Destroy Hierarchies

A 26y/o non-binary (ey/em/eir or they/them pronouns), disabled (EDS, M.E., dysautonomia), aromantic, and vegan human. I have opinions about stuff. clad-in-sunshine is my writing blog. 

[aromichaelshelley]

society’s obsession with “best friends” is rooted in something insidious, but i’m not sure what exactly, probably amatonormativity tho.

i’ll explain although i’m sure i’m not the first to say this: people are always pushed to have and value one romantic partner over everyone else, but a best friend is seen as the next best thing. if you dont have a romantic partner, your best friend is expected to be the most important thing to you and if you don’t have one, you are made to feel incomplete and/or lonely because you don’t have that one person who just gets you and who you’re totally comfortable with (sound familiar?)

many people might even be forced to choose a friend to be their best over other close friends, or be made to feel guilty if they have more than one best friend because it’s expected that you have a hierarchy in your friend group which can also lead to people feeling alienated and left out being the third wheel in a group of best friends. there is also a surprising amount of jealousy that comes with best-friendshipdom which is extremely toxic although rarely discussed (i expect due in part to society’s idea that only romantic relationships can be toxic and friendships aren’t as important so you could just leave)

it’s like we as a society can’t wrap our heads around the idea that things, even as mundane as favourite films and songs and colours still have value even if there are also others you like, but anyway it’s late and i need to sleep but if anyone has any ideas i’d love to hear them this has been an incoherent rant with barely considered points held together with water vapour

[arovolutionary]

Yeah! It’s interestng the way we assign ‘value’ to basically everything, using the same language to talk about a life, a person, a relationship that we would use to talk about a toy, food, art. As if there is some scale by which you can objectively measure and compare all of these very different things. Things aren’t allowed to just be different they have to be more or less. But I just don’t see the benefit thinking in terms of value? At what point do I need to care which relationship (or any type of thing) I might value higher?

We’re also encouraged to specifically value intimacies/relationships that are personal more than those that are communal/collective, which alienates people from communities and benefits capitalism. I think the ways we’re taught to see friendship as a hierarchy prepare people for prioritising romantic relationships + the family unit, in a similar way to how schools prepare you to accept hierarchies in the workplace.

[morayofsunshine]

I think this assignment of value is also a way to encourage people to choose only one or two things that they’re passionate about to focus on, so that they’re more easily convinced to specialize and fulfill their role in a capitalist system.

And, it’s easier to ask people to choose their work lives over their social lives if they only have bonds with one or two people.

[aromichaelshelley]

you’re right that’s a good point, thank you! i definitely think this affects everyone, not just aros

[owlfindmydream]

#Also!#Kollontai wrote about this#if anyone is interested the paper is wings of eros or something?#I don’t remember#message me and I’ll actually look at my syllabus from a few years ago#it’s a good paper 

@kitcatsnow link the paper pls

[kitkatsnow]

https://www.marxists.org/archive/kollonta/1923/winged-eros.htm

[aromichaelshelley]

“Bourgeois society was built on the principles of individualism and competition, and has no place for friendship as a moral factor. Friendship does not help in any way, and may hinder the achievement of class aims”

[hauntedhearse]

I made this meme to represent how it feels dealing with chronic illness. ∞

[librarycards]

[id: meme in which a mama possum clings to a log with 6 baby possums on her back. the mama possum is labeled “me” and the 6 babies are labeled “my health conditions”]

[lovecharms-deactivated20201212]

save the bees… and save the bats, save the wasps, save the moths. they are all pollinators, and they are all important to the earth, even if our human eyes don’t deem them as charming as hummingbirds. we have to protect them too!

[lovecharms-deactivated20201212]

the LITERAL point of this post was that even if we don’t particularly like certain pollinators, we shouldn’t condone their extinction. 

it’s heartbreaking that people are reblogging this with “i hate wasps, they can die!“ wrong! try again! it’s actually not about you, sorry.

[arovolutionary]

Yes! But also, it’s not just about pollination directly.

Insects as a whole are massively declining, wasps included, and pesticides are a huge cause of this. When you look at alternatives to pesticides in agriculture, it’s clear that it’s essential to maintain ecosystems that can protect food crops - a huge part of that is generalist predators like wasps (specifically, the social wasps people tend to hate). Not only do wasps pollinate plants, but they’re a big part of the picture if we want to stop using pesticides and protect other pollinators, or birds, or any of the countless beings affected by them.

Wasps are affected by pesticides not just directly through exposure but indirectly through the masses of bugs they eat in their larval stage, that in turn have consumed a lot of pesticides. The concentrations of poison increase as they move up the food chain.

Further: wasps are animals too, with their own lives and experience of the world. We shouldn’t kill them or cause them to suffer because they’re inconvenient, or we don’t like them. Most of the time the worst they can do to us is a sting no more uncomfortable than a stinging nettle. While we can destroy them easily. Here’s one of my many wasp photos:

[ID: A picture of a relaxed black and yellow social wasp, a common wasp, standing on and focused on drinking from clusters of pale pink flowers. They look healthy and their antennae are pointing down at the flowers. End ID]

[peachy-pumpkin-deactivated-deac]

love triangles can’t exist without at least 1 lgbt person. cishets just don’t know how shapes work

[peachy-pumpkin-deactivated-deac]

I’ve created this helpful info graphic

[ros3quart2]

Most of the characters that people call a love triangle is really just a love corner. And the woman is usually backed into it.

[arovolutionary]

[ID: An image showing a line, on each side of which a heart, square and star are arranged into a triangular shape. 

On the left, the star and square have arrows pointing to the heart at the top, but none between the square and star. Beneath it says “not a triangle”.

On the right, there’s an arrow from star to heart, heart to square, and square to star. Below it says “is a triangle”.

End ID]

[starblaster]

How are you not trans masc if you're taking testosterone?

because i’m transneutral not transmasc

[starblaster]

at this point, i realize that i should probably have some kind of faq page but, just in case this ever comes up again: me taking testosterone as an afab person doesn’t mean i’m transmasc. what you’re doing when you insist that i Must Be Transmasculine because i’m an afab person on t (and who’s had top surgery—since this came up before when i was liveblogging my top surgery progress as well) is just binary-gendered thinking. it’s not even that well-concealed, you’re just using ‘transmasculine’ instead of ‘trans man’ as a broader, more general, but still very limiting box. folks, you need to get it out of your heads that there are components of individuals’ transitions that somehow ‘make them’ (insert gender here) by definition. gender is an experience, not a fucking encyclopedia entry.

there are transneutral people who take testosterone, who take estrogen, who get gender-affirming surgeries, and do lots of other things people, even fellow trans people, traditionally associate with constituting a ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’ alignment. i think a lot of you have actually forgotten that there are completely unaligned nonbinary people. it’s great that more people are showing that they accept transmasculine and transfeminine nonbinary people but unaligned and transneutral nonbinary people do exist. please stop trying to pressure us into rigid categorical boxes based on highly individual and personal choices we are making about our own transitions.

the “testosterone is for transmasculine people” logic in all of this flirts with truscum rhetoric and i think more of you should be a lot more skeptical and aware of your immediate associations between specific aspects of transition or pronouns or gender-affirming healthcare or physical presentation preferences and gender because all of these things are highly individual; there is no One True monolithic way to be literally any gender. umbrella labels are still labels. and labeling testosterone as ‘the hrt drug for transmascs’ is still a very rigid and narrow way to think about transness. yes, lots of transmasculine people take testosterone. lots of transmasculine people get top surgery. but there are also plenty of transmasculine people who don’t. and plenty of people who aren’t transmasculine that do. it’s really not that hard to understand, some of you just haven’t gotten that far in your unlearning of the gender binary.

[arovolutionary]

Yep. I hate the idea that all trans people are either transmasculine or transfeminine (plus ppl are usually defining that based on agab). I hated having to describe my (ideal/current) features as masculine/feminine for gender specialists, cause masculine/feminine are constructs I generally don’t relate to or like using.

I don’t like the phrase transneutral for myself though (and wouldn’t want it to become the ‘third option’ or something), because I’m not aiming for neutrality nor position myself as ‘neutral’ on the masculine/feminine scale. I’m just a trans non-binary person who doesn’t gel with the idea that my traits have or should have an inherent gendered interpretation.

[arowrimo]

Vote for AroWriMo 2021 Prompts and Themes

The suggestions are in, so vote for your favourites here! To avoid forcing you to sign in to google, I'm not making it one response per respondent - but please do only complete once, unless you need to add a new vote (not repeat). You should be able to edit your submission after though.

I’m no longer taking suggestions, and all the prompts and themes you submitted are here to vote on! Have a say in what you’d like to write and/or read in February, for AroWriMo 2021!

The voting will end on November 25th, and the final themes and prompts will be released at the beginning of December. This should give you plenty of time to prepare if you want to start writing early!

[arowrimo]

5 more days folks!

[arovolutionary]

24 hours!

[arowrimo]

Vote for AroWriMo 2021 Prompts and Themes

The suggestions are in, so vote for your favourites here! To avoid forcing you to sign in to google, I'm not making it one response per respondent - but please do only complete once, unless you need to add a new vote (not repeat). You should be able to edit your submission after though.

I’m no longer taking suggestions, and all the prompts and themes you submitted are here to vote on! Have a say in what you’d like to write and/or read in February, for AroWriMo 2021!

The voting will end on November 25th, and the final themes and prompts will be released at the beginning of December. This should give you plenty of time to prepare if you want to start writing early!

[forgamers]

[aussiepineapple1st]

I WOULD BE SO COMFORTABLE WHEN DRAWING!!!!!! And playing games.

[mellifera38]

[marauders4evr]

Yes, yes, hilarious Wall-E jokes, but the accessibility?! I’ve spent the past 6 weeks alternating between bed rest and sitting in my wheelchair. I’m currently lying flat on my back, my laptop dangerously perched, threatening to fall into my face, while staring up at a godawful fluorescent light. Give me a future where we can sit in environments that consistently adapt to you, while looking like you’re a supervillain that would rival Megamind in presentation!

[ruffboi-mags]

catch me and my wife in our matching SCORPIOPOD DESK CHAIR AMALGAMS.

[the-spoonie-life]

This would be so good for having to do uni work from home rn

[arowrimo]

Accepting AroWriMo 2021 Theme and Prompt Suggestions

This year has obviously been an unusual, and I can’t believe we’ve reached October already! In my view, writing is more important than ever, so AroWriMo 2021 is certainly going ahead.

I intended to open up for suggestions a lot sooner, but here you go. I’ve set up a google form (no google account required) to take suggestions! I’ll include the link in a reblog so that this can still show up in the tags. You can send ideas through to my ask box if you prefer, however!

There’s an additional question asking for more general thoughts about changes to AroWriMo you’d like to see, so do offer any thoughts you have.

To make submissions easier to format this AroWriMo (and to make sure I see them), I intend to take submissions through google forms also: including a link to your post and details about it. Let me know how you feel about this.

[arowrimo]

Here’s a link to the Google form to suggest your ideas!

This will be open until 25/10/2020, and then I will start polls to vote on these prompts and themes until 25/11/2020.  The chosen prompts and themes will be posted at the beginning of December, and I will open up for submitted works.

[lesbiansandgayssupporttheminers]

Queen to receive government ‘bailout’ to top up income after Crown Estate hit by economic slump | The Independent

Queen to receive government ‘bailout’

‘This royal bailout will be tough to stomach for people who love the Queen but have lost their jobs,’ says Tax Justice UK

Multimillion pound shortfall covered for the Queen. Nothing for ordinary people who are struggling.

Socialism for the upper classes. Capitalism for the rest of us.

[upsettingandunfortunateclasshate]

It's just blatant

[lesbiansandgayssupporttheminers]

Evictions are starting up again this month and Buckingham Palace is basically lying empty just saying.

[ai-yo]

Old bitch can't get a job?

[afronerdism]

Why hasn’t anyone killed this family yet?

[jaded-not-tragic-mulatta]

Welfare Queen.

[afronerdism]

Snannwwnnwe 😂😂😂😂

[mostcertainlynotcis]

fellow acearos, i need your opinion on something!

i have a sort-of undead character who's incapable of feeling emotion due to some funky necromancy bullshit. i figure this would automatically make her acearo (and aplatonic) because thats Not Feeling Something. but im suddenly rethinking it because im worried thats offensive?

i mean, as an acearo person, i dont find it offensive, but she's my character, so i'm biased

any help would be greatly appreciated!

[arovolutionary]

I feel like it depends how you approach it, and how you explore a lack of emotion. If not emotion, what are the character’s drives, and how does that differ from emotion? How does ‘need’ or ‘desire’ function without emotion (does it?) and how do you neatly separate emotional and physical feeling when there’s so much crossover (eg. stress translating into fight-or-flight response)? The answer to those questions will probably inform how you approach attraction with the character - it might not be an either/or situation.

I’d certainly be wary of only looking at love and attraction as emotion, but then having the character feel enjoyment, anger, jealousy, hurt, sadness in other contexts. I think it would be pretty hard to write a character without any emotion at all. If you do something like that with the character, I’d probably avoid calling them aroace - it’s not really an orientation if they’re really just sort-of undead and therefore emotionless.

I understand suggestions to have them or other sort-of undead characters still be allo, but I can also see that that could hinder an exploration of an emotionless character (depending how you define ‘emotion’ and ‘attraction’). Personally, I think the most interesting way would be to also have a character who is aroace (maybe aplatonic too) who can contrast their experiences of that with this character.

[feraldogqueer-deactivated202012]

More than 1/8th of the White Mountain Apache Tribe has tested positive for Covid-19.

They have been hit EXTREMELY hard and I have seen no posts going around talking about it. It is one of the hardest hit places in ARIZONA, a state that already has horribly high case numbers.

They have a Covid relief gofundme. Please donate if you can and spread this if you can't.

White Mountain Apache Tribe COVID-19 Relief Fund organized by White Mountain Apache Tribe

The White Mountain Apache Tribe COVID-19 relief fund has been… White Mountain Apache Tribe needs your support for White Mountain Apache Trib

[urbancripple]

The Mystique of Disabled Existence

Despite their intrusive questioning, there is one area that ableds seem to be absolutely certain about: the existence of ultra-convenient readily‐available accessibility modifications and mobility aids.

As wheelchair users, how many times have we been told to “put some chains on that thing!” As we struggle through the snow? How often is it suggested that we get a hand‐bike so that we can cycle to work like our coworkers? If I had a nickel for every time someone suggested I attach some tried‐and‐true motor to my chair, I’d have enough money to pay someone to invent it.

[urbancripple]

To able‐bodied people, wheelchair users have a certain mystique. They’re constantly asking us about how our bodies do or don’t work, whether we can have sex, why we haven’t just killed ourselves yet. But despite their intrusive questioning, there is one area that ableds seem to be absolutely certain about: the existence of ultra‐convenient readily‐available accessibility modifications and mobility aids.

As wheelchair users, how many times have we been told to “put some chains on that thing!” As we struggle through the snow? How often is it suggested that we get a hand‐bike so that we can cycle to work like our coworkers? If I had a nickel for every time someone suggested I attach some tried‐and‐true motor to my chair, I’d have enough money to pay someone to invent it.

People are constantly sending me links to articles and videos to supposed life‐changing mobility aids that can climb stairs or move over rough terrain. They tell me that things can’t be that difficult with a constant stream of new, convenient doo‐dads being put out in the world. Hell, when discussing how difficult it is to find a single‐story home in Seattle (existing or custom), the suggestion was made that I simply build a multi‐story home but also put an elevator in.

Here’s the thing though: has anyone, wheelchair‐user or otherwise, actually seen any of these so‐called solutions in person? The stair‐climbing wheelchair? The magical snow tires? The super fast motor? I haven’t. As for the elevators and hand bikes, I can count the number I’ve seen on one hand and I’d need way more fingers and toes to show you the price tag.

Despite their near non‐existence or insurmountable financial cost, people keep telling me I just need to “get me one of those…” and continue to cast my existence and the problems that come with it in a mythical light.

An elevator for your house starts at around six‐thousand dollars. If you want one that doesn’t look like the rickety stair‐lift at your local Eagle’s Club, it’ll cost you upwards of sixty‐thousand.

The price of an average, entry‐level bike is four‐hundred bucks. If you want an accessible hand bike, you’re going to start around a grand.

Custom wheelchair tires can vary anywhere from two to five thousand, often times costing more than the chair they’re attached to.

That stair climbing chair? Eleven grand. Want something that’s a little more “every day”? That’ll cost you seventeen grand. Just need a motor for your day chair? Six grand and it weighs fifteen pounds.

Now, some folks might be thinking “sure, it’s expensive now, but the price will come down as technology improves and more people buy these devices”. But with an employment rate of roughly 7 percent (before COVID) and rules governing the amount of money disabled people on SSI can have in the bank (no more than two-thousand dollars), most wheelchair users can’t even save up to buy one of these devices. And no, insurance won’t cover any it.

A lack of accessibility is not something we can just “tech” our way out of and disabled people should not expected to purchase access to a world that everyone else gets for free. Talking about mobility aids you’ve never used or seen when someone is trying to explain to you the barriers they face in their day to day life due to a lack of accessibility isn’t helpful, it’s dismissive. Quit doing it.

[arovolutionary]

Honestly, all these ‘incredible’ gizmos really just function as excuses for not making society more accessible. As long as you can imagine that disabled people have ways of accessing inaccessible spaces, then you don’t have to change those spaces.

Solutions for individual disabled people are never going to be The Thing that solves everything. Considering disabled people’s access at every stage of planning is; making sure disabled people can get somewhere without spending 10s of thousands on wheelchairs that cope with stairs/snow/sand/whatever.

[writekitwrite]

Rainbow Kisses

I wrote a thing for @flashfictionfridayofficial​! I have no idea if I’m going to write more, but it was fun!

Rainbow Kisses

Jenna’s legs swung over the open grave. 

The grave was empty. The dead man had risen a few hours ago. He wandered the graveyard like all the others Jenna had touched. His head lopped to one side, arms outstretched - the stereotypical zombie. With his pale skin and pressed suit, it didn’t look like he died that long ago, unlike most of the ramshackled forms that lumbered around. His name was still fresh on his grave. 

Hector McBridge. 

Weird name. 

But she liked his grave.

It sat at the top of the hill. A worn wall separated the graveyard from the cliff face that loomed above the countryside. The rain clouds were fading under the summer sun. There was a dark green hue, the freshness of the farms after rain. 

She kicked the back of her heels against the dirt. If she grew a few more inches she would reach the coffin. But growing wasn’t going to happen again. 

Special. That’s what Bianca called her. It’s what she called all the children. Everyone of the Horsemen. 

Down the cliffside were people, children and adults who were warm. They did not know the dead were rising. Did not know what was coming. Kids ran home from play to meals that filled their bellies. 

What was that?

In the distance colour spread across the sky. In every hue, it curved from one end to the other disappearing behind some houses. 

There were still a few graves left. She should raise them. Bianca would know.

She stood. Bare feet hovered in the air as she rose. 

No one noticed the little girl among the clouds. Her white dress danced around her legs. Her dark hair flew about her face, but she knew where she was going. 

The colours remained in place in the sky as she drew closer. She reached a hand out. 

Rain. 

Just rain. 

It passed through the dress, through her skin. She reached out, watching each droplet phase through her fingertips. She remembered rain. The way drizzle settled into her skin, soaking her as she raced the streets. Millions of tiny kisses.  

She weaved in and out of the colour imagining the rainbow kisses. 

[a-ro-bot]

not to be publicly romo repulsed but WHY was there a romantic subplot in the movie Parasite…

[arovolutionary]

Sorry if this is entirely unhelpful, and you’re just wanting to vent and not genuinely curious about the point of the subplot. I want to respond as an aro who loves Parasite (absolutely my favourite film of all time), was uncomfortable when the subplot started, but by the end felt it was necessary (it’s also an excuse to talk about Parasite in some detail). I am not in the habit of defending romantic subplots at all, but this was one I felt was necessary; I also thought the less romance-positive interpretation could be interesting for you if you decide to watch it again.

(Spoilers under the cut)

Keep reading

[a-ro-bot]

I was mainly venting but thank you for your expert analysis!!

I think my brain died trying to comprehend why anyone would kiss someone they barely knew and then I zoned out for half the movie

[arovolutionary]

I'm glad you enjoyed the analysis, but I don’t know about expert! I definitely understand where you're coming from with the romance though - watching through an analysis filter helps imo hah

Re your tags: I'd love to write a full analysis. I often want to talk about the films/shows I like, but I'm bad at thinking of what to say; rambling about it more specifically here (and that you enjoyed it) has made me consider it though. Other people have done better than I can, but maybe I will give it a shot? I am intending to watch it again (for the 4th time) soon - I'll @ you if I do (if you like)!

[llatimeria]

Please buy this game bundle. It’s $5 (or more if you want) for literally 700 video games, tabletop games, not to mention game engines and assets. All proceeds are going to the NAACP and Community Bail Fund, split 50/50.

Night in the Woods and Oneshot are both in it, not to mention literally hundreds of other cool indie games I haven’t played yet that look really cool and promising. 

Also I’d like to reiterate it is $5 minimum for over $3,400 worth of content, which is just fucking insane.

[catgirlforeskin]

There’s tons of amazing stuff in this, really you should be donating anyway but this such a steal to get all this incredibly art for so cheap

[a-ro-bot]

not to be publicly romo repulsed but WHY was there a romantic subplot in the movie Parasite…

[arovolutionary]

Sorry if this is entirely unhelpful, and you’re just wanting to vent and not genuinely curious about the point of the subplot. I want to respond as an aro who loves Parasite (absolutely my favourite film of all time), was uncomfortable when the subplot started, but by the end felt it was necessary (it’s also an excuse to talk about Parasite in some detail). I am not in the habit of defending romantic subplots at all, but this was one I felt was necessary; I also thought the less romance-positive interpretation could be interesting for you if you decide to watch it again.

(Spoilers under the cut)

The blatant view of Min regarding Ki Woo not being any kind competition for Da Hye’s romantic affection set an early class-based rift between the characters. This is, of course, backed up by the scholar stone, but it’s important in showing how Min views Ki Woo (and shows Ki Woo proving him wrong, perhaps intentionally).

Then, you have the actual romance between the Ki Woo and Da Hye. It provides for some very pivotal moments: most important of which is the conversation while the Parks are on holiday, and the Kims are using their house. They discuss Ki Woo marrying Da Hye, and the house becoming his house, and her family becoming their family-in-law. This dream is far-fetched; this is evident in his parents discussing having actors playing them at Ki Woo’s wedding. The audience, and likely the Kims themselves, know that they don’t belong in this house; that such a lie cannot be maintained on the interpersonal level necessary; and that this house of cards must fall down. This cognitive dissonance, and ultimate hopelessness, is painful, and something I’m not sure could have been achieved as concisely another way - while it would be great for friendship to be used instead, it isn’t as easy as romance to understand without more focus. A kiss is easy, and marriage is an obvious stage on which the act cannot hold up. In addition, the shallow nature of romance means there is little actual solidarity and support between Da Hye and Ki Woo - she does not turn up for him at the end.

Then you get the further moment where Ki Woo looks down on the birthday party and asks if he belongs: when Da Hye says he does, we (and he) know she wouldn’t say that if she knew who he was; we know that he wouldn’t be there if not for the lie.

TL;DR: The shallow nature of romance is the point. It shows how fragile their acceptance is, and the futility/impossibility of keeping up the lie. Viewing it not as something supposed to be appealing or ‘romantic’, but hopeless and shallow, is a less uncomfortable way of watching as an aro, and better for an understanding of the film imo.