We Kiss Monsters Here, Sir

Hi! I'm Thalassa, |30|, she/they pronouns are both cool. Welcome to my not-at-all-organised selfship villain blog. Asks and Requests are CLOSED for now!

[assortedvillainvault]

PINNED POST

Welcome! I write headcannons and x reader content for villains across a multitude of franchises, but mostly Disney, Transformers and the Darksiders video game. Detailed list is below!

NOTE this is my fun blog for funsies. I’m only going to write for characters I know about and am interested in. If I don’t know a requested character then the request will be gracefully declined.

Since this is also a self ship blog my F/O's are indicated in the list below. If we share an F/O then fantastic! We can obsess over them together. Any negativity or weird possessive behavior over a fictional character will be blocked/deleted.

I will also not be writing any rape, incest, greivous bodily harm etc.

Masterlists:

The Disney Villain Polycule/the DV'Cule

Wirewolf Horned King

Characters I'll Write For:

DISNEY (Villains):

Hades - Masterlist Here!

Jafar - Masterlist Here!

The Horned King - F/O - Masterlist Here!

Maleficent - Masterlist Here!

Captain Hook - Masterlist Here!

Captain Barbossa - Masterlist Here!

Davy Jones - F/O - Masterlist Here!

Yzma - Masterlist Here!

Madam Mim - Masterlist Here!

Dr Facilier - Masterlist Here!

NOS4A2 - Masterlist Here!

Headless Horseman - Masterlist Here!

DREAMWORKS:

Pitch Black - F/O - Masterlist Here!

Lord Shen - Masterlist Here!

HASBRO:

Starscream (Transformers Prime) -F/O - Masterlist Here!

Blitzwing (Transformers Animated) - F/O - Masterlist Here!

The DJD (mtmte) - Masterlist Here!

STORM HAWKS:

Repton - F/O - Masterlist Coming Soon

Captain Scabulous - Masterlist coming soon

HANNA-BARBERA:

Dick Dastardly - Masterlist Coming Soon

WB:

Imhotep - F/O - Masterlist Here!

Darksiders:

Vulgrim - F/O - Masterlist Here!

The Chancellor - F/O - Masterlist Here!

Draven - F/O - Masterlist Here!

Over the Garden Wall:

The Beast - Masterlist Here!

Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss:

Sir Pentious - F/O - Masterlist Here!

This list isn’t exhaustive, but a pretty darn good look into who I enjoy writing for. Enjoy!

[gobusto]

saw someone mix up "abysmal" and "abyssal" today, so as a reminder:

her skills are abysmal = she is unskilled

her skills are abyssal = her abilities draw upon the forbidden power of the dark void

[the-irreverend]

You'll feel a lot of things while watching it...

...but disappointment won't be one of them.

[assortedvillainvault]

Saw the tadc final episode in actual cinema!

Genuinely so good I really enjoyed it. Thoughts still a smidge scrambled but God I hope more indie shows make it to the big screen - such a great experience.

[should-be-sleeping]

You are 60% water and every lake, river, pond, swamp, creek, and ocean you encounter wants to reclaim it desperately. Be careful out there.

[should-be-sleeping]

[should-be-sleeping]

Good, I hope it haunts everyone about to enter a body of water so bad that they wear a life jacket. 🙌

[should-be-sleeping]

Every single person I knew (past tense) who has drowned was "a strong swimmer." Water in the wild does not care how good you are at swimming.

[should-be-sleeping]

I mean this with all due respect:

You are not going to pass a skillcheck against a rip current once it has you.

Waves will not bow to your physical prowess no matter how impressive.

Shock does not care that you used to be on your school swim team.

If you hit your head, being good at swimming isn't going to turn you face-up while you're unconscious.

You may be unable to return to shore. Rescue may be unable to find you quickly.

[joanthreatt]

Scheduling this for when weather starts warming up. Be careful swimming this summer

[krakenguard]

Have a HoKi!

[the-13th-rose]

No turning the Horned King into a young human to romance him

Love the old-as-fuck rotting lich as he is or get out

[theshadowsofevil]

We will love the horned king no matter which form he’s in.

[the-13th-rose]

Nope, I don't want to change him :p

[avid-adoxography]

If you turn him into just some guy™ you're weak and won't survive the winter uwu💅✨

[lancrewizzard]

If you turn any undead or monstrous character into a conventionally attractive human you’re a fool and a coward, but doubly so when they’ve got as good a design as him

[assortedvillainvault]

@lancrewizzard I know it's been 4 years but you can't be hiding gems like this in the tags

[cauldronssoul]

💎🗡️⚡ please for the ask game!

Send a symbol, and I'll pick what I think fits my muse best

💎- Gemstone

/ Bloodstone. Greens, reds, dark, creepy. Very fitting

🗡- Weapon

/ Broadsword. In some concept art of him, you can see him holding one. He usually prefers to use his magic, but he's surprisingly strong with one of these bad boys

⚡️- Weather

/ FOG. Just creepy, heavy and dull fog, preferably at twilight hours.

[krakenguard]

Real talk though, but I am honestly surprised there aren't more people that ship Maleficent and the Horned King.

Like, I know there's other ships out there -- Maleficent's kinda one of those characters that's sort of a Launcher of a Thousand Ships -- I mean, I've seen her shipped with Jafar and Hades, with an occasional Chernabog thrown in the mix -- Ursula and Grimhilde also get brought up.

But the most frequent characters she gets shipped with seem to be Jafar or Hades -- though Hades kinda seems to be the one Disney leans closer toward, if House of Mouse and Descendants is anything to go by.

Which... Shipper Bias, but that's just not my cup o' tea... And I really doubt she'd even be remotely interested in a guy seeking advice from Mickey Mouse of all people -- even if Hades DID end up blowing up at the mouse, which was eventually the thing that ultimately led Maleficent to going out with him on the date. But just... Mmm... TLDR: Ship Bias, just not my cup of tea. 😅

Same with Jafar -- they have A LOT in common, from the aesthetic to the whole villainous transformation sequence. But given the type of character Jafar is, he seems the type that'd see Maleficent more as a prize to be won. And I don't think Mal would be the type to really tolerate that.

The Horned King? Shipper Bias speaking, but he just seems the type who would have more respect for Maleficent -- like he knows what type of person she is - he knows what her likes and dislikes are. Plus, I think he's one of those characters that Maleficent would appreciate. He has a cold ruthlessness about him that a lot of the villains then and now don't really have(with maybe Frollo and Shan-Yu being the exception). And he's a lich. And he has horns.

[spiritbladed]

something something extremely sexy when magic users resort to physical violence. yeah i have the power of god and anime on my side but i also have THESE HANDS. i cast Punch You In The Face. i take my magic staff through which i channel the vast energies of the elements and the cosmos and i cast Severe Concussion And Skull Fracture. casting time for xenoglossy too long, chose the quicker route of Stab You In The Throat.

[amerlcanapparel-deactivated2020]

when she says she doesn’t send nudes

[straighthater]

when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes

[timelordpillbug]

when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia

[hikingnerd]

When Russia sends you nudes

[dr-thackery]

[dismantlerepaired]

[ilovepretzelrods]

[thegingerbalrog]

[onwardwall]

[miss-jaxon-flaxon-waxon]

#what the fuck happened here

[her-eyes-dared-me-with-danger]

This is my favorite post in all of tumblr

[kyloschuyler]

reminder that this post is now illegal in Russia

[tree-of-blue-squirrel]

reblog it, because Russia can´t

[maradaisykat]

Thanks Obama 

[my-sisters-eyeball]

Wtf

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

When Russia makes this post illegal

[earthnicity]

I HAVE ONLY SEEN THIS IN SCREENSHOTS

[dovahdez]

I will reblog this every goddamn time I find it on my dash

[a-wondering-thought-deactivated]

I have a piece of tumblr history on my blog now

[hellsitegenetics]

String identified: atgctactttaatcaaaaattcaTattattatttgaagtcaacatTaaataattgaATCTgtgattaaacttg

Closest match: Bombyx mori BmN4 cell DNA, chromosome 24, sequence Common name: Domestic Silk Moth

(image source)

[willifolts]

When the domestic silk moth sends you nudes

[scp-threats-is-back]

Domestic silk moth is just being friendly

[yoink-a-doink]

Now the moth is banned in Russia

[fantasylover4538]

…well what the fuck is this

[kingofkaumidy2]

Art.

[shower-thoughts-last-responder]

[sunderwight]

Evil wizard tasteful pin-up magazine but it's all photos of like, skinny old goths coyly fingering cursed amulets, long-bearded sorcerers doing the 'oopsie' pose as their corrosive destruction spell destroys enough of their own robes to show some skin, naked desiccated lich king positioning his staff of human skulls just so it leaves something to the imagination, dark knights in full armor just holding their soul-eating blades out in front of their codpieces, orc chieftain who did not understand the assignment and is posing with a monster he killed like one of those guys-with-fish photos. Or maybe he DID understand the assignment. Hmm.

[depsidase]

[translatingpostsinfrench]

pourquoi du pain est masculin mais la baguette est féminine....... la baguette est transgenre ?

je vais laisser la communauté parler:

la baguette, icône trans?

oui

non

Voting ended onOct 12, 2025

[translatingpostsinfrench]

eh bah

[translatingpostsinfrench]

10k notes pour un post francophone sur tumblr macron où est mon poste de ministre de la culture

[krakenguard]

@assortedvillainvault

Out'a curiosity! As someone who has been eying Disney Dreamlight Valley but been massively on the fence about it: CAN you get Limited Time Items, or is it one of those "One chance; after that it's gone for good" kind of games?

Furthermore, how costly is it? Is it one of those... "If you want the really cool stuff you gotta fork out 100$ for it" kind of games? 😩

[assortedvillainvault]

So I'm kinda not the best person to ask, because I have a pretty massive aversion to spending real currency (beyond the base price and price for expansions).

But!

The shop (not the in-game one run by Scrooge McDuck) is entirely optional, there's nothing in there that will prevent access to the rest of the game. It's basically just optional skins for you, the characters, buildings and tools. I ignore it most times I play because I don't find paying real money for skins fun.

So I really can't tell you if limited stuff returns, because I'm kind of not paying attention.

Though I've never seen anything be individually priced as high as £100! The game is pretty good about running events with options to generate enough in game currency to purchase things shown without resorting to real world money.

Now, could the expansions (to which certain characters are tied) be cheaper? For goddamn sure yeah.

[krakenguard]

God, I WOULD honestly get Disney Dreamlight Valley IF... Three Things.

If I knew for certain that any of the items that I missed out on in the past CAN be re-acquired again.

It's not gonna be rendered unplayable if and when they decide to sunset the game.

The Black Cauldron.

[krakenguard]

... And by The Black Cauldron, I mean seeing the characters themselves -- Taran, Eilonwy, Fflewddur, Gurgi, Creeper, and The Horned King.

Something beyond just having the Black Cauldron as a furniture item. 😩

[diamondguls]

Fingerless gloves are the thigh highs of hands. I will not elaborate

[wildfire-starter]

wrong. ballroom gloves are the thigh highs of hands. fingerless gloves are the booty shorts of hands.