollander’s cock within seconds.

[grabmybush]

ilya rozanov who’s known to boston as the mysterious fuckboy from russia who chirps like he’s getting paid for it and is crazy good at hockey. one day a teammate is absent from a few games in a row and turns back up to practice with a fucking newborn and they’re all in their hockey gear fawning over this tiny baby. then once everyone’s said hi before practice, the crowd parts and ilyas just stood by the doorway, a literal deer in headlights staring at the bundle of blankets in his teammates arms and-

“do you wanna hold him?”

ilya’s moving forward before he can process the words and everyone’s holding their breath as he gathers the newborn into his arms, pausing to take his gloves off first. it’s a few tense seconds before the baby babbles and shifts slightly before tucking his head into the crook of his arm and swiftly falling to sleep.

ilya looks up to see his whole team stifling grins, “i think we’ve found the new babysitter” and he bites back a chirp because he doesn’t want to wake the baby he’s holding so delicately to his chest.

he’s stuck on the sidelines for the whole practice while he rocks the baby through the slams against walls, waving its little arm towards its dad when it eventually wakes up.

and yeah pictures surface soon after of fucking rozanov staring down at the baby in his arms with the fucking softest eyes and twitter has a field day proving he’s a softie at heart

[ilyapasta]

Anyway married Hollanov have a mutual crush on Carter. Like they come home from games and nights out at the Kingfisher like "what a class act Carter is, just a great guy" like gushing about him so sincerely and then they both have a laugh about it and are feeling latent jealously for each other's crush but they both have the crush so neither can get mad lmaoooo

But if Shane has a crush on Carter, and Ilya also has a crush on Carter, WHO'S going to instigate the possessive jealous fuck-fest that they have at least twice during the normal season and at least once during playoffs when they feel like they need to re-stake their claims on each other?

(Sometimes also at the cottage when Shane lingers at the mailbox too long shooting the breeze with the mailman, Ilya waits like a crouching tiger in the entryway)

So instead they pivot (they're so good at pivoting and yes anding each other at this point) and it's one of those nights when Ilya pins Shane to the bed like "We'll bring Vaughan in to watch you, yes? He'd be so nice, so sweet to you while I take what I need? That what you need, Hollander, someone to be nice to you?"

And Shane "has never once wanted Ilya to be nice to him" Hollander will spit back like "It would make for a nice CHANGE," fully baiting Ilya, so then Ilya gets to manhandle Shane onto his belly and just take and take like "I'll show everyone who you belong to" and it's just a nice wholesome evening for them all things considered

[hollzyer]

lifestyle influencer shane and his jealous boyfriend (ilya) 🤤🤤

[holyfuckingweed]

Shane and Ilya wrecking havoc on twitter once again

Heated Rivalry social media au 8/?

Part 7

Tag list: @genderfluidqueerio @pixelatedhomunculus2 @mothman-stole-my-eyebrows @my-hockey-shaylas @malgudinights @zoe-inthesky @bisexualchaosdemon @prometheusthedragon

[texasteaparty]

kinda in love with the idea of shane, once he gets over his initial shock, terror, anxiety, etc of being outed / coming out and gets to be comfortable with ilya in the ways he knows how

so he holds his hand as theyre walking into the arena together

or he curls his foot around ilya's ankle when theyre out having lunch

he'll blush and fluster when the kiss cam shows up on the big screen, but easily and quickly pulls ilya in by the collar to plant a wet, sloppy kiss to his husbands cheek

play dates with shane, hayden and the kids turns into dates with uncle ilya and uncle shane and the kids and shane spends 99% of the time trying to figure out how to get pregnant while he watches ilya play with the pike posse

if he spots some pretty woman wearing an 81 jersey shouting at his husband shane maybe goes out of his way to be a little clingier, a little more teasing, even sneaking a quick kiss in celebration of a goal he got/assists on with ilya

hes petty, but charming, and so damn boyish that people dont realize hes quite literally the devil on ilyas shoulder the entire time lol

[pxssionate-intensity]

Shane strikes me as the type of person to learn Russian for Ilya, but is way too scared to speak it to him until he’s sure he’s got it down.

He spends hours perfecting his pronunciation and his accent, making sure he doesn’t sound like an idiot.

And one day he just whips it out and Ilya stares at him in shocked silence.

[consumer-of-books]

There's a version of Ilya that showed up to every Boston game following the cottage with a neck guard because Shane looked into them and decided it was unacceptable for Ilya to take that risk too. Ilya was issued an ultimatum stop smoking or start using a neck guard.

Ilya would do both and Boston would say he was whipped. The chirping only increased further when they found out it was Jane, presumed Montreal fan. This also explained why Ilya started wearing it at the same time as Shane Hollander ... because Jane Montreal fan saw Hollander do it and decide Ilya must too, totally not because being asked to make choices that are good for him gives Ilya warm fuzzy feelings.

[texasteaparty]

Shane is scrolling through recipes for two (he won't make that mistake again, no sir)

while Ilya is scrolling the Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov (hockey rpf) ao3 tag

[wannabetonthat]

I was half asleep daydreaming and I came up with the most cracky idea

Shane has been in face offs against Ilya for years, even if they didn't have their thing of the ice, he knows his face by memory. Which is why he notices when a mole in the underside of his jaw gets bigger.

It's the 2015-2016 season, middle of the hookup era, and he is trying to get this motherfucker to see a dermatologist, but nothing he says works. Ilya either distracts him or dismisses him with some stupid denial like russians don't get melanoma.

But the mole keeps changing and now its not even the same consistent color and Shane has googled the signs so he says fuck it, I'm gonna make him.

Shane uses his barely active public account to tweet a list of Boston based dermatologist and tags Ilya in each one.

This of course goes crazy with the fans because what the hell? Shane Hollander? Tweeting at Ilya Rozanov? Doctors? This is a very advanced very strange chirp? Is he calling his moles ugly?

The next time the Boston Raiders have a game the media scrum doesn't even try to pretend they came for another thing, they want to know about the Dermatologist Thread.

Ilya, at this point frustrated because his moles are fine, they're perfect, why is this a problem, so he answers.

"Hollander should mind his own businesses, he wants me to visit stupid skin doctor because he sees mole. I have lots of moles, always had, there's no problem here, it's normal mole!"

And Shane is getting out of his own game a few hours later, prepares himself to answer about the fumble in the second period when the media comes, and it's surprised when, instead, he gets shown a clip of Ilya's earlier interview. Now, this fucking reckless motherfucker, Shane explodes.

"You fucking asshole! You want to die by driving a Porsche into a wall be my guest! But you're gonna die of the most stupid thing in existence! A MOLE! A mole you decided not to check even if it changed size and color and it's in your fucking face where we can all see it every fucking face off with arena lights shining right into it! Why? Because you're stupid and you don't want to go to the doctor and you don't respect the sun. You're gonna die from a perfectly preventable thing and then what am I gonna do? I'm gonna be the best hockey player in mi generation with 10 cups and Harts and Conn Smythes and no competition because you're gonna be in the history books as that one promising dude who died from a mole. A mole! Go to the fucking doctor and use your fucking sunscreen."

That one goes viral. That one breaches containment and goes internacional meme viral.

Shane Hollander Skin Cancer Awareness King.

There's "Go to the fucking doctor and use your fucking sunscreen" T-Shirts.

Shane Hollander angry sneering face with the text "RESPECT THE SUN" under it.

Ilya Rozanov gets bullied relentlessly about it, everyone asking if he has gone to the doctor yet. He doesn't answer. Eventually, he appears with a new scar in his jaw where a wonky mole used to be.

A new meme begins, Shane Hollander has saved Ilya Rozanov's life. From a malignant mole.

[hollanders-left-tit]

Sometimes I think about the fact that Ilya married one of the greatest hockey players of all time, who is also an underwear model, and who comes in his pants just from sucking Ilya’s cock, and I have to wonder what it’s like being so #blessed

[literary-claustrophobia]

As soon as Shane realized he was gay, that mf Locked In. He said, we need to get this relationship Sorted, hired a stylist, and showed up to All Stars weekend ready to lock down the best dicking he had ever gotten in his life. And it worked.

[ilyapasta]

I don’t really have anything new to add to the conversation but I miss when we were talking about Shane having a crush on certified kind cutie Carter Vaughan. The vibes with that headcanon are so sunny. Shane’s little head swivel like “don’t even sweat it Vaughany” or whatever he says. No notes! Let Shane Hollander plant himself next to Carter at the mens firgure skating short program while also worrying about Ilya. He’s a guy and he likes guys. Let the guy have a crush and let it be on Carter.

[m4s0ch1st1c-pup]

Shane and Ilya walking into the locker room to get ready for practice

Ilya starts taking his clothes off and suddenly the rest of the team is chirping him and Shane about what they got up to last night

Both Ilya and Shane look at each other in confusion before both look down at Ilya's body and suddenly realize what everyone's talking about

Ilya is absolutely COVERED in bite marks

On his neck, shoulders, arms, thighs, chest, back, everywhere

Ilya smirks before saying "is not what you think, husband just uses me like chew toy when the world tries to fight him"

Shane was simply biting Ilya the night before as a stim because he chewlery wasn't clean and he felt overstimulated, Ilya, of course, let him have free reign and proceeded to get chewed on for hours

[gaynehollander]

Shane getting mad that Ilya swallowed the first time they blew each other because “this guy was determined to one-up him at every turn” makes me giggle and kick my feet. My competative boy was goaded into letting the slut ways take over.

[surreality51]

Shane doesn’t realize he looks Like That because, despite being ranked as #1 Hottest Player in the MHL and getting numerous sponsorships, he thinks “it’s not like I get treated any differently in my daily life because of my looks, people aren’t throwing themselves at me left and right, so it must not be a big deal.”

But the thing is, people DO throw themselves at Shane left and right, he just doesn’t realize it.

The Voyagers are at a club and girls are eyeing him like the last steak in a tiger enclosure, but Hayden is about to bang his head on the table because Shane is in his usual Captain mode and paying zero attention to the girls. A few of the bolder ones approach him but he’s like “Hi, can I help you?” and “oh sorry, I’m on duty right now, I can’t leave my team” and Hayden gives up, he just can’t anymore. Jackie will need to step up and find this man a girl cuz Shane ain’t gonna do it on his own.

At brunch with Rose, the waiter is checking him out hardcore and smiling flirtatiously. Rose teases him about it, and Shane is like “???? He’s just doing his job? Isn’t it his job to be friendly?”

Years later, Hayden and Rose are trading war stories of Shane being oblivious to human attraction and Ilya’s just like, *shrug* you just need to be clear and direct with him, and Rose and Hayden both stare at him like “what do you mean?”

And that’s how they learn that the way you get through to Shane about your intentions is you have to jerk off at him while looking him in the eye.