[alternis]

"oh vegans don't understand the food production process, they just need to educate themselves-" north american vegans have a long-standing debate about avoiding white cane sugar because of the use of burnt animal bones in the refining process. did you know about that? how about wine and beer - products such as gelatin, milk protein, or fish bladders are often added to fermented drinks to help remove suspended organic particles, and whilst the drink is filtered afterwards traces from the process remain. that means, in the case of gelatin or fish bladders, that those drinks aren't even vegetarian. there are animal products everywhere, in everything, and even the most surface-level research over how to avoid them will dump such a ridiculous number of Food Production facts in your brain that you cannot talk about the subject without an illusory red-string conspiracy board appearing behind you

[beechalk]

A lot of sitcom endings are like "This moment is sad because the gang is splitting up and everyone's going their separate ways, it's the end of an era but there are good things ahead and we'll always remember the memories we've shared. Here's a bittersweet pop song."

The ending of Mash is like "The protagonist just had a mental break after years of repeated exposure to the worst of humanity. The man he loves is going home to his perfect suburban family, leaving him alone and adrift. It's unlikely he'll ever fully recover from what he's been through. The fan favourite side character recieved a traumatic head injury, he's going home permanently deaf and none of the other characters know because he hid the information from them. People might be going home but the war isn't over, it's never over, war will never be over as long as there are humans on earth to wage it. We'll see you all next year for the worst spinoff to ever air on television."

[redstonedust]

i think being proud of where you come from is one of those things that becomes fun the more specific you get. like "proud to be english" bad rancid vibes. makes you sound like the kind of person who rants about immigrants. "proud to be from yorkshire" better vibes. i cannot deny the yorkshire cultural heritage. "proud to be from pocklington" absolutely fucking hilarious please never let anybody kill your pocklington pride.

[redstonedust]

i love the USA: weird vibes. dont trust that.

i love muskegon michigan: you are experiencing a kind of personal joy that i can and will not take from you

[diseasehaver]

"as important as the series was to me as a kid, jk rowling's actions are indefensible and it's time to cover up my tattoo" (nuck tats that read WOLF AIDS)

[txttletale]

"it's okay op you can just say X" is in real contention for most annoying tumblrism. like not only is it always some bullshit you've never heard of but even if it wasn't if i wanted to post about Scungly Pungly's Big Adventure i would just do that. overfamiliar and patronising in 100% of cases

[sealochs]

pov you carve out one hour of screen-free time per day! yeah but you filmed it. pov you start your day outdoors! yeah but you filmed it. pov you go for an off-grid weekend away with your besties! yeah but you filmed it. pov you stopped scrolling and started crafting! yeah but you filmed it. you filmed it. pov you fucking filmed and watched and edited and posted and tagged and monitored and shared it.

[theconcealedweapon]

[alarajrogers]

Saved by the actual killer; let's not forget that Luigi Mangione was almost certainly framed and is most likely not The Claims Adjuster. (I love that name. Robin Hoodie was good too, but The Claims Adjuster is perfect.)

I mean. Days after the killing, he is still carrying around the weapon and a handwritten manifesto in his backpack? A 3d printed weapon, which he could have melted down and destroyed, or thrown into the Hudson River, because the thing about 3d printed guns is that unlike standard manufactured guns, it's really hard to identify who printed them? When his bag was searched out of anyone's sight, hours after his arrest? By a notoriously corrupt police district under pressure to make an arrest?

We need to stop accepting reflexively the narrative the NYPD and the media have tried to sell us; it's got way too many holes in it and it runs the risk that an innocent man will spend his life in jail or be executed for a crime he didn't commit. The fact that we would all support him if he did commit it is irrelevant; the state will grind him through the gears of injustice if it can.

[mapsontheweb]

Every state split in half by population – the densest half and least dense half

[knowledgetosorrow]

Me when i definitely know what halves are

[maximumsalt]

Oh you’re part of the densest half

[energyprison]

the christian baby baseball question makes no mention of runners or guarantee of a homer. they think you would hit this baby with a bat for a shot at first. im lettin it whizz by personally. let the pitcher chuck a few of these junior papists. use up that rotator cuff. then ill think about takin a base

[watermelonmountaindew]

actually carly rae jepsen was a genius when she said “before you came into my life i missed you so bad” and everyone who hated on that lyric just wasn’t smart enough to understand

[homunculus-argument]

There's a fascinating phenomenon that isn't unique to tumblr, but which I have certainly seen here a lot, which I'm going to call the Default Assumption of Incompetence. It's when somebody has the baffling habit of always starting from the assumption that other people do not know anything about anything, or at least that having more knowledge than the assumer is extremely rare and statistically unlikely. To do this, they will frequently go out of their way to ignore context clues that indicate otherwise, or in some cases the assumer simply doesn't know enough about the subject at hand to be able to estimate whether or not this person knows what they are doing.

The assumer will see a social media post about someone's mushroom harvest, which clearly only contains exactly two distinct kinds of mushrooms, which the poster has identified and correctly named in the post itself, and the assumer will feel compelled to warn the forager to be careful out there! Some mushrooms are poisonous and they should be very careful to only pick ones they can identify! The assumer, who has ignored the fact that the poster did identify both of the mushroom species they had picked, and can most likely be trusted to do so in the future as well, has naturally assumed that the person showing off the results of their latest mushroom haul must have been obliviously picking them at random like an unsupervised toddler who is lucky to be alive.

If someone makes a post talking about how they just got a new job as a bus driver, the assumer might swoop in to warn them that driving a bus is extremely dangerous! It's so dangerous that it's literally illegal to do that unless you have a specific special training for doing that! Even a normal driver's license isn't good enough, you need a special license for it! And when the person who just got hired as a bus driver verifies that yes, they know that, they do have the license to drive a bus, and that they wouldn't have even hired someone who doesn't. The first question of the job interview was about making sure that they have a valid license for driving this type of vehicle.

"Well how was I supposed to know that?" is the assumer's standard answer to being corrected. Not embarrassed or apologetic, only defensive and insulted, as if the other person here is the one being unreasonably rude for implying that it was stupid of the assumer to assume that someone who just got a job driving a bus might not know how to drive a bus.

[bintro]

[depsidase]

[beaft]

irrationally annoyed by the gradual creep of people using elaborate therapyspeak to communicate their dislike of something/someone instead of just being like "yeah it wasn't for me"

[beaft]

went to a queer social a while back and someone left early because they were tired - which is fine! it happens! - except they then sent out an austere group message informing everyone that the energy levels in the room had been too high which had made them feel excluded and they looked forward to having a productive conversation about how we can all work together to create a more aligned space and i'm kinda like. yknow you could've just said it was a bit too loud

[homunculus-argument]

Nothing slapped my shit back into place like someone pointing out that the "genius gifted child with so much potential who got burnout and mental illness" is just the nerd equivalent to the jock "could have been a pro at sportsball if it wasn't for the injury".

[meangirlnurse]

i genuinely suspect that some percentage of people carrying on about "gifted kid burnout" were never actually in any kind of gifted/talented program and have just latched onto this identity in adulthood, which is somehow even weirder than the alternative

[meangirlnurse]

scream

[martindykewood]

not to sound like a christian facebook mom but some of yall need to have grace in your hearts for the people in your lives or the people you pass once on the road and never see again like you literally need to stop assuming the worst of everyone and their intentions it is poisoning your brain. you can be careful and responsible without being a miserable person. it is possible i promise

[martindykewood]

you are a tar pit and you live this way because you choose to.

[turtlesandfrogs]

Also, if you're a jerk to others, the percentage of jerks you interact with will be higher than if you're not a jerk.

By being a jerk, you're actively making your life harder and less pleasant. This is because we're a social species, and we do this thing called "mirroring" usually unconsciously, so people tend to reflect the behavior you put out, back to you.

Also you can intentionally be kinder with people, and they'll be kinder to you.

We are a social species depended on cooperation to survive. Altruistic behavior is actually what's in our genetic past, far more than jerks.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

A few years back, my comedian husband was at Cardiff Glee Club, waiting to perform. He's friends with all the staff there, so he was chatting to one of the glass collectors while the audience were coming in, finding their seats, ordering drinks to their tables etc

It was a busy night, and apparently the bar and kitchen were both running a little behind. Mid conversation , a woman strode up to Steff and his friend and aggressively said "I get that you're having a nice time, guys, but some of us are still waiting on drinks, so do you think you could do your jobs?"

Before either could answer, the bar manager materialised.

"Well, he's a glass collector and he's one of the acts on tonight," she said politely, pointing them out. "So, neither of them can help you. But I'm the manager, can I help?"

("I specified that," the manager told Steff afterwards, "because if she's going to be a dick, I'm going to waste her time by telling her why she's wrong and has just been stupid before I help her.")

"Yes," said the woman, now gearing up to get good and annoyed to compensate for her embarrassment. "We've been waiting for our drinks for over half an hour! This is ridiculous!"

"I'm sorry about that," says the manager. "We're super busy tonight, as you can see. What's your order number? I'll check its status."

The woman gave it. The manager looked it up.

"Ah," said the manager. "I see the problem - these were ordered twelve minutes ago, but there's currently a twenty minute wait, as you can see on the board. I'll see what we can do to speed it up, though, and we'll get to it as soon as we can."

The woman grumbled and left.

The manger put her one lower in the queue.

Five minutes later, a second woman from a different group arrived.

"Sorry, it's very possible I'm being a bother and you'll get to it soon," she smiled. "But I just wondered if there's an update on our order? It's been a while."

"I'm so sorry," the manager said, "we're super busy. Let me check for you... Yes, you're still in the queue. We'll get to you as soon as possible, shouldn't be long now."

"Oh!" says the woman. "No, no worries, I just thought I'd double check to make sure we hadn't somehow dropped off the system. Thank you!"

She left, and the manager put her one higher in the queue. When her order was made, the manager added an extra bottle of beer, and a little note that said "Sorry for the wait :)"

And I tell this tale because, the thing is... If this is typical behaviour, that first woman probably goes her whole life never quite being happy, never quite content, always missing out on free moments of human connection. By contrast, the second woman goes her life getting those little gestures, being seen that little bit earlier, having a slightly smoother time of things.

And neither probably even realises. In a thousand small ways, Second Woman has a happier time than First Woman, entirely down to their behaviour.

So yeah - act like a cunt to people, they'll repay you in kind. That's how it works. Your choice if you want that or not ig