Ashlesha

Be Pretty. Be Petty.

[ash-says]

Hey Girl, Tired of Being Told to "Be Nice"? ‍

Forget the sugar and spice, it's time for some fire and ice! This ain't your mama's self-help blog. Here, we ditch the damsels in distress routine and learn to be the queens of our own damn castles.

Remember the following mantra's while interacting with this blog:

"Kill or get Killed."

"Be Pretty. Be Petty."

We're all about unleashing your inner boss babe and conquering your goals with a side of sass. Here's a taste of what you'll find on this hot mess of a blog:

1. You are your own saviour.

Survival 101

Survival 101- Part 2

Survival from Toxic Siblings

Tips for Dysfunctional Family Girlies Part 1

Tips for Dysfunctional Family Girlies Part 2

Saviour Complex Fever

Tried and tested Manipulation Techniques

For Whom Did I Betray Myself?

Social Media Experiment Lessons

Escaping Your Mental Hell Hole

2. Quit Being Basic, Get Iconic

Mini steps towards being independent

Devil may care- A guide on being unbothered

Tips on how to be Goody Two Shoes and Pure in the society's eyes

Be Bold. Be Shallow

Being Audacious

The vicious cycle of Needs, Wants and Demands

The Art of People-Pleasing and how to Fail at it

Corporate Tips

Things to be aware as a hopeless romantic

22 highlights for the next year for me and you

Normal Know Hows

The art of figuring things out

3. Mic Drop Talk

Tips to improve People Skills/ Being more Charismatic

Practicing Tact and Open mindedness

Listening techniques

Handling curiosity so the cat doesn't gets killed

Hush Hush Honey

Tips on how to dodge personal questions in a Professional Setting

Tips on Confrontation

4. Mind Over Matter

Cheating Anxiety With Me

Exercise and staying fit

How to tackle Fragmented Sleep/ Sleep disruptions

5. Siren School

Being in touch with your sensuality

How to feel sexy instead of cute

6. Opinion Time

Opinion Time 1

Opinion Time 2

Opinion Time 3

7. Random Motivation

Motivation 1

Motivation 2

Motivation 3

Motivation 4

Motivation 5

Motivation 6

Motivation 7

Is that Britney Spears ,"Gimme more" playing in the background??

I know you'll be coming back for more like a moth to a flame.

[ash-says]

how do you make the best of ur circumstances when you live with abusive parents who won't pay for anything and control you both emotionally and physically? Im in the second last year of high school and my grades and extracurricular are both not up to par with the unis I want. They often make me disturbed as how they...touch me? (Like sometimes my mum will randomly cup my private parts pr finger my backside or my dad will like smack my backside when I'm crouching or passing by, I've told them it makes me uncomfortable but theyw ont do anything) I legit have to get down on my knees and be a sycophant to get food. My skin is very dry and it is winter where I live. I cannot live without a moisturizer and face wash. I have attention issues. I hyperfixate on my face feeling grimy and clogged up.

Please, please help.

I'm not in the U.S., and where I live, there is no adult who has compassion enough to help me. People will always pretend this doesnt happen, here.

This is really disturbing and honestly cruel knowing your own parents do this. I am sorry you have to go through this and as much as I hate to say this find an online job, earn money, study fucking hard and flee from that house. That's the only way.

You can learn things like editing, marketing,coding, analytics, there are lot of free courses and stuff start as an intern online and slowly build your skills and money and then study hard get into a good University and flee. Or even find a job that pays well across your country and run.

Sometimes the only best thing you can do is dissociate the fuck out ignore and drown yourself in work to get out of danger. People might backlash me on this but you can't focus on surviving if you focus on how much it affects you.

Make some shit up do something and get a laptop and a stable internet connection and then do marketing,editing courses and apply for online internships.

You can also do some virtual assistant jobs or some hr executive work or sales job.

Sales job as much as it sucks if you work on your communication or even average at it trust me it will give you some income

There are many online sales,marketing,editing,content writer, graphic designing, analyst internships because your situation is dire if you feel you can't get paid internships go for an unpaid one (not for sales but at any cost for sales always paid) get the fucking certificate and build portfolio and apply for paid ones.

This is the only way apparently. Money.

Money equates freedom.

[withyulavava]

Don't pity yourself. Don't pity yourself no matter what. That's what the internet told me, but I can't help it.

I can't help but pity the girl who was so eager to have friends that when one of her classmates who broke off their close friendship, she carefully gauged their mood and adjusted herself accordingly. She wormed her way to her classmate's circle and my, she was so happy that she made friends out of everyone else too.

Months later, when it fell apart, she fell apart as well. But that wasn't her worst fear. She fell back into her old routine. Solitude.

It chipped away at the fake act she put on and helped her find her way back. Still, she is so careful, she dare not read her journal of this year. Write and turn over the page. Looking back means risking falling back again.

I can pick myself up if I fall apart again but I'm not so sure about falling back.

[ash-says]

You know what if I have to be honest pitying yourself is a part of it. It's not just you even I pity myself from time to time. I too miss that old version of me who was so innocent and was ready to do everything that the other person needed at the drop of a hat.

But I also despise the people that made me feel I have to be someone else to be worthy of their love so even if I do pity myself for being so gullible I despise them for taking my love as a free pass to do whatever they did.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is remember the lesson and forget the memory.

[thatbitchery]

Please do an info dump on evolutionary psychology this seems so cool

this playlist here

level - upper intermediate 🇮🇹 plot.. | Book my brain / Audiobooks & Books in Eng | VK (download free eupb and pdf)

me: I do NOT perform free labor if Im not getting paid to I won't do it

Also me: Okay here's a list that cost me time to make for free hehe

I am. In fact. Mother.

[ash-says]

Learn to be patient with yourself.

Everytime I am trying something new I fail at it miserably and think of giving up also but I remove myself from there, distract, do something else and come back to it again, tell myself it's my first time doing it but definitely not the last.

Behold my stupidity.

[ash-says]

Know for a matter of fact the dopamine hit for something you want doesn't come as easily as the dopamine hit you get in doom scrolling every 30 seconds.

To achieve your goals you need to first face intense embarrassment, deepest failures and no flicker of dopamine to be seen in the future as you grind but you know what as you keep on doing it, honing your craft, learning as you progress the dopamine finally starts to hit and this time it lasts

So go fail, be absolutely in the dumps but keep on fighting your way out even if it seems like it's useless, you will achieve it with consistent efforts.

[ash-says]

If the version of you that you admire doesn't scare you by the amount of work you have to put into it then maybe you have to double check it.

Growth and comfort are rivals from birth.

[ash-says]

Hi!

When people talk about healing they bring up parents, your ex and your friends, but no one ever dives into healing from siblings specifically younger ones since it such a source of shame. You can’t ice them out like friends or ignore them like your relatives’ lectures when they primary to your suffering you know? So could you please dive into surviving toxic siblings?

Okay now this is something that I was looking out for. Topics that touch the untouched. Great ask whoever this is! Kudos for bringing this up!

I will be honest I didn't exactly figure out from whose perspective you are talking so I will talk for both elder and younger siblings.

As mentioned by you I completely agree with the fact that in the healing community we don't talk about siblings and the damage they do which is equally breaking and as you said we can't even cut them off easily because your lives are literally meshed.

Survival from Toxic Siblings:

1) Boundaries:

This is the ultimate weapon in any kind of relationship. If you let them walk over you they will. Especially siblings because we as humans we think they owe us/we need to protect them so I will say first it starts from separating yourselves as a person from them in your mind.

2) Responsibility is individual:

If you are an elder sibling reading this internalise this line,

"It's not your responsibility how your younger siblings behave, act or turn out to be. It wasn't you who gave birth to them. You are not equal to their parents."

If they mess up it's on them you don't need to take the blame for it or the hit.

3) Learn you are YOU:

Do not let anyone compare you to your siblings or ever think you are less than them. Do not allow them to put you down just because they think you are not good at something or whatever. No two human beings are designed to be similar. So have a thick skin.

4) Favouritism:

Yes the age old hush hush things. Parents say all my kids are the same to me but we all know it subconsciously they have that one favourite child. Most of the time it's the younger ones and they are spoiled rotten to the point the other sibling starts thinking do they even care if I am here or not? Many a times the spoiled one does alot of mischief, messes things up real bad and then blames it on the other to get away from the punishment and the parents out of their inclination mostly don't put much thought in blaming the less favoured kid.

In such cases I will suggest steering clear from them don't associate yourself to them at all. Be indifferent. Literally learn to be indifferent for them. They are playing in the bedroom you are in the living hall. If you hear something you check on them stealth way don't let them know you are here only to avoid any major accidents.

5) Feel the grief but accept the reality:

It hurts like hell when you can't have a nice bond with your siblings but look at them are they worth having it??? No then we need to move away. You don't have to feel guilty for feeling like this. You are no one's saviour. Only your own.

6) Achievements:

Parents have a habit of comparing achievements. Listen just because your sibling is good at maths doesn't you too will be. You are good at emotional availability and understanding trauma can they be??? You might be good at arts are they??? Except this one thing some people are just gifted that's how it is so instead of bothering yourself with the shadow of theirs you turn yourself to your own light.

The only way to deal with this is not letting yourself feel small in front of them.

Also if there's bullying involved bully them back. Be worse than them.

I tell you the only way to outsmart a manipulator is by being one yourself. The only way to escape a killer is by showing them you can kill them cold blooded at the drop of an hat if they tried you.

Fear. Fear is the only way you keep people in line. The right amount of fear always keeps you safe and respected.

I hope I was able to help you even a little. It's a really messed up dynamic to have but the only way you can survive is by making them scared of you and being indifferent to their antics.

[ash-says]

Ladies I am kind of feeling out of topics or more like I am repeating the same thing again and again. I don't like to talk about the same core idea with decorative words just so for creating content or induce a dopamine hit in your brain.

Lately I feel I don't have much of value to share or maybe I do but it's not striking me.

It will be really helpful if you girls could come up with suggestions or questions or scenarios through which I can give my two cents and it just might trigger something in me.

P.s: Don't ask me questions on improving communication skills/confidence (already made a post), men or any generic ones. Let's get deep and to the root.

[ash-says]

Know what sells for you

This post will be directly under my sub category of Quit being basic, be iconic.

I don't know how to start but if there's one skill that you need to thoroughly master in this economy then it is "Sales".

Surprise. Surprise. How many of you just scrunched your nose? Thought to yourself- Me? Sales? Like literally that's such a bothersome task and who respects it anyway???

As a fellow member of your tribe in the past I used to think the same it's too tedious, too competitive, too bothering and what not.

Cut forward to me now I realise how much I have changed as a person since I have acquired this skill I am nowhere the best in it if anything I am still at beginner level between 3-5 idk yet the change and result is massive.

Now I am not telling you to go and take a sales job (even though one of my directors from a previous company literally said to me every person should do a sales job once in their life).

We can make an exception for you but don't learn sales for others learn it for yourself. To market yourself.

Do you know the things Sales people are unbeatable at?

1. Communication

2. Negotiation

3. Networking and follow up

Combine this with a strong self awareness and you get a person who knows how to crack the best nut.

Even if the person doesn't end in profits they are surely not increasing loss.

Now for you girlies time and again I say :

Know what works for you but more than that know what sells for you.

What's the value you bring to the table?

What is it that they can't get from the other person?

Strong conceptual clarity?

Numbers that deliver?

Problem solving skills?

Great work ethic?

Team player?

What is it that makes you who you are?

If you don't know find out. If you don't have cultivate.

Have a sales mindset. Don't wait for the prey, lure him to you. Hunt him down.

Predator mindset.

Remember what I say: Kill or get killed.

[ash-says]

There are two things I have personally learnt to bifurcate my money in after taking away the basic amount that's required to be spent:

1) Savings in different ways I am still a pretty newbie in this. I am slowly learning where all I can invest.

2) Personal grooming and courses.

Every month I am trying to distribute a small token of amount into these two categories as much as I can. Personal grooming has a limit set of course because we girls can easily cross the line when we do shopping so I try to keep impulse buying as low as possible.

So far the results are good. I am steadily building my dream wardrobe along with skills also while saving a small amount.

Personally the field I work in appearances matter. The way you present yourself matters. Pretty privilege exists and another thing is I am this young today only not tomorrow.

So basically the monthly breakup for me would be in three categories:

1) Essentials

2) Fixed Savings amount

3) Fixed personal grooming amount (maximum amount I can invest it can be less or zero depending on my need)

4) If any amount remaining again going into the savings amount.

This is how I have managed the money for the last 2 years since I started earning from my internship to my current job.

If any of you girlies are into finance I would really love your inputs on this. Feel free to criticise as much as you want.

[ash-says]

Hi there previous anon here. My life feel a bit grim en .my family is like they might not like me and they are just very oppressive. I need some suggestions if I'm doing the right thing and what more I can do

Ohh I get it now. I will open my dm so feel free to ask. Lets see if I can help but keep in mind I am no therapist.

[ash-says]

Is it okay to dm you for suggestion

And for what?

I would like to know the context first.

[ash-says]

Put your body on autopilot mode when it comes to your routine. Make a list of things that your body should just do even if you deviate from it due to external circumstances your body should bring you back to it out of sheer habit or default setting. It should be your instinctive response.

To people who are hyperactive like me, people who have a lot of energy, people who are jittery, people who are nervous, people who are anxious build a routine that sustains you not a you that sustains some unrealistic routine.

Get in touch with your body. The best thing I did as a 17-18 year old was to deeply understand my body and be cutthroat with its yes and no. Anything my body wants she gets it. Anything my body doesn't want smack the fuck out of it from my view. No one in this world can make me do something that my body didn't say yes to even 1%.

Ladies please understand I have been a victim of hustle and grind culture and hyperindependent worship but it literally kills our body from inside. Achieve all your huge goals but remember a healthy body is always one of them.

That's why make a routine that sooo default for you that skipping it makes you feel uncomfortable not out of fear but because your routine is what makes you relax, something you enjoy and something that grounds you all the while keeping you productive.

[ash-says]

The art of figuring things out:

This is something that I am still learning and will always be in a learner position for and want to be also.

The biggest thing I have come to understand so far in my life is no one has a manual to life. Not me, not you, not your parents, not your motivational speakers, no one legit no one.

There's only one thing we are definitely blessed at and it is figuring out things.

I mean come on we as a species figured out how to connect with someone living on the other side of the planet within seconds so we can definitely figure out our day!

Anyway I got distracted, fake it till you make it.

The art of figuring things out is extremely simple (at least that's how I work if you disagree you are free to figure out one for your own):

1) Have a definite goal

2) Chalk out the timeline

3) The resources required for it

4) Actions you need to take

5) ACT

Simple. Don't complicate it for the love of the god.

At the heart of "The art of figuring things out" lies the ability to act with observation and a clear mindset.

The ability to learn, adapt and implement is what is going to help you out.

According to your goals you just categorise the required action plans in sub categories of these 5 steps.

All great people are learners and adapters at their core but above all they implement too.

What's the use of knowledge if it doesn't benefit you?

Figure out what benefits you. You don't need to know everything now. You don't need to be a master you become it on the way as you figure it out.

Fall in love with the art of figuring out things and you might accidentally figure out a beautiful life for yourself.

Playing safe is always said to be wise but using it as an excuse to be in your comfort zone is hella unwise. Risk takers with proper planning get awarded.

So this is your cue to Try, fail and figure out!

[ash-says]

I love doing my silly little routine that might look like me being a housewife without a husband but there's nothing more that screams independent, capable and got it all under control to me.

I love waking up early doing my morning routine, cooking food, doing the laundry, having a bath, getting beautifully ready to the office and going to the office all of this before the clock even hits 10 max in the morning. No time to even look at my phone besides checking the time or playing some nice devotional music (if I got plenty of time on my hands) as I get ready for the office.

I love my hand cooked foods, I love to sleep in early, I love to look forward to the weekends so I can take it slow, I love to be excited thinking about the anime I will watch as I eat my food, researching stuff, listening to podcasts, talking to my friends and family, going out, having my fav snack, making some art

I love it all. I love the life I fought tooth and nail to create. It was worth everything.

[ash-says]

The best thing to escape your mental hell hole is doing things that need you to be completely present.

Want to increase concentration? Want to escape the thoughts in your head? Want to stop doom scrolling? Want to stop worrying?

You know what do things that require you to pay attention to it. Mind and body both.

Not just that your lack of attention results in repercussions that are even worse.

Exercise??? Hell yes you get distracted you might end up with a sore muscle! Now from next time you are extra careful, you are present in the moment and boom you have managed to escape your own hell for 5 mins.

Cooking???? Fuck yes! You get distracted you get burnt food, tasteless food, might accidentally slice your finger and out of survival you are present in the now.

He might be texting me????? Ahhh no I can't check it because I might mess up the food and have to eat a horrendous meal. He can wait for now. You see the drill?

Making art you have to engage your body,soul and mind. Half an hour in and now the world doesn't exist.

The first fifteen minutes are difficult but then you get in it. Just push through it.

Dancing while looking in a mirror??? Now you are aware of how awkward your moves and expressions look and by human psychology you rush to fix it and slowly enjoy it.

Though art and dancing don't have repercussions but it's good to loosen up.

Cleaning, organizing, household chores, Mental work, enrolling yourself into a paid course do things that require you to be present body,mind and soul and when you don't you have repercussions.

The dopamine should come after hard work not every 30 seconds randomly.