Inside Closed Books

Just a reader lost in books, trying to passionately express herself through words. Struggling to survive, yet romanticising every bit of life. In short, a chaotic mess of a dark academic. helluo librorum

[arteesticwriter]

An Update

Hello beautiful beings, and fellow Literature lovers! 

How are you doing today? I hope well. Go drink a glass of water, grab some food and take a nap. I need you to be happy and healthy! 

As for myself, I have been well for the most part. Life gets a little busy, and at times exhausting, so I have been quite overwhelmed. There are some very big changes happening in my life right now. It has been very daunting, but at the same time its quite exciting. I don’t know where my life will take me, but I’m willing to see where I end up. 

I’ve still been reading. That’s something that will never change. And I’ve been reading across all genres, which has really opened my eyes to the kind of reader I am. I’m very much a mood reader, but more than that, I’ve realized I really enjoy reading different genres. I love reading from different genres at the same time. Currently, I am reading War and Peace, The Essential Rumi, Clockwork Princess and The Thursday Murder Club. Yes, I am aware that its very hard to find a category where all these books fit, but ya know what? It doesn’t matter, but I would say that the category is books.

I will try having some book recommendations, rant reviews, book reviews, dark academia stuff, and other fun stuff up within this week. No promises though, I am a little rusty in terms of posting and writing, but I will try. 

Let’s bring some life back into this blog! I am looking forward to interacting with you guys, and reading your opinions on all my book related brain vomit! 

[arteesticwriter]

Books I want to read before 2021 ends (Cuz there’s too many books and very little time)!

I can’t believe it’s almost August. I know time flies, but the recent crisis we are in is really making time fly faster. Anyways, now that I am racing time in order to up my reading game, your girl has a list of books that she wants to get through within the next 5 months. Am I being very ambitious? Yes. Yes I am. But I know next year will be a mess with uni applications and graduation, so this is basically my last year being a child, and an obsessive reader. 

Let me know what books you want to read within this year! And let’s get into Amy’s very ambitious 5 month tbr! 

1. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

Just a heads up, there will be another Bronte sister novel in this list! I absolutely loved Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, but I never got around to reading any of the other sisters. I feel like a disappointment to the Literature community, so your girl will be changing that this year. 

I have heard excellent things about Wuthering Heights, and furthermore, I have heard that the DA vibes are immaculate. Needless to say, this novel will be totally up my alley, and I can’t wait to get to it! 

2. A Confession and Other Religious Writings by Leo Tolstoy 

If you are obsessed with Literature like I am, you need to get on the Dickens vs. Tolstoy train. This is probably one of the greatest debates in Literature, and one that is quite intriguing. I have never read any of Tolstoy’s works but the Great Debate series by Emma and Carolyn on Youtube has me invested. I would highly recommend watching them debate over Dickens’s and Tolstoy’s works, because it is some of the most entertaining and addicting content related to Literature that exists. 

I am not trying to keep up with them in terms of reading Dickens and Tolstoy, but I do want to at least get into it. Furthermore, this is one of my school’s Literature club picks for this year! I am pretty sure I will automatically turn into an intellectual the minute I finish reading this gem. 

3. The Secret History by Donna Tarte 

If your aesthetic is Dark Academia, and you still have not heard of The Secret History, I am sure you live under a rock. I have heard every single dark academic talk about it, and I am not going to lie, I feel out of place. I feel like I don’t belong to this amazing community until I read Secret History and we can’t have that. 

I want to annotate the shit out of this book, and have this novel absorbed into my soul. Yes. That’s how passionate I am about reading this novel. 

4. The Hate You Give by Angie Thomas 

Another school’s Literature club pick this year. Not going to lie, I’ve been waiting to get my hands on a copy of this for more than 6 months now, and it finally arrived at my local used bookstore. Almost every bookstgrammer has posted about this at least once, and every time they talk about it, my need to read it intensifies. 

I have heard nothing but good things about The Hate You Give, and you know what? I want to experience it this year. I want to end a year knowing I have read something meaningful. 

5. Enduring Love by Ian McEwan 

If you have been around for a while, you already know that I absolutely adored ‘Atonement’ by Ian McEwan. You can read my rant/review here! But now, I have embarked on a journey to read every Ian McEwan book there is. Reading this gem will mean that I am one step closer to my destination. 

This is also another Literature Club pick for this year, so your girl got really lucky! 

6. Hard Times by Charles Dickens 

As I have already mentioned, I really want to get into reading Dickens and Tolstoy. This book is the first step towards that goal! I haven’t heard a lot about this particular Dickens’s novel, so my curiosity came through and killed my bank account. 

Do you ever do this? Do you ever read the least talked about work of a well known writer just to see why it’s not as talked about? I do because I am a peculiar being. But yeah! That’s why this bitch is in this list!

7. Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo 

I am not a big fantasy reader, but this is another dark academia must read according to the bookstagram community. I am a dark academia hoe, so I plan on getting through this within 2021. 

I have just started reading the Shadow and Bone series, and I finished Shadow and Bone this month, so I know I like her writing style. I am not so sure how I will feel about the plot though, since there were many plot holes in Shadow and Bone. 

Regardless, I am excited to see how this one turns out!

8. The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

My copy of this psychological thriller has been sitting on my shelf for the last six months, and I never got around to reading it. I am a disappointment. But better late than never!

I know there are some Greek mythological elements, and honestly that mixed with the murder mystery vibe is everything I ever want, so I can’t wait to fall in love with this allegedly addicting novel. 

9. The Maidens by Alex Michaelides

This is a book club pick for the Bookish Bishes Book club aka MY book club and I can’t wait to get to this. Again the Greek myth element will blow my mind. If you want to see how I feel about this, follow me on Instagram! I go by arteesticreader and I usually post a lot of book reviews and other bookish stuff! 

10. The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller 

Another bookstagram made me buy it and now I am going to read it! If you can’t tell, I have an obsession with Greek Mythology at this point and I am not even sorry. Greek myth is the best thing ever! 

My obsession started with the PJ series by Rick Riordan, and now that I am much older, I want to read more serious novels, ones that are a bit more representative of how they were perceived back in the day. Again, the Song of Achilles is well loved so why not dive into Greek myth with this! 

11. Dracula by Bram Stoker

I recently finished reading Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, and now I have a thing for Gothic Literature. I’ve always had a thing for Gothic Literature, but I feel like Frankenstein intensified my obsession. There will be a rant review post up soon, but I make no promises! 

As for Dracula, it seems like the obvious next step towards my Gothic Literature. I hate the fact that we didn’t get to read stuff like this in school, because I would have adored Literature 10x more than what I do. I don’t understand why we need to read the boring stuff and hate every second of it. UHHH WHAT ARE YA’LL DOING SCHOOL AUTHORITIES? 

Anyways....

That’s all! I want to read and annotate all of these books by the end of this year, and hopefully have some really good conversations with you lovely people. I will now disappear again for a while, and then pop back in with some new posts. Bye loves ❤️

[vanwssa]

Dearest Cecilia, the story can resume. The one I had been planning on that evening walk. I can become again the man who once crossed the surrey park at dusk, in my best suit, swaggering on the promise of life. The man who, with the clarity of passion, made love to you in the library. The story can resume. I will return. Find you, love you, marry you and live without shame.

Ian McEwan, Atonement (2001).

[coffeeartmuseumsandbooks-deacti]

Let me give you one of my favourite books. The corners of my favourite pages folded, the crinkled cover from carrying it around in my bag with me everywhere, the highlighted quotes that really touched me. Let me give it to you and it will feel like I’m giving you part of who I am to share.

[arteesticwriter]

Men Without Women by Haruki Murakami ( A book rant/review)

(Warnings: spoilers maybe? aggressive?)

Towards the end of 2020, I decided that I wanted to read my first ever Murakami. We are in the middle of a pandemic, and I’ve had a good reading year, so why not? Murakami is so loved, and so talked about, it can’t possibly be that bad. It will be a good book to end the year with.

Oh, how wrong I was!

Men Without Women is a short story collection, written by our dear Murakami, following the lives of men who have lost women. When you read a sentence as such, you automatically expect something wholesome, and maybe very sad. What you get instead is seven short stories with the theme of ‘women are horrible monsters who cheat and lie’.

I hope you can imagine how shocked I was to have been exposed to such negativity.

I wanted to sit here and review each short story individually, give you all an idea of how much hatred was poured into this collection. But I won’t because 1) That’s hella time-consuming and; 2) I will have to point out the positives and I am spiteful.

Instead, here’s my take on this collection, and the creator it belongs to. I hope you enjoy.

Sexism is painfully obvious in this book. Every single short story had to take a jab towards women, and as a woman myself, that was offensive. Poison is still poison, regardless of how much rosewater you pour into it. His words and writing style, impeccable. I can’t criticize his writing flow at all. But once you absorb the content these words deliver, it all seems like an insincere attempt at sugar coating the truth. He hates women with passion.

I don’t have a problem with women being painted as the bad guys. Not all women are angels, innocent white flowers in the wild. Some are bitches. They hurt others. But then again, there are men out there who do the same. Every human being is different, and I think categories, such as good and bad, are too vague for a complex world. Therefore, when we write works of fiction, we have to show all sides. We see the good, the bad, the neutral, the absolutely useless and others. Painting a realistic picture of the people we are representing is important.

That being said, Murakami makes no attempt at showcasing women in a more realistic way. In every short story, there is a woman who is either cheating, lying, selfish, hurtful, bitchy, or all. I mean come on, even monsters aren’t as evil as women, according to Mr.Murakami.

A work as such, has the potential to do some grave damage. For years and years, women have been fighting for their rights, trying to create an equal space in society. You would expect a man, who holds so much power in the book community, to be a little more educated and aware of such issues. With great power comes great responsibility. But no.

I don’t know him personally, but it is quite clear that he wrote this short story collection after being hurt by, you guessed it, a woman. That is painfully obvious. And to be honest quite relatable. As a writer, I like to use my craft to let go of emotions at times. I write about the worst in my life, write about dark stuff and deeply personal emotions. I paint people as horrible human beings. However, I am always careful to store it away in an isolated file. No one ever gets to read the hateful things I write. Why? Because as a decent human being, I know that the person I am talking about, belongs to a community of people, and putting them in the negative spotlight will do damage. It’s called responsibility towards society. This community is not evil, just because one of them did something wrong, that has absolutely nothing to do with the community as a whole.

My problem isn’t the fact that he wrote short stories like these, my problem is the fact that he had them published. Stuff like this may have helped him let out the toxicity contained within his soul, but it was highly damaging.

Maybe he is a different writer today, a woke dude. But I highly doubt it for one reason. Growth occurs after accountability. In order to move on from a mistake, you need to acknowledge that there is a problem, and for that, you need to be held accountable. Since everyone is acting like he isn’t sexist, he won’t acknowledge the problem. And therefore, no growth as there is no accountability.

I don’t think that I will be picking up a Murakami any time soon. I don’t want to promote such beliefs, and I want to have a decent reading year. And that’s the tea.

[arteesticwriter]

Running Through The Woods

Childhood memories stick with us forever. Well, not all of them. Very few, the ones that leave the biggest impact, stay with us forever. And amongst these, very few golden treasures or venomous nightmares, we have that one memory that we relive many times. It is the one memory we visit very often. Maybe by choice, maybe not. Whatever it is, it does stay with us.

For me, that one memory happens to be set in a forest. Yep, a forest. A dense, dark green forest standing on top of moist soil. Maybe because it had rained right before we reached the forest. The sky was grey and gloomy, but for some reason, going on a walk seemed important.

Taking a walk through a dense forest, while it was getting dark, after a gloomy day, seemed like a good idea. A good idea to me because I was a child, a good idea to my sister because she wanted to leave the house. And so, there we were, a pair of siblings, making our way through a crowd of trees.

As a six year old, the forest was more like a playground than something scary. I loved playing in puddles. I loved how moist the soil gets, how it turns into clay. I remember stopping every few minutes to pick up a weird leaf I had never seen before, or a twig that looked funny. Pretty annoying, now that I think about it.

And then, there was my thirteen year old sister. She was a child with the mind of an adult. Maturity and patience oozed out of her, like lava out of a volcano. Something that our parents should have been relatable to our parents, but they did not even know the definition of adulthood. But my sister seemed to be an adult, as she was walking beside me, smiling at me ever so often, reminding me that I was okay. But, she was lost in thoughts. She was worried. Although it was so clear, realization struck me, only after I was an adult.

Suddenly, I heard yelling behind us. Voices that were filled to the brim with poison and hatred, but above all, desperation. My sister picked me up and made a run for it. For quite sometime, all we saw were trees. She was running with all her might. Her hands were wrapped around my body as tightly as possible, and her legs seemed to run without needing to be commanded.

After that, I remember reaching a police station, and then, the next couple of months were a blur. Nothing confusing or scary, nothing that me feel trapped. More like a warm and comforting haze. All I remember is my sister and I, in a safe home, with a group of kind people we called our family. Mum and Dad were a couple of caring strangers in the beginning, but then, they became our whole world.

Now that I am twenty-three, the situation actually makes sense to me. Our biological parents were abusive drug-addicts. They were trying to sell us for some cash, to buy more drugs. While my sister had managed to talk them out of it before, they were too desperate to feed their addiction hear another word. That is why we were in the forest. She decided to tell our parents that she wanted to take a walk around the forest. Like a last taste of freedom, before we were caged forever. They agreed to it, thinking we could not escape the forest. But little did they know, we could have, and we did.

I don’t know if this memory is a happy one, or a sad one. But I do know that I will cherish it forever. This memory is evidence that I got a second chance at life, that I should be grateful for. My sister running with me, while we were being chased through a forest, reminds me to be grateful for and to her.

Whenever someone asks me who I look up to, my answer is always her, and will always be her. She risked everything, at the mere age of thirteen, for me. She could have just left without me, I was a burden. But she didn’t. She did not let go, and I won’t either. I will spend the rest of my life making hers better.

[arteesticwriter]

My Perfect Wife by Blake Pierce ( A book rant / review )

( Major spoiler warning, cuz a girl can’t control herself )

I decided to download a book from iBook recently, and try reading an ‘e-book’. I never really liked it before, but there are many free options available, and I wanted to get a taste of it. And let’s just start with I was not disappointed.

The story begins with Jessica Hunt moving into a new neighborhood with Kyle, her husband. Now at first glance, she seems happy to be moving. She seems to like the house, and the ‘beach air’ which she could not experience because she was a city girl. But as we read on, we realized that she is not really into this. She liked living in the city and she moved for two reasons only; one being her practicum at NRD and Kyle getting a job in the area due to the financial consultancy firm expanding. She is trying to get her Master’s or Phd ( I don’t remember ) in Forensic Psychology and so she enrolls into the local university, where she will finish her degree along with her practicum.

Now, as we read on, we can tell that something is off about the neighborhood, which Jessie also realizes. She feels uncomfortable and out of place, which honestly was a red flag. She should have yeeted out of there the minute they met Teddy, who happens to be Kyle’s best friend from high school, as mentioned by Kyle. Teddy has a son, Daughton, and a wife, Melissa. Throughout the book, we can tell that Melissa and Jessie get pretty close. Mostly because Melissa seems to be the only one who is helping Jessie at least somewhat understand and fit into this new life.

I want to take a pause here and talk about the characters. Let’s start with Kyle. Now Kyle seemed like the ideal husband, until he and Teddy happened to treat a woman like an object behind her back. That too a random ass woman they were just passing by. Kyle seemed almost offended when Jessie called him out, and I automatically knew that he was not what he was pretending to be. At first glance, Kyle seems like a nice, loving husband, who is a bit on the naive side. Innocent almost. At second glance…. think again. He seems like a pretty normal and okay character, but something about him just felt off. And obviously I found out why in the end. Which also makes me question whether this book was somewhat obvious, or am I just too weird about solving the mystery before the end of the book.

Moving onto Teddy. Now Teddy feels like your regular asshole of a husband, who is present in the wife and kid’s life, but is just a very shitty dude. He cheats on his wife on a regular basis, with protection from a club he is a member of. At the end of the day, I must say, he really does care about his son and wife. He is incredibly disrespectful, but you know he is just an idiot.

As I mentioned before, Teddy has a wife, Melissa. Now, she is the basic best friend that supports our main gal through thick and thin, aka Jessie’s non-official best friend. Their friendship formed during a really tough time, but you know that it was strong. Mel was their for Jessie when she lost her baby, and she was also the first person to tell her the reality, at the time alleged by Mel, of Club Deseo. Melissa is your typical housewife. She really loves Teddy, she takes care of Daughton, and she hangs out with local housewives, who also happen to be members of Club Deseo. She has a pretty good idea about what Club Deseo is all about, however, she sticks around because she is used to the life they have created for themselves. She is almost stuck. She does not want leave the comfort and little bubble she has created for herself, and so she deals with Club Deseo’s bullshit, along with Teddy’s.

The one person I have not mentioned yet is Kimberly. Kimberly lives in the house across from Jessie’s and she was also one of the first person she met in this new neighborhood. Okay, now Kimberly is….. quite interesting. I don’t know how to say it, she kind of seems all over the place. There was this one scene where Jessie saw Kimberly’s husband and their nanny running naked up the stairs, and came to the most normal conclusion, he is cheating on her. When Jessie told Kimberly about this, she was mad at Jessie. It almost felt more like she was mad at Jessie for saying something about it, rather than being pissed at her husband about it.

Now, let’s talk about Bolton Crutchfield. He is a serial killer who has been caught and is now residing at the NRD, the same place where Jessie is doing her practicum. If you think about it, we are following two story lines. One of Jessie’s home life, and the other being her professional life, which is also mixed with her childhood. NRD is seemingly a very private, secretive government organization I guess, which homes criminals who can not be rehabilitated. This Bolton guy is a serial killer there, who apparently learnt his techniques from a serial killer who had kidnapped Jessie years ago. Which is why Jessie wants to work in the NRD.

This Bolton guy also knows everything about her life, even though he barely comes into contact with the outside world. It is very creepy. He knew she was pregnant, he knew she didn't kill anyone, etc. It just all feels eerie.

Now, one mystery was solved in this book, but I did not ruin it. It was a pretty good one, but, like I said, it was painfully obvious. It was really entertaining and quick to read, but it was not the most well thought out thriller.

I am too cheap to pay for the series, so I am not going to read the rest of them. However, if you do check this book out, keep in mind, it is a part of a series. I know it is kinda unfair of me to judge a book that is a part of a series by itself, but I think every book should be able to hold its own.

In short; fun, easy and quick, but obvious and not the most gripping.

But I can’t complain, because it was free!

[arteesticwriter]

Atonement By Ian McEwan I Book Review / Rant

(major spoilers, sorry)

I literally just finished this book, and I could not help but start writing my review. It is also 2 am in the morning, irrelevant to the book review, but relevant because I probably am not functioning straight. I am a sleep-deprived student. I am sorry.

Anyways, yes! The book. I want to start by saying what an amazing writer Ian McEwan is. The language he uses, his descriptions, his words- just absolutely beautiful. Although his descriptions may become a little too long and at some point, boring, I enjoyed every word. It feels like eating at a very bougie restaurant. It feels luxurious.

Now lets’s move on to the story. The story starts with Briony Tallis, our protagonist. A young child, who lives in a fantasy land, and loves writing. She wants to become a writer. The story starts with her preparing for The Trials Of Arabella, a play she wrote at the age of 13. I will be honest, I don’t know how I feel about her. I started off by finding her annoying and hating her, but then I kind of liked her, and now I am just confused. But anyways, the whole story is about her making a mistake that affects the lives of almost everyone around her. Specially of Cecilia Tallis and Robbie Turner. Cecilia Tallis is her older sister, almost like her mother. She seems pretty close to her sister, mostly because her mother, Emily Tallis is absent from their lives due to her migraines.

The other character, who is affected by Briony’s actions more than anyone else, happens to be Robbie Turner. Robbie Turner is the son of Gracie Turner, a woman who works at the Tallis household. Robbie decides to express his love to Cecelia on the same night that Lola, Emily’s sister’s daughter gets raped. Lola and her brothers, the twins Jackson and Pierrot, arrive to live in the Tallis household as their mother, Hermione, gets a divorce and runs away to Paris.

Robbie writes a letter to Cecilia in which he expressed his love and wrote some very intimate and personal details. Briony, a nosy little bitch, decided to open that letter, when Robbie decided to give her the letter to have it delivered to Cecilia. After reading that letter, Briony was absolutely disgusted with Robbie, and so, when Lola got raped, she automatically assumed it was Robbie. In order to help Lola get justice, she stuck to her ‘assumption’ and did not hesitate when pointing the finger towards Robbie. This was a grave mistake she committed which we later read about in the book.

I really enjoyed this book, because of various reasons. First of all, the characters. While there were a few characters that were only there to support the story line, most of the characters were very human and relatable. Nowadays, most characters and side characters only do things that either support the main character or does not. It almost makes them seem not very human. They seem like robots, only there to either challenge the protagonist or support them, and that is all that they do. We can see that they have their own lives and their own stories.

Moving on, the characters are also shown to be flawed. They are not beautiful and perfectly impeccable, and absolutely honest and they make no mistakes. This is bullshit. No one is that perfect. The characters are shown to be human.

The story itself is also very beautiful. It is about a young girl making mistakes with good intentions, and carrying that guilt for the rest of her life. The twist was at the very end of the story, where we realize that Briony herself has written this book. We can also see how she matures as a writer through her writing style. The first chapter is written in the traditional chapter way, but the other parts do not follow that.

When we finally realize that Briony is the writer of the book, we realize a lot of things. In the novel, the three parts, a lot of things were a part of her imagination. A lot did not really happen, and you can not help but be a little disappointed by that. She gave wrote all that in order to ‘atone’ for everything she did. And this is the point where I realized, I really did not hate Briony as a character. Which was quite a strange feeling, because I spent the whole book hating her.

For some reason, at the end of the book, I was like, she was just a child trying to protect her sister and get justice for her cousin. She did not know any better. I actually justified her fucking actions. Which made zero sense, because the whole time, I was like, ‘well, she deserves that’ and ‘that is what happens when you nosy af’. For some reason, at the end of the book, I could not help but forgive her because she has carried the weight of her mistake her whole life, she does not need more shit from me.

Somehow, this whole book comes together at the end. You can not help about the characters individually. Their lives. Their stories. Their ends. Specially, how Cecelia and Robbie never got the end that they deserved. Just two lovers, who had just gotten together, taken away from each other for the rest of their life. They never did anything wrong. Heck, if anything, they did everything they could to help their families and the people around them.They never deserved this. However, that is the sad truth of life. Life does not care what you did or did not do. It is just there to fuck shit up. You can not really do much about it. Just like none of the characters could.

In conclusion, this was an incredible piece of literature. The story was wonderful, the writing was extraordinary- specially the words and language, and the charters were one of a kind. No one was there to just serve a purpose. They were there to be humans as well. A novel that should be read by all generations at some point in their lives.

[arteesticwriter]

I miss you.

Maybe someday, I’ll look back and feel fine afterwards. But today is not that day.

When you said my name, replied to something that I said, I couldn’t help but think about us years ago.

When I would knock you at 9pm, pretending that I was texting a lot of people at once, just so that it wouldn’t be obvious that I was in love with you.

When you would talk to me about everything, and nothing all at once, but we would still talk.

When you would make fun of my spice tolerance after eating something spicy, or make fun of the way I got red, after just one bite. But then, offer me water, and get me ice-cream.

When you would wrap your arm around me, and we would walk as we giggled about something that happened months ago.

Today I wondered, what happened to us. We didn’t fight, we don’t hate each other. Somehow, time and the toxicity around us, forced us to drift apart.

I remembered that party, about a year ago, where you complimented me on my outfit, but didn’t make conversation with me.

You’ve moved on. Someone took my place. I see you, laughing at her words, smiling at her from time to time.

She’s better than me, that’s for sure. She’s standing by you, even in the toughest of times, regardless of what you do.

But I hope you know, I couldn’t do that. I was immature, and dealing with some of my own issues.

I stood by someone, I knew was wrong. Not because I didn’t love you, but because I felt comfortable over there.

I hope you know, you can still talk to me. I know we’ve both done wrong, but we are learning. I’m here to be your shoulder to cry on, your personal teddy bear to hold onto.

Something tells me, you might never do that, and that’s fine. She’s there now, and even though there are things I don’t like about her, she won’t leave you.

One thing will never change, regardless of what happens. I’ll miss you. Heck, I already miss you. Maybe you won’t miss you, maybe you don’t care. But I do. And I miss you.

[arteesticwriter]

Thoughts in Quarantine

I never realised how unappreciative I was towards everything, until quarantine happened. I took everything for granted. I could hangout with my friends anytime, I can go get ice-cream anytime, the shopping mall isn’t very far, I’ll go tomorrow, etc.

Never once did I just absorb the moment, and appreciate the feeling of just being outside. Appreciate being with friends and laughing, eating or doing whatever the fuck we wanted. Ever since quarantine, I feel caged in my house. The place that was my escape, my creative freedom, became my prison, my cage.

Now, the world is going through a pandemic. Never in my 17 years of life, did I think that I’ll hate being stuck at home. Every time I leave my house, I feel threatened by fresh air. I regret not appreciating the little things in life.

However, a part of me thinks that the world needed to be quarantined. We were becoming so increasingly selfish, and moving so fast. Our thoughts were so focused on the future, we forgot about the present. Now that there lives this uncertainty about the future, I think we can really think about the present. How we can improve ourselves now, during this period of high anxiety. Let’s just take this time to be human again.

[arteesticwriter]

check the motivation studyblr😚 I think you’ll find it helpful for your interest in the study of law.

THANK YOU!

[arteesticwriter]

White dress, white heels, white veil. All adorned with a diamond ring, necklace and, of course, earrings. My bright blue hair was pulled in a bun behind my head, decorated with little stones.

I am walking down the aisle, and the brightness of it all makes my head spin. They really have out done themselves. The amount of lights and just the color white is uncountable. As if one’s inside can be changed merely by amending their surroundings.

All guests look at me with fascination, some even with surprise. I was surprised too when I saw my own reflection in the mirror. The makeup outside ready hid the dark storm inside well. You could barely tell that I’m a mess.

I looked at him, our eyes met. And in that one tiny second, I made up my mind.

Maybe it was the fact that his eyes weren’t looking at me, but the dress and the makeup. Maybe it was because he looked satisfied and delighted by my appearance. Whatever it was, realisation hit me like a truck, he was not in love with me.

Falling in love with me means loving me for who I am. A girl in a top and jeans, no makeup, and paintbrush holding up my hair in a bun. A girl who wanted to elope in that outfit. A girl who would never dress up like this, just to get the man.

He was in love with the fantasy he had created of me. A girl in dresses and makeup, elegance radiating from her. Someone put together, no darkness whatsoever, and smile brighter than the sun herself. A girl who wasn’t rebellious, someone who did as she was told. And my naive self, was being just that.

But this was not me. I can never be her. My family wanted me to be her too, but it never worked, just like it won’t today. This is not me. I am not going to be marrying someone, who is in love with his fantasy version of me. It’s time to choose myself again, over them. Over the people who will never choose me for who I am. Over the man who loves my face on another woman.

I stopped, looked him dead in the eye, turned 180 degrees, and started walking back the way I came. I could feel disappointed eyes on me, burning holes in my back. Back to being alone I guess, but at least I’ll be me.

[arteesticwriter]

I hate that I lost you, I hate that it was my fault.

But sometimes, it’s best this way.

Every time I get my shit together,

Somehow you’re gone again.

Except it wasn’t me this time.

[4bsorb]

[youre-in-my-veins-you-fuk]

You never know if someone needs this. Reblog this, even if its not your ‘blog type’. Just do it.

[fuckyeahknbsnkygofree-yaoi-deac]

Yes, please reblog

[dendenmusume]

Do it. Now.

[alienpal]

i sat here and thought about reblogging this or not but then i realized how many people feel suicidal, and i  have too its not dan and phil but i could honestly care less, bc i rather have someone not die then make sure i strictly stay to my ‘blog type’ 

[lauriehalseanderson]

Blog type doesn’t matter. Caring for people does.

[typewrxter]

This isn’t my blog type but *deep inhale* 

SAVING SUICIDAL LIVES IS BETTER THAN KEEPING IT TO MY BLOG THEME SO DEAR YA’LL WHO ARE SUICIDAL I’M HERE SIS/BRO/SIBLING!! STAY STRONG!!

[kerokerosenai-deactivated202009]

as someone whose legs are covered in marks that’ll never fade from years of self-torment: i am here if anyone needs me. i care about each and every one of you. you’re not a burden, you’re not a waste, you’re a precious life and you bring something to this world that makes others feel grateful for you. if anyone EVER needs to talk: please message me. shoot an ask. i even have anon on if you’re nervous/anxious (i get like that too, we’re human). you’re never bothering me if you do. your life is important and you deserve to feel that it is

[pride-on-a-string]

Please please please stay alive

[hypnomindstorm]

Please, friends, even in this trying time, don’t make this the end. My messages are always open, if you need someone to talk to, or you can send an ask. I will reply, and try my best to help you get through your time of crisis. Just hold on. There are people who care. And we are here for you.

[user8173735141426748481]

Please know, there is a reason to live, and there are so many people who love you, so much❤️❤️ If you ever need someone to talk to I’m here, and I’ll try my best to help you. YOU ARE ENOUGH AND WORTH IT.🥰🥰

[madphantom]

I’m here for y'all!

[arteesticwriter]

Some times, things can be hard. And it’s okay to feel down, and overwhelmed. But always remember, you’re strong. You’re so strong honey, and I admire you for holding such strength. You can always talk to me, I am always here 💘

[arteesticwriter]

Theo James

Okay, so I am completely and utterly in love with Theodore Peter James Kinnaird Taptikilis. Like ever since Divergent, I can’t get over him. He’s so fucking talented and it hurts me that he doesn’t get the appreciation he deserves. Look at him! He’s an angel.

Not only is he extremely smart and wise, he actually does something for the people and is both kind and caring. I feel like our generation needs a little bit of that goodness. The Divergent series was obviously incredible, but all this other movies, like How It Ends, Lying and Stealing, or Backstabbing for Beginners, were so good. I am in love with this man!

I CAN’T WITH HIS CUTENESS

[arteesticwriter]

But very poor food to a lover is intelligence of a mistress filtered through a friend.

- Desperate Remedies, Thomas Hardy

[arteesticwriter]

Women Empowerment

Women have always been seen as weak human beings. For thousands of years. And the unfortunate fact, is that even today, women are considered to be weak. We are not valued as much as we deserve to be.

I identify myself as a feminist. Not because I want to feel more than man, I want to feel equal to man. I want to be treated like my male classmates. I want to be paid like my male colleagues. I want to be identified as strong like my male friends. When stories are written, about strength, power and respect, a man usually gets to be the main character. All the softer characters, are played by women. While yes, I am soft and kind, however, I have it in me to hold authority. I have it in me to lead.

My gender does not portray who I am as a person. I have so much to give to this world, and I will only do so, when I am given the chance to thrive. Like many males, I as a female, deserve to be valued and treated like all the others. Do not go easy on me. I didn’t sign up to be the damsel in distress. I plan to fight. I am a woman, a proud one.

By: Namira