APennyfullOfThoughts

: A blog full of thoughts and ideas from an overcrowded mind. An aspiring writer/ actress's place to type to her heart's content. All are welcome! X

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The hardest thing to ever be, is unapologetically me. 

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Started up a new tumblr page for a little Photography Project I’ve been working on over my holiday! I’ve named it ‘The Sophie Project’ and the url is ‘sophiesdresses’. Take a look if you fancy! 

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There’s a particular melancholy that comes with the end of a holiday, the feeling of having to return to normal life after experiencing one far more vibrant, colorful and exciting than your own. But knowing deep down that this color would wear out after a month or two, and you would always end up dreaming of home. 

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What’s meant to be,

will be.

What’s not meant to be,

will not be. 

But instead of waiting for a sign

I’d rather

find out

myself. 

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I heard someone today saying that they hated the laughter lines on their face and were trying everything to get rid of them. I really hope I never feel that way. Shouldn't we be happy and proud that we've lived a life full of smiles and laughter, and have the marks to show for it?

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I remember on the day before my eighth birthday being really really sad that I was turning eight, but having absolutely no idea why. I think even at that age I was aware that after that day I could never say truthfully say ‘I am seven’ again. Ever.  

The notion that something I’d got so used to saying could overnight turn from being an absolute truth to an absolute lie scared me. 

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One of the worst fears to have is that of growing old. It is absolutely inevitable, it gets worse with time, and there is only one unattractive alternative. 

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Every book is made up from the same supply of words.

Every piano piece is made up from the same supply of notes. 

There are endless variations, and we are able to create art so monumentally individual, so breathtakingly emotive that we hardly ever realise that we all start with the same materials. 

This makes me feel inspired and frustrated in equal measure. 

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I overheard someone the other day saying that every book is just a Mash Up of the dictionary. It blew my mind. 

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As long as I can find the rain beautiful I know that I’ll ultimately be okay.

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I really really really want to write a book.

I just don't know how, when, or what it's going to be about.

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Photographic

I remember when I was very young people telling me I had a photographic memory. This confused me at the time, and I took it to mean that I literally had a kind of camera in my head. In order to make the best of this mind camera I decided to use it only at the most special of moments, by blinking my eyes tight shut, like you would a camera shutter, and remembering the image. Of course I soon learnt that this was not what the term meant, but the funny thing is I can still vividly remember all the images I captured through that 'shutter technique'. I might start doing this again..5 year old me was definitely on to something...

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Bad moment in a changing room today.

*Me handing back the clothes I tried on*

Shopworker: So, how did you get on?

Me: No

Walk, just keep walking

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I know it's cliché, but having friends you can go months without seeing, then talk with them like you've never been away is THE best thing

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Cross Roads

I found university open days terrifying. Mainly because I spent so much time contemplating the fact that I was seeing nine different potential lives I could have. That meant nine different friendship groups, nine different year groups, nine different homes in nine different cities where I might find nine different potential partners, and I could only choose one! Based on one decision on one day my life my whole future would change drastically in ways I could not imagine. Terrifying.

(But also hugely, hugely exciting.)

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A lot of the time I think about how I would really love to have a kid. Then I think of having a small child call me ‘Mum’, I mean really properly imagine what that would be like, and it freaks me out. Hugely.  

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It's a cruel irony that the harder you try to forget someone, the more prevalent they are in your thoughts.