the autism's winning

an autism blog for me to talk about my autistic experiences my general blog: apexious

[autistic-magpie]

hello!

I wanted to create this blog to talk about my autistic experience

as I know is the case for many autistics, it's a very isolating experience and it can be hard to talk about what we experience without judgement or minimisation

so, I created this blog exclusively to talk about autism and how it affects me, plus to reblog autistic posts!

just a little introduction:

- I don't feel comfortable sharing my real name, so you can call me rye!

- I am 18.

- I am an agender lesbian

- my pronouns are they/she

- my special interests are space, greek mythology, classic literature, sanders sides, dsmp etc (if any of these make you uncomfortable, please dni, as I will probably talk about them)

- please don't interact with this blog if your blog is hateful or sexual. I don't wish to be associated with anything like that

other than that, hi! welcome to my blog :D

[victusinveritas]

[autiebiographical]

I find that some people who are in a majority demographic don't like having labels on themselves. They see themselves as the default and can't grasp at the idea that others that aren't in that majority demographic view them as part of the "other".

[vesper-in-bloom]

Imagine my shock as a neurodivergent teen when I first realized that using large vocabulary and eloquent speech doesn't make you less likely to be misinterpreted, rather it adds an entirely new layer of misinterpretation I had never even realized existed in the form of people thinking you're being snobbish or condescending when you're just trying to be specific

[zombblehh]

Shout out to the autistic who’s abilities have regressed as they’ve gotten older.

“You didn’t used to be like this when you were a kid.” I know please don’t remind me

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

I’ve started to say “I need time to process this.”

[the-shade-system]

Not only do we take longer to process things, we can take a lot longer to *act* on things that we have processed, too.

We buy games we know we'll enjoy, try them out, then put them down for a month, 2 months, 3, 4, a year, etc, until we finally pick it back up and *actually* get into it.

We say we're starting a project we won't actually start or finish for months.

Our brains take a lot of time to *do* things, as well as understand them.

This often leads to situations where people will poke us about a project we said we were starting 2 weeks ago that we haven't actually started, and won't start for another 2 weeks, and just

Being ashamed

Because we couldn't start when we said we would.

Executive dysfunction and processing delays, both terrible. Bleh.

[hellmaster-bean]

[jenroses]

My youngest, when he was small, had only two speeds of locomotion. Full tilt run and dawdle. No in between.

My brain is much the same.

[geekandmisandry]

An autistic friend of mine just said this to me “The harder I work at communication the more people expect from me and the less they are willing to compromise.” and it is the most fucking heartbreaking thing I’ve heard.

[zebulontheplanet]

I’m gonna say this, and I’m taking a deep breath as I say this because it’s probably going to piss off some people lol.

Unless you’re nonspeaking/nonverbal, then you don’t get it. Yes, even if you’re a part time AAC user. Yes, even if you’re an occasional AAC user. Yes, even if you use AAC the majority of the time but are verbal or demiverbal or semiverbal.

You don’t get it. You don’t get what it’s like to rely completely on a device. On other people. You don’t get the fear, the anxiety, the loneliness, the pain. You don’t get the ableism we face. Or the fact that we can’t experience certain connections.

You don’t get that I can’t say thank you and therefore get weird looks. You don’t get that I can’t say please, or sorry, or anything like that. You won’t get what it’s like to have to make your parent your medical proxy because you can’t make doctors appointments yourself, so therefore they know everything about your medical history. You have no privacy. You don’t get what it’s like.

You don’t get the fear of seeing your devices battery slowly die because you’ve been using it but you still have hours left of class or you are out in public and know you need something to communicate but your device will inevitably die on you.

You don’t get what it’s like to go into the AAC community and see part time users be risen up and supported, then for full time users to be ignored and and told our experiences are so different that they shouldn’t even be talked about in these spaces because it leaves people out.

You don’t get what it’s like to be beyond frustrated with other AAC users because although they’re apart of our community, they’re forcing themselves into our conversations as full time nonverbal/nonspeaking users. You don’t get that frustration. The want to scream.

You don’t get what it’s like to see people push themselves into your community for only their self gain. For their own selfishness. For the sake of saying “I’m an AAC user too!!!! I can say these things!!” When no…I’m not talking about you. I’m not talking about part time AAC users.

I feel like people don’t realize that yes, AAC users are a minority themselves, and a marginalized community, but full time users, they’re a marginalized community and a minority within the very community that they fucking built.

Part time AAC users, occasional AAC users, people who are not nonspeaking/nonverbal, it’s time to start realizing your own privilege within the community. It’s time to start letting us talk too. It’s time to stop forcing your way into our conversations. It’s time to listen to us.

I get increasingly frustrated as the days go on, and I’m tired of being frustrated.

[memewhore]

[itsaspectrumcomic]

Sometimes it feels like everyone around me is speaking in a secret language and I'm the only one who doesn't know it.

[tothechaos]

me trying to convince myself that the whole spectrum of human emotions is a good and necessary thing to feel even if its not comfortable while im actively experiencing emotions that make me feel like my bones are being dissolved in acid

[lilqu33rboi]

So this is kinda random but I haven't seen a definition for "choice verbal" in an autistic context ANYWHERE, nor have I seen a list of all of the verbal labels for autistic people, so here's a list in order (imo) of least-most verbal. Also, this is speaking in general terms, so don't come at me saying "well in this context this verbal label can also mean..." because likely I know that already and I'm just trying to keep the definitions as all-encompassing as possible.

(Also a quick disclaimer: most autistic people can temporarily lose speech occasionally due to shutdowns or other reasons, regardless of their usual verbal status.)

Nonverbal- unable to speak at all, ever, or having extreme difficulties in doing so, therefore making AAC a more comfortable option in most cases.

Limited-verbal- using spoken language in limited settings and purposes

Semi-verbal- only being able to speak in specific circumstances OR showing moderate difficulty speaking most of the time; some use AAC & some don't.

Verbalflux- people who fluctuate between full-verbal, semi-verbal, & limited-verbal

Demiverbal-

- Can reliably speak most of the day for most days of the week

- Verbal shutdowns happen anywhere from a few times a week to a few times a month, possibly for no apparent reason

- May experience some level of difficulty with mouth words, anywhere between slight difficulty only a little of the time to half the time

Choice verbal- Having the full ablility to speak (with the exception of autistic shutdowns and the like), but choosing not to speak in uncomfortable and/or overwhelming situations due to significant overwhelm, lack of understanding social cues, or other reasons.

Full-verbal- Having the full ablility to speak (with the exception of autistic shutdowns and the like), and choosing to do so as much as they are comfortable. (The same as most neurotypical/allistic people.)

Hyperverbal- Having the full ability to speak (with the exception of autistic shutdowns and the like), and (wether by choice or on accident) speaking more often than verbal autistics/allistic people.

Feel free to tell me if I got anything wrong or if I missed anything! (Pls no hate, though, and use tone tags!)

[thirteens-pocket-watch]

Adults: Following rules is good, not following rules is bad

Little me: Okay :] *follows a rule*

Adults: Oh my god look at this loser. He doesn't know that this rule is Secretly Okay To Not Follow. Dumbass. Let's all laugh at him

[autistic-magpie]

"my roman empire is this" "my roman empire is that" my roman empire is the fact that autistic people give allistics the sense of uncanny valley just by trying to fit in and therefore, no matter how hard I try, people will always be freaked out by me unless they're also like me

[mrspider-deactivated20221213]

autism hype house we go out to run three errands and then parallel play in silence after

[gayvampyr]

one thing i hate about being “out” as autistic is suddenly all communication errors are your fault. unclear directions were given? your fault for being autistic, you must’ve misunderstood directions that were “probably perfectly clear.” not enough actionable information was provided for you? it must just be your autism, you should’ve picked up on what wasn’t said. they didn’t actually tell you what you were supposed to do and expected you to read their mind? your fault, not the allistic’s for not accommodating you or just saying what they want. because apparently it’s a one way street where autistics have to bend over backward to conform and placate allistics. its your fault even when they’re 100% culpable. i hate it

[autisticdreamdrop]

Valentino has something to say!!