My blog so I can post my fics!

This is so that I can post my fics from AO3 here, same name and everything! Credit for my header to @queen-o-leen ! Thank you so much!!

[homunculus-argument]

I love browsing cover-up tattoo stuff when every once in a while there's someone asking "how do I cover up this unspeakably idiotic thing" and people are like "please do not cover that up, that's fucking amazing." You just have "shrimps is bugs" written on your leg now. That's your legacy.

[jvlianbashir]

my friend's discord server has a "proof of touch grass" channel where they post pics of them doing regular activities outdoors/in public. i think many online spaces could benefit from such a thing

[weaselle]

when i was super depressed - like struggling to eat anything barely able to get out of bed to pee depressed - my good friend asked me every day to send her a picture of me holding a leaf and a picture of a meal i was eating and it helped me significantly

(also, she was never judgey - if my meal was a single potato chip she would simply say good job eating a potato chip today <3 )

which is to say, i agree proof of touch grass is a good idea for online spaces

[yadelah]

This kinda required my brain a bit

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[ulyssessimpsongrant]

Seeing chronically online larpers being brain broken about Artemis II is funny because they keep yelling about colonialism and like. Yeah colonialism bad but… there is no life to colonize on the fucking moon, guys.

[afurioushawk]

Once again people who think the problem with colonization was the migration and not the slaughtering and subjugating of the inhabitants who were living there first.

Nobody lives on the moon. It's fine that we put our flag there.

[homunculus-argument]

My main problem as a person is that while I have no problem following orders when someone else knows what to do, and I have no problem taking charge when I'm the one to know what to do, if I'm put into a position where someone who should know what to do doesn't have a clear plan and isn't giving orders, and I feel like I'm supposed to take command in a situation where I have no idea what we should be doing next, I'm going to start throwing wrenches at people.

[homunculus-argument]

Wait fuck am I a horse??

[homunculus-argument]

You dig a big enough hole that water can stay in, it becomes a pond. And once it's been a pond for long enough, fish somehow appear. Even though it's not connected to any other water - hell, consider all the lakes that aren't connected to any other water. How the fuck are there fish? Where do they come from?

One day, something in space is going to look at humans the same way. You go to a new galaxy and there's freaking humans in there, like they just spontaneously manifest on random planets that have the ability to sustain them. All you need is an atmosphere with enough oxygen, some form of water, and that's pretty much all you need before they seem to just pop out of the ground and start terraforming it.

The mystery of the lake fish has been solved, by the way. It's waterfowl. Much like the birds that eat seeds and spread them around, waterfowl consume roe from the water, and while the number of fertilised fish eggs that pass through the digestive system of a duck or wild goose alive and unharmed may be small, it's not zero. A goose will shit in the lake water, and through comes the roe. It happens just often enough that lakes and ponds become - and remain - populated with fish.

Humans don't pop up on unknown planets and and unreachable galaxies on purpose. They couldn't get in there any more than they could get out of there, they have no choice but to claim the most viable-looking planet they can reach and start terraforming it. But how did they even get there?

You see, every once in a while an unfortunate human spaceship gets swallowed by a cosmic duck

[mightymo63]

Some fish are also just able to straight up walk on land

[homunculus-argument]

"They just walked there" is now my favourite theory of "how are lakes populated with fish".

[homunculus-argument]

I like the idea of fantasy settings that initially look like the Standard Stereotypical Fantasy Setting, but when you look closer it's actually more grounded and realistic, but in a way that makes sense for why it looks like that at first glance.

I once had a thought of a fantasy setting where humans are the only race who are in any way distinctly sexually dimorphic, but then it occurred to me that it'd be funnier that they all have roughly the same level of different gendered traits, and can't really distinguish between them in any other one (unless they're very familiar with the other peoples, such as living in mixed cities).

Like elves are the only ones that aren't really distinct at all, male and female ones are both just as tall, the male elves do not have facial hair and the only time female ones have distinctly visible breasts is when they are nursing. Their beautiful, somewhat delicate androgyny easily reads as childlike to an unaccustomed human, giving them an impression of a race of eternally youthful, nigh-immortal creatures, though really they only live to about 100-120 years, while humans live roughly to their 70s or 80.

Elves also assume that humans are constantly reproducing and dying at the same rate as squirrels, since they assume that every human with distinct breasts is currently nursing, and the only explanation to how they could keep having babies nonstop and still maintain a stable population is that they're also dying nonstop.

An embarrassingly large number of humans genuinely do not believe that female dwarves or orcs exist. Female dwarves have beards just the same as male ones do, and in the dwarven societies where gender is expressed at all, the distinctions are in clothing detail too subtle for the untrained eye. A dwarf drinking party might prank a passed-out comrade by unbraiding her beard and re-braiding it into a men's beard style, leaving her waking up hungover and deeply confused about why the fuck she woke up dressed in drag.

The best way to tell male and female orcs apart is that the female ones are slightly larger than males. Orcs aren't matriarchal or matrilinear because of tradition, but because they usually choose their leaders on the grounds of who can beat the shit out of you, and the biggest and meanest one in the clan is just statistically more likely to be female.

[kawareo]

Tumblr is like our elderly dog and when she makes an especially scary cough we apparently think "oh god it's the big one"

[kawareo]

The tumblr scare of 2026

[leviathan-supersystem]

internet politics and real-world politics have gotten so separated, and pretty soon all this internet weirdness is gonna come crashing into real life and politicians are gonna start throwing around words like “SJW” and “anime communist” and “dark enlightenment” and it’s just gonna be the most ridiculous fucking thing

[heritageposts]

date of origin: 13th of april, 2015.

[leviathan-supersystem]

happy 10 year anniversary!

[august--and-everything-after]

[headspace-hotel]

This post.

This fucking post.

It is in some ways, the only piece of evidence I have that there was a time Before.

[penandinkprincess]

listen i'm not advocating for exotic animals as pets, but i really just feel like cheetahs are probably different

i feel like we need to give them another shot as housebeasts

[penandinkprincess]

this is a critter who wants greenies and then to take a nap on the couch next to me, and i KNOW it

[penandinkprincess]

cheetah in House perfec t size for put inside! inside very Soft and Comfort cheetah sleep soundly put cheetah in House. Put Cheetah In House. no problems ever in cheetah in ho use because good Happy and Satisfy for human where sleep. House yes a place for a cheetah put cheetah in house can trust cheetah for giveing good love to humans in house. friend cheetah

[justasmidgx]

I mean, as someone who as worked in a zoo, this is fairly true.

Obvious disclaimer that you shouldn't have wild animals as pets.

But like, cheetahs are the only large cats that keepers will do free contact with. Hell, even most small cats don't get free contact. (Because small cats can be VICIOUS. They'll have a baby pallas cat wearing thicker gloves than when handling an owl. Because small cats can just be vicious.)

Like I think the only other cat at our zoo where I've seen free contact with was servals? Because I know they've used servals in shows to demonstrate their natural jumping ability. But I know servals can sometimes have a mean temper as well. Meanwhile they'll do the cheetah run and afterwards put the mic by the cheetahs and it's just like an engine with them purring. It's fascinating to watch when the message in every other large animal is "no free contact because it's dangerous even when they're born in captivity".

Legit if any wild animal could be adapted to a pet it would be cheetahs lmao. Only problem is they can be skittish and very anxious and that's why they're often raised around dogs in zoos to gain confidence.

[penandinkprincess]

congrats, i award you funniest take on this post

[homunculus-argument]

You don't inherit your parents' enemies. A parent who expects you to hate someone you don't know just because they do isn't entitled to have you on their side. Parents who are worth having don't ask you to do that. They'll even specifically tell you it's not your matter to worry about.

Parents worth respecting don't guilt trip you into inheriting their grudges. They'll tell you to not get involved because they fear that you'll go "nah if someone's got a problem with my mama they've got a problem with me" and hurl a rock at that fucker.

[zerenta-mrraow]

makes sense, I can't see a parent who treats their child like a soldier in their personal dramas being a good parent worth your time and respect

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

did anyone else just feel a vast cosmic rumbling as the earth gave way and the dark locked in or was the just me

[your-gay-grandma]

date your friends - by which i do not mean you must literally date your friends but by which i mean go out to dinner with your friends, buy your friends flowers, tell your friends you love them, write your friends love letters, play your friends songs that make you think of them, help your friends with moving and doctors appointments and listen to their worries and joys. love one another so entirely and i promise the world will feel so much brighter and you will have a community full of love

[sncrlynwtms]

fandom etiquette as a whole died when people who didn’t grow up on fandoms became stans during lockdown, yes, but why am i seeing people openly mocking fics on twitter. why am i seeing screenshots of fics with captions like “bro what is this 😭.” why am i seeing people mock fic writers for not knowing how sports or theater or college or any other organization operates in the real world.

“college is absolutely nothing like this” “why are we writing four people on the team scoring a hat trick in one game” “so tech work is nothing like this, hope that helps!”

if you don’t like a fic, and if you can’t suspend your belief enough to enjoy a fic that exaggerates or ignores real-world orgs, you don’t have to read it. you don’t have to screenshot it and put it on blast for twitter. you don’t have to post a link to it in the replies. the back button is literally there on your phone. it’s not giving baby’s first fandom anymore, it’s giving entitled asshole and it isn’t as cute as you think it is.

[homunculus-argument]

I like that the only reason we can't domesticate hyenas is because they are simply too powerful. You could take one with you to a city on another continent, leave for work in the morning and then by lunch the beastie shows up at your job like "hi bud I think you accidentally forgot me at home :3 but it's ok I'm here now!" because once alone it chewed trough a brick wall, bent out a cast iron gate, and tracked the faintest scent on asphalt through a completely unfamiliar environment to find you.

Also caught and ate a few pigeons, two outdoor cats, and a small dog on the way. A quick snack.

[sistersorrow]

The low cunning of feline software, running on the hardware of a dog-like that would probably be bred to hunt bears

[redstonedust]

reminder that after spiderverse we know that having a trans flag in their bedrrom isn't even enough

fuck i forgot about that. granted ive always assumed the filmmakers probably intended her to be an ally and didnt mean it as confirmation but i think thats makes it like 6x funnier because what ally has ever put trans imagery in their own bedroom. is that like. a thing. do people do that. i havent talked to a cis person in weeks.

[homunculus-argument]

For most mammals, their asshole points straight behind them. This is because their head points to the other direction, the direction they go when they move forward. Therefore, when they flee a predator, their asshole is pointing towards the direction of The Evil, which they must get away from.

As humans developed to become bipeds, their asshole now points downwards. This mismatch between the evident truth of escaping things that are behind you, and the instinctive knowledge that your asshole points towards evil, has lead to the common and widespread belief in Hell, something evil that is below your feet, that your asshole is always pointed towards.