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People who act aggressive and negative as fuck and then when you’re like “hey can you stop” they’re like “I’m going through some stuff 🥺🥺🥺” like damn dude that’s crazy me too - for example right now I’m going through YOUR behavior.

sandersstudies

“I’m dealing with a lot 🥺🥺🥺” and I’m dealing with you so I guess we’re even

sandersstudies

If your reactions to your trauma or your problems are making other people around you feel unsafe you need new coping mechanisms.

glumshoe

I’m at a party where the My Immortal fanfic is being explained via PowerPoint by a high school teacher.

ernmark

When I was working as a student teacher, I did this thing where I would reward my students for behaving and getting all their work done early by reading chapters of My Immortal to them.

I did voices and everything, pronounced every spelling error, and carefully fudged all the swear words and sex scenes. But the kids. freakin. loved it. Like, to the point where they’d start helping each other get their work done so we could finish in time to read a chapter.

And after every single chapter, we’d go around and talk about why it was so hilariously awful. What made the writing bad? What would it take to make something better?

And then very noticeably, they stopped doing those things in their own writing.

It was really cool seeing them paying attention and thinking critically and not even notice because they were too busy laughing themselves sick about the story.

grison-in-space

GENIUS

tiktoks-for-dead-pope

wizzardhat

whencartoonsruletheworld

not a lot of old-ass movies hold up in terms of comedy but sleeping beauty is fucking hilarious. “this is the 14th century.” “that’s because it’s on you dear.” the king at the end being confused af. fucking amazing

whencartoonsruletheworld

ok yeah im watching it again and nobody ever points out but. when merryweather says “you can’t sew and she’s never cooked” that like highkey implies that merryweather was the one in charge of actually taking care of the fucking kid which is hysterical. if merryweather was the main parental figure it’s a wonder aurora isn’t down for murder 24/7

whencartoonsruletheworld

see it’s easy to say “flora fauna and merryweather are a polyam couple” but tbh i think just flora and fauna are married, they both seem vaguely maternal towards merryweather, who in turn seems a lot younger and less experienced. so i have the headcanon that over in the fae realm these two were put in charge of training merryweather as their fae apprentice or whatever which somehow makes “merryweather was the one to take care of aurora” even FUNNIER. imagine you’re trying to train under these two powerful fairies and then before you know it you’re in the middle of the woods raising a baby and it turns out that without their wands your mentors are useless lesbians who don’t know how to cook. no wonder she’s so pissed all the time

whencartoonsruletheworld

i never liked the criticism that “aurora doesn’t do anything she only has like 10 lines that’s not #feminist” because. the main characters of the movie are the fairies, she just happens to get marketed more nowadays cause of the disney princess lineup, if you actually watch the movie it’s clear she’s not the protagonist, neither is phillip, i think he has roughly equal screentime to her. gender equality they’re both useless

but anyway when disney was doing that thing where they made one-shitbillion sequels they have serious untapped potential in post-movie aurora main character. because listen. listen. first of all she went through the most wild life-changing shit all in like two hours so she’s gonna be dealing with the fallout from that

but more importantly. girl was raised in the WOODS. she runs around barefoot petting wild animals and eating shit she picked up off the ground. she now lives in a castle as the future monarch. WHERE is my comedy sequel about that. where the FUCK is it. where is my scene of the servants and royals like “we’re so happy our beloved, perfect princess is finally back :)” and then she walks in covered in mud, smelling like riverwater, carrying a live fish and saying “i caught dinner” phillip sees nothing wrong with this

alwaysscreechingbasement

Honest board game titles

parkchanwoohoo

I'm happy for everyone who pirates stuff in a safe way. I just pat my laptop comfortingly and go "Let's do this" and then pray to god my cheap ass virus protection doesn't get completely overrun as I go to freemoviefilm69.co.free

parkchanwoohoo

[While manually closing 13 pop-ups per second, all of which are targeting my geographic location with steadily increasing accuracy] You know I think this is truly how the director intended for this work to be seen

bedupolker

Support your local park rangers

bettedavisgf

we gotta stop saying “feminine hygiene products” because “pads and tampons” is really just not that embarrassing as a series of words lol

pointnclick

it sucks cuz my fave ben & jerry ice cream has a pic of jimmy fallon on it. the tonight’s dough. it’s so good though. but i hate having him in my house. i hate seeing his little cuck face in the store. i legit turn the container around when i store it in the freezer to minimize face to face time. whenever i’m gonna buy some i tell my sister “i’m going to get the little cuck cream at the store” and she knows what i mean

funnytwittertweets

tjmystic

... does it not mean American Sign Language? But with slashes for some inexplicable reason?

rufeepeach

It means Age/sex/location and it’s very old internet speak. If you know what it means it means you’re an Old and therefore your back for sure hurts

randomslasher

Oof this takes me back to AOL chatrooms.

wemblingfool

You used to get made fun of if you didn't know this. Now you get made fun of if you do.

derinthescarletpescatarian

#i.. thought it was an a/b/o thing#you can't convince me i was the only one

swamp-mirage

A/b/o? Hold on I gotta go look something up

thegenderal

Might be controversial with the tumblr crowd but something that ive learned both as a teen on the internet, as an adult who’s done management & just worked a job, and through observation of other peoples lives and problems, if a person tells you that “EVERYBODY says (negative thing) about them and they dont know why”, “everybody” is right, and they Do know why, and those words are your cue to become involved with this person as little as possible.

thegenderal

When my coworkers said he got fired from his last job for being late and that it was “totally unreasonable”, i wasn’t surprised when he showed up 5-15 minutes late to every shift. When one of the people i managed last summer said that when she worked her last job everyone said she wasnt a hard worker and worked too slow and she thought it was unfair and confusing, I wasn’t surprised when she had severe performance issues. When my friend told me her new boyfriend said all his exes were crazy, i wasn’t surprised when he turned out to be the crazy one. When a boy at my college said no girl would give him a chance and he didnt know why, i wasn’t surprised when he was a misogynist. When one of my friends in early high school said everyone kept abandoning them and calling them manipulative and controlling i Was surprised when they were toxic and manipulative and controlling, and i felt extreme guilt for “abandoning them” and joining a list of people who just wouldnt stick around, but i learned, and it was a lesson that stuck. I dont feel guilty anymore. I didnt abandon them, i broke off the friendship because they were a hurtful, mean person who refused to change their behavior. I learned to listen when people say what their personality flaws are. A lot of the time they’ll tell you themselves. People very rarely dip from someones life without a word- theres boundaries crossed, explanations of hurtful behavior that are ignored to shield the perpetrators emotions and ego, the reasons are never missing, they just are ignored to fit a different, self victimizing narrative.

If everybody around you has the same problem with you, the problem doesn’t lie with everyone else.

prokopetz

To be totally fair to Willy Wonka, at least a couple of those candy factory casualties involved kids deliberately circumventing reasonable safeguards, sometimes aided and abetted by the parents who were supposed to be supervising them. What happened is at most 60% his fault.

thecolossalennui

oompa loompa doopity dare

the court finds you breached your duty of care

aka-maayan

oompa loompa doopity disk

that’s what the courts call assumption of risk

tipofthescepter

oompa loompa doopity do

only a partial judgment for you

thes3nator

Oompa loompa doopity doubt,

The rest of the class action lawsuit is hereby…

(SLAM) (SLAM)

THROWNITY OUT!

luimnigh

[id: Photo of a British judge, with the judge’s face replaced with that of an Oompa Loompa from the Gene Wilder movie. end id.]

kidlokigloves

i am so sorry

metalscoops

I will always reblog this because it makes me laugh so hard every time

homunculus-argument

My favourite kind of thing in people learning a second or third language is the sliding scale of formality that you never notice before you hear someone using words that aren’t wrong, they very consicely describing the matter at hand, but not in a way that a native person would say it.

Like you’ve just moved somewhere and are having guests over for the first time, and you know your cat is going to be a pushy little shit, and now you have to figure out how to warn people about that. And you know exactly the words you’d use in your own language, but you’ve never heard them here, so you pick up a dictionary, look up the exact words, learn how to pronounce them, compose the sentence and tweak it until the grammar is perfectly correct, and then memorise it, so you have it prepared.

And then next day you’re letting people in and it’s been exactly 30 seconds before little Masha is inside someone’s purse, hat, shirt, or altogether managing to be in every single person’s personal space at the same time, and you take out the sentence you composed: “Pardon, the cat is inevitable.”

narwhalsarefalling

MY TA SHOT SOMEONE IN THE FOOT AND THE PROFESSOR WAS SO FUCKING QUICK LMAOOO

narwhalsarefalling

some context

1. my TA, Ralph, shot his girlfriend’s abusive ex in the foot

2. abusive ex was also a sex offender

3. he shot him when ex came buy to pick some stuff up from girlfriend and tried to take some of Ralph’s items as well

4. ex is stable and alive in a hospital

5. i didn’t do assignment 8 so i am very happy

narwhalsarefalling

some more Facts About Ralph

he is whiter then snow. this man is pure 100% american redneck in everything but the politics. this is intimidating if you dont know him because he owns like 3 different guns but also has animated discussions about “how his sister should be able to get married” when you bring up lgbt rights. his sister isnt even gay or trans or anything, he just thinks that LGBT rights also means that the lady should propose when she wants to. hes a little confused but he got the spirit. upon finding out that i am queer he said, word for word “THATS FUCKING RADICAL HOMIE”

in the first week of school he snorted a line of pepper in the cafeteria and threw up.

the only other crime hes committed before was accidently dropping a weight from his balcony and cracking the sidewalk. which is technically destruction of public property but the judge basically laughed at him and have him 10 hours of community service

this man once walked me home when i stayed late at the lab and talked to me animatedly about breeding brine shrimp for different lab purposes. absolutely captivated by this discussion. i trust him with my life