N.B.🌻

writer. female 21. I need a sunflower in my life rn ...I don't answer asks...just dm me 🌻🌻🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

the time has come

to leave

everything behind

a new year

a new me

and hopefully a new story

this story has ended

and with the fireworks

in the background

I close the book to this year

N.B.

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

Typical basic guy

sweet words

with a lie mixed in

trying to manipulate me

it worked

then you ruined it

with just a word

trying to spare my feelings

by ghosting me

and telling lies

so obvious

you were green

but damn

the plot twist you were

didn't know you could paint

betrayal never felt so

bittersweet

typical basic red

N.B.

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

We gave up on each other

without noticing it

it came as a surprise

when we started not caring anymore

you said you didn't want to hurt me

and I told you

that you can't hurt me ..it's impossible

because i know you aren't trying to do it

I was wrong

I hurt

you lied when you said you don't mean to

you know what you're doing

now we are nothing

not friends

not strangers

just small talkers

I shouldn't have told you

you shouldn't have asked me

we shouldn't have known

what our feelings were

it's gone

i'm not a fool anymore

it's a done deal

we are nothing to each other

N.B.

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

Darling tell me you love me

even if love means nothing to you

tell me i'm your favourite

even if i'm not

I know i'm alot

and talk alot

but tell me it's okay

and that you listen because you like it

tell me i'm the prettiest girl you've ever seen

even though i'm not your type

Baby tell me i'm the one for you

even if it is just a tragic lie

Let me stay ignorant and gullible

just for a little while longer

N.B.

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

sending me mixed signals

up ,

down,

left,

right,

all around

the rollercoaster

are you here with me on the ride

or are you just buying the ticket

am I alone on this ride

are you just watching

I need a hand to hold

this ride is scary

I'm getting nauseous

I want to get off this ride

but it won't stop

N.B.

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

I grew up in a scary world

but I was never scared

the haunted houses in which we lived

the people who may hurt me

the screaming of family

the people who leave me

me almost dying

heights...spiders.. roaches...bugs..bees

all those things and more scary things

but I got over it in a few seconds

but you

you scare me everyday

I'm scared you will drift away

I'm scared you will stop talking to me

I'm scared you will go away one day

I'm terrified of you

that we will never even get the chance

to talk to you outside of the screen

N.B.

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

I'm sorry

I broke my promises

but

I had to save myself

before I lost sight of my heart

you're better without me

I would have only hurt you more

if I had stayed

and forgotten about my heart

N.B

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

it's 2 am

and this is what my brain got

insanity sparks inspiration

and

inspiration sparks insanity

my 2 am brain says it makes sense

N.B.

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

I can call you an ex

I can call you a mistake

I can call you a situationship

but I can't call you a Almost

our relationship was doomed from the start..and we both knew it..we just used each other and that was time not well wasted.

you waited for someone else

and I wanted a tragic love

never an almost

not even a wrong time

or another universe

wasted arguments

wasted pretty lies

wasted promises

you are my ex

you were a mistake in dating

and you were definitely a situation

a disaster actually

but it was over when it was over

we were never an almost

just wasted words

N.B

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

what a fool I am

to keep hoping

that something might happen

between us.

a fools imagination

that might make me lose my mind

about you

reading into your words

that may not mean anything.

dumb crush

making me a fool

I wish you were one to

N.B.

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

I want to know

if I really have anxiety and depression

or if I am just lying to myself

and making excuses...

for my faults

if I just overshare because I can't help myself

or if I am just looking for attention

do I just want the praise?

or am I just bored?

why do I cry so much

to the point where I sound hysterical ,

hyperventilating

am I just telling myself

to be like that?

is anything I'm feeling a real issue

or am I just using it for an excuse

I honestly don't know anymore

I don't know if I actually feel anything

or everything..

is anything real?

the feelings ?

the thoughts?

the memories ?

am I real?

I really want to know .

N.B

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

people judge me

when they find out I don't work

that I just sit in my room the whole day

even my family

I just don't want to move

because I can't control my life

everything that happens in my life

depends on my mom

she is like a chain

that keeps me from leaving and living

I didn't have a choice in anything

in my life

she will follow me even in death.

no freedom

I am judged

but no one sees the reason

yes maybe I can fight for a way

but my mentality isn't strong enough

to break the chain

N.B

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

I always thought you were there for me mom

even if I am a horrible daughter

i thought no matter how mad you get

you would never let me suffer

2024/08/10 at 12:30

you proved me wrong

you were the reason I got a panic attack

and I screamed....

and cried alot

but you yelled at me to be quiet.

I had to beg you mom

to help me out

cuz I couldn't stop and it was getting worse.

I actually wondered even tho my dad is crappy ...if he would have left me to suffer ....

gave in to your motherly instinct when I begged for the 3rd time...

that's what you said.

I never thought you could be so cruel

mother

.

N.B

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

Even the sharpest blade can break

and

even the dullest blade can kill

you just have to know how to break it

and

you just have to know how to use it

N.B.

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

Daddy?

am I broken??

Mommy?

can I be saved??

Stop it please I get it

you had it worse

you have it worse

I am your child

you are supposed to help me

not make it worse

please

Mommy!

I want to be saved!!

Daddy!

I don't want to be broken!!

be my parents help me

I beg of you

I don't know how long I can hold on

I need you

N.B

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

I want voices in my head

that way I won't be alone

the voices will always talk to me

I will never have quiet again

the voices will never leave me

unlike my friends.

I want voices in my head

I want company

it sucks being alone.

N.B.

🌻

[artifex-nb-2000]

when does a friendship

turn into a crush

when does a crush

turn into more than a crush

when does more than a crush

turn into in love

And why does it have to turn into Love

if I can never have you.

N.B.

🌻