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@aroace-menace
Hi everyone! Here's your Daily Reminder to Click for Palestine!
And if you can spare a dollar, donate to ANERA!
the secret cheat code for women is realizing you dont have to date men
this doesnt just go for lesbians it goes for bi women and straight women too. i cant even count how many times straight women have told me “i wish i was a lesbian so i didnt have to date men” but guess what … u Dont have to date men
to be clear this also isnt necessarily saying ‘go date women instead!!’ its just saying…. u dont have to date men. u dont have to be dating women in order to not date men! in fact if ur not attracted to women at all please dont date women just as a substitute for men. but if dating men isnt making u happy… u dont have to do that. u dont have to make a space in ur life for men
im singlehandedly destroying every mans mental health by telling women its ok to not date them
Dating men badly affects women’s mental health, but OBVIOUSLY women should sacrifice their mental for the mental health of men.
Yeah, how about no.
Men, be worthy of dating. It’s that simple. Grow up.
men, you also don’t have to date women. and in just the same way, it doesn’t affect the mental health of women who want to date men for men to not date them either. this like goes in every direction. Nobody has to date anybody. ever. for any reason.
the amatonomativity telling people they have to date and get into relationships is toxic poison that must be eradicated @i-suggest-aro
i have a suggestion! everybody stop dating all together!
one thing that does often actually genuinely break my heart about aromanticism is that it opens so many ontological pathways to methodologies that would unilaterally improve people's lives but most people can't even be bothered to learn about aromanticism much less apply those lessons to themselves
being aromantic (and being aspec in general) prompts you to unlearn the thought that a romantic relationship is going to fulfill you in a way that nothing else can. to unlearn that your worth is tied to your desirability. to unlearn that your life is defined by love. it prompts you to restructure your relationships. to reevaluate the ways in which the people around you contribute to your life and the ways in which you want to engage with them. it shows you that everything we know about relationships is defined by social constructs that don't need to be heeded. it opens you to a life of such blissful freedom and i feel such a sense of grief for the way that this information never seems to get beyond us
Funniest side effect of me being aromantic, asexual, and trans is that "I'm in love" "smash" and "that's so gender" mean virtually the same thing when I say them casually. That anime boy I just said I had a crush on? Yeah I feel the same way about him that I do about cool ranch doritos. I know I said I'd fuck that guy but what I meant is I like his coat. It's the equivalent of saying "man, that's cool" except way more confusing for any alloromantic allosexual I interact with.
(edit: the name of the project has been changed to the Aspec Quilt Project to reflect the desire to include people from all across the aromantic & asexual spectrums)
welcome to the aspec quilt project!! quilt square submissions are open now. check out the faq if you have any questions, and follow along at @aspec-quilt-project to see how this project grows. 🫶
A woman reports that her ex is stalking and threatening her. The police say they can't do anything.
But when rich people's property is threatened by those who are desperate to survive, the police show up in large numbers.
The police don't care about you. So stop caring about them.
The goal is to swell prison populations even more. They are forced labor facilities.
What percent of today's cops would enforce chattel slavery if it were the law? I can say with much confidence that it's all of them. And that's because slavery currently exists, and all cops currently enforce it.
When chattel slavery existed, cops enforced it. Slaves tried to escape, and all cops kidnapped those slaves to return them to their captors. Then, when slavery was considered "ended", it still remained legal as long as the slaves were classified as "criminals".
So, what do we see now? Victimless actions like drug use are classified as crimes. Homeless people "loitering" is classified as a crime. Conditions are created so people commit crimes out of desperation. Then, those "criminals" can be legally used as slaves.
And all cops enforce that. Rich people want a society in which they own everything and everyone else is a slave to them. That's what all cops enforced during chattel slavery, and that's what all cops enforce now.
Being romance repulsed and partnering sounds like a nightmare and I won't lie, the premise is rather unfortunate. It sounds like an oxymoron, really. It's not though. Anyways maybe I'm just cosmically lucky to have found somebody I connect with on such a deep level that we formed somewhat of an indescribable bond that is not romantic in any way, I do have one piece of advice for anyone else who's feeling like they're doomed. I would have never achieved this, had I stayed trapped in the prison of being embarrassed of being alive. If you want to find that person you can have a close, non-romantic partnership with, you cannot keep presenting a sanitized version of yourself, you have to let others see you. Be open about your hobbies, show your art, let your voice be heard, take up space, talk about your favorite things, be passionate about what makes you You. You won't find anyone who truly understands you for who you are if you keep hiding behind detachment and irony just to be cool. You have to let people see you if you want to be wanted
Sure, people will like the sanitized version of you, but if you want to be loved you gotta stop trying to make yourself palatable. You gotta be unapologetic. I love you
reblog this to manually boop prev
where is my beloved "its ween" pumpkin. i require its presence
Pretty sure this is it?
YES MY PRECIOUS
ITS FUCKING WEENNNNNNN
why is this post breaking containment. don’t do this to me
found out that sex is only something you can imagine, not anything that actually happens irl. relieved is an understatement
i’m not aromantic but i believe in their beliefs
for me being bi has contributed a huge amount to noticing all the ways in which romance and friendship run together and i think in general people would benefit from recognizing that romance and friendship are socially constructed categories used to describe a vast, nebulous, and often overlapping range of feelings
My way of parsing it:
Every Relationship is actually a specific, unique thing. We invented Shorthands, such as Friend or Husband, to help describe recurring motifs in Relationships. But. The labels are simplifications. They will always fail to adequately contain the entirety of the Relationship.
sexual awakening? No sorry, I'm permanently sexually asleep
Sexually snug as a bug in a rug. Sexually all tucked in with lotsa pillows. Sexually took my melatonin and drank my warm milk. Sexually no alarms set and it’s raining outside.
i think queerplatonic relationship kinda got the same treatment as nonbinary where people assume its a special third relationship status directly between the romance and friendship binary. which it CAN be but its also an umbrella for "literally anything that isnt quite friends and isnt quite romance" you can be official queerplatonic partners or you can just be something unspoken and undefinable. you can be fuckin homestuck moirails for all i care. its all queerplatonic babey. thats the point.
I love ace ppl bc they’re like you know you don’t have to right. And it’s true. you dontttttt have to
[ As long as people don’t know about asexuality—hell, forget about the label, so long as they don’t know that saying no forever and for any reason and in any context is okay—sex education, sex therapy, and popular depictions of sex are incomplete and people don’t have the relevant information to fully consent. Sexual rights should not be assumed and self-determination must never end upon entering a relationship. You can give a no with zero caveats in each and every situation, full stop. You can say no if someone loves you and you love them back. You can say no for the rest of your life. ]
Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex (2020)
i want love and romance so bad. i'm in love with the idea of love. and yet, i have never felt it before, ever. i don't know if i ever will, and it's killing me. so many people in this community are so happy but i don't know how to make it stop feeling like i've just discovered a big gaping empty void in my being.
hi, sweetheart. first of all: you are not alone in this feeling. i promise. there are a lot of aro people who are happy without love, yes, and for a lot of them, it's because there was a lot of time and work put into feeling that way. many of them started feeling what you're feeling, and i promise, there's tons of people out there (probably a fair bit of the people reading this right now) who are going through a similar experience.
as always, it's important to acknowledge the role of amatonormativity here. society is built around romance, in many ways, and whether you like it or not, there's an idea that you're only going to be happy by falling in love and being in a romantic relationship. for a lot of aro people, it's a very real feeling of grief to realize that the ultimate happiness they've been promised is not in the cards for them. it can be really difficult to visualize a happy life without a romantic partner or love, and that's by societal design. it's even harder if you really genuinely want romance. it's okay for it to be hard. it's okay to feel that grief.
what i can tell you from personal experience is that time is the best healer of wounds. that's probably not what you want to hear, but more than anything, giving yourself time to process what you're feeling is going to get you through it, more than looking for an instant solution. i was never really invested in romance, but while i was working through the feelings of isolation and the idea that i was never going to Have Somebody, it took years of gradually lessening before it became something that i didn't really think of at all. at this point, i've had nearly a decade to heal that hurt, and it does get better. it does. but it will take time.
in the meantime:
work on bolstering other kinds of relationships in your life. they might not be what you ultimately want, but what's going to drive the hurt of Lacking Romance the most is feeling lonely. seek out companionship. surround yourself with people who care about you. maybe start thinking about the ways in which these long-lasting relationships are going to be valuable through the rest of your life, too.
try and get comfortable in being by yourself. look for the bright points in it. take yourself on dates, pick up a hobby you've been meaning to try, practice sitting quietly with yourself. half of overcoming loneliness is having other people there, and the other half is learning to treasure the time that you have with yourself.
get your romance fix in other ways, potentially. books, movies, what have you; if you're having trouble seeing romance without feeling heartbroken that you don't have it, try reframing it in your head. you love love. focus on the feeling of happiness that it brings you. bring it into your life in other ways.
plan for the future. i mean this in a vision-board kind of way. if you are having trouble with the thought that you'll be alone, start planning out what the good parts of a life with yourself looks like. mine was always bright, clear windows. does your future have a pet to keep you company? maybe friends that you live with? what kind of music do you play in your own space? how do you want to decorate? there are parts of life that will be beautiful without romance. you just have to find them.
consider what you want a relationship to look like. you said you don't think you feel love; that's okay. that's a tough feeling. it doesn't stop you from being in a romantic relationship, though, if that's something you want. if you think you could do it, there's absolutely the possibility of engaging in a traditionally romantic relationship, even without romantic feelings on your part. what i've found is that "love" isn't a word that i think applies to me. it's not something that i get to have. i do, however, have feelings for other people that go deeper for me than what my concept of love is. when i tell my wife "i love you," she knows that i'm using that phrase as a placeholder, because the actual feeling is Bigger for me but there's not an easy way of saying that yet. there are other ways to care for people. sometimes it's just a matter of discovering that in yourself.
make sure you're engaging in community :) i know it can be hard to see people happy when you're not feeling that way. if you can, though, reframe it. other people's happiness is not a sign of your failure. it's a benchmark of what you're going to get to, given time. it's a little bit of hope made manifest. there is a bright, glowing possibility of aro joy, and it's waiting patiently for you whenever you're ready to find it. other people can share that feeling with you. they can show you where to look for it. and sometimes, just the knowledge that it's out there is going to help.
your community is also there to support and listen to and uplift you <3 reaching out and expressing those feelings can be so important, and i'm glad you felt able to do that here. keep that up, if it helps. get a bunch of different people's perspectives on aromanticism. ask people for their advice and their bright moments and the ways they struggled too. people are there for you. <3
remember that you are not broken. it's easy to frame the aro experience as being Without Love; that's not true, though. you're not Missing anything. human beings are built all different kinds of ways. you and i just have different experiences from the general populace. and that's okay. you are a full and complete person. it's alright if you don't feel that way right now. but i promise that you're going to be alright. 🖤
I'm eternally confused by people who can't seem to understand how being aspec works. Like, heterosexual man that just asked me out, do you want to enter into a romantic and sexual relationship with everyone you meet? No? So you do understand how it feels to Not be attracted to some (or even most) people. Just take that feeling of not being attracted to Joe from the Gas Station and imagine that you felt that way about everyone. It's very simple