Open Dialogues

Sideblog about gender

[badbehavedwoman]

made this blog on a whim. I’ve been having many thoughts and feelings on this subject for years but never really had a place to express it. So, tumblr sideblog introduction, here we go.

I am in my mid-twenties and recently graduated college. I’m now a proud woman with a gender confused past, in a happy relationship with a wonderful man. I have a fairly large following within a fairly large fandom, which has led me to be terminally online as running a fan blog as somewhat become a job for me. I adore it and I feel lucky, but because I interact with so many younger teens that are constantly on the internet, I’ve come to realize how many of them have the same crisis about their gender identities and place in the world that I’m becoming rather concerned for the coming generations. Call me a boomer, whatever, but I’m glad I grew up in the late 2000s/early 2010s before the trans explosion. Sort of. Idk how to best put it into words.

I am very left wing in my beliefs, though I believe the way a lot of other leftists/liberals view gender is inherently flawed, and the discussions about it tend to override much more pressing issues (there being more talk about trans athletes than climate change, for example). I wish the left was more open to discussing critiques of the ideology more openly; I know for a fact within my own friend group I would be shunned for my skepticism over a few aspects of the modern trans movement.

Over the past few months I’ve been reading up on radical feminism, as it’s one of the few sects of people that are still open to discussing gender in a constructive way (I find the conservative right to be just as demeaning about gender roles as gender-focused leftists). I do not agree with everything I have read; for example, I do still think gender dysphoria and binary transsexuals are very much a real thing, are still discriminated against within the law, and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, just as everyone else should be. I tend to view men in a more positive light, they are stuck in a gender role system too. I don’t think personal beauty care done by the woman’s’ choice is wrong or contributing to any sort of toxic patriarchy. But I do agree that something is very wrong with the massive uptick of young AFAB people identifying out of womanhood, and the massive uptick of AMAB people that seem to just view womanhood as playing dress up.

I want to meet others willing to have Open Dialogues about this.

[immortalfem-deactivated20230815]

As a radfem of Rwandan descent, I find the “trans genocide” discourse especially heinous. I don’t understand why they’re so quick to use such language to describe not being able to access artificial hormones as children…like honeyyyy my paternal grandparents were murdered by their neighbors. During the Rwandan genocide, ~800,000-1,000,000 people died in the span of around one hundred days. That’s a genocide. In the United States, ~38 trans people were murdered last year…..be fucking for real.

It’s so insensitive to call that a genocide when there are real people who have actually experienced atrocities. It shows how sheltered and terminally online tra people are. It’s simply a high pressure sales tactic to get unwitting people to join their bandwagon because if you don’t, then…you support a “genocide” and that makes you a big fat meanie!!

[gendiebrainrotreceipts]

How can you claim something isn’t a medical condition then insist it needs medical treatment…

[shychili]

i’m sorry but what’s so crazy about thinking teens identify as trans/non-binary because it’s trendy? we’ve already seen the same thing happen with depression back in 2012-2014 on tumblr, a lot of people were faking it because it made them seem like manic pixie dream girls or whatever. what makes you think today’s teens are somehow more mature, self aware and not seeking ways to be special and unique?

[scum1]

no don’t worry i totally love how we shamed women out of using vagina imagery in their art ever again but i have to see 500 degenerate posts about girl dick every time i open social media

[thefemaleterrorist]

they are wide AWAKEEEE

[badbehavedwoman]

genuinely every non-binary person I know has parental issues and is mentally ill. like I’m not even saying that to be mean, I have never met or heard or seen a single non-binary person without those criteria.

[sick-sad-world-revolution-now]

The word “transmasc” fucks, it sounds good for real but at the core it just reveals everything you are if calling yourself that : a woman who thinks being masculine is somehow not an option for women and therefore you have to transition to be masculine. I don’t believe any of you have dysphoria, you are just uncomfortable being masculine (and I get that) in a world that does not allow nor reward that for women. True transition is not about doing it to be masculine or feminine, but to be a man or a woman (though impossible). Any gnc woman could start using the word “transmasc” for themselves if progressively getting more comfortable presenting masculine, that’s how much sense this word makes.

“Transmasc” doesn’t convey ageing, blandness or baldness but rather mental images of masculine youth, dark colours, being mysterious, anime type of dark-short-haired men, punk rock masculinity. In short so much of the specific type of aesthetic girls who were called “tomboys” are loving. This is where the appeal and the hype comes from, there is no coincidence.

[radseul]

the way nonbinary ppl describe not feeling like a woman and how gender is a social construct,, theyre SO close

[gendiebrainrotreceipts]

[womynwarfare]

What radical feminism did for me:

literally no more self-doubt with my body

being in love with my womenhood

confidence in my sexuality

having a deep sympathy for every woman

not taking men's shit anymore and going full radfem mode if I hear some misogynistic shit

actually being happy

lesbians never liked dick and never will♡

What liberal feminism did for me:

based on my experiences with 'friends' and so called activists, tutors and therapists

made me question my "gender" for YEARS as I didn't fit in the "female scheme"

therefore starting to use lots of makeup every fucking day (and sometimes night) and becoming super insecure about my body

was shamed for my SA as "he was dealing with his issues in his own way" [by grooming an assaulting a 15 year old]

made me consider to start sex work at 16-18 years to "embrace my sexuality"

when some man I knew asked me for paid sex and I refused, my friends judged me for declining the offer as this could be "empowering" for me

people told me to kms for not using the pan label as a bisexual

made me shrug off male violence, misogyny and toxic behavior as "trauma of toxic masculinity🥺🥺🥺"

lesbians/gays must like dick/coochie

[badbehavedwoman]

my ex best friend fell into the gender cult, went from being a proud gnc woman to a they/them non-binary furry with an edgy name. but that’s not the worst part

this friend was sexually assaulted by their brother. a few years later brother decides he’s a woman. friend now supports their abuser and pretends like nothing happened.

I wish I was joking

[lavenderfeminist]

Obviously the point isn’t that any of us actually believe the Colorado shooter really IDs as non-binary. It’s that’s if he can claim to be non-binary for legal protection, so can every other violent and predatory man, WHICH IS WHAT WE’VE BEEN SAYING THIS WHOLE TIME. And people are still acting like they’re “roasting the terfs” by asserting that’s he’s not non-binary because he’s a hate crime perpetrator against trans people. Somehow it’s just too far-fetched to think perhaps a man claiming he’s a woman after committing hate crimes against women is…not who he says he is.

[faildaughtered]

TRAs: a woman is anyone who identifies with the term woman, it’s so disgusting and dehumanizing to reduce women down to their genitals!

TRAs: but also we need to call women “uterus havers” and “birth givers” whenever we talk about their reproductive abilities so we don’t give people dysphoria

[badbehavedwoman]

I cannot describe how freeing it is to think of womanhood as a state of being female and nothing else; no expectations, no rules, just being content with how I was born and who I was meant to be.

[badbehavedwoman]

You know, this is one of the most shared posts I’ve made across any social media platform. And it makes me sad, in a way. I’m glad that I have found others with a shared sentiment of freedom, and I’m incredibly glad that others have been able to find this. The part that makes me sad is that I have to post this on a sideblog with all connections to my other social media hidden, because putting any hints to award this feeling on one of my personal accounts would get me ousted by my (almost entirely male) friend group for being to controversial/discriminatory.

[lostandfem]

the thing is trans activism and the protection of gnc people arent compatible. ive seen trans people point out how gnc people being viewed as their sex despite being nonconforming is a sign of inequality for trans people, because they cannot dress how they want and be viewed as the sex that they want. that dynamic has been handled in two ways, depending on the individual:

Option 1: gender should be visible via gender roles. ie if someones dressing in something considered feminine, they should be seen as a woman. if someone is masculine, then they should be considered a man

Option 2: Gender roles should be abolished and you cannot tell someone’s gender by looking at them, you simply have to take their word for it.

option 1 identifies gnc people as an opponent to their philosophy. option 2 supports gnc people but at the expense of well. youve all seen the current issues with “take my word for it” self-id

the weird thing is that both of these options seem to exist at the same time in trans politics. they dont appear to in-fight or debate each other. they seem to co-exist within the same person. and the result has been “you cannot tell someone’s gender just by looking at them, so you should take their word that theyre trans even when they dont seem to be; but if you are gender nonconforming well assume youre trans or nonbinary in some way”.

the former has been mostly something used regarding trans-identified males. its something they opt into. if he chooses to wear a dress, you should see him as a woman. if he simply tells you hes a woman, you should see him as a woman. while the latter is mostly applied to women and girls. if she has short hair and comfortable clothes, she is bombarded with questions about her pronouns or assumed to be an egg in denial. transness is forced upon them, like yet another gender role they have to adhere to. what was once her choice to opt out of female gender roles is restricted by the trans label. so transness offers males freedoms while once again limiting females.

i dont have a grand point to make here, ive just been thinking about some things ive been observing.

[femailment]

You mean to tell me Self ID can be used to take advantage of others and receive benefits? But that never happens??? A funny that when trans women murder and assault women then you must still honor is gender identity, but here you can't. Watch how quickly this falls apart.