apple shampoo me

27/she/native with a passion for nothing really. My humour is shit but follow me anyway, we're all friends here. 🍟

[despazito]

we are the daughters of parents who should not have had kids

[laughconfetti]

[casket-of-beauty]

[red-mercer]

People who sculpt in marble do fabrics and shit just to flex don’t they

[paulsebert]

Marble is a medium in which you can be horny on main and everyone’s like “wow that’s classy.”

[alexaloraetheris]

I think having skills to construct flesh out of stone gives you as much right to be horny on main as any creator god.

[holdtightposts]

There’s so much to unpack here:

Pack of Beakers

Goth Beaker

The Beaker snitching and pointing out the photographer

The Beaker that’s about to unload on the photographer

The terminator strut before the ass whooping and you know he’s moving at speed because of the blur

The ominous feeling that you know this is 3 in the morning

[junkfoodcinemas]

REBLOG BAD APE FOR GOOD LUCK

War for the Planet of the Apes (2017) dir. Matt Reeves

[kleefkruid]

cats would be so fucking upset if they understood they were missing out on the ability to lie verbally

[mitchipedia]

[vaspider]

You know what, though? This is actually not bad advice, as silly as the typo on the sign is.

If you drive in the snow as if you have an unsecured giant sheet cake on the back seat because you're on the way to the birthday party of your favorite friend, you'll actually probably do okay! Be cautious, keep a steady speed, leave lots of space around your car. Don't speed up too quickly or brake too sharply. Take turns at a steady, smooth speed. Keep your hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road.

Genuinely, this is similar to how I taught friends from places where it doesn't snow how to act in a car when it's icy or snowing, so let's go with it:

Drive with cake.

[nudityandnerdery]

It's like the classic advice says:

[nashvillethotchicken]

The drake Kendrick beef trending on tumblr is like finding out an isolated village in the middle of Siberia with no internet or television access knows who Michael Jackson is

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

the Salem storyline in Sabrina the teenage witch is so so good bc like the wizard supreme court or whatever is like 'this man is the most dangerous war criminal in history. he has tried to commit genocide and become a dictator in many different dimensions. we can't give him the death penalty bc he used dark ancient magic to make himself immortal so we've trapped him in the body of a feline for eternal torture. it is the Spellman's duty to hold him prisoner for us'. and then the Spellman's are just like kitty,,,...........we're gonna get him a special pillow to sit on and buy him funny little outfits and cuddle with him while we sleep. he's the glue holding this family together we love him so much

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

[gif87a-com]

A hummingbird thought a man’s orange hat was a flower [x]

[shinymegacrobat]

Iv never seen a hummingbird sit before lol

[queervashti]

i wasn’t going to reblog until he sat 

[spacelesbians-archive-deactivat]

HE SITS

[intjint]

ITS BACK

[the-mighty-birdy-deactivated202]

OH GOD

THE BEST POST ON THIS WEBSITE

[ruffboi-mags]

that look when he sat tho.

“the fuck is wrong with this fuckin flower??”

[munkseel]

tumblr users will see the word shrimp and black out and hit reblog without reading the rest of the post

🦐

[the-anomaly-painter]

This post has been Distorted by Shrimp Colors!

[codwaw-deactivated20231116]

[eruhamster]

[eruhamster]

i still can't stop thinking about this

[andwhatexcellentboiledpotatoes]

I hate how if you want to do anything or go anywhere interesting you have to work a full time job to afford that but if you have a full time job you dont have time to do anything or go anywhere interesting!

[helenvaughans]

[doublism]

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

[prokopetz]

"Isn't it weird that [thing humans commonly eat] is poisonous to literally every domesticated animal" I mean, there's a pretty good chance that [thing humans commonly eat] is at least mildly poisonous to humans, too. One of our quirks as a species is that we think our food is bland if it doesn't have enough poison in it.

[xeansicemane]

Humans have a really weird mix of mundane superpowers.

We're not fast and don't have a lot of natural weaponry but we're bizarrely tolerant to a broad range of toxins to the point that one toxin is considered a morning necessity for some to perform at work. Gotta love us.

[vexwerewolf]

[missmacfire]

[vikingofficial-deactivated20241]

[quackels]

[quackels]

[superbeans89]

[ryebreadgf]

it used to be 2007 you know

[ryebreadgf]