Fruit (Derogatory)

💚 Grey • they/them • 26 💚

[valtsv]

was lamenting the fact that my eczema is flaring up when the thought "the itcher" popped into my head fully formed and unprompted and now i can't stop laughing

[valtsv]

[valtsv]

[sandersstudies]

Great news everyone. There was a kitten wandering in the drive thru at work and my inner warrior cats kid tried to be a hero and capture him.

I have now suffered multiple puncture wounds and have to go to the emergency room.

[sandersstudies]

Me: I shall become his mother and gain his trust

Me talking to an animal control officer five minutes later: he is a nasty horrid little boy and I am bleeding heavily

[sandersstudies]

Animal control officer on the phone: So he’s in your car with you?

Me: Um. It’s his car now and he’s very mad at me.

[sandersstudies]

Second animal control officer: oh you captured him and got him in your car? He’s friendly?

Me, my right hand completely wrapped in paper towels: wouldn’t say that

[sandersstudies]

Urgent Care Nurse: Wow it’s strange he managed to get you so many times.

Me: I uh. Did not let go.

[borgesperovago]

You vibe as someone prone to toxic relationships

[sandersstudies]

People on tumblr will just say anything huh.

[borgesperovago]

Oh cmon, "he hurt me a lot cause i couldn't let go" absolutely has double interpretation.

[sandersstudies]

Me, holding a cat (of unknown gender) as it repeatedly digs its little teeth deep into my flesh: Is this… too… yuri?

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

This website is free

[naamahdarling]

We pay in other ways.

[pallidprincess]

tiktok is such an awful app, it's almost designed to feed you misinformation and expose you to insane discourse. unlike beloved tumblr, the app that feeds me misinformation and exposes me to insane discourse

[pallidprincess]

[lierdumoa]

No, no, no, you see on tiktok an algorithm feeds you misinformation. On Tumblr I feed myself misinformation from my charcuterie board of hand-selected unhinged mutuals.

[lierdumoa]

None of that mass market junk. Only artisanal, small batch, sustainably cultivated, fair trade horseshit.

[guerrillatech]

[hekatontarch]

[queertail]

The site is '12ft Ladder' found here:

12ft – Hop any paywall

Show me a 10ft paywall, I’ll show you a 12ft ladder.

[sola-whumping]

Reblogging this on ALL my blogs because holy shit is it useful

[ampervadasz]

Unmute !

[freakshows199]

I just wanna thank the person who put this across my dash cause I’m sad as hell but I still laughed a little

[knitmeapony]

WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY

[augustdementhe]

A chorus of the brightest little ‘Wow!’s you could ever imagine.

[the-haiku-bot]

A chorus of the

brightest little ‘Wow!’s you could

ever imagine.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[k-eke]

Little pianist 🎵

[queer-as-city-folk]

Neil Banged out his tunes today, on a train you have the comfort and relaxation to bang out your own tunes

[queer-as-city-folk]

No

[anxiouscryptid]

[natalieironside]

I was born at a very young age.  I’ve been alive for as long as i can remember, and I hope to continue living until I die.

[the-fantastic-mrs-fuck]

And what do you think you can bring to our company?

[natalieironside]

Gonna steal from it

[xgh0ulx]

[valtsv]

it really is insane how waking up early will grant you access to some of the most beautiful sights and sensations in the world that will make you want to live forever, but only if you overcome the gauntlet of a thousand razors that is getting out of bed early. truly one of life's little saw traps.

[justarandomart]

Maybe Steven Universe wasn’t the best show to watch

[funkyness]

there should be a hotline for me to call autistic people with specific hyperfixations every time i have a question

[sabertoothwalrus]

[pangur-and-grim]

Belphagor is looking a little wall-eyed in the recent picture. Is that normal or just a bad angle? I can't help but be a little worried

he's young enough that his eyeball muscles aren't fully functional! as Belphegor ages, he should look less wonky

[tisviolentrain]

hey @pangur-and-grim are you still accepting grub fanart

[valtsv]

anyone who thinks dostoevsky's writing is dry and humourless is missing out on passages like this

[valtsv]

[paradoxial-cunt]

[bog-goblin]

[bog-goblin]

[i-am-a-fish]

[zampl]

seen a person’s blog that had “porn bot” under the do not follow if criteria………king they can’t read💔

[zampl]

bot generated accounts after seeing your dni list

[muck-raker]

[ID: a sad ant with a bindle, presumably originally from an ad for pest control.]

[planetsolaris]

posts where the ID makes the joke funnier

[zampl]

sad ant with a bindle monday, folks💔

[zampl]

it is once again, despite everything, sad ant with a bindle monday

[zampl]

ah, it seems sad ant with a bindle monday is upon us yet again💔

[noonbeam17]

SAD ANT WITH A BINDLE MONDAY HAS BEEN TERMINATED. PACK IT UP BOYS

[mdpikachu]

pack it up, you say?

[valtsv]

if you try to run me through with your blade i'll just pull it in deeper until we're face to face and kiss you on the mouth. with tongue.

[valtsv]

and yes. i will vomit blood into your mouth <3

[faehalfwit]

Pardon?

[valtsv]

you know. bat marriage.