A day in the life of Una Dragmire
Una - So, is there a reason why you ushered me into my office at 5 in the morning?
Ralnor - Forgive me for waking you up, young sister. I’m currently interrogating a suspect in our dungeons and he’s proven to be…uncooperative.
Una - (Sigh) You know how I feel about…this.
Ralnor - I would not have woken you up if it wasn’t important.
Ralnor - Do you have knowledge about the drug going around in the lower slums of Hyrule?
Una - Angel Dust? Yes. It inhabits the user to dangerously hallucinate and lose control of their senses making them believe that they are flying. Hence the name, Angel Dust.
Ralnor - I found one of the people responsible for putting this disgusting drug on our streets.
Una - That’s good. I’m glad you were able to apprehend him. My question though, is why do you need my help? Why not ask Covarog for his assistance?
Ralnor - Because i overheard from one of my agents that you have a serum that will not allow the patient to fall unconscious, even under times of great stress.
Una - Ralnor! That serum isn’t even ready! I haven’t even tested it yet and still don’t know if it’s harmful…you don’t care, do you?
Ralnor - Una, I need that serum.
Una - Give me a reason. A good reason for me to give you that serum.
(A small silence before Ralnor nods to himself)
Ralnor - Because Ukuri gave me a sample of Angel Dust when she came home from her friend’s house yesterday. Apparently, the same man i have in the dungeons at this moment, tried to trick my daughter into thinking that they were sweets.
(Another small silence ensues before Una opens a draw at her desk)
Una - Let me know if the serum checks out. Tell me of the patient’s symptoms and call me immediately if anything goes wrong.
Ralnor - You don’t want him to die?
Una - With these new facts presented to me, i don’t really care how, where or when he decides to move on to the afterlife. I’m just saying if he decided to give up so easily when you still need answers…
Ralnor - To call for your assistance.
Ralnor - Thank you Una. I’ll keep you updated.
(Ralnor starts to leave.)
Una - Ralnor? Is Ukuri ok?
Ralnor - Shaken up, but Cass has managed to distract her from the incident. She’s a smart girl, she knows not to accept anything from strangers but she often heard rumor of the drug itself and gave me a detailed description of the suspect that we now have in lockup. If anything, this has bought us even closer to shutting this drug ring down for good.
Una- She’s a brave girl. To be able to keep her cool while also remembering every detail of the suspect. So grown up, just like her father I guess.
Ralnor - I agree, but for now I would like to keep her as she is. Before, she grows up.
Una - Tell her to come by here anytime. I know about her love and thirst for knowledge, she definitely got that from you and Cass.
Ralnor - I’ll be sure to let her know.
Corsaire - Hey, if it ain’t the little spitfire herself.
Una - Oh Captain, my captain. What brings you here?
Corsaire - Oh nothing, just wanted to hang out with my favorite Dragmire sister.
Una - Uh-huh. That charm and wit would have worked on Orana, but I’m not gullible. What did you do this time?
Corsaire (Chuckles nervously) - What makes you say that?
Una - Captain, you wouldn’t have forgotten a certain date did you?
Corsaire - I would never! And for you to accuse me of such a thing-
Una - You forgot about your wedding anniversary today, didn’t you?
Corsaire - Forgot is such a strong word to use, Una.
Una - Moronic is also a strong word. Would you like me to plan your funeral?
Corsaire (Chuckles nervously) - You make it sound like my wife is gonna kill me.
Una - You said it, not me.
Corsaire - Crap, you’re right! What am i gonna do? Tell the truth?
Una - A noble choice. A quick death, but i’ll certainly respect your decision.
Corsaire - I could hide out on the ship?
Una - You seem to be forgetting that your wife knows more about you than you do.
Corsaire - Heheh, your point spitfire?
Una - She knows where you’ll be and if she can’t find you, she’ll ask your crew.
Corsaire - My crew would never…Actually you have a point.
Una - Bear with me a moment.
(Una ducks behind her desk and gets out a beautiful gift basket wrapped with a red silk bow)
Una - Lorleidian Caramel chocolates, The best Hyrulian wine rupees can buy, A giant fur coat from the north, a map that will guide you to the best view in Hyrule and I’ve already booked a table for two for the most prestigious restaurant in the city.
(Silence ensues, as she pushes the gift onto Corsaire)
Corsaire (visibly shaken) - Una?
Una - Your welcome Captain. You owe me though, ok?
(Una gets up and starts pushing Corsaie to the door)
Corsaire (Stuttering) - Wait, wait! But…how did you…what did you…
Una - Now, now. Just do me a favor and have fun with my sister. I’ll look after the kids tonight so you don’t have to worry. Have a good time Captain!
(Una closes the door on an ever confusing Corsaire. Una then turns towards her curtain drapes)
Una (Sighs) - Were all those gifts really necessary Orana?
Orana (Reveals herself from her hiding spot) - He forgot the day we got married. Of course, I had to set it all up for him!
Una - The coat, the chocolates, the wine-
Orana - So I had a me day! Who doesn’t have a me day?
Una - And the restaurant?
Orana - It was a 5 month wait. Hey what’s with all these questions? Aren’t you on my side?
Una - Hey, I am on your side. But in his defense, he was gonna make it up to you and tell you the truth anyway.
Orana - Yeah, I heard. I still would’ve throttled him though, regardless.
Una (Dumbfounded) - I have no words. I don’t know how you two do it.
Orana - Love comes in many forms baby sis. You’ll know when you get to my age. See you later!
(Orana leaves the office with a happy whistle)
Una (Sits down at her desk) - I know you’re there Captain.
Corsaire (lifts himself up from the window) - I KNEW IT! SHE SET THE WHOLE THING UP!
Una - I really do wonder how you survived your marriage.
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